Until the World Falls Down

Chapter 25

25

L ying in his bed together, Enver spent the night fulfilling his promise to kiss every inch of my body. With soft, unhurried kisses that made me sigh. With long, heated kisses that made me ache for him anew. With deep, passionate kisses that made me tremble under his touch until he decided to relieve my torment, his lips and tongue taking an intermission in their exploration to move between my thighs and leave me gasping and clutching at his hair.

I tried counting the kisses but lost track around two hundred and sixteen.

“Say you are mine,” Enver murmured as he kissed the side of my calf.

“I’m yours,” I told him as his lips moved a centimeter to the left, dropping another kiss down.

“Until when?” he questioned, his breath hot on my skin as he pressed his lips down again.

“Until…” I trailed off, my chest growing tight. I couldn’t bring myself to say what he wanted to hear. Not when the inevitable was approaching .

I would have lied if only just to have that moment with him. But I couldn’t force the words out. Because I didn’t know if it would be a lie, and it scared me.

Enver didn’t ask me to finish. He continued to trail kisses down the inside of my calf, and I tried to pretend his worship would last forever. When he placed his last kiss on my foot, he crawled up over me and started all over again, his light caresses eventually lulling me to sleep despite how hard I fought to stay awake, not wanting to give up any remaining time with him.

I awoke much later, finding myself tucked against him, one of his arms laid over my waist, the other under me, cushioning my head. He was still asleep, his bare chest falling and rising rhythmically. His expression was peaceful, his long lashes resting against his pale cheekbones. I took my time studying his face, wanting to memorize every line, every curve, every angle. The sharpness of his jaw, the slope of his nose. Everything. I wanted to burn the image of him into my mind. I reached up to trace the shape of his lips with my fingertips before leaning in to kiss him. I kissed his chin next, then his neck, moving myself lower in the bed so I could kiss the scars over his chest. The ones Isla left on him had already faded, now white and smooth, blending in with the others.

Enver stirred then, and I looked up to see his eyes flutter open. His obsidian irises focused on me, and his lips curved up into a lazy, content smile. “Good morning, my little lover.”

“Good morning,” I responded softly.

He looped an arm around my waist, hauling me up the bed until our faces were only centimeters apart. He captured my lips in a long, lingering kiss. I melted into him, and he sighed into my mouth in response. Neither of us spoke, although a hollow feeling grew in my chest—an invisible force pressing against my lungs, making it harder and harder to breathe.

I knew why. I refused to think about it.

When Enver broke away, I spoke first, unable to meet his gaze. “Can we take a bath together?” I asked, my pulse quickening as my voice wavered.

“Of course,” he responded.

A knot formed in my throat as Enver lifted me out of the bed, carrying me to his washroom. I tried to focus on his warmth, how his body felt against mine. How his scent clung to me, amber, geranium, and vanilla. I needed to remember that. So that when I returned home…

I pushed the thought from my mind, the hollow feeling threatening to consume me entirely. I couldn’t think about it. I wouldn’t. I didn’t let Enver go as we settled into the tub, clinging to him. He didn’t say anything about my behavior. Only washed me with gentle touches, his lips never far from my skin.

I don’t want to leave him .

My mind betrayed me again, the thought slamming into me with such force it left me shaking in Enver’s hold. I fought against it. I tried to ignore it. But it kept coming back. Over and over, even as we left the bath. I stayed quiet until I caught sight of the dress he brought for me to wear. The dress I wore the night I met him at the club.

It sent a flurry of panic through me. I knew why he’d chosen it. “I don’t want to wear that.”

His lips curved down. “Nell?—”

“It’s too short,” I said quickly, wrapping my arms around myself. “I want something longer.”

He hesitated a moment, and I thought he would deny me, but then his expression softened, and he nodded. I watched him retrieve one of the dresses I used to dislike. Now, though, I wanted to wear something of his, no matter the history behind it. I wanted to bask in the redolence of him. I wanted to be surrounded by him, to drown in him.

I stepped into the dress—a pure white, flowing gown that draped low over my breasts and fell to my ankles—and Enver laced up the back, his knuckles skimming along the exposed skin of my spine. I passed off the continuously growing tightness in my torso as a result of the dress being tied too tightly, but as Enver stepped away from me, the sensation only increased. It hurt to breathe.

“What if I give you back love?” I burst out, the lump in my throat making it almost impossible to speak. “What if you can love me when I complete your labyrinth?”

“Nell.”

“You have been getting so many emotions back. It’s not that crazy of a thought,” I pressed on, desperate for any excuse. Desperate for any reason to stay. “Maybe love is what I have to give you in the end. Then I can stay, and we can work together to help you break your curse?—”

“Eleanora,” he said, and my voice died in my throat. “You are traveling down a dangerous path. You are giving in to false hope. There is no guarantee that I will remember love should you finish your challenge. There is a vast multitude of other emotions that have yet to return to me. There is also a chance love might not return at all.”

His words left me numb. Because I knew he was right. Because I knew he was trying to protect me. To not let me lose myself in my desperation again.

I didn’t resist as he turned me to face him, his palms cupping the sides of my neck. “You must return home, Nell. Your life is there, not here. I could not ask you to stay with me, knowing the price you would have to pay. I cannot be the one to take your freedom away from you again. You cannot live in darkness as I do. The stars I once promised you are out of my reach within this castle.”

I stared at him, my lips trembling. “Why…?”

He didn’t say anything, waiting for me to continue, and I could see the determined resolve in his gaze.

“Why are you doing this to me?” I cried, feeling tears burn in my eyes, blurring my vision. “You brought me here, you asked me to stay, and now you’re telling me I can’t? That I can never have any of what you promised me? Why does it have to end like this? Why are you so willing to give me up after saying you couldn’t bear to lose me? You said you wanted me!”

The tears fell, hot and fast, and I broke free from his grasp, stumbling back and scrubbing the back of my hand over my cheeks. I put my back to him, wanting to hide my tears, even though I knew he’d seen them already. He said nothing as I fought to breathe through the tightness in my throat, and his silence only made the pain worse.

After a moment, his slow, cautious footsteps approached me. “Nell.”

I shook my head, refusing to look at him. He exhaled, moving in front of me and taking hold of my jaw. He tilted my head up and bent down, kissing my tears away. The action was so familiar it only made more form in my eyes. He was patient, continuing to kiss away each and every one until they finally dried. When he straightened out, he brushed the remaining wetness away with his thumb. I leaned into his touch, fearing the time when I would never feel it again. “I wish there was another way,” I whispered.

“I am truly sorry,” he apologized quietly. “For giving you hope and then being the one to take it away. You must know I would give you the world if I could. Yet, I cannot. I can only make this decision easier for you. I would not forgive myself if I kept you here. You have given me so much—I cannot take any more from you.”

Another lump formed in my throat, and I closed my eyes, not trusting myself enough to speak. More tears escaped. He wiped them away again, his warm and comforting hands lingering against my skin. “Please don’t make me do this,” I said, my voice cracking.

“Nell,” he said, and this time, his voice sounded equally torn .

“I thought it would be fine. I thought I could be strong and leave you and all this behind. I convinced myself I could do it. But I can’t. I can’t .”

“You can,” Enver insisted. “You do not belong here. If you remain here, all that waits for you is darkness. This place is a prison for me, not a home. It would become a prison for you, too. You may think you want this now, but in the end, you would regret your decision. You would regret choosing me.”

“No,” I argued. “I wouldn’t.”

“You would,” he said softly. “And I do not want to see you live with that regret. I cannot be the chains that bind you here. I refuse to become your curse. You must remain free. You must forget me.”

“I won’t be able to forget you,” I said, my fingers curling into his shirt. “I won’t be able to live a normal life again. Not when I know there is a world out there beyond my own, that you exist, and that we will never be together again. I will never be able to find someone like you, Enver.”

“Stop,” Enver commanded. “You can find happiness again. You will not always be stuck in this memory with me. You will move on. You will find love.”

Panic lacerated me, creating physical pain. “I don’t want to! I want to stay here. I want to be with you . I want to love you ?—”

“No,” Enver cut me off, his voice growing rougher, his composure cracking. “This is not what you wanted, Eleanora. This is what I manipulated you into believing you wanted. Remember that and return home.”

“No,” I sobbed. “Enver, please…”

“Eleanora—”

“Stop calling me that!” I choked out through my sobs. “You’re trying to put distance between us by calling me that! Stop it! I don’t want to be without you, Enver!”

“ Nell . If you keep on like this, you will only destroy us both,” he whispered, his voice filled with thinly veiled agony .

It broke my heart. It told me I wasn’t the only one hurting. That this was just as hard for him as it was for me. That he was suffering as much as I was. I threw myself at him, hugging him to me. “I can’t leave you here alone. It’s not fair.”

“I have been fine by myself for over a century,” he reminded me, his arms falling around my waist, holding me just as tight. “I will remain so. Only now, I will have a fond memory to turn to when the darkness and loneliness become too much. The memory of you.”

My heart cracked further. “Can’t I just come back? Even if I finish the labyrinth?”

“No,” Enver said firmly. “When you complete the labyrinth, you will have what you yearned for. That will not be me. You will have no reason to come back.”

“If I’m desperate enough to see you, won’t you come to me again?” I asked, my throat scratchy.

“No,” he murmured. “I will not come to you. So, do not try.”

Tears streamed down my cheeks. “You’re being cruel again.”

“Then remember me as cruel. Let it lessen your sorrow.”

“Enver, please.”

“You will never be free if your heart beats for mine,” he said. “You must move on. Find the one who will love you the way you deserve to be loved. Do not let yourself be tethered to darkness and stained by shadows. You have to let go of the impossible.” His fingers trembled as he drew me in closer, his hold on me tightening briefly as if he were afraid I would heed his words and vanish. “You have to let go of me.”

He then pried himself away from me, letting me go. His eyes burned into mine, waiting for me to say something. But I had nothing to say. Not anymore. Not when I finally understood. Not when I could hear the pain in every one of his words. The unshakeable resolution in them that matched his gaze. He wouldn’t let me stay. He wanted what was best for me, even if I struggled to agree .

“Do not keep pushing,” he said, tucking my hair behind my ear. “Because I will shatter. I cannot resist it all—I am not strong enough. I will drag you into my endless torment if you stay by my side. And I would rather suffer alone in the darkness for the rest of my existence than subject you to such despair, my precious, precious little lover.”

My lips quivered as I nodded, reaching up to cradle his face in my hands, needing to touch him. “I understand,” I whispered. “I won’t push anymore. I won’t fight it. Just… just don’t act like it’s over yet. Please. Just pretend I’m going to my next challenge, and you will be waiting for me when I finish.”

He leaned into my touch, his soft breath feathering across my skin. “I have already been doing that, Nell. I have been doing that since the moment I met you. Pretending I could have you. Pretending that a monster like me deserved you.”

“Then continue to do that,” I begged, my voice shaking. “Let’s pretend a little longer, okay? Until I finish my last challenge. Just until then.”

“Okay,” he agreed.

Not expecting him to accept so easily, I hesitated, but then he stepped back, waving his arm. A shadow portal materialized, and my heart dropped into my stomach. “No, not yet,” I said, my heart thumping painfully in my chest. Shadowy tendrils crept up from the floor, encircling my wrists and ankles. I tried to fight against them, dread swelling up in me. “No, Enver, no, please! I’m not ready! Just a little longer!”

He stood still, his expression guarded, resembling how he’d been the first time we met, back when he was cold, distant, and unfeeling. But now he couldn’t hide the emotions in his eyes. The agony. The fear. He was fighting against himself, breaking himself apart to make this easier for me.

“You have six hours,” he said. “Finish, and return home.”

“Enver, please,” I begged, my breath coming short and fast. “Not like this! Let me fight for you?— ”

“Fight for yourself, Eleanora. Do not fight for me.” He turned his back on me. “I am not worth the battle.”

The shadows dragged me backward toward the portal, and I struggled against them, stretching my hand out toward Enver, trying to reach him. He ignored me, unmoving. Even as my cries filled the air, his name catching in my throat again and again as I fought between trying to breathe and calling for him, my voice ringing out until I could no longer see him. Until the darkness Enver would remain in forever swallowed me up and he was gone.

The shadows spit me out a moment later, and even through my tears, I could see I was still inside the castle. As soon as they released me, I twisted on my heel, rushing down the hall, searching for any door that could lead me back to him. He said the castle would always lead me back to him. I would go back to him and convince him to let me stay. That we could find a way to be together.

I rounded a corner and crashed into someone so hard it sent me sprawling to the ground.

I immediately looked up, expecting Enver, only to feel my heart drop in disappointment when my eyes fell upon one of the castle servants. But then, as I took in her features, my skin crawled.

I recognized this woman.

She was the one immortalized in Enver’s castle gardens. I was sure of it, despite the differences in her appearance here compared to the statue’s portrayal. Instead of porcelain, she was now made of flesh. Of golden skin and short black hair instead of the long locks the statue depicted. She wore the servant’s attire instead of the flowing dress, though it did little to diminish her elegance. Her dark brown eyes were vacant as she offered me her hand, her movements robotic and unnatural. My pulse skyrocketed, but I held my hand out to her before realizing what I was doing .

Then, when our hands touched, the pendant around my neck burned fiercely. Worse than ever before. I gasped, ripping my hand away from her and falling back. But instead of landing on the hallway carpet again, shadows pooled under me and I fell through the floor into darkness once more.