Wicked Heirs (Electi Academy #1)

28. ~Xavier~

28

~Xavier~

“Sometimes there’s no right way, there’s just a way.”

Those words of Alena’s were haunting me.

Not just the words, but the way she’d been so certain and so cold about it.

They had come from the same woman who’d comforted me about my own fears and insecurities when it came to that sort of thing, those that weighed so heavily on me that sometimes I felt so consumed by it that I could barely keep moving, barely keep functioning.

There were times where I honestly didn’t want to.

And then she’d come along.

The first person to truly manage to comfort me and see things another way, to see the demon another way.

“It’s not all darkness with the vampire side. There’s beauty to be found in the demon, that which you haven’t begun to explore yet.”

“You actually believe that?”

“I do. Everyone has darkness in them. But as I’ve learned the hard way, denying it all completely isn’t the way to go.”

I’d thought that belief had come from a place of hopefulness and light, but now, knowing this was her stance with Constantine Vale, it strongly suggested it hadn’t been rooted in that, but in resignation and even justification for turning dark.

She didn’t understand.

She couldn’t.

But I did.

All too well.

I knew what it was to give into the darkness, to let it consume me to the point where it obscured all else.

The way you could get so lost in it.

So lost to yourself.

I’d never told anyone this and only my father knew, but right after I’d turned, I’d killed someone. I hadn’t been able to control my bloodlust and I’d drained one of the security guards at the Sabre Mansion dry. Even after that, I’d had such trouble getting a hold on it, that there’d been several close calls afterward.

It was why I abhorred that demonic part of me.

That guilt and remorse… it haunted me even years after the fact.

I never wanted to experience that again—murdering an innocent in cold blood.

Blood.

Urgh. I despised that it was such a part of my life now. That so much began and ended with it.

In spite of that, I was the voice of reason in our foursome.

And it wasn’t fucking easy.

Didn’t they get it? I had the same urges as them—even worse, really. Except, maybe, for Orpheus with his Dark Fae nature.

I struggled for control too.

I felt the pull of the dark.

And I could almost taste how much easier it would be to just give into it.

That was what they were doing by advocating the murder of Constantine—giving into the worst version of themselves. Giving into what was easy.

They were so focused on that it meant they weren’t giving enough thought to the consequences, to what the fallout would be.

Them.

Losing a piece of their souls.

And for Orpheus and Alena, especially, they could lose themselves, the light in them, all that goodness. As much as Orpheus didn’t advertise it, he did have a great deal of that within him. He didn’t want to follow in the footsteps of his father’s rule, of the brutality he espoused. He wanted to reign with fairness and goodness. He didn’t intend to use fear to secure his position as king once he ascended to the role, he wanted to earn his subjects’ respect and support.

And as much as Alena liked to separate herself from her mom and be seen as completely different to Abigail Rose, she still shared certain traits and beliefs. She didn’t like to hurt people, or to see them hurting.

But it had become clear that under extreme circumstances, all that went out the window and the two of them went by another set of rules.

It wasn’t how it worked.

You couldn’t just open that door and then simply close it again.

It would remain forever open.

I didn’t want that for them.

I didn’t want that guilt and regret to weigh them down like it did me.

And I especially did want them waking up most days considering that the world would be a better place if they hadn’t, like I did.

One less monster in the world… in my worst moments, I really believed the world deserved that.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, I couldn’t just fashion a stake from a cracked piece of wood, shove it through my heart and be done with it. To kill a hybrid being of my kind, it took a great deal more. Because of the magic running through my veins, sunlight couldn’t kill me and neither could holy water.

Basically, when I’d stepped in front of Talon as he’d gone at Alena that day with his phoenix fire, I’d taken a huge risk, because it could kill me. So could hellfire. It would tear through my magical side and my vampire side alike.

That night out at our snow picnic when Talon had created the fire pit out of phoenix flames, it had come to mind how easy it would be to just step into it and end the torment there and then.

But that thought had come and gone much quicker than usual.

Because of the beautiful night we’d been having.

Because of Alena.

Because of us.

There was something to hold onto.

Before it had been my brothers, but with Alena now there also, it was stronger than ever before.

It was why I was having a hard time staying away from the three of them right now because of this awful mission they were still determined to carry out.

I could barely concentrate on my studies and those thoughts about walking into the fire kept coming more powerfully and frequently.

Damnation!

I scrubbed my hand over my face, trying to push it out.

I needed to focus right now.

The most obvious way to stop all of this, the stupid mission, and the dangerous path they were headed down was to alert my father.

Orpheus had blocked my first attempt.

And I hadn’t tried again because I’d realized that if I did then it would implicate Saryan Hart and he’d be arrested at the very least. It would be my fault that Orpheus would have his father taken away from him.

I’d been stuck after that, trapped, really, into just allowing it to continue.

Until I’d realized there was another solution.

Me.

I could stop them in their tracks.

I was the heir of the most powerful sorcerer in existence.

Being turned had compromised my power, but not because of the vampire aspect.

Because of me.

No one knew the truth, not even my father.

That truth was that not embracing my demon stopped me from accessing more of my power.

When Alena had fed me her angel blood it had enabled me to access it and draw on it safely, her blood and its angelic properties having provided a barrier of sorts to it growing out of control. It had also curbed my bloodlust significantly.

Really, as a vampire it should have been the opposite. The scent of angel blood was like crack to vampires. But once I’d allowed my magical side out more, it had actually resulted in the opposite happening—it had stabilized me.

Now I knew that sensation was a possibility, it had shifted things.

But I needed help to be sure, to figure out how to do it without her blood in play.

I knew I needed to focus on the feeling of tapping into the demon and everything being okay when I had.

The best person to go to at Electi Academy was Professor Callum Cornwell. On the surface. He’d helped Orpheus with his issues in that respect.

But with Cornwell’s connection to Obsidian, I didn’t want him to have anything to do with this, to even know about it.

The dean being an experienced sorceress would have been a good bet too, but she was in direct contact with my father about my progress, and ensuring he didn’t know I was struggling meant I couldn’t show this side of myself to her, because she’d just report it to him.

So I’d chosen Professor Dante Wilhelm, Vampire Elder, instead. He’d dealt with vampirism for centuries upon centuries and he was the most stable being ever. That was what I needed to understand, how he walked that line, where the balance was found. The magical aspect I could handle myself once I sorted the rest out.

All these years and I’d resigned myself to never being able to do this, to access any more of my power, but now Alena had accidentally given me that hope, everything was different.

And now it was needed.

Professor Wilhem did have a connection to my father as a member of Exemplar, but they weren’t close. In fact, Wilhelm didn’t like that my father was such a celebrity because of Sabre Tech . He was old school believing that all supernatural beings should keep a low profile so as not to risk exposing our world to humans.

My father was another level, though, he knew well what he was doing and he was exceptionally careful and exceedingly smart, a step above all the rest.

Another reason I’d chosen Wilhelm was because one of the subjects he taught, and with great passion, was Ethics. Something that was needed right now with everything going on. Someone who thought similarly to me.

I’d believed that person to be Alena, but sadly I’d found out that night that it wasn’t the case.

She was more similar to Orpheus.

It worried me immensely.

Hell.

I eyed the clock in my chambers.

It was time.

In the next moment, I teleported to Professor Wilhelm’s office.

I rapped on the door.

“Enter,” his smooth voice came from within.

I opened it and stepped inside.

He was sitting behind his large mahogany desk, his broad build filling out the leather chair as he sat there in a pair of designer black jeans and a gray sports jacket, his usual attire. His shoulder-length wavy, brown hair whipped around as he swung his head toward the door at my approach.

A smile tugged at his lips and he gestured at one of the two chairs opposite his desk. “Have a seat, baby vamp.”

I ignored that last part.

He’d earned the right to call a vampire only turned three years ago that.

The guy was approaching nine-hundred after all.

There was probably a little bit of a dig there too because it was well-known around the Academy that I’d refused to embrace my vampire side properly.

As I took a seat, he leaned forward and clasped his hands on his desk. “Finally, it’s happened. You’ve had the good sense to actually come to a vampire to assist you, rather than a magic-wielder. After all, the former is where the issue lies, is it not?”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, I know. I was used to—and trained to—approach things from a magic-wielder perspective.”

“It’s more than that.”

I cocked an eyebrow.

“You’re afraid of your vampiric nature.”

“I’m afraid of what it will do to others.”

“No. You’re afraid of what it will do to you.” His eyes bored into mine. “You’re afraid you will enjoy it and revel in it and you believe that will mean you’ll lose yourself in the process and your ability to come back from it.”

Damnation, he was good.

It was like he was stripping me bare.

In the worst ways.

Although, in ways that I obviously needed.

“Yes,” I admitted. “It’s all true.”

“Good. You’re past the denial stage. It means we can get to work right away.”

“Just what I wanted to hear.”

“I’m sure it is. Based on what you told me when you asked me to assist, I can imagine now that you’ve found a way to access the level of magic that you believed was lost to you, it must be exhilarating. We’ll see to it, but you must be willing to understand the part of yourself that you’ve spent years repressing to the point of pretending it doesn’t exist, outside of feeds, of course.”

And one intense primal sex session out in the woods.

But I couldn’t tell him about that. Gentlemen didn’t spill the details of such things. Especially when it concerned the woman I adored.

“I’m ready to do whatever it takes.”

He smiled. “Admirable. Then let us begin.”