When We Are Enough (Valiant Hearts #1)

35. Patrick

Chapter 35

Patrick

T he morning is gray and cold as we gather to clean up Mom’s house. We finally have electricity again. A hot shower this morning after a hasty breakfast never felt so good.

I’m with the boys from the Valiant Hearts—Antonio, Jake, and Mike—as well as my family and Emmy, with the glaring exception of Liam. Ethan’s not here of course. The rest of us are pitching in to salvage what we can from the storm damage: sorting through the eclectic furniture and decor that Mom loves so much, trying to figure out what can be saved and what needs to go.

We got rid of the felled tree yesterday, and had the roofing guys in to patch up the roof. It’s just the inside we need to deal with now.

Emmy moves through the sculptures and sodden fuchsia lounges, Stormy trotting along beside her, my gaze on her whenever she’s in sight. It’s been so damned hard to keep my feelings under wraps, especially with my family living at Granny Sloane’s house. Every glance, every accidental touch, feels like it’s under a microscope. The secrecy, the stolen moments in the dead of night.

It’s going to be good to have Mom and the others back in their own place once we get the house sorted. I can’t wait to not feel like I’m constantly under scrutiny, like every glance in Emmy’s direction might give us away.

I finish setting another piece of furniture outside on the porch to dry, and scan the yard and the street beyond. I’m looking for Liam, but there’s still no sign of him. He was there at breakfast but disappeared sometime between then and now.

It’s frustrating. Everyone else could make an effort to be here, but Liam’s too busy, evidently. I pull out my cell and try to call him, but it’s switched off or out of range.

The thought that he can’t even be here for Mom tightens the knot of anger in my chest, which is only made worse by the knowledge that he’s probably with Ethan. I heard rumors from some of my crew that Ethan was running boat trips to look at the barrier islands, which is just plain exploitative of all the people who suffered damage to their homes and property out there. Liam better not be a part of that.

I can only imagine how it would feel to be working on repairing my home when a boat of damned gawkers comes past snapping pictures. It’s a slap in the face to everyone who lost so much. I thought I raised him better than that.

And he’d never even consider how it impacts me. As fire chief, I’m trusted by the mayor and the community to have integrity, especially in times of crisis. If my own brother is out there making a buck off the backs of our neighbors’ suffering, it reflects badly on me and everything I stand for. It undermines the trust people have in me and tarnishes the reputation of the fire department.

Add to that the fact that gossip is the life blood of Harbor’s Edge. People are already talking, and they’re going to love this latest bit of news about my brother and Ethan, who has a questionable reputation already, even without this latest idiotic move.

Emmy meets my eye and slightly purses her full, soft lips. It’s so subtle, I’m sure no one else would notice, but all thoughts of Liam and Ethan disappear. Wanting her seems to consume any spare second lately. With every passing day, my feelings for her aren’t going away. They’re only growing stronger.

The rational part of my brain tells me that’s a sign it’s time to end things, that there’s no time to be distracted with matters of the heart, especially now with so much to do and so many new bills to pay, including for Joe Heart. But… It’s Emmy. Wild horses couldn’t drag me away.

“Hey Mike,” she calls out.

She walks to where he’s leaning against an old dresser covered in floral wallpaper, the paper curling at the edges from the water. He’s smoothing his beard with one hand while chatting to Antonio, the other hand gesturing in an animated fashion, but he pauses to grin at her.

She cocks her hip, one eyebrow raised. “Is this why Betty isn’t ready yet? Too much chatting, not enough working.”

The boys laugh, and Mike grins sheepishly. “Hey now, I’m doing my best here.”

Emmy shakes her head, still smiling. “If this is your best, I’m starting to worry about ever getting my car back.”

“Alright, alright. I’ll get Betty sorted out by the end of the week, I promise. Luckily we had the foresight to move them all to higher ground before the hurricane, so you should at least thank me for that.”

“Thank you so much, Mike,” she replies. “Is that better?”

“Much.”

“So one week?”

He draws a cross over his heart with one finger. “I swear on the souls of the founders of Harbor’s Edge.”

Emmy smirks, looking like a knock-out even in worn sweatpants and a long-sleeved T-shirt. “I’m holding you to that, Mike.”

Antonio catches me watching Emmy and gives me a knowing look. He’s always been able to see right through me, and I glance away fast, but he follows me out to the porch, watching me set a hammock frame down, hands palming hips .

“What’s going on, man? You’ve been looking at her all morning like she hung the moon.”

I hesitate, not sure what to say. We’re alone and I want to confide in him, but I promised Emmy to keep things secret. “It’s... complicated,” I finally say.

Antonio raises an eyebrow. “Complicated how? She’s great. Gorgeous. Are you two...?”

A slight shake of my head, a glance back into the house. My non-answer is probably telling Antonio everything he needs to know.

He claps a hand on my shoulder, his voice going quiet. “I don’t know what’s going on with you guys, but if there is something, you deserve it, man. You need some fun in your life.”

A sudden rush of darkness hits me, an overwhelming wave surging through me, taking me by surprise. Deserve it? How can I possibly deserve it? Danny is never going to fall for a pretty girl. Danny is never going to just let go of his responsibilities and have fun. He’s gone for good.

The weight of loss crashes over me, Danny’s absence slamming into me, a solid punch to the gut. I can still see him, clear as day, standing beside me, laughing, full of life. But that vision is always shadowed by the memory of the weight of his casket on my shoulder, the knowledge that he’s never coming back.

“It’s not that simple. I can’t just...”

He sighs, somehow knowing exactly where my thoughts have gone. “I know it’s not easy, man. But you’ve got to stop blaming yourself for everything. You can’t carry the weight of the world forever.”

A ragged swallow over the rawness of my throat. “Let’s get back to work.”

He looks like he wants to say more but just nods, and I follow him inside. The truth is, I don’t know how to let go of that weight. It’s been with me for so long, even before Danny, it feels like a part of who I am.

And how do I let myself be happy when Danny never got the chance? When I’m still grieving for him? How do I let myself dive into this thing with Emmy when I can’t shake the regret that gnaws at me?

I glance over at her, and she catches my eye, giving me that beautiful smile that always seems to light up her entire face. My chest tightens, the conflicting emotions battling inside me. She deserves someone whole, someone who isn’t broken in unfixable ways.