Where Happiness Begins (Evermore #3)

25. Chapter 25

Chapter 2 5

T his is the part of the tour I’ve been anticipating the most.

Attending local shows has been incredible, and I’ve spent so many great nights singing and dancing to the songs I now know by heart, but I’m ready to experience this next part. I also can’t wait for those three weeks away from the bar, even though I haven’t picked up many shifts in the past months. Following the band has consumed a huge chunk of my life. My channel has slowly drifted from “day in the life” content to being very music-focused, but so far, my followers don’t appear to mind. In fact, they seem to have fallen in love with each member of the band, for different reasons. Ethan for his charisma, Emmett for his teddy-bear-like persona, Bong for his humor, and Joe for his quiet but awe-inducing talent. Of course a lot have also been following my husband’s and my “love story,” and while I hate lying to everyone, there’s no hiding the success this promotion has brought the band. Ethan told me a week ago that the ticket sales have skyrocketed in the past months, almost doubling the audience from the first shows of the tour. I also received DMs from multiple followers saying they discovered the band’s music because of my posts and now have become die-hard fans. I can’t take the credit for it all, of course, but knowing that it’s made a difference makes accepting the emotional challenges that have come with this arrangement worth it.

Case in hand: I’m happy to get on the tour bus today even though it was almost impossible to leave home this morning.

Carter made it clear this mini tour wasn’t for him, which I understand even better now, and the tour was a must for me. Even so, when the time came to get out of the house, I felt a pull to remain right where I was, cooking for two and watching four-hour-long historical movies with him because he claimed they were too good to miss. The feeling made no sense; one of the reasons I accepted Carter’s proposal at first was to have a real tour bus experience, and now that it was time to go, the need to experience it had disappeared. I had a strong feeling it was mostly due to the man who was reinstalling the freshly-painted cupboard doors back into place.

“Anything you need before I leave?” I asked an hour ago, duffel bag thrown over my shoulder as I stood next to the front door.

He looked up. “Already?”

I didn’t know if it was disappointment or simply surprise I heard in his voice.

“It’s only for three weeks. You won’t even have the time to miss me,” I teased even though I knew I would. Carter hasn’t just become a presence I can tolerate. He’s become a presence I crave, one that’s made my days so much lighter. I don’t know how I’ll deal with the loss of him once our two years are done and he leaves. We might only be four months in, but I’ve already begun to anticipate it. If it’s this hard to leave him now, what will it look like when I’ve had even more time to become attached? To become addicted ? I have a feeling it won’t be anything like when my ex left me after almost three years together. Then I’d felt a deep sense of relief, like I didn’t have to pretend that relationship made me happy anymore. I was too scared to leave by myself, a small voice in my head telling me he might be the only person who could stay, baggage and all. I only realized once he was gone how much I had settled. Being alone all my life was a better alternative. It won’t be the same with Carter, though. I might never have him, but once he’ll leave, I know I’ll miss being able to pretend, even for a minute, that he’s mine.

“Let me get you to your car,” Carter said this morning, wiping his hands on a rag before eating the space between us with his long legs and taking my bag from me. I didn’t argue, knowing it’d be useless.

“You’ll be careful?” he asked once the bag was thrown over the back seat and my seat belt was on.

“Yes, daddy.” I threw him a wink, which made him look up at the sky, begging for patience. “I’ll be fine,” I added, serious this time.

“Good,” he said, then remained there, squatting in front of my car so his head could pop through my window as if he wanted to say or do something else. Finally, he tapped the door twice, then pulled back. He didn’t add anything else, but he remained in the driveway, watching me until my car was out of view .

“Lil!” Ethan shouts from the living room area of the bus when I step in. The others join in, Emmett from his spot on the couch facing Ethan and Joe from the dinner table’s built-in bench, waving at me before returning to his card shuffling.

“Am I the last one here?” I ask as I drop my bag where the others have left their stuff, then join them on the couches. Even though I’ve spent a lot of time with them, without Carter here, it almost feels like I’m intruding in their space. I’ve lost my tether.

“We’re waiting for Bong too,” Ethan says. “He’s never not been late, so might take a while.”

I shrug, then look around the place I’ll be calling home for almost a month. This bus is huge, with a modern design and brand-new appliances. As you enter the bus, you find a kitchen that’s bigger than what I would’ve imagined and a living room. A set of doors separates what I assume is the bedroom with all the bunks and bathroom. I wasn’t expecting much when they said we’d be traveling by bus, but this is nice.

“Want to play Spades before he gets there?” Joe asks. “Bong always cheats anyway.”

“Facts,” Emmett says.

We all join him for a game, and a quarter of an hour later, we spin toward the door when it creaks open.

“Bong, get your ass up here before we leave you here!” Ethan shouts.

Except it isn’t Bong’s head that appears at the top of the three steps leading into the bus .

“Carter? The fuck are you doing here, man?” Ethan says as he gets up to clap him on the back.

I’m too shocked to react one way or another, not sure I should even believe what it is I think is happening, until Carter’s gaze falls on me and remains there as he says, “Got some new ideas. Thought we could do some recording between shows.”

He’s here. He’s really here.

I can’t control the smile I throw his way, and when the right side of his mouth curls up, I feel like I’ve just won the lottery.

“Someone was scared to miss all the fun?” I say when I finally find my voice, shifting my body to the left so he can have a place to sit.

“Sure,” he says as he takes a seat next to me, the entirety of his right side pressing against me. His body is stiff, and as he looks around the bus like I did a few minutes ago, I recognize traces of panic in his breathing.

“Hey,” I whisper. “It’ll be okay.” I can’t begin to imagine how it feels for him to be on a tour bus after what happened on his last one, but this won’t be the same. “I’m right here with you.”

He nods tightly as he lets out a deep exhale. Meanwhile, I continue staring at him like he’s something from another world. I’m not sure I believe his excuse for being here—maybe he realized it’d be weird if I was here without him and that’s what made him change his mind—but honestly, I couldn’t care less. He’s here.

If I wasn’t this euphoric at the thought, I’d probably think about how worrisome it is that I’m so relieved that we won’t be apart for three weeks. He’s not my real husband. Not even my real partner .

I’ll worry about it another time.

I’m probably still smiling like a lunatic because Ethan gives me a look, brows high. I shrug, pretending I have no idea what he’s thinking. With the way I’m acting, everyone’s probably noticed the tiny, senseless crush I have on Carter, but so long as I don’t acknowledge it, it doesn’t really exist.

“Whadup, people!” Bong’s voice says as he steps inside the bus, a beanie hanging from his head and kid floaties around his arms. “Who’s ready to party!”

The band does some mix of eye rolling and grunting.

“I don’t even wanna know,” Emmett mutters with a shake of his head as he walks to the front of the bus. Then he shouts, “All right, Pete, let’s roll,” probably talking to the driver.

Meanwhile, Bong drops his stuff next to ours and takes a seat on the couch, then pulls a small plastic bag from his sweatpants pockets. “Anyone down for some Addys?” He proceeds to pop a pill in his mouth before passing the bag around.

Ethan takes one and so does Joe before it reaches Carter. He doesn’t even peek inside, only swinging the bag toward Emmett, skipping me entirely. “We’re good,” he says.

I give him a look, then say in a low voice only he can hear, “What if I wanted to take some? Hallucinate some funky stuff later?” I wouldn’t have, but I’ll say anything to ease the tension off his body .

His lips twitch, and he fights it all of two seconds before his quiet, discreet smile he reserves for me appears. Bingo. “That’s with shrooms, honey, not speed.”

Right.

“Don’t need to be taking any of that shit anyway.”

“And why not?”

“Think you have enough energy sober,” he teases, and honestly, I can’t even contradict him. Then he nudges my thigh with his long, tattooed fingers. “And I’m not messing with your health.”

I don’t know what sends the shiver down my back, the simple touch or the even simpler thought. The only thing I do know is that it might have been better for us to be apart these next three weeks after all.