Write or Wrong (Common Threads #9)

Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVE

LANDMINE

ASA

It had been a week since he’d started getting texts from Zara.

The first one had come in less than a day since they’d said goodbye.

Z: I hate myself for not knowing anything by Winking Pete. You are amazing.

He hadn’t replied.

One, he didn’t know what to say. Her text had been hugely unexpected and made him feel a certain way.

Two, after reading fifty articles that basically all said the same thing, “Look at this loser taking advantage of Zara. He’s going to ruin her life,” he didn’t think he should say anything to her at all.

She’d mentioned that she already had a finished album which meant that she was going to need to start promoting soon. The last thing she needed—the last thing he wanted—was to corrupt that plan.

It didn’t matter that what was being published was a lie. The public believed it and the public’s opinion made and destroyed careers. Sometimes within hours.

Zara’s people had gone on the offense right away and there were now competing stories that painted Logan in a less than favorable light.

But all of that was so far from Asa’s world, he had no idea what to make of it.

Also, he didn’t want those things to be part of his world.

Fame, notoriety, attention? Fuck. No.

Sure, he’d gone to LA at Nikki’s urging to “make connections.” But he’d never been sure that was something he wanted to pursue again.

Now he was certain he didn’t want that life.

He wanted no part of it.

Which was why, when she’d started texting him, he decided not to reply. He wasn’t going to make either of their lives harder than they already were.

After a minute, with her busy schedule, she’d forget about him.

And if she came to visit Nikki, he’d be busy in a different part of town.

Excellent plan, Asa.

Thank you, I thought of it myself.

But the pull to respond to Zara never fully went away.

Especially when she started messaging him two to three times a day. Sending jokes and random thoughts. His lack of response didn’t seem to faze her. She never addressed it.

He reread her last two texts that come in back-to-back a few minutes ago.

Z: remember that voice memo I made for you? I want to hear it with a crunchy guitar.

Z: let me clarify. I want to hear YOU play it on a crunchy guitar.

So, funny story. He had recorded it on a crunchy guitar. Just that morning in fact.

Because even though he had no intention of contacting her, he’d still been playing with the idea she’d handed over to him. Like he’d won the Showcase Showdown on The Price is Right on his birthday.

He played the voice memo of her humming again and felt that now familiar buzzing in his mind.

He hadn’t been excited about writing in longer than he could remember.

Music, the music that he used to live to make, hadn’t been a safe place for him for a long time. After everything with Shelby, he hadn’t been able to return to it. Not without the ache of knowing all that was gone and all that had been wasted.

It hurt to make music.

Like he was forging weapons that would be used against him in the future.

So he avoided it.

Except for the very rare times Nikki had talked him into small things. The mixing of commercials, listening to what she was working on and giving his opinion. The piano bar.

But that stupid fucking voice memo in his phone had had him in a chokehold for seven days.

He thought about it constantly. He’d written lyrics, finished the melody, wrote a bridge and a chorus and an outro. He dreamed about it. He woke up in the middle of the night humming it.

It was fucking terrifying.

He hadn’t felt like this about music in so very long that he had honestly thought that part of his soul was dead.

Not in a melodramatic way, but in an actual, literal, not alive anymore, no hope of resuscitation way.

And then Zara Lorna had given him a shot of adrenaline straight to the heart and he was gasping and flailing and alive.

And that was terrifying in a different way.

He reread her texts way too often for someone who wasn’t going to be texting her back. But it was better than reading the ones that had come in from his mom.

Those had started immediately with a benign, “How’s it going?” And had escalated to unfounded accusations and weird demands. He’d muted the conversation immediately and hadn’t gone back to it. But every few hours it would be at the top of the inbox with new messages.

And texts from an unknown number started the day after that. He knew without looking that it was Shelby. He blocked the number. It was only a matter of time before she used a different one.

She was a human shaped hemorrhoid and there was not enough witch hazel in the world to stop that inflammation once it started.

“What’s that?”

Asa clicked the lock button on his phone before turning around.

Shawn Torres lifted his chin in greeting as he took a seat on the leather couch in the control room of Studio X.

Asa tugged at his left earlobe. “How much did you hear?” he asked the younger musician.

A crooked smile slowly spread across the twenty-one-year old’s face. “Why? Is it a secret?”

This cocky son of a bitch. Asa couldn’t help the chuckle that rumbled out of him.

Shawn had basically grown up in the studio his brother owned. It hadn’t been a secret that he wanted to be a recording artist on the same level as Sunshine Capone and Zara Lorna. But Johnny had been reluctant in letting him chase that wild dream.

For good reason, in Asa’s opinion.

But Shawn had been persistent (and smart) and he was well on his way to making a name for himself.

In fact…

“When did you get back?” Asa asked.

Last he’d checked, Shawn was opening for Sunshine Capone on tour. Talk about opportunity. He was getting out there and being heard and seen in a way that didn’t make Johnny want to rip out all his hair.

Opening for a huge name like Sunshine was a dream gig for new artists. As far as Asa knew, it had been going very well indeed.

“A couple days ago,” Shawn answered his question stretching his long arms up and folding his hands behind his head. “Don’t change the subject. What were you working on?”

Pesky, pesky.

Even though he was irritated that Shawn had overheard the voice memo, he wasn’t that upset. The kid had an ear and a passion that rivaled… Zara’s, actually. Huh.

That thought led to a mad scramble of ideas involving getting Shawn and Zara to work together.

Which, mysteriously and shockingly, sent a spike of jealousy shooting through the center of him.

Weird.

“I wasn’t working on anything.” Lie. His brain immediately rebelled. “Nothing important,” he clarified.

“Uh-huh,” Shawn replied. “All I was gonna say is if you were working on something, I want to hear it because it’s been a long time. Hasn’t it?”

Asa shrugged. Shawn’s brown eyes narrowed just slightly before he pumped his eyebrows and changed the subject. Sort of. “Do you ever sit in on writing sessions with anyone here?” he asked a little too casually.

Asa hummed and crossed his arms over his chest. “That’s not really my thing. Nikki does, but she’s out for a few weeks. You looking for a writing partner?”

Shawn shook his head as his gaze lost focus.

It wasn’t often that Shawn came to him for advice, a pep talk, whatever. He had Johnny and Hannah Lee and Nikki. The few times he’d come to Asa were because he had things he wanted to work through that he didn’t feel he could with the others. They knew him differently. In a familial way. And they couldn’t look at him without that filter in place.

But Asa talked to him like he would any other artist. Not like he was a kid.

Shawn’s eyes focused on him again. “Can I ask you something?”

Asa was pretty sure that was a given but okay. “Go for it.”

“Have you ever had a muse?” Shawn asked.

Asa kept from smiling when he really wanted to. “Why? You got one?”

“Sometimes,” Shawn muttered, a frown clouding his features.

Zara’s face flashed through Asa’s mind and he blinked it away. He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. “A muse is great. As long as it lasts. And as long as you understand it’s a temporary gift. It’s not permanent.”

Shawn stared at him, his thoughts working behind his eyes. He took a slow breath. “Keep them at arm’s length.”

“Something like that.” A muse was a dangerous thing. It could be the greatest thing to happen to an artist, or their absolute ruin. The key was to know what you were getting into before you started. But it was difficult because the inspiration that came from it was like a drug. The best drug you’ve ever had.

And you’d do just about anything to keep from coming down.

But the high eventually faded, no matter how tight you held on.

And then you had to figure out how to be a creative without your brain soaking in all the happy chemicals. It was sobering and sad. And the loneliness could drain every creative idea from a body.

Not that he knew from experience or anything.

Shawn rubbed his jaw in silent contemplation.

He’d brought up something Asa hadn’t considered though. Maybe this thing he was feeling about the voice memo and writing was just that. His brain’s attempt to jumpstart itself with a muse. Something that had worked for him in the past.

And maybe having Zara live so far away made it a safe option. He could live off the hours they’d spent together for weeks. Months even, if he just opened himself up to the reality of it. If he saw her as his muse, and didn’t think they were friends, and embraced the inspiration that would undoubtedly flood his thoughts.

Arm’s length.

She’d never know.

And he could start writing again. For himself.

“I’m supposed to be working on something,” Shawn said haltingly. He followed that with a slow blink and humorless laugh. “But I am distracted.”

“By anyone in particular?” Asa asked, his lips tugging up on the ends.

Shawn’s gaze cut to his. “No one I want to talk about just yet.”

Asa lifted his chin in understanding.

Because there was the muse and then there was the muse .

“How was opening for Sunshine?” Asa asked.

Shawn’s face brightened and a broad grin spread across his face. “Oh my God, Asa. It was amazing.”

Asa crossed his arms and sat back in his chair as he let Shawn regale him with stories from the road. He missed that youthful exuberance. The untarnished version of himself that loved music because he didn’t know how not to.

He hoped Shawn never lost it.

ASA: I’m just headed up now

He slid his phone back into his pocket as he hit the button for the elevator.

Nikki had asked him to stop by after work to hang out. She’d been out of the studio for a couple months and he was pretty sure she was going crazy not knowing if it had burned down or not.

He was happy to report that everything was progressing just fine without her. Though he didn’t phrase it quite like that. He didn’t want her to think they didn’t need her because they absolutely did. But she’d set them up so well before she’d gone on maternity leave that there hadn’t been any issues.

Plus, Hannah Lee’s sixteen-year-old little sister Piper was working there as a runner and part time office manager until Nikki got back.

If Asa thought Hannah Lee was intimidating, she had nothing on Piper. That girl ran the studio. No one missed an appointment. No one was late. No one crossed her.

She was like this really adorable tyrant who used her powers for good. Which, thank God for that. Otherwise, she’d be a monster.

Nikki liked Asa to stop by so she could quiz him on whatever worries had plagued her that day. Truthfully, he thought she just missed living with him and needed an excuse to make him come over. But she didn’t need an excuse. He’d always show up for her no matter the reason. She only had to ask.

He stepped off the elevator.

And stopped.

Just outside André and Nikki’s door stood a huge man, with a military style haircut, dressed all in black, his eyes already on Asa.

Asa recognized him from the morning he’d picked Zara up from the hotel room. He swallowed, his throat suddenly tight.

“Cas, right?” Asa guessed, approaching the bodyguard slowly.

Cas lifted his chin a fraction, grunted, and stepped away from the door so Asa could enter.

If Cas was here that meant…

Fuck.

No really.

Fuck.

He hadn’t texted Zara back at all and now he was going to have to look her in the eye and lie. Because no way was he going to tell her the truth.

“Uh, yeah. I haven’t texted you back because I like you too much and I’m afraid I could destroy your entire career. Because even though I’m aware that I’m a nobody with no hope of ever being anybody, I still think I can make things worse.”

Maybe he could leave and come back later. He could tell Nikki he’d lost track of time and just wait outside for Zara to leave… like a fucking stalker .

That was somehow a worse idea than telling Zara the truth. Which he still wasn’t going to do.

Besides, Cas might be monosyllabic with him, but he might be chattier with Zara (she brought that out in people), and he might tell her.

“Are you here a long time?” Asa asked, not really expecting an answer but shooting his shot.

Cas’s steel gray eyes slid him a look. “No.”

Cool. Coolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcool.

Asa pressed his lips together and nodded. He knocked on the door.

“Have you eaten anything?” Asa asked. “Can I get you some water or a protein shake or something?”

Cas remained unblinking and unamused.

“Okay, well just give a holler if you change your mind,” Asa said, widening his eyes at the door.

The door opened and Asa had never been so relieved to see André.

Even though Asa had forgiven him, he still gave André a hard time whenever he saw an opportunity.

André smiled like he knew he’d just been having the world’s most awkward conversation with Cas the Bodyguard.

“Asa’s here,” André announced, stepping aside and letting him through the door.

Cool.

No hiding in the pantry then.

Asa walked the short distance to the living area and all the air left his lungs in a woosh when he saw Zara standing in the sunlight.

The last time he’d seen her she was in his shirt and sweatpants, her face makeup free and hair messy.

Today was different.

Today she was full-blown popstar gorgeous.

In high waisted black dress pants with a dark teal fitted V-neck t-shirt that dipped just a fraction too low. Her black hair was swept up into a twist in the back, showing off the slope of her neck. Her amber gold eyes were lined in black, making them glow. Three silver necklaces adorned her in varying lengths. Two had pendants he couldn’t see in detail, and one was a plain thick chain.

He bet that if he were a more devoted fan he’d know more about the necklaces. He made a mental note to look it up later.

What he did know about the woman standing before him was that her eyes got soft when she talked about her family. And that she threw up when her emotions got the better of her.

And he knew that she was funny and intelligent and kind. Probably the most gifted artist of their time. Definitely the most gifted he’d ever met.

And she was twenty-three with an entire life ahead of her that didn’t include him—the nearly thirty-year-old washed up wannabe who never got to be.

Wow. Was he feeling sorry enough for himself?

He swallowed and finally met her eyes. It was like looking into the sun.

“Ace of Spades,” she said with a half-smile. Her eyes flicked up and down his person and his skin prickled with awareness. “It’s good to see you again.”

He nodded and tucked his hands in his pockets, changed his mind and crossed his arms over his chest. No, that seemed too defensive. Back in the pockets.

“What’s up?” he said going for aloof and casual, but it came out high and squeaky.

Her lips trembled with her withheld laugh.

“Are you okay?” Nikki asked from her seat on the couch.

He lifted his eyebrows and turned to his bestie. “I’m great. How are you feeling?” he asked.

Nikki eyed him suspiciously. If anyone in the world was going to be able to read his mind, it would be her.

The question was, would she betray him?

And then baby Amber let out a howl that could break windows.

Thank God for the baby.

Nikki moved to get up, but Asa was already around the front of the bassinet.

And every single ounce of nervous energy left his body as he gazed down at the loudest, most beautiful girl in the world.

He picked up the burp cloth on the edge of the bassinet and then scooped the tiny screaming bundle into his arms.

“Oh, listen to those healthy lungs,” he said softly. “So loud. You’re gonna change the world with a voice like that.”

Amber’s cries lessened and lessened, her red face staring up at Asa’s. Her little bottom lip jutted out and tears leaked from the sides of her eyes.

He’d never thought about having children. Babies hadn’t been on his radar in any capacity. But babies were amazing.

“I don’t know how you do that,” Nikki muttered. “It’s like the moment you two laid eyes on one another, you became besties. I think she prefers you over me.”

Asa snorted. “Shut up with that nonsense. Our souls are just very old friends, aren’t they?” he cooed to Amber. Her eyes zeroed in on him for a brief second and he could swear she understood him.

Within a week he realized he’d march into battle for this child. He’d die for this child. She had wiggled her way into his soul and he was an absolute goner.

He placed Amber on his chest, her little head resting just below his chin. He discarded the burp cloth knowing she’d more than likely spit up on his Mot?rhead t-shirt, but he didn’t care. It wasn’t anything he hadn’t done himself. He hummed a tune deep in his chest and started a hip sway that would make his nonna proud. “Does she need to be changed?” he asked softly.

“No, I just changed her,” André said coming to look over his shoulder. “She’s supposed to be napping. Looks like you’re taking care of that.”

Asa darted a look to André but the man only had eyes for his baby girl.

“She’s so warm,” Asa said around a low chuckle.

“I know,” André agreed, keeping his voice just as soft. “It’s like cuddling a tea kettle.”

“The cutest tea kettle ever.”

They both chuckled at their shared joke.

Asa glanced at Nikki who was curled into the corner of the couch with Zara leaning into her side. “What?”

Nikki held up her hands, palms out. “Don’t mind us. We’re just watching the bromance bloom.”

“Finally,” Zara added with a small smirk.

Asa made a strangled noise, but he didn’t argue. His gaze slid to Zara and then away again. For all of his apprehension when he’d first arrived, it felt normal to have her there. Beside Nikki. In their circle of friends and family.

And for all intents and purposes, she seemed completely at ease in that role as well.

Which meant it was only him who had felt weird. And that was only because she’d tried to be his friend and he couldn’t handle it.

That was really the problem, wasn’t it? His inability to let anyone in. Even in a small way. And especially if they were involved in music in any capacity.

It was too much of a risk.

It hurt too much when it was over.

His conversation with Shawn earlier came back to him and he wondered if maybe he should shelve the idea of a muse. At least in his case. Arm’s length was all well and good but what about times like this? When she was right there, in his life. He’d be inclined to shorten those arms pretty quick.

But maybe even the idea of writing again was the real problem. Maybe he needed to let that part of him stay dead in the grave.

No resurrections.

Zara’s phone went off and she silenced it immediately.

“Time to go?” Nikki asked.

Zara pouted. “Yeah. Unfortunately. I’m headed to LA. Logan hasn’t moved out of the house yet and says he ‘wants to talk.’” She gagged.

Nikki made a face. “Gross. Logan sucks.”

Zara nodded but didn’t vocally agree.

“You’re still with him?” Asa blurted. He shouldn’t have said anything. The words had fallen out because he was so surprised.

Zara’s golden eyes landed on him and she shook her head. “No. Definitely not. I haven’t been taking his calls. Which is why he’s playing squatter like a little bitch in the house I paid for.” She rolled her eyes. “He said he’ll move out if I just talk to him.”

“That sounds like a trap,” Asa remarked.

“I’m sure it’s intended to be one,” she agreed. She stood and gathered her purse from the coffee table. “Don’t worry about me. I’m sly like a fox.” She winked at him.

He felt a smile tug on his mouth. “I’m sure you are,” he said around a low chuckle.

She hugged Nikki and fist bumped André. Then she circled around to Asa and the baby. When she placed her hand on Amber’s back, it overlapped Asa’s.

“I’ll see you again soon, baby girl,” she whispered to Amber.

Her eyes moved over the sleeping face and then up to Asa. They were standing so close he could feel the heat of her body against his side. Her golden gaze drifted over his features and the back of his neck got hot. Her pink lips were stained red in the center from biting them and he wanted to ask why. What had been causing her to worry so much that she’d made herself bleed? Because they hadn’t been that way a week ago.

The smile she’d used on Amber softened into something else and she opened her mouth to say something but stopped. Then she hummed and took a deep breath.

“See you, Asa,” she said it like a statement but her eyes made it sound like a question.

“For sure,” he muttered.

Her gaze flicked between him and the baby and she took a step back, letting her hand drop.

Nikki walked her to the door and they laughed about something Asa couldn’t hear above the roaring in his ears. Once again, being near her had opened up a cavern of possibility and ideas.

The door closed behind her and he took a deep breath.

Arm’s length.

ZARA

“Was everything fine with Nikki and the baby?” Gregor asked.

Zara turned toward her assistant. “Hmm? Oh, yeah. They were great. Why?”

“You’re very quiet,” Gregor pointed out gently.

“I just have a lot on my mind,” she said, flicking her gaze up to see Cas eyeing her from the rearview mirror and then back to G.

The things on her mind couldn’t really be put into words yet. If ever. Mostly she was feeling a pang of longing and loneliness that she usually didn’t. Watching Asa and Nikki’s friendship had unexpectedly plucked at a tender wound in her heart.

When was the last time she’d had that easy a connection? That sweet a friendship?

She liked to think of herself as being a decent friend. But when had she felt someone care about her in the same measure?

These were questions she had no one to ask. And even if she did, she didn’t want to know the answer.

But she’d gotten to see Asa and that had been…

She let out a deep breath.

It had been right there, on the tip of her tongue, to ask him why he hadn’t replied to her texts.

But as she’d stood there, taking in his tattooed arms, shaggy black hair, short beard, and Mot?rhead shirt while he held Nikki’s baby, she realized how incredibly hot he was.

It was a lot.

He was a lot hot.

Which shouldn’t have been a revelation. Rock stars were usually hot. It was in their DNA. But it had taken her by complete surprise.

And you know what hot rockstars usually had?

Girlfriends.

She was so short sighted sometimes.

Of course the hot rock star with the wounded heart had a girlfriend. What woman wouldn’t take one look at him and go, “Yeah. That one.”

And she’d been texting him nonstop for a week. Like a completely selfish and unaware idiot.

No more texts then. Not until she met the girlfriend and they were on the same page with what was and wasn’t okay.

That just made her want to meet the girlfriend now.

She had to be awesome to be with someone like Asa. Besides, Zara had a hundred percent track record with the ladies of XY Records. She was positive she’d be able to win over Asa’s lady love too.

Her stomach gurgled and she grimaced.

“Antacid?” Gregor asked.

“Yeah,” she agreed, holding out her hand for the tablet he was already dispensing.

“Not looking forward to seeing Logan?” Gregor guessed.

Zara nodded and looked out the window.

Sure. Logan. That’s what was bothering her.