Vicious Heart (Desert Kings MC #2)

4. Riley

four

Riley

On the way home, Cam pulled into the parking lot of a well-known chain motel. The buildings were painted bright yellow and seemed far cheerier than its run-down counterparts I’d stayed in when in California.

The rumble of another Harley grabbed my attention. Cam didn’t even look up. He’d known. I should have figured when he didn’t even glance, it was Merc.

He pulled up beside us, killed his engine, and they both sat in the quiet. The spectacle of the day left me sore, tired, and ready to go home. Where I’d sleep for a whole damn week.

“What’s going on?”

“Three-oh-three,” Cam lit a cigarette. “It’s the room Archer died in. I haven’t driven back this way, because I was afraid I couldn’t handle seeing it alone.”

“You’ve got us.” I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tight, laying my face against the cool leather. Merc and Cam had been friends for a long time, so it made sense that he’d roll up right then.

But I was new in Cam’s life and felt honored that he would choose to have me with him at that moment. This was more of a tribute, the three of us sitting silently, than the dog and pony show the funeral had been.

We sat in silence for a long time. This reverence wasn’t something I was a part of, but I was falling in love with Cam and he’d loved my father.

My heart pounded in my chest. Until then, I hadn’t even thought those words. Putting a label on what I was feeling was like being pitched off a cliff into the dark unknown. I swallowed hard and looked away from the room where my father had taken his last breaths.

And I saw her again. The prostitute from the club. Her big eyes were sad as she gazed at me. She knew who we were, who I was. Then she dipped her head with respect and disappeared into a room.

I shivered.

“Let’s get out of here.” Cam fired the bike back up and turned us toward that dilapidated storage facility across the street, then took off toward Dry Valley and home.

Because as long as he was there, for me, it was home.

At home, we went to bed without talking. Nothing needed to be said. Not right now, not after the day we’d had. I couldn’t profess my love for a man who lived in a world I could scarcely navigate.

But I could watch over him as he slept, fall asleep myself with the warmth of his body against mine, his arm tucked around me.

When I woke near dawn, Cam was on his back, sheets low around his middle and arm folded behind his head. But he didn’t look serene and calm. His face was twisted in a grimace and his brows knitted.

When he mumbled, I rolled fully to face him and shook his shoulder.

He snatched my wrist so fast I gasped. For a moment I was back in that bathroom, him bearing down on me angrily. But before I could react, the violence evaporated as quickly as it came, and he stroked the inside of my wrist with his thumb. “Sorry. Nightmare.”

“Was it bad?” Did he have them often? What were they about? It was like a chink in his armor that made him seem more human.

“It’s always the same.” He rolled toward me, brushed some hair from my face, and ran that same thumb over my bottom lip. “More memory than dream.”

“I have those, about when my mom was sick.” Since being here, they’d stopped. Now when I thought of her, it was of the good things and the parts that made me happy. “Those last few months were so hard.”

“You took care of her.” It was more statement than question.

“I did, I would again. I’m glad I had her while I did.”

“Wish I could say the same.” No humor, just a sad smile.

“Are the nightmares about her?” I could tell I’d pushed too far, watched the armor go up and his face morph into that mask he wore around Preacher and some of the others. Nothing coming in, but nothing getting out either. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t…”

“No.” He pulled me to him, turning me so that my back was pressed against his chest and he spooned around me. “You deserve to know, especially if this between us is goes any further. And even if it doesn’t.”

He took a deep breath, his chest moving up and down against my back as he did. “There are always going to be things I can’t tell you. But this…secret, is mine. This is something I can give you—for better or worse.”

“Okay.” This time I rubbed his arm in slow rhythmic motions meant to offer comfort. Whatever he was about to tell me was heavy. I could feel the weight of it between us.

“My mom was a junkie. Never met my dad, don’t care to. She had this revolving door of assholes who would pay the bills, smack her around, and give her money for dope. She married one. He was such a douche, so I spent most of my time gone. Either at Ro’s or wherever I could crash.”

I saw him, a kid bouncing from place to place with nothing to call his own. I understood now why the Desert Kings and the bond they had were so important to him.

“I’m not a good man, Riley. All that shit yesterday…that’s who I am. I can’t promise you I’ll be better, and I won’t pretend that I’d change any of the shit in my past. But I was sixteen, came home and she was really high, still had the needle sticking out of her arm when I walked in. I was tired of that shit, young and mad, and couldn’t deal. We had a fight, screamed at each other, and then her husband came in and said some shit. He was a cocky, skinny punk ass bitch. Mom got in between us, and they stormed out.”

He trembled once, and I pulled his arms tighter around me. When he spoke, the words were threaded with tears that he wouldn’t shed, with grief and shame he’d carry the rest of his life. I ached for him. “There are people who know, who knew. Archer. Preach. AP and Ro. I’m pretty sure Merc, too. But I’ve never said it out loud. Not to anyone.”

“I’m here.” Was all I could say. If he wanted to unleash his demons on me, I’d take them. Because I knew he’d slay all of mine.

“I heard something crash, her scream, and by the time I got to the back door I could hear him hitting her. There had been times when I was younger that I got knocked around trying to intervene. But I was older, stronger, meaner than I had been. We fought. I hit him and he hit me. Then I looked over and…” He sucked in a breath. “She was dying. Choking on her own blood or vomit, from the beating or the drugs, I’ll never know.”

My stomach lurched and my heart broke into a thousand pieces. I knew where this was going now, because I knew Cam. And I understood now why my father had taken him in, kept him safe.

“I grabbed the big ashtray from the table, this heavy one she kept change and shit in. And I beat him with it. Over and over, until he stopped moving. Then I called Ro, held mom until she got there. That’s the first night I realized just how far Archer’s reach was and how much I’d owe the club.”

I thought back to Ro and the diner, what she’d said about mistakes she’d made. This hadn’t been one. She’d protected the boy she loved the only way she knew how. “He made it go away?” Though it didn’t seem possible.

Cam nodded against the back of my head. “If you want to go, Riley, I won’t stop you. But I can’t leave, I can never leave. The Desert Kings own me.”

And that’s when my heart shattered completely.

I’d always seen the world in black and white, but Cam had shown me that a gray area did exist. I’d always thought I could never be a criminal defense attorney, that representing a guilty person wasn’t beyond me. But I’d defend that young man’s act with every beat of my heart.

Because some people deserved it, some people didn’t, and it wasn’t up to me to decide.

I’m not sure when we both fell asleep. But the sun was bright and beaming through a partially opened blind when I woke. Cam snored slightly beside me and when I rolled over to look at him, he was the same beautiful boy I’d fallen asleep next to. Not the monster he believed himself to be.

He’d told me his deepest, darkest secret and I’d take it to my grave. Just like my father had done. But even that hadn’t changed how I saw him, how I felt about him.

The knowledge that taking him away from here, from this life, was impossible was a different story.

When my phone sang out its cheery ringtone, I rolled over and silenced it before it could wake him. I glanced over my shoulder to see him roll onto his back and stretch. But he stayed asleep.

The number was one I’d saved, Archer’s lawyer. I slid as quietly as I could from the bed and crept out onto the front porch, hoping I wouldn’t wake him. I called Kimbrell back. The conversation was brief, but it sent me headfirst into a pit of anxiety.

Could I come by today? There was some stuff that needed to be handled. Of course I could. We’d read the will while I was there. No one else was necessary.

When I walked back into Cam’s apartment, he was sitting on the edge of the bed, running a hand through his messy hair. I wasn’t as quiet or sneaky as I’d thought.

“Hey, I’m sorry.” I smiled sheepishly and walked to him.

“Good morning.” He tugged me down onto his lap and kissed me. “Everything okay?”

“Yes, but no.” I nuzzled my head into his neck. “Archer’s lawyer wants me to come in.”

“Let me take a quick shower and we can head that way.” No further questioning.

When I gave him a curious glance, he lifted one shoulder lazily. “I don’t like the way Preacher hounded you at the club house. Quicker I can get that shit sorted, the better I’ll feel.”

“I couldn’t agree more.”

I stood, and he grabbed my hands before I could step away from the side of the bed. “I won’t let him hurt you, Riley.”

The conviction in his voice made me shiver from a cold that didn’t exist. I thought about what he’d told me, about his stepdad and the reason he was a Desert King. And like when he’d told me, I didn’t run.

I stepped between his thighs, wrapped my arms around him, and kissed him with everything I felt. When I pulled away, breathless, I pressed my forehead to his. “I know.”

Cradling my hands between his, he stroked them with his thumbs. “We got this.”

I sure as hell hoped so. Because I never wanted him to let go.