What If I Knew You (Anaheim Stars Hockey #3)

3. Bodhi

CHAPTER THREE

BODHI

“ S hit. Why did I tell her that?” I shake my head, chastising myself for being so forward. I’ll be lucky if she doesn’t respond with a huge laughing emoji. Or worse, maybe she won’t respond at all. Not that I should care in the slightest. I realize I’m sitting alone in my darkened apartment eating a dinner I didn’t make and talking to a stranger who accidentally texted me a few days ago.

Her opinion doesn’t matter.

She has no idea who I am.

So, it’s not like my name is going to be splashed all over the tabloids in the morning.

Rolling my eyes at my overshare I toss my phone down and lean back in my chair to take a long sip of the cola I grabbed from the fridge. I poke around my plate with my fork so irritated with myself, I’m now not at all interested in this ridiculous dinner.

Maybe I should just go back to the arena and practice.

Or to the gym downstairs for a workout.

Or maybe I should just go the fuck to sleep.

Either way, I no longer want any more of this lasagna, but as I stand up to pitch it in the garbage my phone dings. Expecting to see nothing but a bunch of laughing emojis litter my screen, I smile at the message waiting for me.

Diary Girl

That’s not a bad thing but I’m guessing it bothers you.

Me

If you knew what I did for a living, you would probably be shocked.

Diary Girl

Is this where you tell me you work in the porn industry but yet somehow you’re still a virgin? Is this like one of those always the bridesmaid, never the bride kind of things? Like always the fluffer never fluffed?

Me

LOL no. I promise it’s not. I am not a fluffer. Also no, I do not work in the porn industry.

Diary Girl

Hmm. Alright. *thinks* Is it because you have a third and fourth nipple or something and women just aren’t into that kind of kink?

Me

Is there a third and fourth nipple kink that I’m unaware of? *Hey Siri…*

Diary Girl

Hell if I know, but I’ve certainly seen some things in my day.

Me

See? That right there. You’re definitely a nurse.

Diary Girl

*ignores last statement* Are you a Eunuch?

Me

Nah. All genitals are attached and in fine working order (sorry if that’s crass).

Diary Girl

Okay so your chastity is a personal choice.

Me

Yeah I guess you could say that.

Diary Girl

Again, not a bad thing at all. Saving yourself for marriage?

Me

Hell no. I want my future wife to know I can satisfy her before she agrees to spend the rest of her life with me.

Diary Girl

Okay, I suppose that’s fair. So, you just haven’t found the right partner yet.

Me

I guess…

There’s a bit of an awkward lull in our conversation and I’m not sure what to say. I’d love to tell my Diary girl that I’m more than interested in sex. It’s not like I don’t think about it and jack off to the newest porn video or simply soap up my dick in the shower because it feels good. I like the idea of sex. I want to experience it. I want to know what it feels like to slide inside a woman. I’ve just spent so much goddamn time focusing on my career, I haven’t allowed myself to give in to the physical temptations.

Sure, there are numerous women hanging out at hotels when we pull in after a game. And yeah, they’re wet, willing, and waiting for me to say the word but I never do. Every time I consider it, I hear my father’s voice in my head.

“Great things are going to happen for you, son. One day you will be a star.”

My father gave me so much.

He gave his life up for me.

Okay maybe not really, but that’s how I’ve always seen it.

He spent days, weeks, months, and even years traveling all over with me so I could get the very best hockey training he could buy.

He spent his money on me instead of cancer treatments.

He knew what he was doing, but by the time I found out it was too late.

I was going to lose my strongest supporter. My number one fan.

Dad died four years ago.

He never saw me move into the major leagues.

He never saw me become an Anaheim Star.

So how could I even begin to consider defiling all he’s worked for by whoring myself out to a few puck bunnies when we’re on the road?

I owe him everything I have.

I owe him my very best.

I’m too busy climbing the ladder of success to become a father or be tied down to anything. My hockey career is growing in the right direction and could skyrocket with the Stars if I continue to push myself to be the best I can be.

But then again…

I watch some of the other players like Hawken Malone or Milo Landric in Chicago.

They’re married and Milo’s even a dad. And they’re both huge successes. Hell, I think everyone on their team is married and some have more than one kid. Even on our own team, Oliver has his fiancée and August and Ella are married.

Those guys are making a name for themselves and getting laid.

Best of both worlds.

If they make it work, why can’t I?

Wiping my hand down my face, I stare at my phone for a second, noting the blank screen void of any other incoming texts, and take it as a sign that I should just shower and get to bed. Ice time comes early tomorrow. I tap out one last text to Diary Girl and then leave my phone on my nightstand to charge while I jump in the shower.

Me

Well, I guess I should grab a shower and head to bed. I have to work pretty early. Good night Diary girl. That’s what I call you now, by the way.

Diary Girl

Sleep tight, Mr. Stranger. That’s what I call you.

“Hey Roche!” Coach Hicks calls out to me from down the hall as I’m about to enter the gym for my workout.

“Yeah?”

“Stop upstairs and see Marlee Remington when you have a few minutes. She wants to go over your upcoming charity visits.”

“Alright.”

“I hear you’re planning to spend some time visiting the kids at Pacific Children’s Hospital.” He claps me on the shoulder when he finally reaches me.

I nod. “Yes, Sir. I’m actually planning to help them with their annual Children’s Art Auction.”

“Well done,” he says with an approving nod. “That’s a very admirable thing to do.”

I give him an easy shrug. “I enjoyed working with the children’s hospital back in Boston so when I came out here, I asked Marlee to set me up with the same kind of thing here.”

“I like it,” Coach Hicks says with a smile. “Alright, well be sure to touch base with her sometime today.” He points at me as he starts to walk backwards toward his office. “Don’t forget.”

“Got it, Sir. I promise I won’t forget.”

“Oooh,” Griffin teases when I step into the gym. “Roche just got a stern talking to from Coach. You already gettin’ yourself in trouble Bodhi?”

“In your dreams, Ollenberg. He just wanted to make sure I stop in and see Marlee this afternoon.”

“What?” Ledger spins around on his workout bench. “Wh-wh-why? Why do you have to see Marlee?”

“So, he can ask her out,” August tells Ledger with a smirk. Ledger doesn’t seem to find it funny though.

“Why would I ask out Marlee Remington?”

Bear gestures to Ledger. “Because this asshat here has been crushing on her forever and won’t do anything about it.”

“Shut up,” Ledger admonishes. “I don’t have a crush on her.”

“Oh, then you’re good if I ask her out?” I ask him. “Because she looks damn good today in that pink skirt she’s wearing.”

Ledger’s eyes narrow and for a moment he looks like he might just pounce off the bench and pummel me. I hold my hands up and chuckle at him.

“Only kidding, man. You can relax. I’m not asking anyone out any time soon.” I lower my hands. “But also, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but when I walked into the front office yesterday it sounded like she was gushing over a text from someone…if that means anything…” I shrug and pass Ledger an empathetic wince.

He does look rather disappointed to hear that news.

“Sorry, Ledger.”

“It’s fine,” he says with a shrug. “She’s an adult and free to see whomever she wants.”

“Or you could just buck up and ask her out,” Griffin tells him.

Ledger shakes his head. “If it’s meant to be, it’ll be. Just leave it alone, alright?”

Wow. I didn’t take Ledger for one of those leave-it-to-fate types. I kind of assumed he was one of those guys who sleeps around and enjoys the single-guy life.

Maybe I have a lot to learn.

“How do you guys do it anyway?” I ask after I hop onto the nearest treadmill.

Oliver glances at me from the treadmill next to mine in a full run. “Do what?”

“How do you make time for full-blown relationships? Or marriage and all the stuff that comes with that?”

August smiles widely and shrugs. “You just do.”

“Yeah, but don’t you worry that your relationship responsibilities will take away from your career? Make you less of a player?”

Even with a face dripping with sweat, Oliver raises a brow as he slows his run. “Do I look like less of a player to you, Roche?”

Sensing his irritation I quickly shake my head. “No. No. And I’m not saying either of you are. I’m just…ugh. I’m clearly not articulating my thoughts very well.”

“Have you never been in a relationship before, Roche?” Griffin asks. At that moment, I can feel the guys staring at me, but I proudly shake my head.

“No. I don’t do relationships. No time. Too much effort.”

“Pity,” August chuckles.

“Why’s that?”

He wipes his face with his towel and then turns toward me. “Because having someone special in your life to just…be your person is one of the best feelings in the world.”

“Says the guy who married his childhood best friend,” Harrison adds. “She’s been your person since you guys could walk and talk. She would’ve been your person even had you not married her.”

“Not true.” August shakes his head. “If she would’ve married someone else, she would’ve been that guy’s person. She would’ve been in love with someone else. Lucky for me, that’s not how it worked out and yeah, she’ll always be my person now. I’m a fuckin’ lucky guy. Same for Oliver and Scarlett, right, Magallen? And you two dated during the season.”

“Yep. And semi-long distance for a while until she moved to Anaheim to live with me.” Oliver looks at me and says, “Scarlett was originally from L.A. but we met when her fiancé didn’t show up for their wedding and she wanted someone to celebrate part of her honeymoon with her. A Halloween party in New Orleans.”

“That’s cool. How did you make it work with her during the season?”

“We just did. We did because we wanted to be together. When she could, she’d come here to visit. On days off, I’d try to go there or we’d meet halfway. But I never missed a practice or a workout if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Harrison smirks. “One could say you even had a little extra cardio.”

“Oh, there’s nothing little about it.” Oliver laughs before making eye contact with me again. “But August is right. There’s something to be said for having another human standing beside you through life. It’s a good feeling to know you’re not alone in the world, and I can’t lie. The sex is out of this world.”

“Same, bro.” August and Oliver bump fists.

“You mean you aren’t bothered by having sex with the same person every day for the rest of your life?” I tease, but both guys shake their heads with a scowl.

“Not at all bothered,” Oliver says. “In fact, I find it relieving. I’ve got the girl now. I don’t need to work at figuring out what some other woman wants or doesn’t want. What she likes or doesn’t like. I know how to pleasure my woman and I can rock her world any time she needs it, wants it, hints at it, you name it. I have zero interest in ever being with someone different ever again. One and done, man. One. And. Done.”

Harrison steps toward me and claps my shoulder. “I think what they’re saying, Pickle Pants, is that if you want what they got, you have to be even better than you are. You have to be able to afford the time and effort it takes to build a relationship with someone. The moment your game suffers, your relationship will suffer too because you’ll resent her for taking you away from hockey—your career. All the things you’ve worked for.”

“Bingo,” Oliver says with the point of a finger.

“Is that what happened to you?” I ask Harrison innocently.

He bobs his head. “I was with someone years ago. At the beginning of my career. But she broke it off. She didn’t want to be the reason I didn’t try to get where I am today. She knew I had my heart set on professional hockey. She knew it was within reach for me, but her job wasn’t one that she could randomly pick up and move away, you know?”

“Did you love her?” August asks.

“Of course I did. At the time, I would’ve done anything for her. And I still think about her every once in a while.”

“Where is she now?”

He shrugs. “No clue. I have no doubt she’s married with kids and living a fantastic life. And good for her. She deserves that happiness just like anyone else does.”

“You know what, Pickle Pants?” Griffin snaps his towel to my ass. “We just happen to know someone who enjoys playing the match-making game. I’m sure she’d be happy to help you find the woman of your dreams.” Griffin glances at August who throws his head back in laughter.

“Oh fuck! Trust me dude.” August stands to move to the battle ropes. “You do not want to get her started.”

“Who?”

“Ella.” He rolls his eyes, still chuckling. “She’ll never leave you alone about it, I swear to God. Do yourself a favor and just go get laid a few times. Maybe one of those partners will stick.”

Go get laid a few times.

Yeah.

Okay.

If only it was that easy.