Write or Wrong (Common Threads #9)

Chapter 13

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

DRIVE ALL NIGHT

ASA

Asa had had a lot of bad ideas in his life. More than he could count. His guardian angel probably had a spreadsheet somewhere.

But this idea?

This was a very bad idea.

Take the world’s most beloved woman on the back of a motorcycle? Was he deranged?

Except the moment he’d suggested it, her amber gold eyes lit up in a way he wasn’t sure if he’d seen yet. And he really, really hoped Cas would say yes.

Because Nikki had been right, he was a better friend—a better person—than how he’d been behaving. So what if people saw them together? Fuck Shelby and Gemma and everyone who thought they knew his business.

They didn’t know anything.

They never had.

Something had happened last night when he’d found her in the stairwell.

It hadn’t been some huge revelation or lightning striking epiphany. No, it had been subtle. Unassuming. A gentle shift in his mind that he didn’t notice until he’d lifted his eyes and saw her sleepy, confused face in the kitchen.

All the reasons he’d had for keeping her at arm’s length seemed so very insignificant.

She’d texted Cas to come over and then had breakfast. They chatted about the book she (and now he) was reading, and she went upstairs to shower and get ready… for whatever the day might bring.

He went back to his room and found the shirt he’d decided to give her. It was new; he’d never worn it.

He held it up and immediately smiled at the ridiculous graphic. She’d love it.

The garage door started to open and Asa froze.

He held perfectly still and tried to ignore the slight tremble in his hands as he listened to Cas and Devan enter the house and go upstairs.

He wasn’t scared of Cas. Okay, maybe a little. But it was a healthy fear, not an irrational one.

What the fuck was he doing?

She found comfort in my music.

He shook his head, trying to rid his mind of the thought that kept floating through it like a whimsical bubble in a rain shower.

He could do this. He could talk to Cas about taking Zara on the bike.

She was an adult, not a child. She’d been living this life longer than most popstars had successful careers.

But if Cas said no, that would be it. Idea dead. No more ideas.

But he had a sneaking suspicion Cas would say yes.

Asa climbed the stairs, long sleeve shirt tucked under his arm.

Cas was waiting for him in the kitchen. He had a cup of coffee in front of him and Asa was pretty sure it was the first time he’d seen the Terminator have a human function.

Actually, he hadn’t seen Cas drink from the cup yet. It could be a prop.

Asa took a casual stance, leaning against the counter, ankles crossed, facing the bodyguard.

Cas arched a single eyebrow.

“Mornin’,” Asa said.

Cas nodded once.

Asa took in a slow breath. Cas wouldn’t murder him right there in the kitchen. He’d wait until 4am when Asa was sleeping and he’d throw a hood over his head, haul him out of the house, and toss his body into the Chicago River.

“I could be wrong,” Asa started. “And if this is a terrible idea, I trust your judgement. I don’t want her to get hurt.”

Something flickered in Cas’s eyes but he otherwise didn’t move.

“I want to take her for a ride on the bike. South. Toward Peoria and back. It’s an easy loop. Couple hundred miles. There’s a state park where we can stop for a minute if she wants. Nothing crazy.” His voice got softer. “You and Devan can follow us. You should follow us.” Aaannnd he was sweating. Had he remembered to put deodorant on? He swallowed, trying to work moisture back into his suddenly dry mouth. “I think, and again, I could be wrong, but I think she needs to get out.”

Cas didn’t say anything for a long time.

Ultimately, Asa knew that Zara would make her own decision. But it would help a lot if her head of security was on board. He cared about her probably as much as her own father. If he expressed concern, it should be heard.

Asa looked at the larger man and decided to reveal something Zara probably never would.

“She’s not sleeping,” he said.

The lines between Cas’s eyebrows deepened slightly. He had to be wondering how Asa knew Zara wasn’t sleeping since they lived on separate floors. Asa wasn’t going to go into the details of how he knew.

The corner of Cas’s mouth may have twitched. It was hard to tell.

“Where’s the state park?” Cas asked.

Asa pulled out his phone and typed it into the search. He handed it over to the big man; the phone disappeared in Cas’s enormous grip.

Devan materialized out of the woodwork and Asa nearly jumped. That woman was a fucking ghost.

He rubbed his chest with a hand, trying to act like his soul hadn’t just been snatched from his body.

Cas handed the phone over to Devan and they communicated telepathically. Or at least, that’s what Asa assumed since no words or gestures were exchanged. Didn’t bodyguards have to graduate from a special mindreading school? He thought he’d read that somewhere but it may have been a dream.

Zara stepped into the kitchen, fresh and ready for whatever came next. Her hair had been tamed into a braid. She was in jeans that looked thicker than average, a long sleeve tee, and Docs. A black leather jacket hung over one arm.

Something about her showing up ready to go without knowing how Cas would respond to Asa’s idea seemed very ballsy on her part. It was that kind of confidence that let her step out onto the stage in front of seventy thousand people and sing about the things that made her hurt.

It was really fucking hot.

Cas cleared his throat and handed the phone back to Asa. He gave a subtle nod.

For whatever reason, Cas’s approval was even more nerve-wracking than waiting for it. Asa’s stomach took a dive. He took his phone and slid it in his pocket before he looked at Zara again.

Could he take one of the most photographed women in the world out into public and not have anyone recognize her?

Or was he going to throw up first?

His mind flashed back to the night he rescued her from the afterparty. He’d been a wreck about that too. And then it had somehow turned into one of the best nights of his life.

He could do this.

“You wanna go for a ride?” he asked.

A slow smile spread across her face.

“There’s not a lot of space in town.” Asa dipped his chin. Because duh. “But we can head south and just ride. Or stop at the state park and walk around a bit. If you want.”

She laced her hands together and held them under her chin.

“I don’t want you to get too excited,” he warned, thinking about the very mediocre landscape that was Illinois. “It’s not life changing.”

“I don’t care. Please, let’s do that. Oh please.” She grabbed his arm and he was pretty sure she wasn’t aware she was even doing it. “Please don’t change your mind. I know I’m acting like a psycho but I’ll behave.”

This was not the first time she’d apologized for her excitement and Asa decided if he ever met Logan Black again, he was probably going to jail.

He couldn’t be sure it was Logan who’d made Zara feel like she needed to be “less.” But he didn’t doubt it.

Fucker.

Instead of saying any of that though, he held out the shirt he’d brought upstairs.

She took it, giving him a curious look.

His stomach felt weird.

Good weird.

She unfolded the shirt and held it up.

If his stomach felt weird before, it was nothing compared to how his entire body felt when she laughed out loud.

Like he’d touched a shorted-out cord. Tingles raced over his skin and scalp and left him with a buzzing sensation in his fingertips.

Zara, completely oblivious to what was happening to Asa, held the shirt up against her body and showed Devan and Cas.

Devan cracked a smile and Cas’s eyes crinkled at the sides. That was the equivalent of a belly laugh from that guy.

The long sleeve tee was baby blue and too big for her; extra-large. Screen printed on the front in white was a very recognizable face and the words “Rick Astley is my emergency contact.”

“This is getting worn today ,” Zara declared. “I’ll be right back.” She ran upstairs.

Asa looked at Cas and Devan to find them both watching him. He forced a smile.

“This is a good idea, right?”

He didn’t expect an answer.

He didn’t get one.

ZARA

Zara met Cas’s eyes as Devan lowered the helmet onto her head.

“We’ll be right behind you,” Cas said, handing her an Air Tag which she slipped into her back pocket.

He didn’t look worried. Or even annoyed. Cas seemed…fine. Whatever that was about.

She knew her life wasn’t exactly normal. And yeah, sometimes she felt like a child when Cas and Devan had to check the house before she went inside. Or like right then when Cas handed her a pair of leather gloves.

Except she was also very aware that without them she probably wouldn’t be alive anymore. More than once, her profession had put her life in danger. And Cas and Devan had been there to keep her safe.

But this was regular life stuff. Not part of her profession. Going for a ride with a friend shouldn’t require her security detail going with her. She wasn’t the president.

Logan always hated it when they would go out and Cas and Devan would be nearby. He said it made him feel like he couldn’t be himself.

Asa hadn’t expressed any sort of feeling about Cas and Devan coming along. In fact, she was pretty sure Asa expected them to be there.

Huh.

She thought about the time they’d spent together when they were alone alone and the times when Cas had been around. Asa’s behavior was relatively the same on both counts.

Maybe that was something to think about. Or maybe it wasn’t anything at all and Logan was just an asshole. Maybe both things could be true.

In the alley behind the house, Asa started the bike and Zara had to keep herself from skipping over to his side.

She had promised him she’d be cool about it, but the kaleidoscope of butterflies in her belly had other ideas.

The seat behind him was small but she swung her leg over the bike like she knew what she was doing and settled in behind him. Her thighs aligned with his hips and she gingerly placed her hands on his back.

He reached back and grabbed her hands, pulling them around to his stomach where he held them for a beat. Her chest was right up against his back, her groin completely flush to his lower half.

Her pulse picked up and she almost chickened out, but then Asa patted her hands around his middle and said, “I got you,” over the rumble of the motor.

And with the same words he’d used on her six months ago, she tightened her hold and believed him. He lifted his legs and the bike took off down the alley.

She clutched tightly to his body and tried to control her breathing.

The next several minutes as he navigated their way out of the busy Chicago traffic, she had to remind herself that she’d wanted this. No one was forcing her. If she wanted to stop and get off, she knew Asa would let her.

The rumble of the Harley was unfamiliar and she tried not to freak out over ever new sensation. She had to trust that Asa knew what he was doing.

That’s when it hit her, she couldn’t remember the last time she’d handed over her life to someone else. Sure, she relied on Cas and Devan in a life-or-death way. But every decision Zara made was made by her . Even the record execs and the media and everyone who had tried to make her do something ultimately failed in the end. She hadn’t been a passenger in so long, she almost didn’t know what to do with it.

These were the thoughts that occupied her mind as they wound through traffic and headed southeast.

And then the road opened up before them and Asa let out the throttle.

The wind whipped through their clothes and whistled through the visor on the helmet.

Zara’s heart continued to thunder and she knew she was gripping Asa tighter than was probably necessary with everything she had. But how else could she respond when it felt like she was about to start flying at any moment?

ASA

He would not tell her that the first part of their journey had felt like a twenty-five-mile Heimlich. But that’s something he’d laugh about to himself for probably the rest of his life.

She eventually relaxed her grip enough that he knew she wasn’t as freaked out as when she’d started.

And then he just enjoyed it.

Her so close he could almost feel her heartbeat through his back, the sun, the wind, the open space.

More than once he’d been given a hard time for owning a motorcycle as his only vehicle when he lived in a city that didn’t allow for comfortable riding. But it was always worth it when he got out of the city.

Never had U.S. Route 6 been as beautiful as it was that day.

They drove along the winding road until he spotted the sign for the state park. He pointed at it and felt her nod behind him.

It would be a nice, relatively private area for her to stretch her legs and rest.

Cas and Devan pulled up about five minutes after them. They got out of the black SUV but kept their distance.

Again, Asa thought about the night he’d taken Zara away from the afterparty. It seemed like those events were never fading in his mind. He had a feeling that if Cas had been there, Logan wouldn’t have acted the way he had.

But who knows? Maybe Logan didn’t give a shit who heard him.

Zara unzipped her jacket and took it off. She took out the elastic in her hair and redid her braid as she looked around at their surroundings.

Only a couple of cars were parked nearby and he could hear voices from the picnic area.

He darted frequent glances at Zara, trying to read her expression to see if she was uncomfortable or worried about anything. But she was just quiet. Relaxed. Peaceful.

Silently they moseyed around the nearby canyon and then over to the river.

At one point he caught her watching the water, a serene smile ghosting her lips.

They used the bathrooms nearby and then Asa went into the nearby lodge and got everyone lunch.

Cas looked surprised when Asa brought them a couple of sandwiches. But it would be incredibly rude to eat in front of them. His dad would kill him if he did something like that.

He and Zara sat at a picnic table facing each other to eat their lunch.

“Thank you,” she said around a mouthful. “I can pay you back when we get home.”

He snorted. “It’s a couple sandwiches. I think I can afford it.”

She narrowed one eye at him but didn’t argue. “Do you do this drive often?” she asked.

Was it his imagination or was she trying to sound casual?

He shook his head. “Not often. I should though. I always forget how pretty it is out here.” He looked around at the spring foliage.

“You really undersold the Illinois countryside.”

He canted his head to the side. “You get to see some of the most beautiful places in the world.” He shrugged, figuring that explained it.

The smile on her face went a little funny and she snickered. “Oh, Asa.” Her tone was light. “Everything is beautiful.”

She looked around at their surroundings, truly enjoying whatever it was she saw. He felt that tingle in his limbs that he usually did when he was with her. Like a low-level buzz of awareness coursing through his entire body.

The sun brightened the gold in her eyes turning them almost citrine. He used to think they brightened them artificially for events or music videos. But that just wasn’t the case. At first glance, one would assume her eyes were a light brown; maybe even hazel. But different light, her mood, the presence of tears, could alter the color in significant ways.

“Where did you get your eyes?” he asked. “I’ve never seen that color before.”

She turned those eyes on him with a look that almost made him laugh. “Are you about to tell me they’re beautiful?”

He chuckled. “You don’t like to hear that?”

She rolled her eyes. “Telling someone they have beautiful eyes seems like the most obvious compliment.” She dusted the crumbs from her fingers.

“What do you mean?” His lips quirked up on the side, amused at her irritation.

She flattened a look his direction. “Because all eyes are beautiful.”

“No, they’re not,” he disagreed.

“Yes, they are.” She leaned forward and lifted her eyebrows. “Name one person with ugly eyes. Just one.”

He opened his mouth and then closed it.

“Go on. I’ll wait.”

He sighed and shook his head because she was right. He couldn’t think of an example.

She sat back and crossed her arms. “See? Eyes are beautiful. All of them. They’re like little swirling galaxies rolling around in people’s heads.”

He barked a laugh. “Didn’t exactly stick the landing with your metaphor.”

She shrugged one shoulder, unworried. “You know what I mean. Eyes are amazing. But it always feels so disingenuous when someone points it out. What am I supposed to say?” She fluttered her lashes and pitched her voice higher. “Why, thank you,” she cooed. “I grew them myself.”

He tipped his head back and laughed long and loud. He tried to sober himself but for some reason what she’d done hit him in a spot in his gut that hadn’t been punched with humor in a long time. It was hard to stop laughing.

When he finally did, it was with his forehead on the table and both hands holding his stomach.

He righted himself, still smiling and just stared at her.

“You okay?” she asked, looking just as pleased as she should with herself.

He nodded. He was very okay.

“My dad says I got my eyes from his mom’s side. She was from Brazil,” she said, answering his original question.

“Your dad doesn’t have the gold eyes?”

“Nope.” She thought about it for a moment. “I think I have a second cousin with eyes like mine. It’s hard to remember.”

“Did your dad grow up in Brazil?”

“No.” She propped her chin on her hand and her elbow on the table. “He was born in Italy. That’s where his dad is from. They moved to New Jersey when he was twelve or thirteen. After he graduated from high school, his dad passed away and his mom moved back to Brazil. I don’t know anything about my grandparents on my mom’s side.”

Asa arched his eyebrows.

“You’re a little Italian too, right?” she guessed.

“A bit. My dad is Italian and my mom is…” He snorted because he almost said, “crazy.” Instead he just shook his head. “What about your mom?” he asked.

Zara hummed and dropped her hands into her lap. “My mom is white. I don’t know much else. We don’t have any contact.”

Ah. So they had the mom thing in common.

“The only contact I have with my mom is through text,” he said. “And that’s just because it’s easier to ignore her that way.” It wasn’t until the words had finished exiting his mouth that he actually heard them.

His gaze darted to hers, hoping she didn’t assume that’s what he’d done to her. Even though that was exactly what he’d done to her. But for a completely different reason.

Her lips parted and her head tilted in question.

He waited for her to ask about the unanswered text messages. If she did, he would tell her; he wouldn’t lie. Even though it wasn’t a conversation he ever wanted to have.

After a beat she rubbed her palms on her thighs. “Are you still working at the piano bar you told me about?” she asked.

Guess she wasn’t going to ask about the one-sided texts. He should have felt relief but it only twisted the guilt deeper into his gut. Especially since he’d already decided not to lie to her and then she asked about the one thing he’d been keeping a secret from everyone else.

“No,” he answered slowly, gaze drifting to the table. “I quit there a couple months ago.”

“Oh,” she said, sounding sad if he wasn’t mistaken. “Can I ask why?”

He took a deep breath and thought about how to answer. His quitting was very closely related to why he’d never texted her back. And how was he supposed to give his reasons without sounding like he was blaming her?

Because it wasn’t her fault. It was just the circumstances that came along with being near her.

And that had him feeling even worse about his reasons.

How was he supposed to say that he shut himself off from music because it just hurt too much at the time? It sounded as cowardly as it felt.

“Ask me again later,” he said.

She held his gaze for a beat before nodding once.

He stood and gathered their trash. “It’s probably a good time for us to head back.”

She stood as well and put her jacket back on. “Asa?” she asked, stopping near him after he’d thrown the garbage away.

“I’m sorry if I asked about something that wasn’t my business,” she said softly.

And now he felt even worse. Which was the only explanation for why he did what he did next.

He took her hand and rubbed his thumb over the back of her knuckles. “You did absolutely nothing wrong. I’m having the best day with you.” Then he tugged her forward and wrapped his arms high up around her shoulders. Her arms went around his middle and he pressed his cheek to the top of her head. “Ask me about it later,” he repeated. She nodded in his arms and he released her.

She put her gloves back on and he helped her with her helmet before they both got back on the bike.

And for the next two hours, the only thing he let his mind think about was how amazing it felt to have her limbs wrapped around his body. And how he wanted it for a lot longer than he should.