TWENTY-THREE
TYLER
Me: I had an early flight this morning, but we need to talk.
Ava: Don’t worry, master. The kids are taken care of, dishes are washed, and I locked all my toys away. I promise to behave the next time you’re home.
I grit my teeth. This fucking woman.
Me: Ava, cut the shit. I’m serious. We need to talk.
Ava: Oh, do you not like the term master? Is sir better?
Me: Bray has a game today. I know you aren’t talking to me, but if you could show up, it would mean a lot to him.
Ava: pic of Josie and Scarlett from behind with the ice rink in the background We’re already here.
Ava: video of Brayden scoring a goal
Me: I’d love a picture of you too. Maybe at home. In our bed.
Ava: pic of Ava giving me the middle finger in our bed
Me: There’s my vicious girl. Missed you.
Me: Maria mentioned that Scarlett needs a new jacket. There’s a credit card in the top drawer of my desk. Feel free to buy yourself something pretty too.
FreeMSG American Express Fraud Center: Reply YES or NO if you used card ending in 7777 at Bass Pro Shop, $125,769.88.
“Bass pro shop?” And over a hundred grand? Dread forms like a lead ball in my gut as I reread the text.
I’m still gaping at it when I receive another notification. This message is from my favorite redheaded villain.
Ava: Got a new jacket for Scarlett and a little something for myself too. pic of Brayden holding a smiling Scarlett in front of a hot tub at Bass Pro Shop
Me: You spent 125K on a hot tub and a jacket?
Ava: A boat too. And life jackets, of course. Safety first. Did you know they sell adult toys here too? Thanks for buying me something pretty.
Holy fuck, this woman is driving me insane. We haven’t talked in three days other than when she updates me on the kids. She’s not a monster, just stubborn. Honestly? I kind of enjoy the little tantrums she throws.
Though I wouldn’t classify this one as little. The charge she just made to my Amex officially puts it in the epic category. I type yes and hit Send, and instantly, I’m notified that the sale went through.
Ava: Thanks, Daddy. I’ll make sure to put your gifts to good use tonight.
Me: Great. Send me a video when you do.
This fucking girl. There’s no way Bass Pro Shop sells vibrators, but I play along. It’s too fucking fun to resist. I can’t even be mad about the boat. We have a damn lake, and I only have a jet ski. It’ll be a blast to spend our days on the water together during the offseason. And a hot tub? I can think of a few ways I could make that enjoyable for both me and my stubborn wife.
“Aw, are you texting with the wifey?” Hall leans over the armrest and zeroes in on my phone.
Pressing the device to my chest, I glare at him. “Boundaries, Playboy.”
The kid laughs like I can’t possibly be serious. “Not going to lie. I figured you were pulling the fake relationship scheme.” He thumbs over his shoulder. “You know, like Brooks and Aiden did. But you seem pretty smitten.”
Brooks leans around the seat, his big body taking me by surprise. “And we weren’t?”
Sara pops up behind us, looming over me like she’s kneeling on her seat. “Yeah, who says we aren’t just excellent at faking? ”
I shake my head. “That’s not a compliment.”
“Oh, please. We all know I never have to fake it with my man. His big dick energy keeps me screaming all night?—”
Brooks slaps a hand over her mouth. “Not in front of my teammates, crazy girl.”
She shrugs, and when he releases her, she huffs. “He started it.”
“Actually, I didn’t. I’m just here, minding my own business, trying to text with my wife about the hot tub she bought.”
“Oh, that’s so adorable,” Sara coos. “Mills,” she shouts, her voice far too loud for the cramped interior of the plane. “Did you hear that? He just called Ava his wife. I’m guessing that means you guys made up? And hot tub?” She zeroes in on me again. “Tell me more. Brookie and I love a good hot tub night.”
Aiden pipes up. “Lex and I used to enjoy the hell out of the one on the roof at the apartment.”
A shudder racks through me. “That’s definitely something you shouldn’t say out loud when you’re surrounded by people who use that hot tub regularly.”
From her seat beside Gavin at the front of the plane, Millie gives us a thumbs-up. “Happy for you,” she mouths, patting a sleeping Vivi’s back.
Hall nudges my arm. “I was happy for you first.”
“Oh my god, it’s not a competition,” Brooks grumbles as he drops back into his seat.
“If it was, I’d win. You’re always busy with Sara, but I make sure I’m available for my friend here so I can help him out when he needs it.” He nudges me again. “Like the marriage contract. Bet ya put that to good use.”
Irritation coursing through me, I yank my arm away. “Stop fucking touching me.” His goddamn contract is what caused my current predicament, but I can’t talk about it here, because then everyone will know the marriage is fake.
“Come on, the mail-order bride one was gold.” He barks out a laugh, completely oblivious to my anger.
Grunting, I shoot daggers at him. “Are we talking about the same contract? The one about orgasms and control? I can’t believe something like that even exists.”
Sara appears over my head again, blue eyes bright. “Oh, tell me more about the orgasm contract.”
She disappears quickly, then Brooks is muttering, “Stop saying orgasms.”
In response, she whisper-yells, “Only if you give me one in the bathroom right now.”
“We can hear you,” Hall sings, head tipped back.
“You’ll hear me from the bathroom too if Brookie does his job.”
I cough out a laugh, and behind me, my best friend groans.
“Ya know, Calliope says?—”
Before Hall can start in on another Calliope column colloquy, I slip my AirPods into my ears, scroll to my Hozier playlist, and close my eyes, wondering what my wife will text me next.