Worlds Collide (Fan Service #6)

25. Wolf

TWENTY-FIVE

WOLF

I stand on autopilot as CJ basically runs out of the room. This isn’t going the way I thought it would.

To be perfectly honest I had doubted he’d even let me come in.

My plan relied on having to apologize to him through a door that he would’ve slammed in my face.

I’ve been winging it ever since I came in, and although seeing him again is amazing—seriously, I can’t describe how great it is—I maybe got a little too carried away.

CJ is technically my ex, and I sure as fuck know that I wouldn’t particularly enjoy hearing about all his plans to move away from me. I’m not happy that I have to do this in order to move forward with my recovery, it’s actually the only part I hate, but I know it has to be done, it has to happen.

I can’t be with CJ and not get carried away. I’d fuse myself to him if he gave me the go-ahead. The man is too good, and with the help of Adrian and Birdie, I realized that if I ever want the chance for him to give me a real shot, I need to become a version of myself that’s good enough he’ll be happy to be with me.

All I want right now is to knock on the door he just closed and tell him I was kidding, that I’m going to stay right here and be his slave if that’s what he wants.

But the need to become someone who deserves him—someone whole and healthy and happy—is stronger. So I stay put, and I don’t move an inch until he comes back out a few minutes later. He looks totally fine, like maybe he just had to go to the bathroom real bad.

That could be the case, I suppose, but the problem is he won’t look at me when he sits back down.

“I wanted to give you this,” he says like it’s normal not to look at the person you’re talking to, and thrusts a sheet of paper at me. I recognize the style of handwriting the second I see it. “It’s something my mother wrote herself and even signed it. I thought that if you wanted to do anything about her threatening you—you know, legally—this would be useful.”

“Are you sure you’d be okay with that?” I ask, dubiously.

“Yes.” He does look up then, though only briefly at me. “They have to realize they can’t go around bullying people anymore, and they especially don’t have a say in who I decide to spend my time with. You can make as big or as little a spectacle from it as you want. It’s your choice.”

“Okay,” I say simply. I’m not sure right now what I’m going to do with that piece of paper, but what I do know, suddenly and wondrously, is that this man is not only too good for me. He’s probably the best man I’ve ever known. And he deserves the world. And he deserves love.

And I’m the one who’s going to give it to him.

I love him.

Simple as that and way too obvious for me to only realize it now and not while I was talking about him non-stop in therapy for a month and a half.

I realize then what I have to do, and what I have to say.

“Thank you, CJ,” I whisper, and stand. “I need to go now, back to Malibu to finish packing up my things, but thank you for letting me come in and apologize.”

“Of course.” He stands too, but still won’t look at me. I decide it’s now or never, so I take two tiny steps forward and cup his cheeks. I tilt his chin and wait for him to look into my eyes.

“You got outed to the world because of me,” I whisper. I don’t know why my mouth decided to start with that, but I guess it’ll do. “And I got outed too—as an addict—because of being with you, so I’d say we’re square, you and me, right?”

“Yes,” he says just as quietly. “But it sucks that those things happened at all.”

“It does, but that’s the way it is. We can’t control it, or well, I guess we could if we never left our homes.” He only hums in response. “Now listen closely, little rich boy, because this part is important, okay?” His eyes widen at his nickname—the one I can’t bring myself to change because it’s our thing—but he nods and I know he’s listening intently. “Unless there’s a ring on your finger in one year, when I get back here, I want you to be ready for me to win you back. I’m going to do everything I can to make you mine.”

And okay, I might growl most of that last part, but CJ smiles. So big, so bright, that I can’t regret my gruffness.

“So you’re not a softie all of a sudden, huh?” he teases me and my world is in balance once more.

I want to kiss him more than anything at that moment, but instead I smile at him, and after taking in every detail of this moment, I lower my hands, step back, and then turn around to walk out without another word .

I said all I needed to say, and now... well, now I know I’m in love and I’m once again running away from?—

No. I’m not running away this time. It’s not the same at all.

I’m doing what’s right and putting in the work to give the CJ and Wolf of the future the best chance at real happiness.

If he waits for me.

The awful thought hits me on the ride down in the elevator.

He smiled though.

Should I have told him I love him?

No, that would’ve been mean, right?

I open the back door of my black Escalade and look at Rich in a panic. “I love him.” It sounds as desperate as I feel.

“I know you do, buddy,” he tells me without being a smartass. I’m more glad than ever that we got Lee—the driver we pay but rarely call—to drive us today, so Rich can be in the back seat with me. “It’s going to be okay,” he says soothingly while I fasten my seatbelt.

I breathe out hard a handful of times while Lee drives away from CJ’s apartment building, just trying to keep myself from throwing away my stupid self-improvement plan and going straight back to him.

If he finds someone else, well then, I’ll just win him fucking back. As far as I’m concerned, CJ Sounders is mine, and when the time comes, I’m going to do everything in my power to show him how good we can be together.

“Where are we supposed to go now?” Rich asks me, and I only remember then that I didn’t tell him. I get CJ’s mom’s letter from my pocket and give it to Rich to read.

“We’re going to Bruce’s office,” I answer him, mentioning our business manager. “I bet he knows a good lawyer or two. ”

“Damn, that bitch,” Rich hisses as he reads. “You have the note too?”

“Yup.” I nod and give it to him.

Just one week after getting the letter from CJ, my lawyer nods at me before he exits the police station we arrived at an hour ago. He helped me put this all together—except for the paparazzi waiting outside, that was arranged by Cindy.

I spent the week after seeing CJ continuing preparations for the move. There’s been a lot to do in the three weeks I’ve been out of Cove. Packing up everything I can’t live without for a year—which is a lot, it turns out—finding an apartment in Manhattan to rent, contacting the therapist Adrian recommended, and telling the few people I like who live over there about the move.

Tassie is excited and wants me to go antique shopping with her so she can tell me all the things I need to get my new apartment set up—I let her think that I’m agreeable—and Ed tells me he’s excited to have me closer and that his youngest son, Larson, wants me to give him guitar lessons.

I mean, if your father is in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and your mother is a legendary country star, I don’t know why you would ask anyone else for guitar lessons, but I took the request as a compliment.

“You know I love this plan,” Rich tells me quietly as I stand stock still, staring at the station’s doors. “But if you have any second thoughts, then we can just leave out the back. Lee will meet us in an alley or something.”

I snort and shake my head at him. “I’m not having any second thoughts. I was actually trying to figure out if I really have everything I need for my trip.” I turn to look at him. “And if you do as well...” I trail off. I know Rich doesn’t want to move to New York, but he’s doing it to stay with me. I told him he could stay and just keep Hawk safe with Tate but he only gave me a look in answer.

“You know I do have everything I need. I’m just gonna miss it here.”

“We’ll be back,” I whisper.

“I know.” He nods stoically and looks at the doors as if the topic is closed. Which I suppose it is.

I pull my shoulders back and walk determinedly to the exit. Then I steel myself for the flashes that are about to go off, and nod at Rich to open the door for me.

The mob of men with cameras don’t disappoint, and I’m pleasantly surprised that Cindy went above and beyond and even got some reporters here, with big cameramen behind them and microphones in their hands.

“Wolf, were you arrested?”

“What did you do?”

“Does it have anything to do with your time at rehab?”

I ignore all the questions and go directly to a skinny guy with a microphone pointed at me. He has a polo with the logo for NFN—which happens to be one of the news stations my step-uncle owns—so I stop right in front of him because he didn’t shout any awful questions.

“I just got a restraining order,” I tell him as calmly as I can.

“Against who?” he asks urgently, I see a gleam of success in his eyes.

“Against Mary Anne Clemson-Sounders, for stalking, harassment, and threats and intimidation. And I know what your next question is—yes I have proof, otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to get a restraining order, now would I?” It feels way too good to say all of that out loud.

“Are you still in a relationship with her son?”

“No,” I say through gritted teeth. “CJ and I aren’t together, but I didn’t and won’t ever get a restraining order against him.” I make sure to clear that up real fast. “CJ knows about everything that just happened inside the station, and I want to thank the Los Angeles Police Department for being so helpful to me and for protecting our great city.”

With that said, I walk away and push through everyone to get to the SUV.

“Airport?” Lee asks, with emotion painting his voice once Rich is in the car too and the door is closed.

“Yes,” I whisper. “I’m gonna miss you, Lee.”

“I’ll miss you too, but you’ll be back soon enough,” he says, and I see him nod as if to himself from the back seat.

“You need to put up a tree,” Tassie tells me excitedly and I can only groan. I already bought so much shit because of her, I really don’t want a tree.

“I have stockings already pinned to the fireplace and Rich decorated a lot. I don’t want a tree.”

“Who knew you were such a Grinch,” she mumbles as she knee walks her way through my living room to another bag full of useless antiques that I don’t even like. I’m gonna make sure her car is full of those when she leaves my new place later.

It’s the day before Christmas Eve and for the first time ever I’m not spending it with Hawk, so yeah, I might be a little grumpy.

My aunt invited me over to her place though, where her husband and stepson always have a big party for people who are alone over the holidays. It grates a little bit to be added to that group of people, but since I took Rich away from Tate—his only family—I feel like I owe it to him to go. Since my aunt and her husband are richer than God, they’ll have a whole hell of a lot of security there, so he can take a break for the night too—he’s more than earned it.

Hawk is spending it with Derek’s family at the ranch, and despite everything, I left presents at Hawk’s house when I went to say goodbye—ones I chose by myself for every person.

Because of the limit Hawk set, we’ll be seeing each other in just a few days for our December monthly hangout. I’m flying down to Charleston to watch the Warriors game with him at the stadium. Then I’m getting on a plane right after and coming back here before I have to see or talk to Derek.

He hasn’t spoken to me, and honestly I don’t want to talk to him either. I really thought our friendship meant more to him and now I’m past the sadness and firmly in the anger zone when it comes to him.

Hawk is worried about that, I can tell, but he hasn’t said a peep about it, and that alone shows me how hard he’s working on his controlling tendencies. It means more than he will ever know that he’s just letting me be when I know how desperate it must make him that his husband and his brother aren’t on speaking terms.

All in all, I have plans to get out of the apartment, I have an appointment for the twenty-seventh with my new therapist, and I feel like I’m on the right path to where I want to be.

Happy, healthy, confident, and able to be a true partner to CJ.

It would be a big fat lie to say I’m not doing this in part for my relationship with him. It’s not only for myself, nothing ever is. But I do feel like there’s less pressure inside my chest, and I feel hope, which is new and amazing.