Until the World Falls Down

Chapter 17

17

W armth spread within me as Enver leaned forward, pressing his forehead against mine. His breath mingled with mine as he spoke, “Thank you.”

“I’m sorry for pushing you, too,” I apologized, my eyes fluttering closed.

“Do not apologize, my little lover,” he said, leaving butterfly kisses on my eyelids and cheeks. “I know your intentions were for my benefit.”

“I can’t stay here,” I said, pulling back, and I didn’t know which one of us I was trying to convince.

His lips ghosted across mine. “I know,” he responded, and without warning, he lifted me into his arms again, this time so my legs wrapped around his waist, our bodies pressing flush together. “I will not stop trying to persuade you otherwise, though.”

“I know,” I responded, and I couldn’t help but smile. “You could try saying please once in a while, though.”

“I do not beg,” he reminded me, kissing my nose.

“I bet I could make you. ”

He gripped my ass roughly, supporting my weight. “I assure you. You cannot.”

“What if I rode you again? Made you beg me to let you finish?—”

“Keep talking, and you will be the one begging me to have mercy on you.”

I immediately closed my mouth. I was too sore for any more right now.

He smirked. “Wise decision. Now, let us make the most of our time together, regardless of what will happen between us in the end.”

“Okay,” I said, threading my fingers through his hair as he carried me out of the chancery. “My time isn’t running, right? Maybe I want to take a bath after all.”

“Your time will never run when you are with me.”

“It’s still impossible for you to get rid of the time limit completely?” I hedged. “Then I wouldn’t really need to be in a rush, and maybe I would be okay with spending even more time with you than trying to finish?—”

Now, it was his turn to smile as he caught my gaze before pressing his lips to my jaw. “Still impossible. Though I have to say, the time limit has yielded some unintended but pleasurable results.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, my heart fluttering at both his smile and his kiss.

“I am referring to the… enticing method of yours that you used to get information from me,” he said, his lips skimming against my ear.

I blushed, hiding my face in his neck as he carried me through the chancery’s door and into a dimly lit washroom. “Oh.”

“Although I may have recognized your intentions, I admit I would have been incapable of stopping you, anyway.”

“You could easily have stopped me with your shadows. ”

“You misunderstand me,” he said. “I am unable to resist you . Powerless against the temptation of your touch. Your kiss. Your voice. You have become my sole weakness, my inevitable undoing, and my relentless obsession.”

I pulled back, searching his gaze, a quip about his pretty words dying on my tongue at the unbridled desire I found in his eyes.

“You have a dangerous amount of power over me, yet I find myself craving more of your control,” he murmured.

“That doesn’t scare you?”

“Perhaps it would if I were capable of feeling fear.”

I winced. “Oh. Right. Sorry.”

“It does arouse other feelings in me, though, so I would like to experience it again.”

“We’ll see,” I mumbled.

Enver chuckled, and without him even moving a hand, dozens of candles burst to life, their flickering flames lighting up the washroom. This one was smaller than the other I’d been in, but not any less luxurious. The subtle scent of lilac filled the space, originating from the oversized golden tub in the middle of the room, already filled with steaming water.

He placed me on the tiled floor, and I allowed him to help slide my shirt over my head, and then I stepped out of my underwear. Enver held out his hand for support as I stepped into the water before he stripped off his own clothing. My eyes roamed over his body, taking in his broad shoulders and sculpted torso, lingering on his scar before being distracted by the way his muscles rippled as he moved toward the tub. He climbed in, sinking into the water beside me, and grabbed my waist, pulling my back against his chest. I tensed a bit, but then his hands were on my shoulders, massaging them back into a relaxed state. My eyes fell shut, and I melted into him as his fingers dug into my neck expertly, making me hum in contentment .

“What was your labyrinth like this time?” he asked me.

My eyes cracked open, and I turned my chin to look up at him. He’d never asked me about any of them before. Of course, this one would be the one he asked about. I hesitated, not wanting to bring up Morgan tricking me. Or me convincing myself to go back to Julian.

“Tell me,” he coaxed, pressing a kiss against my cheek. “Since you have already completed it, it will not put you in danger of failing.”

“Morgan took the form of Julian, deceiving me into believing I was home, and that Julian was apologizing and telling me he loved me.”

Enver stilled, then his arms wrapped around my waist. “That was cruel of them.”

“No, Morgan was just doing what they had to do to survive,” I said, biting my lip, and looking down at our blurry legs under the water. “But I went back to Julian so easily. You cut me off, and I went to the next person who would accept me. Just like the real Julian said I would do. I can’t even use being under Morgan’s influence as an excuse. I still gave in.”

“Why would you return to that substandard excuse of a man?”

“I love him,” I said, defensive, but then I realized what I’d said. “No, I meant I loved him.”

His arms tightened around me. “Did you?”

“Yes—”

“Do you remember when I asked you what love means to you?”

“Yes, but I don’t know if I believe that anymore,” I said hesitantly. Now I’d seen real love. True, unconditional, and undying love. Between Paloma and Neima. Dio and Luliana. Aki and Cas. Morgan and Karim. When I thought of them and compared my relationship with Julian to theirs, then… “I don’t think that’s what love is anymore. ”

Enver rested his chin on my shoulder. “If you based love off what you used to believe, and that belief has changed, then did you ever love him? Or did you convince yourself you loved him simply because you were desperate to love someone and be loved in return?”

My lips parted, trying to form a response—trying to claim that I had loved Julian, fully and truly—but the words wouldn’t come out.

Had I loved Julian? Or had I given him all of me because I was desperate for someone to want me?

“Why are you so desperate for love, my little lover?” Enver breathed into my neck, his voice softening. “Why do you place your self-worth and happiness in the hands of another?”

“I don’t?—”

“It is a dangerous thing to do,” he warned. “You cannot control whether they will cherish what you offer or use it against you—whether they will protect or break you.”

I swallowed hard. “I have to offer all of myself. It’s all I…”

It was all I had, yet it never seemed to be enough.

“It is cruel, is it not?” Enver contemplated quietly. “To want something so desperately while knowing you are incapable of obtaining it. Incapable of offering what you truly wish to give.”

My throat tightened. His words hit too close to home. I was tired of never being enough, yet incapable of being anything else.

“But I would cherish you,” he murmured against my ear, fingers splaying across my stomach. “I would cherish and adore every part of you, my little lover, no matter how small the piece is, if only you would let me.”

“What if I can’t offer you anything in return?” I whispered. “What if I don’t know how to?”

He kissed the soft skin below my ear, sending a pleasurable quiver through me. “Then you are far from the only one.”

I turned my head, the warmth in his eyes and the gentle curve of his lips filling my chest with an ache that was both familiar and unfamiliar.

“But do you truly believe you have not already offered a part of yourself to me?” he asked, his fingers sliding lower, making me hold my breath.

“Are you talking about my body?” I breathed out, turning my head away from him again, too afraid to see his reaction.

His hand stopped its descent, thumb resting on my hip bone. “Nell,” he started, voice low and gravelly by my ear. “You mentioned owing me earlier. You do not owe me anything. You will never owe me anything. Especially not your body.”

“I know,” I admitted. “I guess the idea that you only wanted me for sex hit me deeper than I thought it would.”

Enver’s breath tickled my neck as he exhaled. “I deeply regret my words, Nell. Know this—I would have you with me even if we never had sex again. Being near you is enough. I promise.”

My hand found his, lacing our fingers together over my lower stomach. “But you said it’s hard to even control your lust around me.”

“It is,” he confirmed, “and that lust only intensifies the closer we become, but it is no longer the only feeling you kindle within me. Now, it is only one among many. And if denying it meant you would stay with me, then I would do so for as long as you asked. There are many other ways to show intimacy.”

As if to prove his point, Enver started to wash my hair and body with warm and soothing hands, and I wondered what he would be like if he had even more of his emotions back. If he were this attentive and tender while going through the motions of how he believed a lover would act, how different would he be if he could actually love me?

Enver trailed kisses down the back of my neck, and I inhaled shakily. If he loved me, then …

I stopped myself there. He didn’t, and wouldn’t. Couldn’t . I could allow myself to enjoy my time here with him, but I couldn’t let myself believe he could love me. No matter how much I wanted to, it was the one line I couldn’t cross. I didn’t want to be desperate anymore. I didn’t want to be desperate enough to settle for some kind of pseudo-love.

I abruptly pushed away from him, scooting myself to the other side of the tub, causing the water to slosh between us. Enver looked at me with a curious expression, his eyes darkening with an unspoken question, but I avoided his gaze, knowing if I stared for too long, I would lose my resolve and fall back into his arms.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“I should go,” I said, standing from the water and moving to get out.

Enver’s hand shot out, stopping me. I gasped as he tugged on my wrist, causing me to fall down across his lap, splashing water out of the tub and onto the tiled floor. I didn’t resist as he positioned me to straddle him, our faces nearly level with each other. “What is it, my little lover? Why so apprehensive all of a sudden?”

“I just don’t think I should be wasting time here,” I lied, turning my head away from him.

A hand on my jaw guided my face back toward him, his eyes brimming with an intensity that made my heart ache. “How can it be a waste of time when your time is not passing?”

“Still,” I protested weakly as he angled my chin up toward him. “I need to complete the labyrinth. I need to go home.”

His thumb caressed my cheek as he leaned in toward me. “Is that so?”

“Yes,” I responded, swallowing as his breath swept across my lips.

“Will you say no if I ask to kiss you right now?” he murmured .

“No.”

Enver closed the remaining distance between us, his lips melding to mine so perfectly it was as if they were formed just for me to kiss. I let my eyes shut, losing myself in the delicate way his lips moved against mine. Tortuously languid and unbearably soft. The kiss of a lover. His tongue dragged against my bottom lip, and I allowed him entrance into my mouth, moaning as his tongue teased mine, tracing slow circles onto it that had goosebumps breaking out across my skin.

I buried my fingers in his hair, raking my fingernails across his scalp slowly as I tilted my head to allow him to kiss me deeper, drawing a sound of satisfaction from him. His hands explored my body lazily, mapping out every dip and curve. He kissed me slowly, as if we had all the time in the world to indulge in each other. I supposed to him, we did.

When I broke away to take a breath, he chased my lips, refusing to let our connection break for too long. I pushed myself up on my knees, using his hair to guide his head back, kissing him roughly before laying wet, open-mouthed kisses down the column of his throat, the taste of his skin almost familiar at this point as I licked and nipped at him. A deep rumble came from his chest and he gripped my waist, dragging me closer, his erection digging into my stomach.

“If I asked you to become mine, would you say yes?” Enver whispered, nuzzling his nose into my neck.

I shuddered in his lap, my hands dropping to his shoulders, my fingers curling around them as he traced the shell of my ear with his tongue. “I can’t.”

“Why not?” he asked, his voice a soft hum. “Am I not enough for you, my darling?”

Darling . That was new. I didn’t say anything for a moment as he pressed small kisses to every inch of my skin he could reach, from my throat to my collarbone to my breasts. Ceaselessly. Lovingly . Except it couldn’t be. I took a deep breath, pushing away from him again, and he raised his head, watching me with a heavy-lidded gaze that had my breath stuttering.

I wanted to tell him that I wanted more than just physical pleasure. That I wanted his heart, not just his body. But how could I when he didn’t even have a heart to begin with? Only a hollow spot remained in his scarred chest where it should have resided.

“I need more than what you can offer me,” I said instead, finding it hard to speak through the lump forming in my throat. “I need more than this physical relationship between us. That’s why I can’t be yours, Enver. That’s why I eventually have to leave your labyrinth. I can’t do that to myself. Not again.”

His body became taught beneath mine, his mouth setting into a straight line. For a long moment, neither of us spoke, and my heart pounded so hard it hurt. I flinched when he suddenly moved, but he only lifted me from the tub, carrying me out with him. He retrieved two towels from a wardrobe, handing one to me as he put me down. “I will find you fresh clothing,” he said. “Stay here.”

I did as he said, drying myself off, and he returned shortly, dressed in one of his silk tops that only closed with a thin strap along his stomach, leaving most of his torso bare. He carried a flowing gown—powder blue, with white flowers embroidered into the skirt. Delicate and light, with only thin straps to hold it up on me. He approached me, holding it out, and I quickly put it on, struggling to get the smooth satin over my damp skin. Before I could reach for the ties in the back, Enver was already carefully moving my hair to one side of my neck so he could lace me in.

“I will have my servants wash your undergarments and return them to you,” he told me, placing a pair of flats on the ground for me to slip my feet into.

Fortunately, the dress held my chest rather well, but I did feel a bit exposed without my underwear. The idea of servants washing them made me cringe, but I didn’t want to make any demands of Enver at the moment. “Thank you.”

His gaze lingered on me for a moment, sweeping over the way the dress clung to me. “That suits you quite well.”

His compliment warmed my cheeks despite the eerie chill the dress left me with. “Where did you get all these dresses?”

“My wardrobe,” he answered.

“Why do you have so many?” I asked, considering him for a moment. From what I’d seen of his style, he enjoyed wearing loose clothing, but he hadn’t worn any type of dress in front of me.

Enver frowned, staring hard at the bodice of my dress, before turning his scrutiny to my bare arms. “It is missing something.”

“It is?” I asked. “What?”

“I do not know,” he answered, his voice dropping into a lower pitch as his brows pinched together. “The dresses I have been giving you have been in my wardrobe for as long as I can remember, yet I do not know why or how they came into my possession.”

A chill ran through me despite the balmy air in the washroom. I had to fight the urge to take the dress off. Who knew the history behind it? “You really can’t remember anything?”

“No matter how often you ask me that, my response remains the same. I cannot.”

“I feel weird when I wear these dresses,” I told him. “Like I’m taking something that belongs to someone else. Does what you wear ever make you feel like that?”

He glanced down at the black silk shirt he had thrown on. As with the rest of his outfits, it fit loosely and revealed the scar on his chest. “No. I am sure this is mine.”

“How do you know for sure if you can’t remember anything?”

“In the same way that I know my name is Enver, and I know there are foods I do not eat. There are some things I know, even though I cannot explain why I do. I remember how to comfort and pleasure someone, even though I do not remember ever having someone to do so for before you.”

I looked back down at the dress, and the unsettling feeling surged. I hadn’t let myself entertain the thought before, but now it hit me full force—I wasn’t Enver’s only lover. There wasn’t a question about it. Enver knew how to please someone. He knew exactly how to touch and tease me, skillfully taking me over the edge again and again. He was too comfortable in the role of a lover to have never had one before.

And now that I accepted the thought, I understood why I didn’t like the dresses. I had no way of knowing if they belonged to one of Enver’s ex-lovers.

I didn’t like the thought of him being with someone other than me.

I pulled at the neckline of the dress, regretting having brought anything up. I didn’t want to think about it. I didn’t want to think of him touching someone else. Loving someone else, back when he was still capable of feeling the emotion. Knowing someone could have had his full affections, his heart entirely, made mine clench.

I didn’t like it. I didn’t like the jealousy that coursed through me. The want to claim him as mine when I knew I couldn’t.

“I am sorry I do not have a better explanation for you,” Enver apologized quietly. He covered my hand with his, stopping my anxious fiddling. “I wish I did.”

Surprised, I looked at him, seeing the remorse on his face. “Huh? Oh, no, you don’t have to apologize. It’s not your fault. I was just curious.”

“You seem upset.”

Dang it. Why did he have to feel empathy so strongly? I waved him off. “No, I’m not. ”

“Tell me what you are thinking. I want to ease your mind if I can.”

“I’m…” I turned my face away from him, ashamed to admit it, but his hand squeezed mine encouragingly. “I’m thinking about how I’m selfish and full of contradictions, too.”

“In what way?”

“I want to leave, but I want to stay. I crave your touch, though I know I shouldn’t. I don’t want to be yours, yet I want you to be mine.”

“Oh, my little lover,” he murmured, stepping closer to me and cupping my cheek. “Do you not know? I am already yours. I was yours from the very moment my gaze first fell upon you. I am yours now, even when you will not offer yourself back to me. And I will continue to be yours even after you leave me. There will never come a day when I am not yours entirely and irrevocably. I may not be able to love you, but I am yours nonetheless.”

My lips parted, but I couldn’t think of a response or even remember how to breathe. What he couldn’t offer me in emotion, he would with devotion. He would give me everything in any way he could, just as he had promised before. Now, though, more than ever, it felt like a true promise—a vow. A vow as compelling as the oath we made that tied my fate with his. He was mine .

“Why?” I whispered.

“Because being yours is something I know I am instinctively, no matter how little I can recall,” he said. “You are something my soul recognizes. Something familiar and precious. I cannot explain it, but I cannot deny it either.”

“That doesn’t make any sense. We just met,” I said, hyper-aware of his proximity, aware of how I only needed to lift myself onto my tiptoes to be able to kiss him.

“It does not,” he agreed, his tone softening as he dipped his head toward me, “but it also does not change the fact it is true. I am yours.”

Our noses brushed, and my mouth found his, unable to stop myself. My fingers twisted into the front of his shirt, keeping him close, and I kissed him hard, trying to show him everything I couldn’t bring myself to say. His hands cupped my jaw, matching my passion as his tongue sought mine.

I moaned, and his grip tightened as he deepened our kiss, stealing my breath away as he always did, be it with his words, his touch, or his very existence.

I understood how he could be so sure he was mine. Something in him called to me too, drawing me to him, and leaving me helpless to resist. He was a stranger, yet the pull I felt toward him was unmistakable. Undeniable. Being with him felt right despite our circumstances. When I thought no one would ever make me feel the way he did before, I hadn’t fully recognized the truth in the words, not like I did now.

No one would ever be able to make me feel this way again.

No one would ever be Enver.

And that terrified me.

He broke away from our kiss, gazing at me with a faint smile, and my chest clenched. How would I be able to walk away when all this was over? How could I forget him when I wanted him so badly? My body begged for his touch, but my heart yearned for his love, and only one of those was a possibility.

My desperation for love had led me to his labyrinth in the first place. Nothing would change if I remained here with him. I would doom myself to another loveless relationship. I would love him with all of me and receive only a part of him in return. I would break my own heart every time I remembered he didn’t have one. I couldn’t do that to myself.

“I can’t do this,” I said, forcing myself to release his shirt. “I’m sorry. I?— ”

“I know,” he responded, brushing my damp hair out of my face, “but I will never stop wanting you. Never stop endeavoring to keep you. Not until you can no longer deny what lies between us, just as I cannot.”

“Until I say I am yours.”

Enver hummed in response, brushing my hair back from my face. “Until then.”

“I’m scared that you already have a part of me,” I confessed. “A part I don’t think I can ever get back.”

Another hint of a smile appeared on his face. “You do not know how much it pleases me to hear you say that. You should be more cautious.”

“Cautious? Of what?”

He leaned in, his lips skimming across my ear as he spoke. “Of me. You have admitted a part of you is mine, and now I know it is possible for me to take more. I want all of you. Every beautiful, precious part. And I am tempted to steal the rest right now.”

With more effort than it should have taken, I forced myself to move back, away from his warmth and the pull of his magnetism. “Y-you can’t!”

“Is that a challenge?” he asked, eyes glittering with mirth.

“I’m going to continue the labyrinth now,” I said, retreating slowly.

He advanced, matching my every step, until my back hit the washroom door. “And if I told you I am not finished with you yet? That I want more of you and am not willing to let you leave until I am satisfied? Perhaps for the remaining sixteen hours straight so you run out of time to complete my labyrinth?”

My pulse skyrocketed as his hand grazed the fabric of my dress by my thigh. “Enver,” I said, my voice too high-pitched and breathy.

He chuckled, and his hand moved to the door handle, opening it for me. “I will be waiting for you to return to me, my little lover.”

I refused to react outwardly, even as my disloyal heart raced and my skin tingled in anticipation. My arm grazed his as I turned and stepped out of the washroom, back into the castle hall. It was brighter now, lit up with polished sconces. The carpet was no longer decayed, now lush under my shoes as I started down the hall, searching for one of the shadowy doors that would transport me to the labyrinth. Daylight filtered in from intact, arched windows. It was strange to see the castle so put together.

I paused. Did this mean Enver felt happy right now? Was it because of me? I could feel a smile pulling at my lips, and I tried to bite it back. I couldn’t be happy that he was pleased because I was giving into his advances. I needed to get it together. He’d said I only had sixteen hours left.

“Nell!”

Isla’s voice caused me to startle, and I twirled around toward the sound of it, finding her coming out of a door I hadn’t noticed before. “Isla, you have to stop appearing out of nowhere and nearly giving me a heart attack.”

She grinned, stepping up to one of the windows, and the sunlight made her black hair shine. “Sorry. Did you get the information?”

“Yes, but…” I said haltingly.

“But what?”

“There has to be a reason why the throne room is so hard to get into, right?”

“I agree,” Isla said. “That’s why I need to get in there. The key could be in there. We could be out of here in no time.”

I fiddled with my fingers, looking down at them, suddenly unsure if I wanted to share the information with Isla. It felt like betraying Enver. “Right. ”

Isla folded her arms over her chest, resting against the windowsill. “You do want to leave, don’t you?”

“I…” Why was I hesitating? I wanted to leave, and this was a way to do it.

“Nell,” Isla said, setting her hands on my shoulders. “I don’t know what kind of hold the lordling has on you, but?—”

“He doesn’t have a hold on me,” I said immediately, looking up at her.

She pursed her lips. “It’s obvious he does.”

“No—”

“His scent is all over you. That’s not your dress. The marks on your neck certainly weren’t there the first time we met.”

I flushed. “That’s…”

Isla’s fingers dug into my skin, her brow furrowing. “Nell, he’s manipulating you. Don’t you see that? He wants to trap you here like the rest of us.”

“I know that.”

“I don’t know that you do.”

Was it that obvious that I was torn? I hated the shame that flooded into me. “I know I can’t stay here. I know I need to go home. But?—”

“It’s not your fault,” Isla said, her voice softening. “He does this. He gets into your head. Under your skin. He gets you all turned around and twisted up. All to get what he wants from you.”

“But he’s just as trapped as we are!” I burst out, unable to stop myself.

“Is that what he told you?” Isla asked, her voice turning cold, releasing her hold on me. “That he is the victim here?”

“He’s cursed,” I told her.

“A curse he is deserving of,” she snapped. “You do not know him, Nell. You know what he wants you to know of him. I know the real him. I know what he does to people. I know all the terrible things he has done and why he ended up here. And that’s why I am asking you to trust me on this. Let me save us both before it’s too late. Tell me how to get into the throne room.”

“You know him?” I asked, my eyes widening. “From before you came to the labyrinth?”

“Yes,” she said. “I am one of his very first victims. Because I so desperately wanted to undo everything he did back then. I still do. So please, tell me. I will get you out of here. I promise. You’ll be free.”

I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to believe. Who to believe. I shook my head. “I?—”

Isla’s jaw clenched. “You’re going to trust someone with no memory over his victim?”

A knot formed in my stomach. I knew it could be possible that my gut feeling about Enver’s innocence was wrong, but I didn’t want to face it. I didn’t want to choose between who to believe. But Isla was still a victim of Enver’s labyrinth. She had helped me before, and I owed her at least this much, especially if I needed her to complete her challenge in order to complete mine.

“Enver said Oliver will bring you to the throne room. He’s one of his servants,” I told her.

A spark of recognition appeared in Isla’s eyes. “I know exactly who that is. Thank you, Nell. I’m sorry if I came across as harsh.”

I forced a smile onto my face. “No, it’s okay. I understand. I hope you can find the key.”

“When I do, I will come find you right away, okay?”

“Okay.”

She threw me another smile before heading down the hall, pulling open a hidden door.

I watched her for a moment. “Isla?” I called before she stepped through .

Stopping, she glanced back over her shoulder at me. “Yes?”

“What did Enver do to deserve this?” I asked.

Her expression turned dark. “He took the heart of someone he should have never touched in the first place.”