Where the Darkness Goes

Chapter 8

CHAPTER EIGHT

GARRETT — AGE 18

By the time my party rolls around on Friday, the news of Amber’s death has hit every corner of our town. Rumors range from a wild party gone wrong to an attempted kidnapping to a murder-suicide pact, but I think that last one is because the drama club just put on Romeo and Juliet, and the play is fresh in everyone’s mind.

The air around the school went from being charged with sadness, to worry and fear, and now, only a few days later, it’s nearly forgotten. We had a memorial for her at school where her friends said some nice words, and they had a photo of her blown up and placed on a poster for a week, but that’s basically been it.

I’m not sure how to feel about it. On one hand, there was a moment when I worried my party was going to have to be canceled, and that would suck. But on the other, two people literally died— people most of us have known our whole lives — and we’re all at a party.

So…that kind of sucks, too.

I’ve never known anyone who died, strange as that is. My parents are alive, and their parents are alive. I knock on the wall next to me to ward off any jinxes over the thought and catch a strange look from Will, but I shrug him off, pretending what I just did is normal.

Mom and Dad zip into the room. He’s a few feet in front of her, as always. It’s not that he walks in front because he has to be in charge or anything weird like that, he just always moves like he’s in a hurry, and my mom couldn’t be bothered to hurry on her best day.

Mom’s eyes scan the room, looking pleased. “Well, how’s everything—” Just then, a soccer ball zips through the air. Dad’s hands shoot out to the side, and he lunges, catching it seconds before it smashes into a family photo on the wall.

I have no doubt who the culprits are, but it takes several seconds for them to appear, looking guilty as sin as Dad waits with his hand on his hip. Their eyes are wide as they peek up from the ground, dark brows drawn together. They’re three years apart, but they may as well be carbon copies of each other.

“Henry, Isaiah.” Mom scolds my brothers, crossing her arms. “You boys were told to wait at the house with your sister. Where is she?”

“Mo- om ,” Henry whines, displaying his missing front teeth. “We just wanted to see the party. Why does Garrett get to have all the fun?”

“Because we love him the most, obviously,” Dad teases, to which both brothers just groan. Henry slaps a hand to his forehead.

“Jenny’s always on the phone with her boyfriend ,” Isaiah says, singing the last word in a disgusted voice. “ And , as the fourth oldest—who is now officially in double-digits, I might add—with Corbin at practice and Jenny on the phone and Garrett at his party, doesn’t that make me in charge?”

“It doesn’t while your older siblings are still in the house.” With a sigh, Dad puts one hand on Henry’s shoulder and the other hand on Isaiah’s shoulder, then looks at me. I already know what he’s going to say before he says it. Frankly, I’m shocked it took this long. “Sorry, Gare. I’m going to have to take these two knuckleheads home. Think you can handle the party without your boring ol’ dad?”

I nod, not expecting any less. “Yeah, sure.”

“No drinking, no drugs,” Dad warns, his tone teasing. “Your body is a temple and all that jazz.”

“Yeah, yeah.” I can’t help laughing with him, even when I’m disappointed.

Dad turns his attention back to my brothers, leading them through the crowded room. “Where is your baby sister? Did you leave her in her playpen?”

“Jenny was with her,” Henry says.

When they’ve fully disappeared in the sea of my friends, I look back at Mom. Her lips are pinched together. “I’m sorry, bud. I know little brothers sometimes ruin all the fun.”

“It’s fine,” I tell her. She really does look upset, and I hate that. “Honestly. I’m just ready to hang out with my friends. It’s not a big deal.”

She eyes the door, and I know she’s thinking she needs to get back to the house and help Dad. Probably before he drives away in the golf cart back to the main house, leaving her to have to walk.

“You can go, if you want. We’ll be fine.”

She breathes a quick sigh. “Are you sure? I don’t mind staying.” Clasping her hands together, she bends at the knee like I’ve just given her the greatest gift.

“Positive. Go ahead.”

“It’s just…you know how your father is. Those boys will be knee deep in ice cream if I don’t catch up to them now. And it’s nearly their bedtime.” She winces. “You probably don’t want to hang out with your mom anyway, do you?”

“It’s cool,” I say. “Promise.”

She hesitates for just a second longer before brushing a hand over my cheek and pointing a warning finger at Will. “Keep him out of trouble.”

He salutes her. “Yes, ma’am.”

With a nod, she hurries out of the room in a rush to catch up with my dad, her heels clicking across the wood floor.

“God, your mom’s hot,” Will says, watching her leave. “No wonder you have so many siblings.”

“Gross. Shut up.” I shove him and turn away, just in time to see my mom zip out the door. Before it shuts, Tessa slips inside.

I suck in a breath involuntarily, almost choking on it as I wait to see if she has brought anyone with her.

“What is she doing here?” Will asks, stepping up next to me.

“I invited her.” It’s hard to see her through the crowd of people who keep walking in front of me, so I shuffle side to side in place, trying not to make it obvious what I’m doing with occasional glances in random directions.

When she finally closes the door behind her, and I realize she’s alone, something unclenches in me that I’m pretty sure has been clenched for a while.

Will steps into my line of vision, waving a hand back and forth. “Um, hello? Earth to Garrett. I asked why you invited my sister to your party without telling me?”

I blink, suddenly very aware of my hands and the placement of my tongue in my mouth. It’s like I want to crawl out of my skin, like nothing fits where it belongs anymore. “Sorry, um. I…what?”

He sighs, looking back over his shoulder. “Jesus, she saw us.” He rolls his eyes. “Now she’s going to want to hang out with us, and I’m going to have to play big bro all night. This was supposed to be our night.” He raises his brows, darting his gaze toward the group of girls chatting away in a corner. “Cassidy is supposed to be here.”

“She’ll be fine, dude. Chill. You can have your fun. I’ll handle Tessa.”

“That’s not fair. It’s your birthday.” He’s not mad, I know. Will and Tessa are closer than any siblings I know. But he’s right. I didn’t entirely think this invitation through. She’d just looked so sad in that room when I came back to check on her, and… I can’t explain it.

She makes me act like an idiot most of the time.

“I don’t mind.”

“Whatever, fine, but remember you offered.” He passes me a fake baton, patting my chest. “She’s yours tonight. You hear me? This is on you. I’m not playing babysitter.”

At least I think that’s what he said. Something like that. I’m not sure, because my entire brain short-circuited over him saying Tessa was mine. I know what he means. My responsibility. But even at that… Something warm hits me from the inside, like I’ve drank hot soup.

This is wrong.

She shouldn’t be here.

She shouldn’t look like…that.

For the first time, I take in the way she’s dressed. No different than any other girl here, I guess. Jeans and a shirt that shows off a little bit of skin on her stomach. A little more makeup than I’m used to on her. Her dark brown hair is different. Curly and sort of…big? Like it gets when it rains, except not like that at all.

She looks pretty, I realize, with an agonizing sense of dread.

I mean, she always looks pretty, but this is different. And it seems everyone here knows it, too. Before she makes it to us, Brendan steps into her path, holding his hands up. He’s practically leering at her. Jesus. Wipe your drool, bro.

She looks up at him, and everything in me holds a breath as I wait to see how she’ll react. But how else did I expect her to react other than… Oh god. She’s laughing.

She’s laughing at stupid Brendan and his stupid, fucking joke. I hate him. Why did I invite him anyway with his stupid hair and his stupid rich parents and his stupid jokes?

He’s not even that funny. I’ve heard his jokes.

Plenty.

Oh my god, I sound like my sister.

“Dude, what is wrong with you?” Will’s back. Or maybe he never left. Honestly, I have no idea because I feel like I’m on another planet right now watching this all play out on a TV show called My Worst Fucking Nightmare starring me and Tessa Becker and my douchebag ex-friend, Brendan Taylor.

“What the hell does he think he’s doing?” I ask with a wave toward the absolute car crash happening in front of me.

“Who? Brendan?” Will, on the other hand, is completely unfazed. Cool as a cucumber, apparently. La-dee-fucking-da. “Talking to my sister, I guess. Why do you look like you haven’t shit in a week? He’s a good dude.”

“You’re okay with him talking to her?” The floor beneath my feet is gone, and I’m falling. Dropping. Plummeting. “Seriously?”

“Why wouldn’t I be? Tessa’s only a year younger than us, so it’s not weird. I date girls in her grade all the time. I mean, obviously, if he breaks her heart, I’ll pummel him, but I’m not about to be one of those obsessive big brothers who tries to control who she dates.” He wraps an arm around Cassidy Cole, stopping her dead in her tracks. She looks shocked to see him at first, then registers who he is and relaxes. “Besides,” Will adds, “I’ve got my hands full.”

I’m pretty sure I’ve lost my hearing because there’s this ringing in my ears I can’t seem to dull, and the entire room is spinning. But nope, it’s not, because Emily Gray just wrapped her hands around my waist and I’m here, on planet Earth, but also not planet Earth. Just hell.

As in, what the hell is wrong with me?

“You look like you saw a ghost, birthday boy,” she says, planting a kiss on my cheek. I’m not looking at her, though—at the girl I was into not that long ago—I’m looking at Tessa.

And for the first time in my life, she’s not looking back at me.