Whispered Southern Secrets (Magnolia Grove #11)

Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

Honey

Today J.D. is taking me out for a picnic. This way we can visit without an audience. We’re surrounded by rolling hills, situated between an abundance of trees and a creek. Mother Nature is really showing out with the vivid autumn colors. Despite being surrounded by all the beauty, my fears are still managing to break through and they’re waying heavy on me.

What am I doing? What kind of life could I possibly have with him? The entire town watching us, expecting us to be the example couple, and be open to ridicule at every turn. Like I’m not judged enough as it is. Do I even trust my fractured heart?

I’d opened myself up once before. I did the whole big wedding and made a fool of myself. It’s only been three years, and I don’t feel like I’m any wiser. Everyone starts out great. It’s after you let your guard down, let them in, get attached, and get behind closed doors they show you their true colors. Then they have the power to completely ruin you. Worse, you gave them that power.

J.D. could destroy me beyond repair. He almost did once without even trying. I’d never felt so empowered and beautiful as I had while in his arms. Then, true to his word, he vanished.Truthfully,y I thought that’s what I’d wanted. But I never got over him. No one could compete with the way he’d made me feel. And that was only for a one night together with my guard up. What could he do to me if I actually gave him my heart?

“I love watching the trees change.” J.D. says thoughtfully. “Life’s a lot like those trees.”

“How so?”

“The most beautiful color comes from change. The different seasons—or challenges if you will, bring color to our life. Sometimes life can strip us bare. But then brings new greenery. Through all the storms, we remain standing.”

“That’s deep.” I pass him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

“That’s why it helps to be rooted in faith.”

“Was that a punny dad joke but Christian edition?” He gives me a boyish smile and I give him a teasing groan, drawing out the word “No.”

After a moment of comfortable silence as we eat, J.D. asks me about my life outside of Magnolia Grove. I’m completely honest in my answer. “I have no life outside of Magnolia Grove. My parents passed. I have a bit of a strained relationship at the moment with my so-called friends, and the church and town kind of let me down, so no. There’s currently no life outside of Magnolia Grove. For me anyway.”

I clear my throat and ask him about his life before he came back, eager to take the attention off me. His eyes are kind and filled with understanding as he pops a grape into his mouth. “Sure. Yeah, um, okay. I dropped out of high school as soon as I reached the age to join the military. I was ready to get away and break out of small-town life. Took my GED. Lucky for me, I’d always been pretty smart.”

“And humble,” I tease.

“Facts are facts. The Air Force isn’t an easy branch to get into. Got accepted. My parents were proud but also sad. I worked as a security guard on the base. Working the gates. Got into law enforcement. The local police have no jurisdiction on the base, so it was kind of cool getting into law. Learning weapons. Defense. I’d first just been eager to fly a plane.”

I laugh. “Then why didn’t you become a pilot instead of joining the military.”

“Have you ever watched Top Gun ? Do those look like the same planes commercial pilots fly?”

“Oops. Sorry.”

“But I was on the fence after working the gates and breaking up fights. I was actually pretty good at calming people down. You wouldn’t believe how many guys would get drunk and try to climb the fence. Which I feel is why I’m so good with chasing down any time we get a runner in the juvenile department. Plus, I worked as the volunteer DD on the base. I started doing that here. And I still load ‘em in the back of my truck. It only took cleaning puke out of my carpet to learn to put them in the truck bed.”

We both chuckle as I wrinkle my nose. He sighs and takes a moment to gather his thoughts.

“Mama has always believed I had a ‘calling.’” He uses air quotes. “She’s never waivered. When she had a stroke and I came back on a temporary leave, I made her a promise that I’d try it. I took some classes, got my sixty-credits, got a direct commission, and went on for a chaplain position. Started studying theology. Worked as a chaplain for a while and found it to be more rewarding than I could’ve imagined. Before I felt I was only preaching what Dad had told me, or I’d heard him say to comfort others, but then I started finding my own words. Scriptures that spoke to me. It was almost out of body experience. When my contract was up, instead of reenlisting, I came to be with my parents. It’s been Mama’s dream to sing in church with me and see me stand up there.”

“And your dream?”

“That’s just it. I don’t think I ever had a dream. Except to maybe figure out who I am besides being Brother Johnny’s son.”

“And who are you?”

He smiles widely. “I’ve learned I’m Brother Johnny’s son.” He pops another grape into his mouth and looks off into the distance. “The apple didn’t fall far from the tree. Though I might be a little bit rotten, I am my father’s son. I just finally grew up enough to look at things differently. This town that I was so eager to get out of, I appreciate now, and I’m no longer running to get out of my father’s shadow. I’ll gladly walk in his shadow as long as that means I’m walking beside him.”

I pick at my sandwich as a deep longing settles in my chest. What must it be like to know who you are, where you want to live, and what you want to do? To have life’s most daunting question answered. I still wake up in the morning undecided on what kind of coffee I want. I’m mystified with my life. Wandering through each passing day completely confused, lost, and constantly getting disappointed by the people surrounding me. Except for my grandparents. It’s hard to have his faith when I feel my life has been one hellish ordeal.

I want to take a leap of faith. I want to have some sense of stability. To belong. I must be making a face because J.D. asks, “What are you thinking so hard about?”

“Life. What am I doing?”

“Well what are you hoping for?”

“I want to carve a place for myself in Magnolia Grove. My summers are my happiest memories. More than anything I want the kind of love story that makes Romeo and Juliet envious.”

J.D. makes the cutest frown that has my stomach doing a somersault. “Shouldn’t be too hard to do as long as you two don’t become star-crossed lovers from feuding families… I think it can be done. They didn’t exactly have a happily ever after.”

I roll my eyes. “Maybe not Romeo and Juliet. Bonnie and Clyde!”

He gives me a side-eye as he picks up with glass bottle of Coke. “I think I’m starting to see why you’re struggling in the romance department. These are all horrible examples.”

“Okay,” I laugh. “What’s your ideal couple example of romance?”

“Easy. My parents.”

That’s super sweet and has my insides turning into goo. “Oh, well if we can say people who are real, my grandparents. Not my parents. They were a hot mess, stayed together, but a hot mess. Definitely Mimi and Pepaw. Who is your fairy tale or classic romance story couple?”

J.D. tilts his head. “For the record, Bonnie and Clyde weren’t a fairy tale or a classic romance story.” I shrug and then he continues. “It’s a tie between Simba and Nala or…Fred and Wilma Flinstone. Lucy and Ricky. Beauty and the Beast. Any of the ones where they go on to live happily ever after and nobody dies at the end.”

“Simba loses his dad.”

“But not Nala,” he quickly states.

That’s a valid point. We spend the rest of the time eating our sandwiches and talking about anything and everything, except the question I know he’s wanting to ask. What happened with my marriage? Everyone wants to know that one. Including me.

I stare out of the truck window watching the sky transform into colors of pink, purple, orange, and deep blue. George Strait is singing a classic hymn on the radio, and I find myself singing along.

“You have a beautiful voice,” J.D. compliments me. “Ever think about helping me out in the church choir?”

“Uh nope.” This isn’t the first time I’ve been approached about singing in the choir. Mimi has been trying to get me to every summer and ever since I’ve moved in with her. The idea of standing in front of the church with all eyes on me makes me break out in hives. It’s already uncomfortable attending as it is, especially with J.D. being there. Seeing an ex-boyfriend is weird, especially if you’ve been intimate. Having one of your past lovers now giving a sermon is beyond awkward.

“What? Why not? You’re there anyway and you know you’re talented. Can’t be nerves. You sing karaoke.”

“Oh it’s nerves all right. Not for fear of my angelic voice. Also, karaoke people are drinking. Here they’re stone cold sober and judging.”

“Nobody is judging. Have you ever thought you’re judging? You’re being prejudice.”

“Me?”

“You. You’re as guilty as they are. Or as guilty as you think they are.”

“Maybe.”

He quirks a brow at me but then focuses back on driving. I wonder if he knows how attractive he is. Looking at him, I’d never guess minister. I wouldn’t even guess juvenile officer. Military—yes. Air force—no. He’s too rugged and muscular for any of those titles. John David Brewster looks like he could be living off the grid somewhere, or chopping giant trees down one handed. Yet he has the kindest blue eyes. And a smile that transforms his face to heartbreakingly handsome. I’ve never wanted to ravage a man so much in my life.

“Stop looking at me like that.” He doesn’t even turn his eyes to me. I didn’t realize he noticed that I was blatantly staring at him. “Wipe the drool from your chin.”

“There isn’t drool on my chin.” I turn in my seat and subtly bring my fingers up to touch my face to double check. There might’ve been a tiny bit of drool. I clear my throat. “Aren’t we dating now? Can’t a girl look at her boyfriend.”

“Not like that. Not when he’s trying to be good and respectful.”

My eyes widen and I can’t stop the smile from spreading across my face. “If you mean what I think you’re meaning, I’d be open to a little disrespect.”

His knuckles turn white on the steering wheel. “I won’t deny that I want to, but I’m not giving in.”

“I wouldn’t deny you if did give in.” I should be trying to play a little hard to get, but he’s gotten me before and it’s been three years and I’m still dreaming about it.

J.D. bites back a laugh and shakes his head slightly. “Trouble. You are trouble. My deepest desire right now is to have a repeat of that night, but unlike that time, I don’t want it to be a one-night rendezvous. I want a future together.”

“You want a future with me?”

“Yeah. You said you wanted to carve a permanent place in Magnolia Grove. I want that as well. Maybe we can do it together.”

“Just so we’re clear, you’re talking about marriage.”

I’d have to think long and hard how I’d feel about being the preacher’s wife. I rather enjoyed being a backsliding Christian. We all are supposed to lead by example, but when you’re head of the church it’s taken a little more seriously. I couldn’t even stomach sitting in the choir. This would also mean no more skipping Sundays to sleep in.

“Not right away, but yes. I’ll be honest. I never stopped thinking about you. Three years and you still don’t forget about a person, that’s gotta say something.”

“True. It was a monumental night. I mean—you decided to become a minister afterward. You discovered God that night.”

“Don’t flatter yourself.” J.D. huffs. “And if anyone did it was you. You’re the one who kept calling out His name.” His voice turns a little cocky as he smoothly says, “Even then, I was leading you in worship.”

Touché. A laugh bubbles out of me. Our banter and conversation always come easy for us. Everything is easy. Almost too easy. There’s a little bit of an unorthodox beginning, and the future is questionable on lifestyle adjustments. A part of me is still too scared to breath hope into the idea this could lead to a happy ending. Also, who brings up marriage on the first date?