Wishing for the Rancher’s Love (High Country Ranch #5)

Chapter 14

14

The darkness outside the cave was thorough, not even broken by the stars or moon, which were hidden behind the clouds.

Grady added another board to the small fire he’d started to keep them warm in the dropping temperatures of the night. The rain had finally stopped, but not until after night had fallen. Although he’d traveled this route to Georgetown many times over the years, he didn’t like to do it in the dark, and he’d made the decision to stay in the old mine until daybreak.

Clementine hadn’t argued with him, had wanted him to rest after she’d cleaned and bandaged the worst of his bites. The one on his leg would need stitches where the coyote had ripped into his calf. Another bite on his upper arm had been deep. But the others were hardly more than scratches, and though they stung, they would heal soon enough on their own.

He didn’t need to rest. He’d sustained worse injuries during hockey games over the years. But he’d let Clementine fuss over him anyway. And if he was honest with himself, he’d liked it.

Even now, as he added the slab, she frowned at him from her spot adjacent to him. “I said I’d take care of the wood.”

“I didn’t hurt my hand and can lift a piece of wood perfectly fine.”

She glared at him, but it wasn’t real anger, not tonight. And he liked that too, liked that she wasn’t mad at him.

“You’re a terrible patient,” she said.

“I’m not a patient.”

“Yes, you are.”

He released an exasperated breath, except that he wasn’t really exasperated.

She huddled beneath the blanket he’d insisted she wrap around her coat to ward off the cold air that snaked around them in spite of the fire.

He’d packed a bedroll, some food, and a few extra provisions in the saddlebags, as he always did whenever he made the long trip. The wilderness of the high country was sometimes harsh and unforgiving—as it had been today with the coyote attack—and he figured it was better to be prepared for emergencies.

They’d already split the canned codfish and canned green beans he’d included. The fare hadn’t filled him up, but it would tide him over. The horses had eaten too. After the rain had stopped, he and Clementine had led the horses out and let them graze in the tall grass nearby.

The saddles were now on the floor to lean against, and with the hour growing late, it would soon be time to try to get some shut-eye so they could leave as early as possible in the morning to stay ahead of the stalker.

He was hoping the rain had slowed the stalker and that he’d taken shelter someplace for the night. It was also possible the fellow had braved the rain and gone all the way to Georgetown.

Grady’s greatest fear was that the man was close by and would spot their fire. But the old mine was far enough off the main trail that he doubted anyone would see the light—or at least, that’s what he was counting on.

Either way, he wasn’t subjecting Clementine to a night without heat. Even with the fire, she was struggling to stay warm, although she wasn’t complaining.

“Your turn.” Her green eyes were bright as she watched the flames dance.

“I don’t know any more riddles.” He leaned back against his saddle.

She’d kept them entertained for the past hours with her stories, antics, and games. “Then I guess I get another turn to tell one.”

“You mean you get another turn to torment me.”

“This one is really easy.”

“They’re all easy for me.”

“That’s because I only give you the easy ones.”

“I solve them because I’m smart.”

She snorted.

His lips quirked with the need to grin, but he held it back.

“There’s a one-story house where the owner painted the walls green. He bought green sofas. His wife made green curtains to hang in the windows. And he even painted all of the doors green. So what color are the stairs?”

He rolled his eyes. “Really? That’s a riddle?”

“Yes. Now answer it.”

“It’s too easy.”

She smiled.

Every time she smiled at him tonight, it stole the breath from his lungs. He didn’t want to stare at her and make another scene like earlier, when he’d taken off his clothing and then taunted her about taking off hers.

Just the thought of that moment made him want to pummel his head. What had he been thinking?

The problem was that he hadn’t been thinking. And she’d made her point about how inappropriate it had been for him to undress in front of her. Oh, yes, she’d made her point very well—so well that he couldn’t stop thinking about how sensual the moment had been, watching her undo each button, and how he could watch her do that every single night for the rest of his life.

A part of him couldn’t believe he was actually considering what it would be like to spend his life with her. A day ago, he would have denied that he could have a future with her at all. But there was no sense in denying the desire that had been growing since the night of the kiss. Or maybe it had been there even longer than that. Had he desired her all these years but just been unwilling to admit it? Had he just been fooling himself with the talk of her being like a sister?

She’d plaited her hair earlier into a long braid that now hung over her shoulder, making her look carefree. “Okay, mister smart guy, let’s hear your answer to the riddle.”

“Do you promise that if I answer, you won’t subject me to another riddle ever again?”

She pretended to swat at him. “No.”

He watched her expectant expression, her lips parted just a little, her cheeks flushed. He knew the answer—there were no stairs because it was a one-story house. But he had the sudden need to see her smile again. “Of course the stairs were green—”

“Wrong!” She sat forward with a huge smile. “The house doesn’t have stairs because it has only one level!”

Once again, his breath snagged at the beauty of her face. “What if there are stairs outside leading up to the house?”

“There aren’t.”

“Or stairs going down into the cellar?”

“The cellar has a ladder.”

“Your riddle has obvious flaws.”

“Not at all.”

“In fact, I wouldn’t even count it as a riddle.”

She laughed softly.

The sound melted his heart, and this time he couldn’t hold back a smile.

She was watching his face. “I like it when you smile.”

“Of course you do.” He hadn’t smiled much around her—not when all they’d done was bicker. “Because smiling makes me look more handsome.”

This time she did swat his arm. “No, I like it because it means you’re not irritated with me.”

Irritated? Was that what she’d assumed he’d felt toward her?

Grady stared at the fire. All the thoughts he’d had about his mom earlier in the day were still at the forefront of his mind, and he’d been mulling over his relationship with his mom and how difficult that had been. She’d always had a reticent nature and had tended to be less optimistic than his dad. Grady knew he took after her, and perhaps that’d had something to do with why he’d never felt as close to her as he had to Dad.

Whatever the case, he regretted that he hadn’t been able to bridge the distance with her. But maybe it had never been his sole responsibility to close that gap. Maybe she should have done more to love him the way every child needed.

Thankfully, his dad had more than made up for his mom’s neglect. Dad had shown him what it meant to be accepted for who he was. And he still did. He was a good father. Just one more reason to let go of the hurts that had lain dormant inside all these years.

Grady had to stop focusing on what he hadn’t received and instead focus on all the good that had been a part of his life. And that good included Clementine. She’d been a bright spot in his life just as she had been for his mom.

He could feel her studying him, no doubt curious about the shift inside him. “I’m sorry I’ve been irritated at you.”

Her eyes rounded. “Grady Worth, are you apologizing again? That’s the third time today.”

Leave it to Clementine to point out something like that. She never was afraid to talk about anything that needed to be addressed. “Don’t get used to it.”

“You’re spoiling me today.” Her voice held a note of teasing but also curiosity.

“I’m trying to understand myself,” he started, wanting to give her an explanation without making excuses. “I’ve struggled with some feelings toward my mom—feelings of not being adequate enough for her.”

Clementine gave him her full attention, her eyes radiating a warmth that beckoned him to continue. Even though she was a talker, she’d always been a good listener too.

“She always wanted more children, you know.”

“Yes, I did know that.”

“When she fell in love with you so easily, I think it made me wonder why she didn’t love me as much.”

“Oh, Grady.” Clementine breathed his name tenderly. “She loved you more than anyone or anything after your dad.”

He shrugged. “It’s okay if she didn’t. I’m coming to terms with it.”

“But she did.” Clementine sat up on her knees and reached for his hands.

He didn’t resist as she wrapped both of her hands around his. Her fingers were cold, and he enfolded them in his to warm them.

“Every time I was with her, she talked about you all the time.”

“She did?” His gaze connected with Clementine’s. He wasn’t sure why it was so important for him to see the truth in her eyes, but he searched for it there.

“You were her world, Grady. There’s no doubt about that.”

“I never felt that way.”

Clementine pressed her lips together and seemed to be formulating her next thought.

Even though the discussion was serious and important, her lips were distracting, especially when she pursed them.

“Do you think,” she started slowly, “that when people are hurting inside, sometimes the hurt blocks the love from shining through? Sort of like clouds blocking the sunshine?”

Was that possible? Maybe his mom had loved him but had been so consumed with her own hurts and disappointments that it had clouded her love for him.

“Even though it might have been hard to see her love,” Clementine continued, “please don’t doubt that the love was there somewhere inside her.”

He supposed if he looked back on his past, he had caught glimpses of her love from time to time. He didn’t have all bad memories of his childhood. There had been good ones with her and Dad.

“Whatever the past”—he forced himself to stay where he was and not move closer to her—“I’m realizing that I have to let go of it. It’s done and over. And I can’t keep on making you pay for the problems I had with my mom.”

“How are you ‘making me pay’?”

“Blaming you and maybe even resenting how close she was to you and not me.”

“So that’s why you pushed me away?”

“I don’t completely know. It could have been because we started growing up and weren’t innocent kids anymore, and I didn’t know how to handle all the changes.”

She studied his face as if trying to make sense of what he was saying. He’d given her a roundabout answer to her simple statement about his spoiling her today with his apologies. But the apologies were past due.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever understand all the reasons I made you an enemy and not a friend, but it was all me, Clementine. Not you.”

Her eyes rapidly filled with tears, and a small smile wobbled on her lips. “You’re kind to say so. But I haven’t always been nice to you either.”

“Only because of me being a big oaf.”

Her smile steadied. “Maybe that’s partly true.”

“Mostly true.”

“Fine. I won’t argue that you’re a big oaf.” She seemed to relax, her hands still intertwined with his. “Because you always have been an oaf, and that’s something that will never change. And I don’t want it to. I like that about you.”

He let the tension ease from his shoulders. The simple truth was that Clementine had always accepted him for who he was, without holding anything back. And he’d missed her, missed that unconditional friendship, missed her companionship.

Was it possible he could rebuild what they’d once had? “I hope you’ll forgive me and let me work at being your friend again.”

She leaned into him, the tears welling in her eyes again. “Of course I forgive you, as long as you’ll forgive me. And I want to work at being friends again too.”

He nodded, his throat now tightening with the emotion of the moment. Before he could find the words to express his gratefulness to her, she slipped her arms around him and laid her head against his chest.

Was she hugging him?

He hesitated to wrap his arms around her in return. But as she melted into him, he couldn’t help himself. He drew her into an embrace.

At the feel of her body against his, every nerve and every muscle was suddenly aware of her, but not in a friendship sort of way. No, his body was keenly attuned to her as a man to a woman—to the way she fit under his chin, the softness of her hair, her supple curves pressing into him, the firmness of her backside against his leg.

He tried to keep his mind from considering any of that. But she felt so good, and he wanted to bend in and nuzzle the stretch of her neck that he’d seen earlier when she’d unbuttoned her bodice and he’d gotten a glimpse of her chemise and the way it clung to her chest.

Swiftly he closed his eyes, as if that could somehow block out the memory. But he knew that no matter what he did or how hard he tried, he’d never forget that moment and would relive it often—even though he shouldn’t.

“So, do you?” Her voice was soft against him.

Just the sound of it made him want to sink back and pull her down with him. “Do I what?” The question came out low and rumbly—more so than he’d expected.

“Forgive me?”

“Of course. Let’s put it all in the past.”

She released a sigh and squeezed him tighter. “Thank you, Grady.”

He’d never held her so close before, and suddenly he had the overwhelming need to let his hands roam over her back and up to her shoulders and into her hair. He’d take out the braid, wind his fingers in deep, then angle her head back and kiss her all night.

The need was strong and urgent—and totally inappropriate since they’d just agreed to be friends again. A good friend wouldn’t take advantage of his friend just because she was a beautiful woman and they were alone and stuck together for the night.

No, a good friend would put her interests above his own and take care of her, cherish her, and make sure she didn’t feel he was using her or the situation in any way. Besides, just because he’d finally made peace with her didn’t mean they would ever be more than friends. They may have kissed at the dance, but that didn’t mean she was in love with him or would consider the possibility of love developing.

Did he even want her to consider the possibility?

A swift possessiveness rose inside him—one that said Clementine was his and always had been, and that’s why he’d always gotten so angry whenever she was with any other man.

Along with the possessiveness was a burning for her deep in his soul. He couldn’t remember not having had that feeling. It had been there from the first day he’d met her, and it had never gone away.

Was it love?

He swallowed hard, then dragged in a breath. He couldn’t think about love. It was much too soon for that. After being at odds for so long, they needed time to be friends again and to have a normal relationship that wasn’t so antagonistic.

Yet time wasn’t something he had if he hoped to win the challenge with his dad. He had to find true love by Christmas, or he’d lose out on the loan for the building. Of course, his dad would gloat once he learned that Grady was finally admitting how attracted he was to Clementine. But attraction wouldn’t win him the contest. His dad would expect him to make Clementine fall in love with him.

Maybe once they were through with this journey to Georgetown and had discovered who was stalking her, then he could see how their relationship was going. Even then, she was more important than winning the contest or getting a loan. And he’d never pressure her to have more than friendship just so he could beat his dad.

Yes, he had to focus on friendship for now. That was all. Especially tonight.