Wasted Time (The Steel City #1)

20. Penny

CHAPTER TWENTY

penny

Gavin still hasn’t called. He hasn’t texted. He hasn’t reached out or checked to see if I’m alive. When he broke up with me, it appears he literally intended on severing his life from mine that very second and it was that easy.

Not once has he even asked if I was okay. The thought probably hasn’t even crossed his mind. He is okay. That’s all that matters.

“Why wouldn’t he come and say goodbye?”

I wind the end of the cotton T-shirt around my head, holding up my wet hair to dry, and waltz into the kitchen. Fresh from a shower, and feeling a lot better than I had, I stop just next to the island.

Seth is shoveling pasta into bowls, unaware of Avery’s curious stare burning into the back of his head. She’s leaning back in her seat, her arms crossed in front of her. It’s as if she’s been personally offended by the sight of her fiancé’s shoulder blades.

“Who?” I ask cautiously, climbing into the chair next to Avery.

Avery glances at me, her dark eyes swimming with thoughts I can’t read. “Declan left today. He texted Seth and said that he didn’t have time to swing by.”

I nearly slip off the chair.

Oh, shit.

I cover for myself by acting as if I was just adjusting my position to pull a knee to my chest, but Seth’s glance over his shoulder feels all-knowing.

It’s been two days.

Declan is gone. Back to Pittsburgh. He skipped The Goodbye Parade.

He never skips The Goodbye Parade.

“Oh?” is all I manage to say. Smooth, Pen.

“He’s busy, Ave,” Seth says quietly, finally tearing his eyes from me. “They probably called him back early. He texted. He told me to give you a hug. I can go out and honk the horn if it makes it feel more like the parade.”

It wasn’t early. He was scheduled to leave today. He just didn’t want to see me.

“That’s so bizarre,” Avery grumbles. She reaches for the bottle of red she has already opened and the second glass she’d pulled down from the cabinet. Filling it, she slides it across the countertop to me.

“He even said congratulations again, for the tenth time,” Seth says, placing the pot back on the stove. Brownie points for Declan, and probably untrue, but it will keep Avery satisfied. Seth knows her far too well.

“Well, we will see him in a couple of weeks anyway. I’ll grill him then and remind him that nobody is exempt from our traditions. Not even professional hockey players who get called back early.”

Do not leave town without a hug. Do not miss The Goodbye Parade .

That has been the rule in our friend group since we were twenty-one years old.

He didn’t break it last time, not even when we’d said the worst things to each other.

This time was different.

My mind goes to when Declan had shown up at my parents’ door a year ago, ready to go through with our tradition despite my iciness toward him. Telling him I never wanted to speak to him again wasn’t even enough to get him to break our tradition.

Apparently, sleeping with him was.

It’s a good thing, really. I can breathe easier knowing that he is gone. As much as it hurts to know that we managed to dismantle our friend group’s longest standing tradition in one night, I can’t lie. I’m relieved.

I just need to be alone with my mind for a little while. I’m not so sure that can happen with him here.

“A couple of weeks?” I ask, snapping back into the conversation.

Alarm rings through me. Is Declan coming home in a couple of weeks? I hope to be gone by then, if that’s the case.

Again, we left things on shaky terms. Again, I’m dreading the moment I have to see him face-to-face. I can’t figure out what I feel about anything anymore. There’s so much going on, so much that I have to worry about, that I have to force myself to feel. I need a second to breathe.

We crossed so many lines and then crossed them some more directly after. If I’m being honest, I put the final nail in the coffin this time. He tried to make this better. I wouldn’t let him.

I don’t know the exact reason why I left, but I know a part of it is because I’m scared. Of everything. There is too much change happening. I’m free falling into a pit of the unknown. I was terrified waking up next to him, I’ll admit that. I couldn’t face another man looking at me like he was just tolerating me. I couldn’t handle if that man was Declan.

And he didn’t tell me about Avery.

I deserved to know about Avery.

This really isn’t about Avery at all, is it? But it’s an easier excuse to voice, even to myself.

“I told you,” Avery says, lifting her wine glass to her lips. “Seth and I are going to see a game in November. We’re spending just over a week with Dec, even though he’ll desert us for his away game for two days.”

“Oh, right.” I totally forgot about that.

She told me that before my world went to shit.

Avery’s eyes light up before I can shut down the proposition that I already know has entered her mind.

“You should come! You haven’t been to see him play in Pittsburgh yet!”

“Oh, I don’t know,” I say, shaking my head. I can feel Seth’s burning gaze and I want to shrink into myself to avoid it. We call him ‘The Oracle’ for a reason. I fear he can see right through me.

“Come on. We can do all the things that Seth never wants to do with me. Oh my god, we haven’t seen a game together since Ottawa, Pen. You have to come!”

“I have a mess to clean up at home. I can’t commit to anything else right now.”

One big, giant mess that I didn’t make, but I’ll have to deal with.

“But—”

“—let her breathe, Avery,” Seth grumbles, placing a bowl of warm, delicious smelling pasta, covered in a thick dusting of parmesan cheese in front of his fiancé.

I shoot him a grateful look, to which he dips his chin and turns to fetch another bowl for me. I don’t know what Seth knows, or how much he knows, but he knows something, and I really don’t like feeling as if he’s sifting around in my head.

“I’m just stoked. I can’t help it,” Avery says, almost wistfully.

Seth places my dinner in front of me and I immediately dig in. I take one, heaping mouthful and moan. If Avery wasn’t planning on marrying him, I might consider it. Purely platonic, though. The boy can cook. He can cook, bake, and he can also make the best damn cocktails known to man. He’s a total catch, but so is Avery—and she deserves someone good like him.

“Please tell me you’re stoked for the trip and not because your best friend is going through the equivalent of a divorce, which frees her up for you.” Seth is glaring at his fiancé now.

“Oh, I didn’t mean…” Avery trails off, and then spins toward me on her stool. I’m still shoveling pasta in my mouth. “I’m just excited to have you back. To have you here .”

“I know.”

I didn’t think otherwise. Never would have. Not from her.

“Pittsburgh would be fun though,” Seth says, lifting his fork to his mouth. “It’s an underrated city. You’d love the karaoke bars. You’d love that arena even more. The crowd goes nuts for Dec.”

They always do.

I should be thinking about how the crowds exploded for him in college, or the roaring Ottawa fans during his first few years in the league, but instead I’m thinking about the way I praised him the other night. His name slipping from my tongue as he said mine in breathy whispers in my ear. I exploded for him then. More than once.

A flush climbs up my neck. My stomach flutters at the memory, recalling the touch of his fingertips against my waist and the swell of his bottom lip against mine.

His damn lips.

I take a quick swig of wine to try and numb myself.

“Maybe we could make a trip out of it? Move you out of your place, bring everything back here, and then reward ourselves with a getaway to Pittsburgh?” Avery suggests.

Sounds like a nightmare, to be honest.

“I’ll probably just do the moving part myself.”

Avery and Seth both shoot me a look of concern. They lower their forks to their bowls. Apparently, that was not the right thing to say.

“What?”

“That’s a lot to do on your own,” Seth says. “You’ve lived with the guy for over four years. You’re going to need a moving truck and some muscle. No offense.”

“None taken,” I mutter.

“Wyatt and EJ would probably come, too,” Avery says, spinning her wine in her glass.

“I don’t need an army.”

They ignore me, nodding along like they’re connected by the same brain. Nobody is speaking, yet still, they’re conversing. I see the gears turning, the plans being made without words.

Hey. That’s our thing, Avery.

“How soon can you look for a new place?”

I wince. These are all things I have yet to figure out, and all things I am fearing having to deal with. I ran before we could really talk about it, and apparently, Gavin doesn’t really care to have these discussions over the phone.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I don’t have any urge to sort through all of these decisions. I just want to feel for the moment—to exist and breathe. I want a clear head before I even consider the next steps. I keep doing things on a whim and it has to stop. I’m pushing myself backward rather than forward.

Maybe Gavin is hoping by not texting me that I’ll just forget I have any equity in our relationship. That’s not the case. I just need to be right now. Alone.

“I don’t know.”

“We’ll figure it out,” Avery says softly, extending her wine glass toward me.

She gets it. She gets me. I don’t want to talk about this. I don’t even want to think about it, so we’ll end this conversation here and reopen it when I’m ready.

I nod, picking mine up and clinking the edge against hers.

I love her. I love her endlessly, and wildly, and with every ounce of my broken heart.

Our eyes meet and I’m instantly flooded with gratitude. She means it. We will tackle this together. Whether it’s an easy transition or a full-on battle, she’s coming in war paint and armed to the teeth.