Unveiled Wishes (Iron Shield MC #2)

3. Faking It

Chapter 3

Faking It

M eredith

“Hey, Mer. It’s noon, baby. Time to get up.” Grizz shook my leg.

“I am up,” I whined at him. “If I wanted to be bitched at, I’d go find Sabre.”

“I’ll call him and make your dreams come true.” He placed his hand on my leg again and shook me.

“I am up.” I pulled the covers over my head. “Just leave me alone. I am fine.”

“I don’t know who the fuck you think you’re talking to. Get up, or I’ll make you,” Grizz sighed. We were each tired of our situation, but for different reasons. I didn’t know how to let him in, and no matter what he did, it was never right. We were at a standstill, when we should have been newlyweds, which brought its own set of headaches.

“I don’t know if I can,” I said, the sound muffled beneath the blanket. I didn’t have the strength to have a full-blown conversation with him. “Life is too hard, and I am drowning.”

“How about we start with a shower? I’ll lay out your clothes.” His voice gentled immediately. I’d never heard him speak like that, and it broke a piece of me deep within my heart. Who were these people? How did we get back to normal?

“Are you going to force me?” I asked.

“No, but I think you’ll feel better.” He pulled the covers off of me and laid them at the bottom of the bed. “You gotta help me, Meredith. I try to be forceful, and you fight me every step of the way. If I am gentle, you look at me like I am crazy, kind of like you’re doing right now,” he sighed. “I am not gentle, but I am trying for you because I can’t be without you anymore.”

“I don’t know how to be me.” I sat straight up in bed and placed my hands in my lap. “Which makes everyone else walk on eggshells.”

“I promised you therapy, and I tried to make some calls the other day. I was going to take you myself, but they asked too many questions and told me to bring your medical records. Scrub buried the reports that show you were in an accident when they found the mass. I had visions of them asking about Pulse, and I am so afraid of losing you.”

“I may never be her again.” I didn’t want to look at him. It was easier to maintain the mile-wide distance between us if I didn’t make eye contact. I would just see his pain, and it would merge with mine.

He placed his hands under my knees and lifted me into his arms. Kissing my forehead, he whispered, “We’ll get through this.”

“Whatever you do, don’t tell me it’s a speed bump.” I made a face and stuck my tongue out at him as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

“That’s not our thing. We prefer knock-down drag-outs with hot makeup sex.” He kissed my forehead again, laughing as he carried me into the ensuite. He sat me on the counter and turned the shower on. Checking to make sure the water was warm enough, he walked over to me and stood between my knees. “Arms up,” he said, grabbing the edges of the oversized t-shirt I wore.

“No.” I was defiant. This was one issue that we constantly argued about. There wasn’t a magic remedy to erase the scars on the left side of my body. The surgical lines looked like a patchwork quilt, as if the doctors had taken skin from where they could and meshed it together. They hadn’t even paid attention to sewing straight lines.

The last time I had looked, the lines were white against the lobster red skin. It was hot to the touch, and the only thing that cooled it down was the lotion that the hospital had sent home with me. I was supposed to keep the skin hydrated, but they couldn’t tell me how long this would take. I had a feeling they didn’t want to tell me I’d be stuck with this routine and the moisturizing sleeves forever. They could at least have had pretty colors. The black sleeves stood out against my pale skin. Another reminder that I was going to be disfigured for life.

“I’ve been all up in you. It was a religious experience, and you know I am not a praying man.” He jiggled his eyebrows. “Will you get in the shower if I turn my back?”

“No.” I didn’t want Grizz to see them, even though I was pretty sure he had already. I didn’t want to even acknowledge they were there, and it was my body.

“What’s it going to take, baby?” He trapped me on the counter, placing his hands on either sides of my hips and leaning forward with his entire weight.

I said nothing. I didn’t want to negotiate. He just needed to leave so that I could get this over with.

“I don’t know how many times I have to tell you. I just want you, Mer. The rest of this doesn’t matter,” he said in frustration. His brow furrowed, forming deep lines across his forehead.

We were back to square one. He didn’t care as long as I was alive, and I wasn’t living.

“I’ll shower and get dressed, but you can’t be here. When I am done, I’ll come sit in the main room, but I don’t feel like talking to anyone.” It would kill me, but I would do it for him. This was my best for today, and I didn’t want to argue.

“I can live with that.” He pecked my lips and walked out the door.

I jumped down from the sink and took off my shirt. Dropping it near the door, I made quick work of the rest. If I wasn’t downstairs in thirty minutes, Grizz would come back. I couldn’t risk it.

Finishing the shower in under ten minutes, I kept my head down as I wrapped the towel around myself. I didn’t want to catch my reflection in the mirror. The scars ran down my left side, from my shoulder all the way to right above my knee. In my mind, they were just as ugly as my soul. Somewhere along the way, I’d accepted that as fact.

Grizz had left a change of clothes on the counter, clean medical sleeves sitting on the top of the pile. Sighing again, I opened the cabinet underneath the sink and braced for the impact that I knew would come. I stared at the white bottle with the pharmacy label longer than I should have. It wasn’t until I got dizzy that I grabbed it and raised my head. Big mistake.

I set the bottle on the counter, but my eyes didn’t leave the mirror. This was déjà vu. I raised my left hand to see if the scars were real. Rotating my shoulder so that I could experience the full effect of the painted canvas, the woman in the mirror did the same. I fell to my knees on the bathroom tile floor. Too much had happened in too short a time.

***

Grizz

Meredith had stuck to her word. I watched out of the corner of my eye as she descended the staircase into the main room, my oversized hoodie hanging past her knees. She tucked her hands into the front pockets, and though I wouldn’t ask anything more of her, it gave me a little hope.

She silently walked into the main room and quickly surveyed the scene. I was playing darts with Wreck. There were a few other brothers playing pool, but DeadZone was watching TV. Meredith walked around the tables and approached the couch, curling herself onto the other side and staring at the program.

A twinge of jealousy pinged within my chest, but I kept my cool. She was my wife. Mine. No one in this club would take her away from me. However, she would only get physically close to DeadZone, and if I asked why, she couldn’t explain.

Wreck took his turn. “Dead doesn’t want your bitch, so you’re safe.”

I took a deep breath so that I wouldn’t beat him to a bloody pulp. It wouldn’t matter, and he’d just end up saying something else about Meredith. They all did behind my back. “She’s my wife .” I tried to shrug it off as I stepped up to the throw line. “Hey, Wreck?” I called out, catching his attention. “No one wants to tap your bitch’s ass because he’s too mouthy.” I threw the dart, watching it sail through the air.

“I am not mouthy. I am a fucking ball of sunshine,” Pretty said. eating potato chips out of the bag. He’d pulled up one of the bar stools and sat watching the game.

“If you don’t quit eating, your ass is going to be huge,” I retorted. “Wreck won’t be able to miss it.”

“Then they’ll be more of it to tap.” He ate another chip, and I wanted to grab the bag from his hands and strangle him with it.

It was Wreck’s turn, and I was leaning against the wall next to Pretty when the kitchen door opened. I stood straight up and made a move to help Aunt E. She searched the room, and when she honed in on Meredith, she hobbled right to her.

“This won’t end well today,” I whispered to Pretty. Meredith tried not to be harsh with her aunt or Grace, but sometimes they’d push just enough that she snapped. I knew of one instance where Grace had had to pull Sabre away to calm him down. Meredith had said that if Grace had wanted to know what it was like to lose a child, then she should have handed JR over to the cartel. He was my best friend, but we’d almost come to blows, even though both of them had been in the wrong.

“It’s going to be like Fourth of July.” Pretty whistled. “Boom.”

Aunt E made sure she was standing in front of Meredith before she tried to get her attention. “Mer! Mer! Wake.” She went to go shake Meredith’s shoulder, but she almost tumbled over and gave up on the idea. “We need…you.”

“You’re not asleep,” Deadzone said, looking over at Meredith. He must have shaken her leg or foot because I watched her wiggle against the couch cushions.

“You’re the only one…” Aunt E paused. “We need you.”

I didn’t know if I was going to have to step in or not when I saw Meredith’s head turn towards DeadZone’s. I was about to take a step forward when Pretty grabbed me by the arm. He nonchalantly made a swiping motion toward the room. Everyone was watching this scene as closely as I was.

“Don’t look at me like that. I am not your Old Man. He’s too lenient because he’s afraid of losing you. I couldn’t care less if you walk out those doors. You’re not living, and you take it out on the people who give a shit. Don’t be disrespectful to your aunt.” Dead let Meredith have it.

I was afraid to move. I didn’t want an argument with one of my brothers, but if he made my situation worse, I’d beat his ass. Who was I kidding? It couldn’t be any worse than it already was.

“Okay, what do you need, Aunt E?” I heard her say.

Was Meredith actually going to get up?

“You. Come help…us.” Aunt E held out her good hand, and Meredith stood from the couch and grabbed it. I watched as they made their way to the kitchen door.

“Next time you want to get physical, girlie pop, kicking me is not the way to do it,” Dead called after them.

Meredith held the swinging door open for Aunt E, who shuffled past. As soon as Aunt E was through, Meredith turned and flicked her middle finger at the back of Dead’s head. There was still some life in her.

I had to fix this so when word got around, this would all be a funny story. Meredith had too many people counting her out, and I didn’t need my patch at risk.

I sat next to Dead, but I didn’t know how to start this. He wasn’t making it easier on me by watching what was on the TV. “I…”

“Save it, brother.”

The hairs on my neck immediately stood up. “What the fuck? I am still your VP.” Maybe I was going to have to throw some punches.

“It’s easy to see why you go to bat for her,” he said, not bothering to look at me. “She’s a spicy version of Flo, and if she wasn’t so consumed in her own head, it’d be a healthy relationship. Killing Pulse wasn’t on her, but until she comes to terms with it, the rest of the bullshit won’t heal. Put your pride away and ask for the club’s help.” He stood from the couch and walked away.

No sooner was Dead gone than Pretty sat next to me.

“Don’t fuck with me, dude,” I warned him. I could barely handle him every day. Today wasn’t a good day.

“While you were heart-to-hearting, I snuck into the kitchen.” He ate a chip and crunched it loudly. “Figured you would want to know what’s going on.”

“Yeah, what’s up?” I asked, leaning my head back against the top cushion of the couch.

“Aunt E had a therapy appointment today, and Grace drove by that hall. You know the one? Scrub and I used to sneak into the back and pretend to be waiters to grab snacks.”

I let a dry chuckle escape my lips. “Yeah, and they called your dad one night and tried to charge him for the missing food.”

“That’s the place. He told them to fuck off because the four of us were in church, and how dare they accuse God’s angels of stealing.” Pretty smiled.

“The punishment was definitely not worth the crime. He dumped cold water on our heads and made us wash the brother’s bikes with toothbrushes.”

“Good times,” Pretty said. “Yeah, it’s for sale, and it looks like Grace did some basic research. They roped Meredith into helping them. She’s drawing out potential layouts that the venue could hold. I didn’t know she was an interior designer. She’s really in her element, and her face is doing weird things.”

“Is she alright? Do I need to go in there?” I was panicking. My palms were clammy, but I couldn’t feel my hands. They were numb as I sat forward, cupping my knees. I could feel the sweat dripping from my forehead, but I was hot. At least Pretty was sitting next to me in case I passed the fuck out.

“She’s smiling.”

“She’s smiling?” I asked, unsure if he was pulling my leg.

“Yeah, I saw some teeth. There’s still some snark, but Grace and Aunt E are overlooking it. They’re just glad to have her.”

Pretty wasn’t a brother that I would normally be vulnerable with, but I had to know if I was holding onto false hope.

“Do you think I am a fool?” I asked him, watching as his face went completely serious.

“I think Dead has some good points. You need to reach out for help within the club. However, this is Sabre’s first Christmas with his family. If I were you, I wouldn’t make any big decisions until the beginning of the year.” He smacked my shoulder. “Maybe I’ll go share my chips with her. She’s lost a lot of weight, and her ass needs fattening up.” He laughed and hurried away.

Maybe he was right. I’d just have to fake it through Christmas.