Utah (Knights Corruption MC: Laredo #4)

Chapter 12

12

A blend of confusion and hurt barreled through me, heating the blood flowing in my veins. Why was Utah keeping things from me? When was he going to tell me about this trip? The morning of? Or did he feel as if he didn’t need to keep me apprised? Did I even have the right to ask? We weren’t even together.

I hated living in this in-between. So much uncertainty surrounded me, surrounded us, that it was difficult to think sometimes.

“What’s this trip you’re taking? And why didn’t you tell me about it?” I struggled to keep the hurt from my voice. The last thing I wanted to do was come across as needy or untrusting. If the roles were reversed, Utah wouldn’t have asked me as calmly. But he was more of a hothead than me. That wasn’t to say I couldn’t go off about something, because I had done exactly that several times.

When he grabbed my hands and stepped into me, I should’ve pulled away, but I didn’t move.

“I’m going with some of the guys to Mexico in five days. ”

“Mexico?” My voice rose with the one-word question. “What’s in Mexico?”

“Club business.” I yanked my arms back and tilted my head as if he’d spoken a different language. “What?” he asked, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“That’s all you’re gonna say? It’s club business?”

“Yeah.”

“Is my brother going too?” Perhaps I could guilt Knox into giving me more information.

“I don’t know.”

I started to pace. “You don’t know,” I parroted. “Why are they making you go? You almost died. The last thing you should be doing is traveling anywhere.”

“They’re not making me go. I insisted.”

“You insisted.”

“Are you going to repeat everything I say?”

The corner of his mouth rose but fell seconds later, and it had everything to do with the scowl on my face.

“Why would you insist…? Oh my God! Is the cartel in Mexico? Is that why you’re going?” He didn’t need to answer because I’d pieced it together. The cartel killed Crash. Utah saw it happen. It’s the only reason he’d insist on going. He wanted revenge. “Do you have a death wish? How could you be so stupid?” I instinctually placed my hand over my belly.

“Stupid?” Now it was his turn to raise his voice.

“Yeah, stupid. We have a baby on the way, Utah. Or did you forget that? You can’t only think about yourself anymore.”

“I’m not thinking about myself. I’m thinking about that baby,” he shouted, pointing to my stomach. “I’m thinking about you and the club. I’m thinking about Crash. Fuck!” He lowered his voice when he spoke again. “The only person I’m not thinking about is myself.”

I didn’t know what else to say other than, “Don’t go.”

“I have to. ”

“No, you don’t.”

“Ria… yes, I do.”

“If you go….” I didn’t finish my sentence because I didn’t have an ultimatum. I would never keep his child from him. And because we weren’t a couple, I couldn’t threaten to leave him.

“I’ll be fine. We’re just going to talk.”

“Talk,” I repeated sarcastically. “Yeah, that sounds believable.”

I stewed in my anger and frustration for a moment, not quite sure what to say next. I wasn’t going to convince him not to go. When Utah set his mind to something, there was no talking him out of it. He was stubborn, an attribute I shared. But the difference between us was that I wasn’t reckless.

A knock on the door startled me. The handle turned, and Kyla poked her head in, a strand of her brunette hair falling over her eye before she brushed it back. “You guys okay? I thought I heard shouting.”

“Sorry,” I said. “We’re fine. We’re just leaving.”

“Okay,” she responded tentatively, squeezing my hand when I walked by. “Let me know if you wanna talk.”

My only response was a quick nod. I’d hung out with Kyla several times since meeting her. She was down-to-earth, witty, and kind. Hell, she was a damn saint for putting up with my brother, which I knew from experience wasn’t an easy feat.

Utah followed me out of the building, his brooding silence causing my heart to beat quicker with every step I took. I wanted to throw my hands in the air concerning his upcoming trip because there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to change his mind. I wasted energy stressing about it, but no matter how hard I tried not to care, I failed.

I couldn’t wait for my shift at Rocky’s later. Some distance from him was what I needed, and the sooner, the better.

“Can we swing by the clubhouse on the way back to your place? ”

“Why? Do you wanna go over your talking points for the cartel?”

“You’re not funny,” he grumbled. “No. I wanna find out if anyone made funeral arrangements for Crash yet.”

“Oh.” I instantly felt bad. “Did he have any family?”

“He had an older sister, but they weren’t close. He told me once she stopped talking to him when he joined the Knights.”

“Still, I’m sure she’s hurting.”

“I’d assume. Don’t know. Never had any family of my own.”

Every time Utah referenced his childhood, my heart ached for him. I couldn’t imagine what it would’ve been like to have no one in his corner. No one to care for him. Love him. Protect him.

I’d had my parents, until my father died when I was sixteen, and my siblings, and sure, we argued, but at the end of the day, they would be there for me when I needed them.

I veered onto the exit toward the clubhouse. “We can’t stay long because I have to get ready for work.” He didn’t respond, and I thought perhaps he didn’t hear me, so I repeated myself. “We can’t stay long because I have to—”

“I heard you.”

“You could’ve acknowledged it.” Whenever he audibly sighed, an argument quickly followed. “What?” I asked defensively.

“You know what.”

“Don’t start about me quitting my job.”

“I don’t know why you wanna still work there. You’re pregnant.”

“So?”

“So, you shouldn’t be on your feet like that, especially the bigger you get.”

I swore my feet started to ache as soon as he said that. “I need money, Utah. I can’t live off nothing.”

I enjoyed my job for the most part. I got along with my boss as well as my coworkers. I especially loved working with Lena whenever we were scheduled together. Most of the patrons were cool except for the occasional guy who got a bit handsy. But we had security ready for those instances. On top of everything, my tips were awesome, allowing me to not only pay my portion of the bills but also throw some money into savings. After all, I did have a baby to think about, one who would be here sooner than I was ready. But I supposed no one was ever truly ready to bring a human being into the world.

“I told you several times that I would take care of you.”

“With what?”

Utah helped the club out wherever he was needed, whether it be at Mendi’s or The White Cat, the two restaurants the club owned, or that god-awful strip joint. He also did renovation jobs on the side, mostly for the guys and the occasional referral, earning him enough to live on.

He’d done all the work at his place, a two-story home he owned on the outskirts of Laredo.

“I told you I have money stocked away.”

He told me once that someone had left him a small sum of money when he was nineteen. I believed it was from an uncle he didn’t know about. He never disclosed the amount, and I never asked. It wasn’t my business. But maybe now it was, especially if he kept insisting on taking care of me. Not that I’d let him.

“And your point is?”

“Goddammit, woman. You are so infuriating. I’m trying to do the right thing here, and you’re being a pain in the ass.”

“Right back at you.”

Neither of us said another word until I pulled into the clubhouse lot, parking directly in front of the dark gray building, the club’s emblem positioned high above the entrance door.

“Wait here. I won’t be long.” I ignored him and opened my door at the same time he did. “What are you doing? ”

“I have to pee.”

He stretched his neck from side to side. “Fine. Let’s go.”

No matter how upset he seemed to be with me, his manners never escaped him. He held the door for me, placing his hand on the small of my back as we entered. The small gesture calmed some of my earlier irritation.

Two men sat at the bar, and two more lounged on the couch. Their chatter died when they saw me, but I ignored them. My only focus was relieving my bladder.

“I’ll be right back,” I said, heading toward the hallway. I could feel the stares of the men as I passed but didn’t take it personally. I didn’t think women often visited this place. My assumption, at least.

Once I’d finished and reentered the main room of the clubhouse, I scoured the area looking for Utah but didn’t see him.

“He’s in Chambers. You can wait here.” A man smacked the stool beside him. “I won’t bite.”

I recognized him as the man who helped bring Utah to my place. “Brick, right?”

“Yeah. And you’re Ria?” I nodded, situating myself on the barstool next to him.

“Do you want something to drink?”

“I could use some water.”

“You got it.”

He rose from his seat and instantly dwarfed me. He was even bigger than Utah. He leaned over the bar and grabbed me a bottle of water, setting it down in front of me.

“Thanks.” I twisted off the cap and took a healthy swig.

“My wife, Zoe, was constantly thirsty when she was pregnant.”

His smile deepened at the mention of her, and I thought it was sweet. If anyone saw this guy on the street, they’d cross the road to get away from him. They say not to judge a book by its cover, but appearances are the first thing anyone noticed. And Brick looked unapproachable. But sitting next to him, able to witness his demeanor, he seemed anything but.

“How many kids do you have?”

“Just one for now. Isabelle. She’s gonna be eight months old soon.” He swiped the screen on his phone and turned the device toward me. A picture of a gorgeous redheaded woman and a precious baby appeared.

“She’s adorable. You have a beautiful family.”

“Yeah, I’m a lucky guy.” He stared at the image for several more seconds before flipping over his phone. “Is this your first?” he asked, pointing toward my belly.

I nodded. “I’m a little scared.”

“So were we. You’ll be fine. You and Utah will figure it out.”

“I hope so.” I glanced around the room. “Speaking of, where is he again?”

Brick pointed toward a set of closed doors near the entrance. “Chambers. He’s talking with Salzar.” Based on my expression, he elaborated, “The president of our club.”

“Oh, okay. He wanted to find out about Crash’s funeral. Or he could be talking about the Mexico trip.” I mumbled the last sentence, hoping he’d hear me and offer some information. Delusional, I was aware.

“What do you know about Mexico?” Brick angled his large body toward me, his expression darkening slightly.

“Utah told me some of you are going to Mexico to have a little chat with the cartel.” Brick’s eyebrows shot up. “I know it has something to do with Crash’s death. I think it’s reckless, especially for him, because he almost just got killed. He’s not even remotely healed, yet he’s willing to risk his life again. And for what? He can’t change what happened.” I rambled on more than I thought I would, but it turned out that I needed to get some things off my chest. I tried telling Utah this, but he seemingly dismissed everything I’d said as ridiculous. At least, that was my take on our earlier conversation .

“No, he can’t change what happened. But he can ensure, right along with the rest of us, that you and that baby will be safe going forward.” His voice dipped in seriousness. “I’d do everything possible to protect my family.” His words fell away for a moment as a far-off look swirled through his brown eyes, and I couldn’t help but wonder if a memory had captured him.

“But what if—”

“Look, I shouldn’t even be talking to you about this. If you have an issue, talk to your man.”

“He’s not my man,” I grumbled.

“If you say so.” Brick’s attention was stolen before I could argue. “What’s up, Knox?”

I turned around to see my brother walking toward us, his gaze bouncing from me to Brick and back again.

He ignored Brick and focused solely on me. “What are you doing here?”

“Utah wanted to stop by after his doctor’s visit.”

“That doesn’t explain anything. Why are you here ?” He pointed to my seat.

“I had to use the bathroom. And now I’m waiting for Utah.”

Knox looked around. “Where is he?”

“In Chambers with Salzar,” Brick replied.

My brother narrowed his eyes. “Why you sittin’ here with him?” Awww, there he is. My overprotective, pain-in-the-ass brother.

“What did you want me to do? Stand in the corner?”

“How much longer is he gonna be?” Knox asked, looking at Brick. The big guy shrugged. “Why don’t you come outside with me?” he asked, reaching for my hand.

“It’s cooler in here.”

“Ria.” He said my name in warning.

“Knox.” I returned the favor.

I scrunched my face in annoyance, but before I could tell him to back off, I slapped my hand over my mouth and bolted down the hallway toward the bathroom.

My name trailed behind me as I fell to my knees in front of the toilet.

Dear Nausea, give a girl some warning.