When I Was Theirs

29. Emmy

29

Emmy

“ D o you need the bathroom?”

Say yes. Please say yes.

Ben shakes his head slowly. “No. I think I’m good.”

“A drink?”

“Emmy.” He grabs my hand where it’s fluttering over his bedding. “Lay down with me for a minute.”

My breath catches as he slowly pushes himself over. He glances at me. “Please.”

My heart thuds behind my ribcage as I slide the railing down and slip into the bed. Ben lifts his arms enough to wrap around me, my ear against his chest.

His heart thumps. Once. Twice. Again.

But… It's slow. So slow.

“Still here,” he says softly. “But not for long, I don’t think.”

My breath hitches. “You don’t know that.”

He sighs, his breath ruffling my hair. “Yes, I do. Don’t ask me how. But I can feel it, Em.”

I curl my fingers into the material of his shirt. Gripping him, as if I can hold him here.

I need you to stay.

“What do you need?”

“You,” he murmurs. “Always you. Don’t forget about the documents, okay? There are letters in there too.”

He waits until I look up at him. “There you are. Don’t cry, Em.”

I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to stop. “I’m sorry.”

“You know,” he murmurs. “I’ve been thinking about what will happen… after.”

It’s not something we’ve ever talked about.

Ben’s hand strokes through my hair. “I watched this movie once. Where the girl – she changed something at the last second, and it caused her life to split. Different choices, different lives. But the same characters, just living in different ways. I like that idea, Em. Somewhere out there, there’s another you, and another me, and we met in a bar one night.”

I can’t stop crying.

“We danced in the rain,” he whispers. “And when I walked you home, I didn’t hesitate. You asked me to come up, and I said yes. And I never left you. Not for the rest of our lives, Em. Somewhere in the universe, there’s another Emmy Marsters, and another Ben Bennett, and they’re happy. So happy, baby.”

“Ben,” I choke. “I need you to stay.”

“No.” He kisses my head. “No, you don’t, Em. I’m tired. And I’m ready now. I’m happy that I got to love you, even if it was just for a little while. And I got to see Jared again. That’s all I needed to leave this world with a smile on my face because I never thought I’d get to have this before I went.”

I’m shaking my head.

“It’s time.” He lifts my chin, our lips pressing together. “I’m ready to go. You were always going be the love of my life, Emmy Marsters. And whoever gets to be the love of yours – for God’s sake, don’t show him that creepy doll of yours.”

I half laugh, half sob. “She’s not that bad.”

There’s a smile in his voice. “Always loving the unwanted things. Never stop. All the little moments, baby. Don’t forget.”

“All the little moments.” I force myself to say it back to him. “I won’t forget. I promise.”

I breathe in, watching his eyes close before I lay my head back against his chest.

He doesn’t say anything else. Jared slips back inside a minute later, his face pale as he takes the seat beside Ben. He lowers his forehead to press against Ben’s arm. Holding onto him.

Neither of us talk. Not as the hours pass, not as Ben’s breathing becomes noisier. Harsher.

Beneath my ear, his heart rate increases. Flutters, like a hummingbird taking flight.

Jared reaches up, running his fingers through Ben’s hair. His voice is a hoarse, choked whisper. “We’re going to be okay, Benny.”

I have to let him go.

He’s ready to go, even as my heart rips from my chest at the idea of him leaving me.

But there was never going to be enough time.

“I love you, Ben Bennett.” It hurts. It hurts so much. I reach for his hand, curling my fingers through his. “It’s okay. You go when you’re ready.”

And he does.

His heart beats once more, and I listen.

But there are no more beats.

And there is no more Ben.