Wildest Dreams

30. Pierre

PIERRE

T ime itself has changed since I got back to California.

My once-hectic, too-busy-to-think, onto-the-next-thing mentality has slowed to a halt. I still have a lot of obligations and things to do, but these are day fillers. I feel like I’m going through the motions and leading a completely empty, meaningless life. I miss Kendall so much it hurts. I miss Magnolia Row.

Hell, I even miss Bertha.

My schedule has been non-stop with promoting an action film I shot before Gossamer Road . It’s coming out in October and the press tour is exhausting. I have upcoming appearances on every late-night show in LA and even have to fly to London to do Graham Norton’s show when the film comes out. The publicist wanted me to do Saturday Night Live, but my agent was able to get me out of it. I’m too empty to be funny right now.

I wonder if Kendall is struggling like I am. I wonder if she thinks of me as often as I think of her. I wonder if she’s moving on with some local guy who won’t leave her to go back to his career in another state after a few weeks.

I should’ve asked her to come to California with me. We should’ve talked about making this work, somehow. I have so many regrets, so many things I never said. I know I need to respect her privacy and her wishes to leave our relationship as it was, but it’s excruciating.

My agent keeps sending me scripts for future projects since I don’t have anything lined up after Gossamer Road is released next year, and there are some projects that sound interesting, but part of me wants to keep my life open, just in case.

In the meantime, I’m wearing my Cattywampus shirt every time I leave the house in the hopes Kendall will see a paparazzi photo of me in it and know how much it—and she—mean to me. It’s my passive aggressive way of begging her to reach out.