Utah (Knights Corruption MC: Laredo #4)

Chapter 37

37

“How’d things go with Ria?” Renner glanced at the box in my hand and pointed toward a nearby shelf. “Thanks for picking that up.”

“Sure.”

One moment passed, then another as we stood there in silence.

“You gonna tell me how it went?”

I shrugged, replaying our encounter for the fifth time since I left her house almost two hours ago. “It could’ve gone better.”

“How so?”

“What? Are you the club shrink now?”

“Just here to listen if you need to talk.”

“What did Emmy do to you?” My smile fell before it fully formed. “I think I liked you better when you were…” I hesitated a moment because I couldn’t find the right word.

“When I was like you? Closed off? Miserable?”

“I’m not miserable.”

“We can agree to disagree. And you’re right. Emmy changed me. For the better. I’m still not a touchy-feely kind of guy, but what I’ve learned is that we can’t keep everything bottled up or shit like yesterday happens.” He closed the hood of the vehicle he was working on. “What exactly did happen?”

I didn’t know what was worse, talking about feelings or recapping my freak-out the day prior.

Feelings.

Talking about feelings was worse.

“I reacted poorly,” I finally answered. The downturn of his mouth and the crease between his eyes informed me my shitty answer wasn’t gonna cut it. “I found out the guy Ria worked with kissed her, and I beat the hell out of him.”

His nod was slow, intentional. “Did he attack her?”

“Not in the typical sense, no.”

“Okay, he didn’t attack her.” He paused before asking, “She’s single, right?”

“What does that have to do with anything?” He raised his brow at me, a gesture I’d seen him do to his kid countless times when he wanted a certain answer. “That’s not an easy question.”

“It’s the easiest question there is. She’s either single or you two are together. Last I knew, you knocked her up but weren’t together. So, which is it?”

“Goddamn, man. What the fuck?” His response was to laugh as he tinkered around in the garage. I should’ve just walked out, but I didn’t. I stood there, waiting. Waiting for him to throw more questions at me. Waiting for me to release the buildup of uncertainty swirling around inside me. “We agreed to be together. We had plans on moving in. But this all just happened. So, when he kissed her, yes, she was single. Happy?”

Renner clasped my shoulder. “I don’t think anyone is happy with what happened. Not the guy you beat up. Not Ria. Certainly no one in the club. And least of all you. But know this, from the moment you guys started hooking up, Ria was your woman. Trust me, I get it. The second I laid eyes on Emmy, she was mine. It just took a bit to make it official, as it did with you two. Would I have done the same thing you did and go after the guy? Possibly. But you did go a little overboard. I get it, though. You’ve been dealing with a lot. Crash.” He pointed toward my stomach. “Almost being killed. Then the meeting with the cartel. I’m sure you didn’t expect to walk out of there alive either.”

“I didn’t.”

“Give yourself a break. You fucked up. We all do it. Just don’t do it again.” The clank of a wrench hitting the steel tray startled me. “Now go make things right with Ria before you lose more time with her.”

“And you thank Emmy for me.”

“For what?”

I gestured in his direction. “This version is better.”

“I don’t take any offense to that.”

“You shouldn’t.” I turned to leave but stopped. There was something I wanted to ask him, and Renner would tell me the truth, no question. “Do you think I’m acting differently?”

“How so?”

“Grumpier?”

“You’re always grumpy.”

“But I mean more than usual.”

Renner scratched along his jaw, his facial hair looking a little wilder than usual. Normally, he kept his beard neat and trimmed.

“Maybe, yeah. It could be due to those pills, though. If you’re not used to taking heavy meds like that, they can fuck with your mood, even your brain chemistry. Make you react and do things you wouldn’t typically. It happened to my ex after the car accident. She never got ahold of it, and eventually she escalated to heroin. You don’t want that devil on your back. Believe me.”

All of us knew what he dealt with when it came to his ex, Maxine. After multiple failed attempts at trying to help her get clean, he walked out and took their son, Colton, with him, who he was now raising with Emmy.

I was a block away from the pharmacy, intent on getting my meds refilled, when I thought back on my reaction to the cops not giving me back what I had left after my arrest. Had I been in pain? Yes. But was it so bad that I needed to ask Nash for some of his pills?

I contemplated that last question for a moment.

Was the pain in my stomach so bad, I couldn’t wait until morning to get my own meds refilled?

No, it wasn’t.

I’d taken pain pills when I was younger, but they only made me sleepy. I didn’t get any kind of high from them then, and I didn’t achieve a high from them now. On top of pain relief, what they had provided me with recently was a blanket of numbness while consequently slightly altering my mood. Ask Will if he thinks your mood was slightly altered.

Simply talking about it with Ria earlier put me on the defensive when all she was trying to do was point out an issue. The pills were already coming between us, and if I didn’t stop now, I’d never get the chance I promised I’d take once my life was spared.

I pulled a U-turn at the light, and headed back toward Ria’s house. I doubted she’d be happy to see me again so soon after our argument, but I didn’t want whatever space had started to form between us to get any bigger.