Vengeful Secret (The Burkes Mafia #3)

29. Sutton

29

SUTTON

Gray and I return home, and it’s late, and of course everyone’s asleep. Lara had graciously offered to watch Ciara and put her to bed.

I peek in on my daughter, and she’s sleeping soundly.

Gray heads into the bedroom, and I follow him, watching as he pulls his T-shirt off and unbuttons his slacks, undressing for bed.

I change, too, into a nightie that Gray purchased for me a few weeks ago. It’s kind of a sexy one, silky with a low neckline. But right now, I’m not feeling very sexy.

In fact, I’m feeling terrified after meeting Murphy and seeing how formidable he seems. He’s in such good shape, and Patrick is still bedbound.

“Gray,” I say slowly. “Aren’t you worried about the consequences of this parlay?”

Gray shrugs. “Not really. We were already on the verge of war, and Murphy knew I wasn’t going to accept his deal. He never even would have offered a thing like that unless he was protected by the parlay laws.”

“Parlay laws?”

“No bloodshed. Weapons are fine to be carried, but they can’t be discharged or used.”

“And everyone just abides by these laws?”

He nods. “There’s honor even among thieves, Sutton.”

“Of course, you couldn’t give up Lara, but?—”

“But what?” Gray asks, seeming irritated.

“But maybe you could have offered him something .”

He stares at me. “Like what? My father’s head on a platter? You don’t know this life like I do, Sutton. Even if I had been monstrous enough to give up my sister, Murphy wouldn’t have stuck to his word. He never does. You don’t know him like I do.”

“So, there's no end to this? There's always going to be a war? We’ll always be looking over our shoulders?"

“Even if we take Murphy down, someone else will take his place," Gray explains, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

I remain standing, frowning.

He sighs. “This is just the life, Sutton. I understand if you don’t want to be a part of it.”

“I don’t!” I exclaim, and Gray’s face falls. “That doesn’t mean I want to be away from you, Gray. It just means that I’m afraid of this life of yours.”

“Do you think I’m immune to fear?” he asks quietly. “Do you think I don’t worry every single day about the people I love?”

“Of course, Gray, but… haven’t you ever thought about getting out?”

He snorts. “Getting out means leaving my family behind, Sutton. It means leaving everything I’ve ever known. No, I’ve never thought about it.”

I stare at him, shocked.

It’s not that I don’t trust Gray. I know he’ll protect us with his dying breath, but I’m worried that he’ll get hurt or worse, killed, and then what happens to me and Ciara?

“I’m just scared, Gray,” I say softly, and Gray hums.

“I know, a ghrá mo chroí . I just don’t know how to make you feel better.”

“I think I’ll sleep with Ciara tonight.”

Gray looks up at me with hurt on his face, but he just nods, turning off the lamp and lying down in bed.

I guess that’s the end of that.

I’d thought he might try to convince me, assure me that everything’s going to be okay, but I guess he can’t really say that. It wouldn’t be the truth, and Gray would never lie to me.

Instead of going straight to Ciara’s room, I close the bedroom door behind me and walk downstairs, hoping to find a cup of tea.

In the kitchen, I find a teapot and some earl gray and start the water to boil.

Footsteps behind me startle me, and I turn to see the very pregnant Bree padding toward me in a long T-shirt that sweeps against her knees.

“Oh, Sutton,” she says, holding her back with one hand. “You’re already doing what I planned to do.”

“Why are you up so late?” I ask, still trying to catch my breath.

She chuckles. “I’m sure you know that by this time in your pregnancy, you barely sleep.”

I nod. “Sutton was early, but still, the last month was hell.”

“This little boy moves around like a soccer player, so I can’t get a wink of sleep. And Declan snores like a bear, which doesn’t help matters.”

I snort out a laugh and finish making the tea, taking two teacups and the pot into the dining area. Bree sits down with a groan.

“Cream or sugar?”

“Just a couple cubes of sugar,” she responds, and I make her tea, sliding it across the table to her. She takes a grateful sip before looking up at me. “How’d it go with my father?”

I blink, having forgotten that Bree Burke was once Bree Murphy.

“Um, not great,” I hedge, unsure if I should be spilling secrets. But Bree is family, right?

She nods. “I assumed not. Did he offer a deal?”

“Lara for you,” I admit, wincing. I’m not sure how she feels about her father, so I don’t know if this is painful for her or not.

She doesn’t react with shock. “I figured as much. It’s not a real offer because he knows Patrick or Gray will never give up a family member. He just wants to poke the bear.”

“You think so?”

“I mean, he’s planning for war no matter what happens. Even if Gray had handed Lara over to him, he’d still be after us.”

I swallow hard. “How did you get out?”

Bree smiles. “Patrick and Declan pulled me out. At first, it was a play to piss off my father, but of course, Declan and I fell in love.”

My eyes widen. “That’s an amazing story.”

Bree rubs her stomach. “One to tell this little boy one day.”

“When’s you’re due date?” I ask, smiling.

“Six and a half weeks,” Bree says, groaning. “I wish it was tomorrow. I’m scheduled for induction, but I’m hoping I’ll go into labor early.”

I nod slowly, sipping my tea. “Just a word of advice, buy some ice packs. You’ll need them for after.”

Bree pales. “I don’t even want to know why.”

“You really don’t,” I say with a chuckle. I look at her a moment longer. “Are you worried? About your father? This war?”

“I'm worried about Patrick. About Declan. All of us. I know my father will probably outlive us all. It’s just the way guys like him are. If you’re asking if I’m worried that he’ll win.... I am.”

I lick my lips nervously and finish my tea, standing up. “Thank you for the chat, Bree.”

It was terrifying.

Bree gives me a weak smile. “I’m sorry I don’t have better news.”

“It's okay,” I assure her, but I head back upstairs feeling as bad as ever.

I crawl into Ciara’s bed, but I end up tossing and turning all night.

The next morning when Ciara and I go down for breakfast, Gray is nowhere to be found. Ciara’s going back to school today, so I thought he’d want to go with us.

I guess he’s busy with work after the parlay.

“There’s pancakes, Mama,” Ciara says happily, swinging her legs from her booster seat.

I smile at her, ruffling her blonde hair.

“Where's Daddy? He loves pancakes.”

“Working, honey.”

“What does Daddy do for work?” she asks curiously. “My friend Babs says her daddy is a police officer.”

“He’s a… contractor,” I stutter out. “He helps people build houses.”

“Wow,” she says, eyes wide. “I can’t wait to tell Babs.”

I swallow, smiling a little.

Ciara is so excited about having her dad around that she’s been going around telling everyone that she lives with him in a castle. I can’t convince her that this isn’t technically a castle.

Marisol takes Patrick up a plate, and Lara comes down to eat with us.

“Aunt Lara!” Ciara exclaims, running to her and grabbing her in a hug.

Lara leans down, hugging her back, and leads her back to the table. “You better not have eaten all the syrup.”

Ciara giggles. “I saved a little for you.”

“How kind of you,” Lara teases with a smile.

“Mama, can Lara come with us to take me to school? I want her to see my school,” Ciara asks suddenly.

“I don’t know about that, honey. Lara probably has other things to do?—”

“I'll go,” Lara says, smiling. “Gray wants Liam to follow us, anyway, so it’ll get me out of the house.”

I smile at her. “Great.”

Lara, Ciara, and I all head to her school, and Ciara chats the whole way there about Blue, her butterfly friend who she claims she’s seen three whole times on the playground.

“Does Blue have brothers and sisters?” Lara asks, egging her on.

“No. It’s only him, just like me.” Ciara pauses. “Mama, are we going to have another baby?”

“Why? Do you want one?”

“No,” she says flatly, and I chuckle as Lara snickers. “I think Bree’s baby will be like my little brother.”

“I guess that’s true. We’ll all live together.”

I’ve never thought about having more kids—it'd always been me and Ciara against the world, and I certainly don’t know how Gray feels about having more kids, although I suspect he’d be interested.

I just don’t know if he’s interested in having kids with me . We haven’t really talked about our relationship, even though it feels like we’re back together.

At least, it had felt that way. Until last night, when he appeared to blow off my concerns.

When Ciara heads into school, Lara and I head back home with Liam right behind us in his black Escalade.

Lara groans. “I hate this stupid war. I hate being cooped up in the house.”

“It’s for your own protection,” I remind her, and she groans again.

“If you knew how many times I’ve heard that…”

“Isn’t it scary?” I ask suddenly, and Lara tilts her head in my direction.

“Isn’t what scary?”

“Being a Burke.”

Lara laughs. “I mean, sometimes. Paige got the worst of it, really, but it was scary when she was taken. Scary when Da was hurt. But most of the time, we’re just a normal family, doing normal family stuff.”

“But this war,” I start, and Lara nods.

“I know what you mean. Murphy is scary, and he’s been even scarier since Declan and Bree got married. I think he knows his grandson is being born soon, and it’s making him crazy. Well, craz ier .”

“But you’re not scared?”

She shrugs. “If I thought about it, I’d be scared all the time. I just try to keep positive. I love my family, and they’ll protect me with everything in them. It’s all anyone can hope for in this life.”

In this life .

I don’t have to be in this life. I could take Ciara, get the hell out of here.

I’ve done it before, when she was still inside me. I made that decision then, and though I regret having hurt both Gray and Ciara, I don’t know that I wouldn’t do it all over again if it meant my daughter would be safe.

Am I making the right decision now?

If not, how am I going to leave Gray again? It almost killed me the first time.

I just don’t know what to do.