Wallflower (Whittaker Floral #2)

26. Declan

26

DECLAN

I t took a road trip for me to see the inevitable. It wasn’t a road trip with Hannah, but rather a Cubs road trip, which left me with nine free days. On many of those days Hannah had work all day, but even when she did we were together the remaining sixteen hours. It had been so easy to recognize that I loved her, but so ironically challenging to see that I could not, under any circumstances, choose to live without her. I could happily go months or even years without seeing my parents, I would miss Ethan but could be satisfied talking on the phone with him, and I had barely felt a blip leaving behind my friends in New York all these months, but I knew, deep in my soul, that surviving even a week without seeing or touching this woman would ruin me.

I understood then what Ethan felt for Ellie, and knew what he’d shared with me at lunch was entirely true. Things had not magically fallen into place, and now I had to choose, and though I disliked the idea of returning to the type of marketing job I’d left in New York, I couldn’t bear to live without Hannah, so it was what I needed to do.

I took Truman for a walk before Hannah got home, anxious and excited all at once, but the dog was moving at his typical leisurely pace and it was driving me insane. I knelt next to him, eyeing him seriously. “Listen, Tru, I’m not going back to New York, which means you’re my dog, too, and I swear to you, if you don’t shit this instant, you’re going to hold it all night, do you understand me?” Truman licked my face and sat down. “Dumbass,” I muttered, standing and resuming our walk. A few steps later, Truman squatted down and I swear he looked back at me with a knowing look. That dog gave me the creeps sometimes. Still, I scooped up the shit, walked home as fast as I could without breaking into a disgusting smelly sweat, and washed up, knowing Hannah would be leaving work any minute.

After dropping off Truman, I walked the half-mile to the red line, then sat in the station and waited. I only had to wait a few minutes before a train came rumbling in and Hannah stepped out, fully engrossed in her music. I moved fast, knowing the doors would shut almost instantly, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her back into the train. For one second she was surprised and frantic, and at least one train passenger looked ready to step in to save her, but as she pulled out her earbuds her face split into a smile and she pulled me closer for a kiss. “What are you doing here?”

“Terrifying you. How’d I do?”

“You were very scary.”

I frowned at her seriously. “You shouldn’t have both earbuds in. It was easy to sneak up and grab you. Really.” I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her closer, a thumb sliding under her shirt and rubbing her side. I felt anxiety well up in my chest at the thought of her being hurt. “I’m serious, Han. Promise me you won’t listen like that anymore.”

She leaned into me, looking up and smiling softly. “Okay. You scared the shit out of me. You didn’t say where we were going, though.”

I grinned. “I reserved us a basket at the Ethiopian restaurant.”

She laughed. “Declan Andrews, I love you. You can kidnap me anytime. ”

With Hannah’s help we ordered quickly at the Ethiopian restaurant and then I sucked in a deep breath, looking at her. “Hannah, I’ve been thinking…a lot…about August…and I’ve made a decision.”

“Deck—”

“No, let me say this. I love you. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone or anything in my life. I wasn't kidding when I told you that you were the best thing to ever happen to me, and I’d be a miserable fool to let you slip out of my life, so I’m not leaving. I can stay here with you, get a job at a marketing firm, all of it. I choose to be here with you.”

Rather than looking exultant, Hannah was frowning. “Deck, you can’t do that. Did you quit your job?”

It felt like my heart stopped. What was happening? I was sure Hannah loved me. I was sure she wanted to stay with me, that she was as miserable with this departure as I was. What was happening?

“Declan!” she said more loudly, and I realized I wasn’t responding to her. “You don’t have to do that. I already talked to Matty and Elizabeth. Well, Matty talked to me, actually, and she told me I was being stupid, and she was right.”

My muscles tensed, and I wanted to hit something. Matty had told her she was being stupid getting back together with me. Dammit.

“Deck? Are you okay? The point is, Matty was right. I’m stupid to keep working here and let you leave when you’re the best thing in my life, so I quit.” Her voice got quieter, and I could barely believe what I was hearing. “Declan, I’d like to come with you, if you’ll have me.”

I felt like I had to be hearing her wrong. “Hannah, you want to leave here…and go with me? To New York?”

Her eyes went wide with embarrassment. “Am I not allowed to go to Japan? How long will you be gone, you think? It sounded so long.”

“God, yes. Of course you can come to Japan. You’re going to come with me to Japan?”

Her voice was small again, worried. “Well, yes, if that’s okay with you. I want to be where you are. ”

“Yes!” I leapt around the basket, pulling her to me in a tight embrace. “And you don’t mind? You’re okay leaving your work and your friends?”

She looked up for a minute, thinking. “I’ll be sad, certainly, but I’ll be with you, and I’ll get to travel, and I imagine there are all sorts of new flowers to learn about. It could be exciting. Besides,” she looked at me, meeting my eyes, “if I let you leave I’ll be broken-hearted. Nothing here will ever be good again. I need you, Deck.”

I pulled her closer, stealing a long and restaurant-inappropriate kiss. “God, I love you.”

She frowned once more as I let her go and we both settled back into our seats. “I love you too, of course, but did you quit your job?”

“No,” I answered sheepishly. “I wanted to ask you first, in case you didn’t want me to stick around.”

Her face turned into a gentle smile. “How could you ever think I wouldn’t want you around, Declan?”