Written by a Woman

Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

ZAID

Weeks had passed since the tampon/desk plant debacle where I almost blew it with Signe and exposed the fact that I had recently stalked her social media accounts, which would prove that I knew about her allergies and secret book.

Thankfully, my blatant lie that one of my sisters was allergic to flowers happened to pay off.

Things changed a little between Signe and I since then, in a good way. We said hello to each other almost every single time we passed one another. Sometimes if she was walking past my office to go talk to Jacqueline or Brandon or someone else, she would just knock on the door frame without even looking in to see what I was doing.

The first time she did this I startled in my seat, though now I recognized Signe’s two-knock pass every time it happened. She never waited for me to respond with a hello or a knock on my desk. Instead, she would knock and just keep walking.

It was very intentional of her, and it made my chest heat with something every time it happened. It reminded me that she was thinking of me, even if it was just as a platonic friend. For the moment. Hopefully not forever.

* * *

Fall had come to Orange County.

Which meant nothing, because the weather still reflected summertime.

The days were mostly clear skies and eighty to eighty-five-degrees.

In a few weeks, the Santa Ana winds would start up, making fire season a risk, but again, fall didn’t exist here. Some trees would shed their leaves, but the desert-like climate usually still looked the same. People still went to the beach. Flip flops and shorts and t-shirts were still everyday wear.

Sun Steer’s holiday party in December would probably be at the beach again this year.

The Halloween party that Signe and Jacqueline worked on together was in our office, in the AC. It started right at the end of the workday so that families with kids could bring children to trick-or-treat desk to desk, or office-to-office in my case.

It also meant that I had to cut myself off to be present at the party. Meetings didn’t linger today, and the timer on my phone had just startled me out of a work-induced trance. I removed my glasses to rub my eyes after staring at my computer screen all day.

I silenced the alarm, only then hearing the noise coming from outside of my secluded workspace.

The office was loud and busy, two things I generally didn’t care for in a workplace setting because it became incredibly hard to focus on my tasks. However, I was happy to make an exception for today, because somehow the blanket of noise and adults and children happening outside my office made me feel a little bit like I was invisible in here. That being said, I was also aware that I should be going out of my way to not appear invisible to one woman in particular.

My phone vibrated in my pocket, so I shifted in my seat and pulled it out to see that Raina had texted me. Even though she was already here with Ben and Salma, who brought Zeki for the trick-or-treating thing.

Raina: Just curious, did Signe happen to see your costume yet?

Me: I haven’t worn it yet.

I hesitated before putting my phone down again, wondering why my sister was randomly texting me this. They had already brought Zeki to my office to trick-or-treat, and I wasn’t dressed up then. Why she was curious made me suspicious.

Raina: !!! DO IT! She’s going to lose her mind.

Me: …Is there a reason you suggested this costume that I should know about?

Last week at family dinner, Zeki was showing me his Spider-Man costume that he wore proudly until his parents forced him to change out of it for bedtime. When my sisters asked me what I was dressing up as for the company party, I told them that I probably wouldn’t. I planned to just wear my work clothes that day since I had meetings scheduled and needed to look professional.

Raina casually suggested I at least buy something simple like a scream mask, so that I wouldn’t be a party pooper and accidentally hinder company morale by not properly participating, but also so that I could still look professional throughout the day.

Raina: Do you want me to lie?

Me: Didn’t Salma tell you that I don’t want you two meddling in this?

Raina: I’d argue that it’s not so much meddling, as it is seizing an opportunity.

I rolled my eyes and pocketed my phone again. I wasn’t quite sure that my little sister wasn’t pranking me.

I set my phone down and tried focusing on my screen at the last email I’d received and decided that it could, in fact, wait until tomorrow. I eventually needed to join the party outside of my office, take a few photos with employees, and ensure everyone was happy and safe. The usual.

Just then, Nikhil pinged me with a message as I went to stand up from my desk, and concurrently a knock sounded on my office door.

“Yeah?” I called, quickly reading his message.

“Can I come in?” Signe’s voice rang in the space. I glanced up at her, torturing myself as I adjusted my rolled sleeves to see where her eyes landed. As soon as Signe stepped into the office, leaving the door partially open and letting the noise from the party fill the room, her eyes followed the movement of my hands.

My heart thumped in my chest, both from her gaze and from her presence. After following her on my secret account, and therefore seeing additional romance reader content, I recently learned that there was a very large number of women who enjoyed the look of men’s forearms in a dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Based on the glance Signe gave mine, I was inclined to think she was one of those women.

I had no idea what Signe dressed up as, but my guess was some sort of fictional princess.

But she was beautiful, nonetheless.

She had curled her red hair in tons of tight ringlets, and she wore a dark navy dress with sleeves to her wrists and a skirt to the floor. The dress reminded me of something you’d see at a Renaissance fair. She had a fake bow and arrow on her back, but the bust of her dress was what made me swallow a dry lump in my throat and glance back at my computer to Nikhil’s message.

“Nikhil was going to come to talk to you, but he got pulled away by his kids and asked me to come to check to see if you got his message,” Signe explained. She had both a company iPad and her cell phone in her hands.

“Yeah, I’m reading it now,” my brow scrunched as I placed my hands on my hips. I was still standing behind my desk, getting ready to come join the party, but I figured I could take a moment to check this for Nikhil first, “Can I see your phone? I need to look at this from an employee with fewer credentials and access to certain features on the app.”

“Wow, tell me how you really feel.” Signe quipped, scrolling on her iPad once before she tapped her password without looking, and handed me her unlocked phone in her palm. She must have still been working on that checklist Jacqueline made for her to ensure everything for the party was going to run smoothly.

I reached for her phone and gave her a look that let her know that I wasn’t buying into her self-pity, my fingers gently brushing against hers. Signe’s head popped up as she locked eyes with me for a moment before I looked away first.

I was once again pleased at how affected she seemed to be by casual touches from me.

“The password to get into the app is SL9469,” Signe said as she tapped on her iPad.

“Wow, that’s a specific set of numbers and letters.”

Signe hummed, “It’s the same set I use for everything.”

I hesitated before looking at her phone, “What do you mean?”

“I used the same password for everything, so it’s easy for me to remember.” Signe glanced up at me and smiled.

“Signe,” I shook my head at her, “That’s unsafe. If someone finds the password to one of your accounts, they suddenly have access to all of your accounts.”

“Yeah, I’m willing to take the risk for convenience’s sake,” Signe shrugged before glancing back at her iPad.

“You shouldn’t though.” I was feeling anxious about this, perhaps I could just log into all of her accounts and change her passwords myself to something more secure. Both proving my point and ensuring she was being responsible with her information.

“Oh my god, it’ll be fine. I have nothing valuable for people to steal anyway,” I was about to protest when she waved her hand at me to cut me off and ask, “Why didn’t you dress up?”

“I will,” I glanced down at her phone in my hand to see that the screen had locked, so I tapped her one and only password in to unlock it again. It displayed a white background with plain black text filling the screen. I was going to try to swipe out of whatever this was to get to the company app to test Nikhil’s concern, but the words on the screen caught my eye and made me pause.

“I need you to be a good girl and stay quiet while I lick your cunt,” he growled.

My heart sped up in my chest, every muscle in my body locked, and I could feel the heat rising to my neck and face before I could even think about trying to stop it. It was like a train wreck. My thumb was positioned to swipe out of the screen, there was no reason for me to not continue to swipe out of this screen. And yet, I couldn’t stop my eyes from reading the text.

“Good, because I need to take pictures of everyone’s costumes for the company newsletter...What’s wrong?” I vaguely heard Signe ask as my eyes read faster than they had ever read anything.

…The first swipe of his tongue made me feel as if sparks were lighting up inside me, I had to fist my hands in his thick hair as I bit my lip, each pass of his hot mouth on my center made me…

Jesus fucking Christ, was this Signe’s book?

“…Is everything alright?” Signe’s voice made me jump a little, my heart lodging itself in my throat as I realized that I had been standing there dumbstruck as I scanned her phone. My brain scrambled, I was pretty sure I was staring at her phone with a slack jaw and everything. By the time Signe stepped closer to me, her flowery scent filling my nostrils, I had taken too long to try to conceal what exactly I was reading before she stood on tiptoes to see what I was gaping at.

Then Signe’s eyes widened, and her mouth dropped open before she gasped, “Oh god!” and reached for it.

I immediately pulled my hand back, and I could not tell you why that was my first reaction to her trying to rip her phone out of my hands, but it was.

I raised it higher above my head, my eyes still scanning the text in a frenzy, as if my life depended on it.

“Please, I-I’m going to come!” I panted, earning another growl from Zayne as he feasted on me.

“Oh my god! It’s not what you think it is!” Signe squealed, reaching her hand up and hopping up and down attempting to get her phone back. I choked on an inhale as I read that last line because, holy shit, it was Signe’s book.

I felt her grip on the skin of my forearm, desperately trying to get my hand back down to her level, but I resisted. I was grinning now, going as far as to adjust my glasses on my nose against her grabby hands so that I could focus better on the phone that was above both of our eye levels. I even let my thumb scroll to see the rest of the text after I finished reading that scene, making Signe release a screech that evidenced how mortified she was.

“What do we have here, Signe?” Was that really my voice? I tried to clear it, making it sound less gravelly and dry. I wanted to go for friendly teasing, but my words came out in a lower tone. She immediately froze, her hands gripping my arm that held her phone out of reach tightened.

“Oh my god, oh my god,” she finally let go of my arm and covered her face with her hands, her shoulders hunching in on herself. I could see through her hands that her ears were as red as her hair, and part of me reveled in the fact that she was just as embarrassed and shocked as I was.

Even though these were her words.

Signe wrote this, using a character loosely based on me .

Not that I was supposed to know this.

Then, someone outside the office laughed very loudly. The laugh of someone who was probably drinking alcohol, and I felt my heart sink into my gut. I snapped out of it.

This was so wildly inappropriate.

“I-I’m sorry,” I stammered, quickly swiping out of whatever app that story was saved in, and pulled one of her hands back from her face to place her phone in her palm, “That was—I didn’t mean to make you—I—” I sighed, stepping back from Signe until my back hit the wall of my office, and pinched the bridge of my nose, “I did not mean to make you feel uncomfortable. That was unprofessional of me.”

Signe was silent, and like the coward I was, I kept my eyes closed as I silently counted in my head attempting to control my body’s visceral reaction to Signe’s writing.

Nothing but the laughter and voices from the party taking place outside of my office echoed between us in my office, which suddenly felt way too small.

I decided to inhale and be the bigger person, my hand now scraping itself down my face as I turned my head to the side, where my office window was, and spoke, “If you want to reach out to Jaqueline to file a report, I completely—”

“What?” Signe asked.

I ground my jaw, before repeating, “If I made you uncomfortable, you could reach out to HR to protect—”

“Wait, wait,” Out of my peripheral vision, I saw Signe’s hands rise, palms out as her arms held her iPad to her chest, “Are you sure you shouldn’t be the one filing a report right now?”

I felt my brow scrunch before I turned to look at her, pushing my glasses up the bridge of my nose to make sure I was both seeing and hearing her right, “Me?”

“Yeah,” Signe blinked, before something clicked behind her expression, “I mean…I’m the one who gave you my phone with…” she waved her hand vaguely, “I didn’t mean to, like, scandalize you with smut.”

“Scandalize me?” I asked, my heart racing a little at how calm she was acting about all of this.

“Well, yeah,” Signe lifted a shoulder again, “I mean, you didn’t ask to see—well—what I read.” I decided to ignore that Signe was choosing to make me believe that this was a random book she happened to be reading and not her very own manuscript.

I shook my head, “I should have closed out of it as soon as I started reading. I shouldn’t have held it out of your reach, or—”

“Oh my god,” Signe rolled her eyes, her cheeks still deliciously red, “You were teasing me. It’s fine. Friends tease each other.”

I ground my teeth together before trying again, “But as your superior, I shouldn’t put you in a position where—”

“Zaid, it’s fine,” Signe sliced her hand through the air, as if that was the end of the discussion, “Let’s just agree that neither one of us felt like we were sexually harassing the other and move on. Yes, you’re my superior, but we’re also friends. Let’s pretend that I didn’t just hand you my phone with explicit smut on the screen.”

I blinked, before staring at her to see if she was serious.

She stared at me in return, her red brows rising a little bit as if challenging me.

“If you change your mind and decide to speak with Jacqueline, I understand.”

“The same goes for you.” Signe countered, “Anyway,” She carelessly waved her hand in the air, shooing the problem away, “Do you still need to look that thing up for Nikhil?”

She held her phone up in an offer, and I shook my head before replying, “I’ll figure it out later.”

“Sounds good,” She smirked, “Now, what are you dressing up as?” I felt my lips twitch, relief mixing with a new type of anxiety at the thought of revealing my costume to Signe after that whole situation.

A costume that Raina was very invested in.

“It’s not that cool of a costume,” I admitted, standing away from the wall I leaned against and walking around to the back of my desk, feeling a little more professional with the furniture separating us, “You’re going to think I’m lazy.”

“Probably,” Signe smiled.

I huffed a laugh and shook my head, opening my desk drawer to find the mask I had bought yesterday.

“Close your eyes,” I instructed.

“That’s what little effort you put in?” Signe seemed shocked, animated. Like how we usually were. I was suddenly so grateful that she was able to put the whole the CTO of Sun Steer just accidentally read smut on her phone mere seconds ago debacle behind us so casually, “I just have to close my eyes for a moment for you to change?”

“I could just not dress up at all,” I lifted an eyebrow at her, a look that I was learning made her smile every time. Her lips pulled back, showing her white teeth, and making her eyes crinkle in delight.

“I guess I should be happy with what little effort you’re willing to put in,” Signe sighed as if exhausted with me. She set the iPad down on my desk before she closed her eyes and folded her arms across her chest. I held my breath as I pulled the scream mask out of my desk drawer and slipped it on, glancing at my reflection on my dark computer screen to make sure it sat right and that I could see out of it just fine.

I then glanced around my desk space, realizing that I couldn’t do the type of casual doorframe lean that I also read about online. I could use the back of my chair, but that had wheels, and knowing me I would likely slip and land on my ass. I decided I would simply stand tall with my arms crossed casually as if I was truly put out by dressing up for the Halloween party. Plus, this brought attention to my exposed forearms again. I glanced down and flexed them a little, hoping that they looked as good as women on the internet claimed about good forearms.

“Open your eyes at your own risk,” I replied, my voice partially muffled by the scream mask.

Signe opened her eyes, her expression already one of disappointment, before she looked at me and her gaze widened, and her lips parted. I stayed still and silent, waiting to see if this worked. Was she scared of the mask? Was she disappointed that I just wore a basic scream mask and regular work clothes? Was she weirded out?

My face felt hot underneath, but I was pretty sure that was due to her scrutiny.

I saw her tuck her bottom lip into her teeth, before popping it out again and clearing her throat. I took a good look at her face again, and I realized that her flushed cheeks and chest were darker, indicating that she was blushing a second time in my presence. Seeing me in this mask with my arms crossed made her do so.

Was it a good blush, though?

Hopefully, a blush that didn’t make her want to call HR.

“Good lord,” Signe wheezed. Wheezed . I chuckled under my mask, my heart racing erratically in my chest, and my palms even started to get a little sweaty.

“Does this count?” I asked, my voice lower and gravelly again. It was like I was in tune with her on a biological level. If there was any indication that Signe was feeling a fraction of what I felt for her daily, my temperature, pulse, and voice responded accordingly.

“Um,” Signe cleared her throat, “That’ll work.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to disappoint you,” I made a show of placing my hands on my waist. Signe’s eyes traveled down my form, appreciative, before she tore her gaze away and stared at my masked-covered face again. Like she couldn’t look away.

I inhaled, my chest rising with the movement and earning Signe’s attention, before I stepped around my desk as casually as I possibly could.

“I know it’s not as thorough as your costume,” I made a show of tilting my head and dragging my gaze down and up at her outfit, exaggerating the movement so she could see where my eyes went even behind the mask.

I saw her hands ball into fists from my perusal, tucked tightly under her folded arms.

“It works.” Signe’s voice was strained, and I thought I saw her breathing tremble a little bit under my stare. Was this working? Did she like this? Perhaps it was insanity. Perhaps it was the fact that Signe had already brushed off the previous inappropriate behavior I exhibited in her presence that made me more confident. That made me want to push this just a little bit more.

“You aren’t lying to me, are you Signe?” Funny, because I was lying to myself at that moment, telling myself that I was lowering my voice for the mask and the act of the costume, and not because it sounded like we were in the privacy of a bedroom. I took another step towards her, thrilled that she held her ground, and tilted her head up just enough to meet my masked eyes.

“N-No,” Signe stammered, shaking her head once as her gaze became hooded. Her flush was still painted on her pretty face. Her chest was heaving like mine, and her eyes watched my hand as I trailed my fingers on the edge of my desk as I approached her. This would be the second time we were in each other’s personal space within minutes, and my pulse hummed in my veins at the thrill of it. How I was pushing the boundary here, and how Signe was clearly into whatever this was rapidly developing between us.

“…You promise?” I asked, “This works?” I left maybe an inch in between us.

“Yup,” Signe whispered, “That works, ahem, pretty well.”

I released a low laugh again, and her eyes fluttered a little bit at the sound. My heart was beating, and I knew what I wanted. What I had wanted for way too long now. It took every fragment of my willpower to stand there, feeling her body heat radiating towards mine, and do nothing else. To not cross that line. To steer clear of that boundary between us. If my mask hadn’t been covering the entirety of my face, I was confident I would have already closed the distance between us and claimed her mouth. Invaded her lips with my hungry tongue, desperate to taste her and see if she would make the sounds I had only dreamed about until now. Every muscle in my body was pulled taut, desperate to feel her under my hands.

But I just stood there.

I could see emotion dance across her expression, how her surprise and obvious interest turned almost hungry. How she licked her lips and kept gazing at my chest and arms and face. How she was having an internal battle of her own to some degree.

I hated myself for it, but I knew I needed to pull us out of it before we did something we regretted. Before we did something the people who stood outside my office with the partially open door would see and report us for.

I gave myself one last moment, for purely selfish reasons, by leaning down near the side of her head. As if my masked face was whispering in her ear, “You’re not going to give me grief for my costume, Signe?”

I felt and heard her shiver a little bit before she spoke, “No, I—”

“Good girl,” I stood straight after I cut her off, and thank god the mask was covering my expression because I had the widest grin after I heard Signe release a quiet whimper from the sound of my praise, and then collect herself as if she had just realized where she was, who she was talking to, and what I had just said.

I turned on my heel and started walking towards my office door, keeping my mask on my face simply to hide the fact that I was wrecked for this woman. That this employee plagued every thought. I paused at the doorway and glanced at her over my shoulder, thrilled to see her standing where I left her with one hand on her chest, as if she was feeling her heartbeat, and another on her forehead, as if she was checking for a fever. Her eyes were wide as she stared at me, her mouth hung open before the corner of her lips pulled up in a surprised smile as she saw me turn around to check on her.

“Goddamn,” Signe laughed, “I guess I deserved that one.”