When We Are Enough (Valiant Hearts #1)

50. Patrick

Chapter 50

Patrick

I t’s Emmy’s face I see as years of pent-up guilt and self-blame finally break free… Because I want Emmy. I need her. And I have to be honest about my relationship with her if I’m ever going to be the kind of man she deserves. The kind of man who can convince her to come back.

Holding Mom’s gaze, taking a deep breath. “Emmy and I have been in a relationship for a while now. We thought it was better to keep things secret. I was worried about how you’d react, that you’d think I’d be distracted. And I know how important it is to stay focused. It’s just like you said, people could die when I get distracted?—”

She shakes her head, glossing over my confession about Emmy. “I don’t understand. When did I say that about people dying?”

A bitter laugh escapes me. “When Riley went missing. When she was a toddler. You told me that all it takes is one moment of distraction and people could die. I’ve never forgotten that.”

Recognition dawns in her eyes, blue like mine and lined by the passing years. “Oh, Paddy. I don’t even remember saying that. If I did, it was in the heat of a very stressful moment. I was terrified. But you were just a child. It wasn’t your fault Riley went missing.”

Emmy’s words come back to me: Maybe one day you’ll be able to talk to her about this and realize the truth.

The words cut deep, and it’s like they’ve lodged themselves in my brain, refusing to let go. Is that what all this has been? A twisted reality where I’ve blamed myself for too long?

No. That’s not right. It can’t be right.

Or can it? Shit. Have I really lost myself in this blame and pain for so long, that it’s cost me the one thing I want the most? Emmy .

I’m sitting here thinking I’m not enough. That I can’t fix her and I can’t fix me. That this is some kind of punishment for wanting a bit of happiness in my life, when what I really should have been doing is getting out of my way long enough to fucking do something. Something drastic. Something to get her back.

Mom pulls me into a tight embrace, her arms wrapping around me. Nora’s hand is on my back, both of them reminding me that we’re the O’Connors. That we stick together and get through things.

“I’m the one who’s sorry, Paddy,” Mom says as she lets me go. “I didn’t mean it. And I shouldn’t have relied on you like I did to watch your siblings, to pick up the slack after your father died. It wasn’t fair of me. You had to grow up so fast. It was just such a shock when he died. I was on autopilot for years, just getting things done so we could all survive.”

“Please don’t call me Paddy.” I look away as I say the words, pulling away from her embrace. “That’s Dad’s name.”

Mom nods. “Okay.” And she gets it without me having to explain. “But please, let yourself off the hook. You’re not responsible for the other kids. The buck stops with me.”

“What about Liam? All this trouble he keeps getting into? He dropped out of college to do what, exactly?”

Mom’s face softens. “He’s finding his own way, Pad— Patrick. “We can’t control every choice he makes.”

Her calmness is shocking, especially considering how Dad died. “But he’s been going freediving with Ethan? That’s how Dad—” My voice breaks, unable to finish the sentence.

She takes my hand. “I know. But he has to make his own mistakes. I can’t let fear rule my life anymore than you can. Liam is so much like your father. A free spirit who always wants to do things a little differently than everyone else. Telling him he has to live a safe and boring life would be like putting a wild bird in a cage, and your father was exactly the same way.”

“So you’re just going to let him… You don’t want me to…” My voice trails off and I stare at the ocean, trying to make sense of everything she’s saying.

“Leave it to me. I’m sorry you never got the same chance to live your life when you were younger. I relied on you too much, I know that now.” She squeezes my hand. “I’ve been worried about you for a while. The stress you’re putting yourself under, how much you’re working... I thought you needed more time to grieve Danny so I’ve been giving you space, but I should have spoken up sooner.”

I stare at her, at the face I know so well, trying to process her words.

She gives me a small smile, her voice gentle. “Nora told me about Joe Heart, how you’re paying for his medical expenses. I want you to know that I’ll sell the gallery before I let you take on any more responsibility. I want you to live your life. To really live it.”

Her words hit me, the acknowledgement of how much I’ve been carrying and the fact that she’s seen it, too.

“Mom, I can’t let you do that...” I struggle to find the right words, emotions rolling through me faster than my thoughts.

“You can, and you will. Because I’m your parent and it’s my job to look out for you, even though you’re a grown man. You haven’t gotten enough of that from me.”

“But how did Nora know?—”

Nora smiles, tucking a strand of curly blond hair behind her ear. “Emmy told me. She cares about you so much. She’s asked me if we can do a fundraiser to raise money for Joe’s medical expenses. I thought it was a really good idea and things are already in motion.”

“That’s… Thank you.” I’m not sure what else to say.

Nora waves me off. “It’s nothing. Anyway, have you two finished soul searching and talking about Liam and Joe Heart? If so, let’s get back to why we’re actually here.”

“We’re done,” Mom says, a smile aimed in Nora’s direction.

Nora turns her attention to me. “What were you saying about Emmy? Why do you think she’s not coming back?”

Both of them are staring at me. I glance at Mom. “Like I was trying to tell you before we started talking about all the other stuff—Emmy and I got involved. We’ve been secretly dating. But everything’s fallen apart. She ended it and told me she needs to hand in her resignation. I don’t know if she’s coming back.”

Beside me, Nora laughs. “Sorry, I’m not laughing about Emmy leaving. It’s just… I suspected all along something was going on between the two of you.”

I raise an eyebrow. This isn’t the reaction I was expecting. “You did?”

She grins. “Yeah, I could tell something was going on. You have a terrible poker face. You’ve been way too happy lately. And the way you look at her like she hung the moon and all the stars. God, could you be any more obvious?”

Mom nods. “Even Granny Sloane noticed it. And what about how he suddenly developed a need to take Stormy for a walk… with Emmy. Has anyone ever known Patrick to walk anywhere just for fun?”

I can’t help but smile as Mom and Nora laugh. “I guess I wasn’t as sneaky as I thought.”

Nora’s expression softens as she looks at me. “We’re just glad you found someone who makes you happy. Even if it’s been under the radar. Emmy’s great. I can’t think of anyone better for you.”

Mom nods.

The pain is back, cutting down to the marrow. “She already left. It’s over. And I need to find her somehow and convince her to come back.”

A long silence stretches out. “When?” Nora is staring at me like I’m an idiot.

“When what?”

“When did she end things?”

“Earlier today. Right before you called.”

Nora is shaking her head. “And you’re still sitting here? God, you need more help than I thought. I called you and told you her parents turned up. You need to go after her. I’m willing to bet this has less to do with you and much more to do with them. She needs someone to be there for her.”

“You’re the one who told me to stay here and wait for you!”

But Nora just shakes her head, exchanging a look with Mom like I’m totally clueless.

Then Mom is nodding. “She’s right, you know, about Emmy and her parents. It’s like all the light inside her went out as soon as they turned up. I don’t like to speak badly about people, but I really didn’t like them.”

Staring out at the pier, where the last of the debris has finally been cleared, the water running cleanly between the old wooden posts. I’ve been fighting for Emmy, trying to get her to open up to me, to let her know I’ll be there for her no matter what’s happened in her past, but it’s clear now that wasn’t enough.

It’s my own guilt, my own twisted reality I need to let go of, so I can get out of my way and get my girl. So we can be together properly, a real relationship where I put her and us first, because that’s what we both deserve.

It’s like a light’s been shone on my life, illuminating all the dark corners I've avoided for so long. I can see with painful clarity the ways I’ve been self-sabotaging, dragging myself down with guilt instead of allowing myself to process and heal .

The weight of Danny’s death has hung around my neck, a millstone, and I’ve clung to it, convinced that punishing myself was the only way to honor his memory. But I’m ready to let it go, to stop blaming myself for something that wasn’t my fault, something which was out of my control.

Holding on to that guilt is not what Danny would have wanted for me. It’s time to live the life I’ve been denying myself. And I’ve got Emmy to thank for that. Her presence, the crazy magnetic pull between us, her own bravery in opening up about her past. She makes me want more than the drudgery of my life before her. So much more.

My shoulders slowly relax, dropping as if released from an invisible vise, and my lungs expand fully, taking in deep, unhurried breaths, savoring the simple act of breathing. There’s a sense of weightlessness, a feeling of being unburdened, as if I’ve been carrying a heavy load for miles and miles and finally set it down.

I don’t want to live in the shadow of regret anymore. I want to honor Danny and my dad by living fully. And with Emmy by my side, I finally believe I can do that.

But first I need to find her.

I finally know what I need to do. It’s time to go to her parents’ house and bring her home. I won’t take no for an answer—she needs to know that her home is with me, here in Harbor’s Edge.

“Do we know where her parents live?”

“Here, she gave me the address.” Nora reaches into her purse, pulling out a piece of paper with Emmy’s familiar handwriting, which I take, my thumb brushing the neat swirl of the letters.

Nora’s staring at me, shaking her head. “What are you waiting for? Go get our girl and bring her back!”

But I’m already on my feet, walking away from them, a sense of determination steeling me, settling along the bones of my spine, along my shoulders. Emmy needs me and I’m going to bring her home.