Wasted Time (The Steel City #1)

41. Declan

CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

declan

I seriously cannot breathe. Like, no oxygen is hitting my brain. I’m convinced I’m about to drop dead.

I lower myself onto the curb, my breaths sharp. I put my head in my hands, shut my eyes, and try everything I can not to completely lose my mind in the middle of the dimly lit street.

I fucked up.

Man, I fucked up bad.

The look on her face? I never want to see that again. It feels like someone tossed an axe directly into the center of my chest and is cracking me open into two, brutalized pieces.

I want to beat the shit out of people who make her face look like that, who hurt her that badly. It’s why I said Gavin didn’t deserve her, isn’t it? Now, I’m the one who caused it.

She was scared I’d regret it?

She was scared I’d roll over and just forget what happened between us?

God, I wanted more of her, not less. I wanted to wake up and kiss a trail down her back, slide my fingers between her thighs. I wanted to make her feel just as beautiful in the morning as I had the night before.

I didn’t want less . I didn’t want to ignore the change between us. I wasn’t exactly sure what either of us were expecting, or how we would have gone forward, but there was no chance in hell that I would have ever opened my eyes that morning and not been completely enthralled by her.

“What the fuck did you do?” Avery’s tone is lethal. Her voice shakes. I don’t have to look at her to know that she’s seething.

I sigh, shaking my head.

“When?” Avery asks. She heard enough to piece that together. She just wants me to confirm it. “ When, Declan?”

“Ave,” Seth says softly.

“No.” I hear her push Seth aside, but I can’t pull my head from my hands. I just keep picturing Penny’s face. Those eyes. “Declan.”

“Don’t beat a man when he’s down,” EJ says sternly. He drops onto the curb next to me, placing a sturdy hand on my back.

“Whose fault is that?” Avery hisses. Her shoes come into view in front of my own. I still can’t look up at her. I have a feeling that’s going to piss her off even more, but I can’t.

“Avery, let’s go inside.” Seth’s voice holds a warning.

“Go inside if you want to go inside,” Avery snaps.

“It doesn’t matter,” I say quietly, lifting my head. Her eyes are wide, furious. Her lip is trembling as she stares at me, hands balled at her sides. “It doesn’t matter when. It is none of your fucking business, Avery.”

EJ’s hand stills on my back.

Avery fucking ignites .

“ None of my fucking business?” she seethes, taking a threatening step forward. Seth grabs her wrist and tugs her back, but she fights against his grip. “It’s my business when I pick that girl up off the floor when she’s broken, when I’m the person who helps her heal, and now she’s keeping secrets from me ! She’s had enough going on, Dec. You put her in a situation where she had to hold it all in. Again! ”

“Pick her up off the floor?” I scoff, forcing out a bitter laugh.

Seth’s eyes snap to me. “Declan.”

No, fuck this. She thinks I don’t already feel bad enough? She thinks everything Penny does has to be approved by her? Bullshit. I had Penny’s back. Avery’s not going to try and spin this like she’s a hero when she has no idea what happened.

“Where were you, Avery?” I ask, and her eyes widen. She’s shaking now. I’m fully prepared for her to reach out and smack me. Maybe that’s what I deserve. “You were getting your nice, shiny rock that you shoved in her face for weeks afterward. She wasn’t even there . The rest of us were, but your best friend? Nowhere to be found. Maybe she deserves a better friend.”

Seth’s eyes shut in a wince. A long breath leaves his nose. It’s not the first time that I’ve said that to her, so I know how bad it stings her.

“Shit,” EJ mumbles beside me.

Avery’s lip wobbles. Too far. I’m going too far. “That wasn’t my fault.”

“No,” I say. “But I picked her up off the floor. Not you. You weren’t in that fucking bar. You weren’t in that hotel room, and you were not the one who opened that fucking door. This doesn’t involve you just because it involves her. Back the fuck off.”

“You’re a piece of shit,” she whispers, her voice breaking.

Yeah, well. That part, I already know. I immediately feel bad for making her cry. I don’t enjoy fighting with any of my friends, but the girls always hurt a bit worse.

“She’s my sister,” she continues, tears slipping down her cheeks. “She doesn’t keep secrets from me, but she kept this one. Maybe she regrets it, Dec. Maybe that’s why she won’t even look you in the eye. You have done a good job breaking her heart in the past. It wouldn’t be anything new, would it?”

I don’t even see her face. I just see red.

That’s how we’re going to play it? Fine.

“Go fuck yourself, Avery.”

She glares at me. “Go back to Pittsburgh, Dec. It’s where you do the least amount of damage.”

I let out a dry laugh and stand from the curb. Instantly, EJ is up too, hovering far too close. He’s acting like I’m going to rip Avery’s head off. I’m pissed off, I’m not deranged.

“Avery,” EJ warns.

“Will she even get an invite to the wedding, Ave?” I ask, flashing her an arrogant smile that does not match what I feel inside. “Or will you forget to invite her? Show her the pictures after? Invite the fucking neighbour, but not your better half? Wait until her whole word crashes down and remind her how happy you are? Maybe you broke her heart.”

Avery moves to lunge forward, but Seth captures her by the waist. “You are a pric?—”

“—get inside,” Seth demands, pulling Avery backward. We’re still glaring at each other, but this time, she lets him guide her backward into the crook of his arm. He wraps his arm around her, and they move toward the steps of their home. Seth’s cold eyes meet mine. “I told you.”

There it is. The big ‘I told you so’. I’m not sure what it’s referring to, this thing with Penny blowing up, or that he was going to cut me out the next time I spoke poorly about Avery? Either way, I can’t find the will to care at this moment. I just want to sit with my own thoughts and figure out what the hell I’m going to do.

I hear Avery crying as the front door opens. I’m sure Lauren and Tiff have been watching from the window and are ready to comfort her.

Fuck, I’m making this worse. I’m always making this worse. I am just so sick of everyone thinking that there is space in this situation for them. It’s me and Penny and that’s it. I can’t juggle any more than that. I don’t need Seth’s opinion, I don’t need Wyatt inserting himself like he’s her knight in shining armor, and I don’t need Avery getting mad about something that literally could not concern her less.

I whirl around to the only person still stupid enough to be standing with me.

“You gonna scold me, too?” I snap, throwing my hands in the air.

EJ watches me for a moment. He slowly shakes his head, burying his hands in the pocket of his jeans. “No, man. I’m just… here to make sure that someone is. I’m not going anywhere.”

Ouch. Fuck.

I rub my hand over my jaw. I’m losing my mind. I’m fucking losing it.

“It’s going to work out.”

I wave him off, pacing in a small circle. Why’d she have to go? We needed just a few more seconds. Just a few more sentences to put it all out there. I didn’t get to explain myself well enough. I was in shock. I missed the chance to save this.

“Where do you think she went?”

“What?”

“Her parents?” I ask, adjusting my hat on my head.

“Um,” he says, awkwardly shifting on his feet. He glances toward the end of the road. “Yeah, I’d assume so, but I don’t think going after her is a good idea. I think you should wait until tomorrow. Cool down. ”

Waiting has just made this worse. I need to handle this now.

“Give me your phone.”

EJ fishes in the pocket of his jeans, but he watches me carefully. “Why?”

“I don’t think either of them will answer my call,” I admit, taking it from his hands. I pull up his contacts and dial Wyatt. I don’t believe Penny will answer for anyone right now.

The call rings and rings and rings until I have developed a deep hatred for the sound.

Then, Wyatt answers.

“Hey, man.”

“It’s Declan.”

Silence. Then, a loud sigh and the sound of a door shutting.

“You good?”

“No,” I say, and it’s true. I’m far from okay. Very far from it. “Where’d you take her?”

“Dec,” he says quietly. “Let her wind down. Let her sleep it off. She’s upset.”

“So am I,” I bite out, and I can practically hear him rolling his eyes. “Please, Wyatt. Where is she?”

He’s silent for a second. Then, another long breath. “She’s with me. My house. Don’t come here and make this worse.”

“I won’t.”