Wasted Time (The Steel City #1)

23. Penny

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

penny

Three days later, I pull into the driveway of the home that I called my own for a few short months. He’s expecting me. After over a week of space with absolutely no communication, I was the one to text him first.

It was a very brief conversation.

I made it very clear that I would not be staying in this house.

My friends refused to give me a day alone. They followed me all the way to London and kept themselves occupied until I called them in like my own personal bodyguards.

The second that I pulled onto my street, I was flooded with gratitude that they wouldn’t let me do this by myself. I couldn’t have done it without knowing Ave was just a few minutes away.

I have no game that I’m playing. I asked for what is fair and nothing more. I just want to be rid of him so I can heal.I need to heal because I'm starting to poison every avenue of my life and that wound starts here, right where the first bullet was fired .

He agreed.

I’m not stupid enough to think it’ll be that easy, but at least we’re on the same page at the starting line. Hopefully, we both make it to the finish in one piece before hacking each other to bits until we bleed out and there’s nothing left of either of us.

He’s hiding out back when multiple sets of headlights sweep past the window to signify the arrival of my friends. I charge right out of the front door to meet them.

The moment Avery reaches me, she meets my eyes with an expression of fortitude. She nods, even though I haven’t been able to utter a single word.

“Let’s get you out of here.”

Two towering bodies join her on the steps, flanking her on either side. Wyatt has his hat pulled low, and his hands buried in the pockets of his black bomber jacket. His strong jaw is tense, but he dips his chin in support.

I remember why people on the ice feared this man. Not everyone saw him as a giant teddy bear with chocolate brown eyes and a crooked smile. They saw that.

We work quickly and efficiently. When the rooms start to get emptier and emptier, reality comes crashing down onto my shoulders with the force of a small hurricane. I don’t care about this house, but I care about my home. It dawns on me that I don’t have a home anymore.

It’s as I do one last sweep of the house that my ex-boyfriend decides to come back inside from where he was hiding and try his best attempt at some form of closure.

“I feel like we should talk a bit.” When I stare at him, perplexed, he continues. “You’re clearly pissed off.”

That’s when I lose all my composure.

I don’t remember what I said, or what he said. All I know is that it changed nothing, and it didn’t make me feel any better or any worse .

At some point, our voices got too loud, and the door flew open.

Wyatt storms into the house, forcing both me and Gavin to look his way. His dark eyes are locked onto my ex-boyfriend. He strides right up to where we stand, face to face, and puts himself between us.

“What’s the problem here?” he bellows. He is so much taller than Gavin that it’s borderline humiliating to watch him look down at him like he’s a bug.

“It’s fine,” I mumble.

Gavin rolls his eyes. “She can fight her own battles.”

“I’m aware,” Wyatt says, his jaw ticking. “But she's fought enough of them putting up with you for all these years. We figured we’d give her a hand with this one. So, what is the problem here, Gavin?”

I flinch, and Gavin’s eyes darken.

“Always the voice of reason, Wyatt. I think you’d need to have a relationship of any substance before you’re thirty to provide any form of insight, but good effort.”

Wyatt’s lip twitches upward, and I know that look. I’ve seen it many times over the years, and I do not need him catching an assault charge while he helps me move. But boy, do I love him for being who he is. A protector, through and through.

I touch his arm. “I’ll meet you guys outside. I’m fine, Wy. Really.”

Wyatt and Gavin are still staring at each other, each daring the other to make a move. I have to give Gavin some props, he doesn’t balk or flinch away.

“Better hurry. Avery wants a piece of him. Seth’s holding her back, but it’s only a matter of time before he lets her loose.”

Gavin rolls his eyes and Wyatt’s gaze goes slack. He takes a threatening step forward, so I put myself between them, placing my hands on Wyatt’s chest. I gently push him toward the door. The movement seems to break him from his trance, but it doesn’t force his eyes away from my ex-boyfriend.

“Shout if you need anything,” he says, shooting one last look of warning at Gavin. “Always good to see you, buddy.”

I shut the door behind him and fall forward, pressing my head to the cool surface.

God, I’m tired.

I take a few deep breaths, exhausted and overwhelmed and just so, so done. I can physically feel Gavin staring at me, just a few feet away, but still—I can’t move.

I am so damn tired.

Swallowing my emotion, I glance at him over my shoulder.He opens his mouth to say something, but I cut him off before he can. I don’t need anything else from him. Not a word. Not a second of his time.

“Goodbye, Gavin.”

He smiles softly, nodding. I see something then, something in his eyes—a sadness, maybe. An understanding? I step out of the door before he can touch me or say anything more, and I shut it behind me, entering the next phase of my life with him on the other side of it.

I suck in a breath of cold, fresh air.

I’m free.

I try not to run down the steps to where three bodies are waiting for me behind the loaded U-haul, but it’s hard not to. I make an honest attempt to smile as I reach them, though it wavers.

Avery steps forward and pulls me into her arms. I finally lower my guard and melt into her touch, allowing her to take care of me. My true other half .

It’s over.

Wyatt wraps his arms around us both, pressing his lips to my head. A protector.

Seth hugs his fiancé’s side but places a steady hand on my back. A mediator.

I have an army of people who love me. One less will not kill me.

“Want me to ride to the hotel with you?” Avery’s muffled voice asks against my sweater.

“I think that I need a few minutes alone.”

She nods solemnly. “Okay, we’ll see you there. We’re getting pizza and wine and we’re turning this night around.”

I smile gratefully, thanking them again before making my way to my vehicle. I wait until both the U-Haul and Seth’s truck pull away, and only then do I put the SUV into drive.

I don’t look at the house that I’m leaving behind. I don’t dare look back at the life that I left beyond that door. I don’t check to see if Gavin cares enough to watch me pull away for the last time.

I stare ahead and only ahead.

The second I turn off our street, a wave of pain crashes through me and I let it. It’s lethal and unrelenting. I welcome it. I feel it. Big, ugly sobs wreck through me. My hands shake on the wheel to the point where I can no longer keep the car straight on the road. I can’t breathe. It’s done. It’s over. I’m relieved and broken all at the same time. I’m officially entering a new, unexpected chapter and I’m doing it on my own and I can’t breathe .

I drive slow enough that I lose track of Seth and Wyatt. The taillights of their vehicles blur into fuzzy blobs of red. My sobs start to become hysterical.

I pull over to the side of the road and rest my head on the steering wheel, allowing myself to cry in the ugliest of ways. My sobs are loud enough to scare me, near screams, and boy, this hurts more than any physical pain has ever felt. I’m being torn apart from the inside, burned and beaten. It’s not visible to the naked eye, but I can feel every second of it taking me down.

How does grief feel this guttural when the person is still alive?

I want to stop feeling. I wish I didn’t care. I really wish I could shut it all off—not feeling anything at all anymore. Forever. It would be so much easier than whatever hell this is.

There wasn’t an ounce of regret in his eyes. No look of love or genuine care. After all these years, he still couldn’t muster up enough respect to pretend like this was killing him the way it is killing me.

My mind whirls to Declan.

He had made me the center of the world for one night and he didn’t even owe me that. He took care of me when he didn’t have to. He made me feel beautiful and reminded me of how I should be treated. He managed more in one night than Gavin had in years.

He would have been here if I had asked. He would have been a human shield between Gavin and I, if I needed him to be. Wyatt is a protector and Seth is a mediator, but Declan is the judge, jury, and the executioner. Gavin wouldn’t have left this evening in one piece.

I pull my phone from my pocket and dial his number. It’s a knee-jerk reaction, and probably a bad idea, but I just need to hear his voice and hear him say my name in the way only he does. I need to know that he’d still answer.

It rings over my speakers. It only rings twice.

“Penny? ”

Something in me deflates. Penny.

He sounds frantic. Frazzled. It warms me in some twisted way, but it also makes the pain skyrocket, the burning intensifying until it’s almost unbearable. He answered, just like I hoped he would, but I suddenly can’t find my voice.

I hurt him.

Penny.

The distance between us is thick and unnerving, but god, I miss him.

I sob into my hand, listening to the silence on Declan’s end. He’s waiting for me to say something. He’s wondering why I’m not. We both wait. I’m not sure what I’m waiting for, but without a doubt, he’s waiting for me.

I slump against my steering wheel again, burying my face in my arms and I cry.

What is going on inside of my head? It’s loud, but thoughtless—like there are one million flies buzzing around between my temples, ready to feast on all the rotting and damaged parts of me when the pain inside of my chest finally takes me out.

“Penny? Hello?”

I muffle my sniffles with my sleeve. Penny.

“Lucky? Is this a butt-dial? You there?”

Lucky.

A cry breaks through my throat, and I hurriedly reach over and end the call. My heart races, a caress of relief soothing the agony that has lived inside of me for days now. Humiliation chases that relief, faster than it entirely, stomping it out with its heavy footing.

That was a dumb idea.

What would I say to him? Sorry that I treated you so horribly after we slept together, but I really need you right now?

Am I really that selfish?

Now he’s heard me sobbing on the other end of the line after ghosting him for days.

Who the hell have I become?

I suck in a breath, leaning back in my seat. I reach up to wipe my face free of tears when my phone starts buzzing.

Of course it does. My heart aches as I look at it.

I’m an asshole. I’m a horrible, unforgivable asshole.

I let it ring and go to voicemail, staring at the sunroof of my car. The buzzing in my head gets louder, almost torturous.

I can’t.

He calls three more times.

I sit in silence as my tears slow. When it becomes easier to catch my breath, I risk a look at my phone. Four missed calls and numerous texts.

Declan

Did you mean to call me?

P, pick up. Were you crying?

Please.

Just let me know you’re okay, okay?

I lock my phone, taking a shaky breath in. I’m in shambles and I called him, knowing what happened the last time I did this to him. Knowing that for some unknown reason, any connection with him sends me running for my life. And my god, the guy still answered.

He deserves a better friend.

I can’t put him through the same thing that I did last time. No, no matter what is going on with me, I can’t let him worry like that again.

I quickly send him a text that hurts my soul.

Me

Accident!

Hating myself, I put my car into drive and force myself back on track.

I don’t even know who I am anymore. I can’t drag him down with me while I figure it out.