Where the Darkness Goes

Chapter 41

CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

TESSA — PRESENT DAY

“It’s about Pastor Charles. And whatever you’re thinking, I promise you it’s so much worse.”

His words repeat in my head, utterly impossible. I laugh, angry that he’s still joking with me after all that we’ve experienced. I know he’s not, I guess, if I really think about the look on his face, but it’s impossible. “You’re lying.”

“I’m not.” His voice is forceful.

“Pastor Charles is… I mean, come on, he’s Pastor Charles . What could he possibly have done?”

Will scratches his forehead. “Uh, everything?”

“I don’t understand.” I stand, folding my arms across my chest as I pace. It’s so impossible it’s laughable. Except no one is laughing. “Why are you saying this?”

“I don’t even know where to start.” He releases a heavy breath and rests a hand on his head. “Um, well, he’s the reason I stole the jewelry, for one thing. He asked me to.”

My jaw goes stiff. “Of course. Oh, Will. He was testing you. Don’t you see that? He was testing you to see if you would sin, and you did.”

“No.” His head shakes in denial. “That’s what I thought at first, too. But he was serious. He said…he said it wasn’t right that Cassidy’s family had something in their house, just sitting there, worth all that money when it could pay to feed hungry families in our town for a year. When it could pay off a house. When it could turn the lights on for the families who’d had theirs shut off.”

I can tell he’s hurting. I just can’t make sense of any of this. “So what? He asked you to steal the jewelry, and you just…did? Without even questioning it?” Even as he says it, I understand how it could be true. Pastor Charles is a leader in our community. He’s someone we trust. From the time we were infants, he’s been a figurehead in our lives. If he told me to go stand in traffic, I’d probably do it. We’ve been taught not to question authority, but especially not when that authority is God or His messengers. If he did this, if what Will’s saying is true, there has to be a good reason.

“No, not at first. I wanted to ask Mom about it, to see what she thought, but he told me sometimes men of God have to do bad things for the greater good. Like God flooding the earth to save it. I was helping, he told me. Not only the church and community, but Cassidy’s family. He said it was a sin for them to hoard their wealth, that they were being held prisoner by it, and once it was gone, they’d be free.”

I sit down next to him again, putting a hand on his knee. He looks so distraught, even now, I have no choice but to believe him.

“He gave me this stack of pictures of girls who needed to be punished. The pictures you found in my nightstand. That’s why I freaked out so badly. Cassidy’s picture had the necklace and bracelet in the display case in the background. He used the picture to show me what I was supposed to take, then gave me the photos of Emily and Amber, too. He told me to keep them together because he might need me to go on another mission for him in the future. So I snuck over there and took the jewelry, and I gave them to Pastor Charles. He thanked me and told me God would reward me for what I’d done. But then…Cassidy died a few days later, and suddenly everything went crazy. I was so scared I’d be caught, and they’d think I had something to do with her death.”

“But you didn’t?” I confirm. At this point, I have to confirm everything.

“I didn’t. I swear to you I didn’t. I never found her at the party until someone told me they’d seen her in the basement. When I got down there, she was already…” He covers his eyes, sniffling as he tries to regain composure. “And then Cory was there, and he was blamed, which took the pressure off of me, but it ate at me. At least it did until then they found everything else at his house a few days later: the china, the missing bracelet, and the coin collection. And I thought maybe he’d stolen the bracelet from the church or something, but also maybe he really had done all the rest of it. If he’d stolen the other missing stuff—the china and the coin collection—and killed Cassidy too, it wasn’t so hard to believe he’d also killed the others. And if that was true, what was it going to hurt for him to go down for the jewelry if he’d done so much worse?”

I draw my brows together, confused. “So you think Cory actually did kill all those people?”

“I did,” he admits. “At first. But then later I found out it was Pastor Charles who claimed to have found the stuff in Cory’s room. He said he went to Cory’s house to pray for him with his family and that was when he saw the bag of stolen stuff. Cory’s family said they’d never seen it before, but it was their word against Pastor Charles, and of course, he was believed. I just…when I heard that, something didn’t feel right. So I talked to Mom. I told her everything. What I’d done. What he’d done. I just kind of exploded and told her every last detail.”

“And what did she say? She must’ve been furious.”

He looks away for a long while, like he’s thinking hard, his face solemn. “She was. But, Tessa, it wasn’t just about that. It…” He licks his lips, looking down.

“What is it? What can be harder to tell me than all of this?”

“Pastor Charles isn’t just our pastor.” He swallows and smooths his hand over his mouth, looking up as he says, “He’s also our dad.”

The words slam into my chest and shatter me. It’s the biggest lie of the day. I stand up, physically rejecting the statement. “No. Stop it.”

“Yes.” He stands up, too, following me, speaking faster. “Yes. Think about it. Think about how weird Mom always was with Pastor Charles. One minute she loved him, the next she was angry with him. One week we couldn’t miss church, and then we’d go an entire month with her visiting the church in Elmdale or Walter Hill.”

“That doesn’t prove anything. We have pictures of Dad.”

“We have pictures of a man with a baby,” he says, taking my hands. I’m trembling, as if the idea is trying to force its way into my head. “A man with two babies. We don’t have pictures of Mom and Dad. And we don’t have pictures of Mom, Dad, and us.”

“One of them always had to take the picture.” I rattle off the excuse we’ve been given all our lives.

“Or it was a lie,” he says, his voice as soft as his eyes. “Mom lied to protect us. Because he asked her to.”

“He’s married.”

Will nods. “Mom was working as the church’s secretary when the affair started. It lasted three years. After you were born, he cut it off.”

“Mom would never?—”

“She did.” His voice is firm, then he adds, more softly, “She did, Tessa. I’m so sorry.”

“This is impossible.” And yet, I see it. I feel it in the way I’ve seen Mom look at him, sometimes with disdain, sometimes with love, just like Will said. I see it in the way she gave us stories about our father that never quite added up. Or the way she never wanted to speak about him unless we pushed.

We trusted her.

Just like she trusted him.

Just like Will trusted him.

“So what?” I ask, pacing once more. “What else did Mom say?”

“She…” He looks at Garrett, and my heart sinks. “She told me there were others. Other people Pastor Charles had affairs with. Other kids he fathered.”

Tears sting my eyes because I know what’s coming next. I’m going to be sick as I stare at Garrett, who appears equally ill. “You?”

He drops his head, looking at the ground. “No,” he says eventually, and my entire body goes numb.

“Did you say no?”

“Not me. Not my mom. But when I broke it off, it’s because I couldn’t be sure. I couldn’t ask my mom because I thought she might lie to me about it, and I couldn’t tell you what I suspected and sit in some weird limbo. But I also couldn’t keep seeing you, getting more attached and letting you get more attached, until I knew for certain. Eventually, I did a paternity test without my parents’ knowledge and found out my dad is definitely my father.”

“But why didn’t you tell me once you knew?”

Garrett looks at Will, who clears his throat. “Because we found out something worse than all of this.”

“How can anything be worse than this?”

“He was behind it all,” Garrett says.

“All?” I press.

Will’s heartbreak is evident on his face. He hates telling me this. “He asked other boys in church to steal things, too. I wasn’t the only one. Told them similar things—that wealth was a sin. That the women deserved it. Dalton Steele stole Ella Gray’s china. Mark Summers stole the coin collection from Amber Allen. He had us each steal something, and then, a few days after it was done, he killed the women and girls.”

My knees are weak, and I’m falling to the floor, but Garrett catches me. I didn’t even realize he was so close. He holds me tightly to him as we sink down onto the couch. “Easy does it.”

“You’re lying. Please tell me you’re lying. How could you possibly know this? You know how ridiculous rumors can get here.”

“It’s not a rumor.” His face is etched with pain. “He knew he could make it look like a robbery gone wrong, and no one would ever piece it together because none of us would ever admit what we’d done. Until we did. Until he framed Cory, and I started to wonder how he would’ve had all those pieces and what that would mean. Mark was the first one I figured out because I knew he was close with Amber. He would’ve been an easy choice. From there, we figured out Dalton, and the three of us compared stories. It’s not okay what we did, but it was sick the way he’d manipulated us. The things he said, the way he played with our minds, it really messed me up.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I demand. “Why wouldn’t you warn me? You left me here, in danger. You left me here, and you knew what he was. Who he was.”

“I tried,” Will says. “I begged Mom to leave, but she wouldn’t. She said she had to stay, to try and stop him. To take him down from the inside somehow. If I had told you, if you ever let it slip, if you even looked at Pastor Charles in a way that made him think you knew, you would’ve been in danger. You could’ve been killed. I had to go. I had to act normal, but I couldn’t be around Mom. I was mad at her then, for staying here, but also for lying to us about our dad. For taking us to church when she knew the darkest part of this town was standing at the pulpit telling us how to be good.” His upper lip curls. “She knew, and she could’ve done something?—”

“She did,” I argue. “You said she did.”

“Not enough.” He’s bitter. Angry.

“But once I left, someone should’ve told me.”

“I was going to,” Garrett says, drawing my attention to him. His eyes lock with mine with a sort of unexpected fear. “I was going to tell you everything the night you came to visit us after graduation. I knew then that you weren’t my sister. I knew you would be safe if you left, if you came with us, even, but…you were happy.” His eyes flick to Will. “You were getting out. I didn’t want to…” He pauses. “I remember how dark it got for Will during that time, after he found out. When you told me you were happy, I was terrified to ruin that.”

“You were going to tell me?” That truth, that memory, that night—they sit squarely in my chest like a ball of light. What would I have done with that news then? How would I have handled it? How will I handle it now?

“I didn’t want to hurt you any more than I already had,” he says.

“Fine, you thought you couldn’t tell me. But why didn’t you go to the sheriff once you knew?” That’s the part that doesn’t make sense for me. “And why come back here?”

Will speaks up. “We came back to protect Mom. But the killings had stopped. We thought he got spooked, but we couldn’t leave her here alone. As for the sheriff, we had no proof, just our word and the things we’d pieced together. It all fits. Besides, even with proof, we were afraid if he found out, he’d turn the town against us. He’d frame us for the murders, somehow. And, more than that, we were afraid for you. We were afraid that if he’d killed six times already, he might kill again. What if some of the kids who died were his, you know? What if he was taking them out, getting rid of evidence? You just needed to make it one more year and get out.”

“Except he couldn’t have killed all six of them. He wasn’t at the party when Cassidy died. Someone would’ve seen him.”

Will runs his tongue over his teeth. “That’s the piece we can’t figure out. Maybe he was working with someone else, or maybe he found a way to do it himself. I wish I knew. All I was worried about after that was keeping you safe. Keeping myself away from you so I didn’t accidentally slip up. If you knew the truth, there was a chance he’d kill you too, and I couldn’t risk it. I begged Mom to take you and leave, but she wouldn’t. I was doing all I could do to keep you safe.”

“But why? Why wouldn’t she leave?”

“Because she was protecting the other kids. Mom said the only thing standing in a bad man’s way is a good one. She said the darkness goes where light refuses to be. Had she left, he would’ve won. Evil would’ve won. Darkness. If she ran away to protect herself—and you—it left everyone else at risk, and she couldn’t live with that on her conscience. After I told her what was going on, Mom made sure Pastor Charles never had a private meeting with boys at the church. If she couldn’t stop it, she came in often to interrupt or made excuses to be in the room. She started to warn the other moms, too. They were all talking. A whole whisper network. She was waiting for proof to have him arrested, but it never came.”

The weight of everything I’m learning is exhausting. My life has been a lie. My mom lied to me. My brother lied to me. Garrett lied to me. Pastor Charles lied to me. Every pillar in my life feels a little less steady. And then there’s Britney. “So what does any of this have to do with Britney?”

Will chews his lip. “That’s the other question I don’t have a straight answer to. If Mom said Britney knew, I’m assuming she means she found out about Pastor Charles before she was killed, which would help prove our theory that he was killing people, but we need to be sure.” He nods, standing up. “I know this is a lot to process, but we need to go see Mom.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” I say firmly, shaking my head.

Both men eye me. “What are you talking about?” Will demands. “This is important.”

“You have just told me my entire life is a literal lie. Everything. Everyone.” I can’t bear to look at either of them. It all just burns from the inside out, like I’m imploding right in front of them. They lied to me. They kept me in the dark. In danger. And everyone around me knew about it. I think about the way Pastor Charles comforted me at Britney’s funeral, how Garrett stood right there and watched it happen, how he said nothing. Did nothing. He could’ve warned me. He could’ve done something.

“I need to see Mom,” Will says, his voice low, firm, and still questioning. “Come with me. Please.” He reaches for my arm, but I jerk away.

“No. I need a minute, okay? I just need…” I touch my chest, sucking in a ragged breath.

“We’ll wait,” Garrett says firmly. “We can wait.”

“I need to go. I need to talk to?—”

Will starts to argue, but Garrett cuts him off. “Then you go. I’ll stay with her.”

“No,” I cry. “No.” I look up at him finally, glowering. “You go too. Both of you. Go and give me space.”

“You shouldn’t be alone right now,” he says, reaching for me.

Again, I jerk away, stepping back. “I don’t want to talk to you right now. Either of you. I understand you had your reasons, and I even almost understand them, but you have to understand what it feels like in my head right now.”

“I do,” Will says. “Because I was there.”

“And you were mad at Mom for putting you there, right? For lying to you?” I pin him with a glare, driving the point home.

Understanding washes over his face, and finally, he nods. “I never wanted you to find out.”

“And somehow, that stings worse.” I run a hand over my mouth. “Please just go. Both of you. Go and visit Mom and find out what you can, and then, when you come back, we can talk with clear heads. Right now, I don’t want to… I can’t do this.”

The men exchange glances, a full conversation passing between them without uttering a word, then they nod.

“Are you sure?” Garrett asks.

I nod without looking at him, my arms crossed.

“We won’t be gone long, okay?” Will says, taking a hesitant step backward. “Promise me you’ll be here when we get back.”

I lick my dry lips. “I’m not going anywhere today.” I let the last word linger in the air, a warning and promise that after today, there are no guarantees.

When they’re gone, I sink onto the couch, elbows resting on my knees as I process everything I’ve just learned. The necklace. Mom. Will. Pastor Charles. My dad. Everything.

Everything.

Everything.

Everything.

It was all a lie. I was kept here in the shadows, lied to and manipulated and sheltered to protect me from a man I trusted. A man who was the most fatherlike figure in my life. But he is my father.

He’s my…

I stand and grab the bowl where our keys go from the coffee table, throwing it across the room with a feral scream. How could they do this to me?

Who else knows? Who are the other children? My…siblings?

Could Britney have been my sister?

So many questions race through my mind. This news chopped my world into pieces with a cleaver, fracturing parts of myself, my beliefs about life and goodness and community.

Everything is ruined. Everything is over.

Even if they had a good reason, how do we ever come back from this? How could I ever trust them again?

A knock on the door interrupts my thoughts, and I look up to see they’ve only been gone twenty minutes. It’s not nearly long enough.

I cross the room quickly, whipping open the door. “What do you?—”

Except it’s not Will. And it’s not Garrett.

Pastor Charles stands in front of me, his blond hair pressed down around the sides as if he’s been wearing a ball cap. “Tessa.” My name leaves his mouth with a heavy breath. “I was looking for Will.”