XOXO: A Bundle of Cozy Novellas

Chapter 5

FIVE

Chapter Five—Cullen

Sometime after midnight, the electricity went out, waking Cullen from a half-sleep. Fortunately, Shay kept the generator ready to go and it would be easy enough to get it started in the morning. For now, the fire and the pellet stove would keep them warm enough. Besides, generators were loud, and Cullen reveled in the absolute silence of freshly fallen snow.

After collapsing on the couch they’d dozed off, not talking, just staring at the flames together once they finished their wine. Cullen had woken slumped against one arm of the couch. On the opposite end, Jude was sound asleep, scrunched up as though even in sleep he was trying to stay out of Cullen’s space. His back was going to kill him if he stayed that way all night.

Cullen eased himself up, hoping to not wake Jude. He grabbed a blanket from the pile under the coffee table to spread over the other man.

Sleeping Jude Collins looked much different than awake, irritated Jude. Gone was the sour pinched look; he was actually attractive when the lines on his forehead were smoothed out. Cullen wondered how old Jude was, because he seemed much younger now, maybe only in his mid-thirties. Probably only five or six years older than Cullen.

Cullen gently tugged the other man to a prone position, pausing for a second when Jude mumbled something, but he stayed asleep. Carefully, Cullen covered him with the blanket. Jude didn’t fit on the jumped-up love seat any more than Cullen did but, hopefully, he’d sleep better now.

Padding across to the front windows, Cullen pulled aside one of the handmade curtains with trees and campfires printed on them. Cullen had made them himself after Shay taught him how to use a sewing machine, another cabin memory.

Only two nights ago there’d been a full moon, and even though it was now waning, Cullen could see the fast-falling snow in its fading light. At this rate they’d be stuck for sure, at least until Cullen could dig them out. He doubted Jude would lift a finger to help him shovel the stuff. The man wanted Cullen gone so badly, though, maybe he’d help.

The storm had subsided enough that the landscape looked like a magical dreamland in the moon’s glow. The imposing evergreens surrounding the cabin and lining the road were covered with a thick layer of snow, their branches drooping under its weight. The two other cabins on the now-impassable road were dark. The wind had piled snow against the small structures until it reached the bottom of their windows, making them look as if they were huddled against the chill.

Glancing back over to the couch, Cullen saw Jude was still tucked in. He carefully stepped into his boots, shrugged into his winter coat, and tugged his wool cap over his head so it covered his ears. At the last minute he grabbed his phone and a small flashlight. Who knew, maybe there was enough light to take a few arty pictures, and if not, he’d need the light to see the trail. Quietly, he opened the front door and slipped outside.

It was bitterly cold—much colder and it would stop snowing altogether. He shoved his hands in his coat pockets only to find the gloves he’d forgotten. After sliding them on, he took a deep breath and just stood for a moment, cloaked in silence, consciously relaxing, letting his worries float off his shoulders and out into the ether.

The door behind him creaked open. Cullen swung around to close it, cursing himself for not shutting it tightly, only to find Jude standing in the threshold, mussed and sleepy-eyed.

“Where are you going?” he asked, a yawn escaping at the end.

Cullen shrugged self-consciously. It was hard to collect his thoughts with this version of Jude Collins. “I thought I’d go for a walk.”

“Why?” Jude peered past Cullen’s shoulder.

“It’s beautiful and quiet. I spent a lot of time here when I was a kid, things look different in the snow—more beautiful.” Yeah, that didn’t sound sappy at all.

Jude chewed on his bottom lip; Cullen wanted to tell him to stop— he wanted to do that. Preferably with less clothes involved… and dammit, the last thing he needed to be thinking about was Jude Collins naked. Wasn’t that exactly why he’d fled the city in the first place, to get his head on straight? Not to start fantasizing about yet another unobtainable man.

“You know you’re letting all the heat out,” he deflected, “with the door open like that. Are you coming or going?” He hadn’t meant it as an invitation; it was just something his great aunt to the third power had always said.

“You’d let me join you?” Jude sounded surprised at Cullen’s words.

Cullen was surprised, too, but he had extended an invitation, however unintentionally, and if uptight Jude wanted to accept it, why not show the guy one of his favorite places in the world?

“Sure. I think Shay’s snow boots will fit you, they’re next to the basket.”

Jude’s eyes widened and Cullen thought he spotted a hint of excitement lurking in those hazel eyes. “Don’t leave without me.” He hurried back inside, closing the door behind him.

Cullen waited patiently, listening as Jude scurried around inside. Soon enough the door clicked open and shut again. Cullen turned to see a faintly panicked but dressed for the cold Jude glancing between him and the knob.

“Oh, crud. Did it lock? Do you have a key? Of course, you have a key. Right?”

Cullen chuckled. “Yes, I have a key, and I know how to break in if I didn’t. Come on.”

He stepped into the snow, making his way across to the parking area and then underneath the pine trees along the side of the road where it wasn’t as deep.

“Where are we going?” Jude asked, already sounding slightly out of breath.

“The road ends up here and there’s a trail to the falls.” Cullen nodded vaguely in front of them.

“Falls, what falls?”

Cullen frowned at the other man. “Didn’t you research this place at all?”

“No, I was mostly excited that there was no internet. Everybody has it these days and I just wanted some peace and quiet.” Which, Jude did not point out, he wasn’t getting.

“Well,” Cullen motioned ahead, “about a mile past the end of the road is a small waterfall. In weather like this it’s probably frozen.”

“Why look at a frozen waterfall?” Jude asked, his eyebrows drawing together.

Cullen grinned at him. “I guess you’ll just have to follow me and find out.”

It was a good thing he knew where the trail began, as it was pretty much invisible by now. But by the time they were a hundred yards along, the trail appeared again, and Cullen was able to pay attention to the silent magic snowy world around them. He loved moonlit snow, something about it was magical, boundaries disappeared.

When Cullen was out in weather like this, especially at night, he always half-expected to spot woodland fairies and sprites casting fey spells on the world around them. Tonight, he felt slightly ensorcelled, drawn to the enigmatic man trudging along the path with him.

The trail followed along the Sauk river. Here the river was relatively tame, not at all the class IV whitewater it turned into downstream. The hiking trail had only a slight incline and eventually ended at the falls themselves. He could hear Jude breathing behind him as snow plopped to the ground from branches overhead; the river gurgled, rushing to the left and right as it swerved around the rocks and boulders in its way. Sometimes Cullen felt like he and the river had a lot in common.

Even with the snow, it didn’t take long to reach the end of the trail.

“Careful, it’s slick here,” Cullen warned as they came around the last bend and stopped in front of the frozen falls. From where he and Jude stood, Cullen could hear water flowing underneath the ice.

“This is incredible,” Jude whispered, his voice filled with awe.

“I love it up here in the summer too.”

“Yeah?”

Cullen nodded. “It’s one of my favorite places. I’ve made my uncle promise he’ll leave it to me.”

“He doesn’t have any children of his own?”

“Shay?” Cullen chuckled at the thought. “No, until recently he was practicing law in Seattle. Far too busy for a family. At least that’s what he always said.”

Jude moved closer, ending up shoulder-to-shoulder with Cullen, taking in the river and waterfall. The snow had stopped, with only a few tardy flakes floating downward.

“So, did you hike and camp as a kid?” Cullen figured Jude must have some reason, other than peace and quiet, for choosing a cabin pretty much as far out in the middle of the woods as you could get in Western Washington.

“Who? Me?” Jude looked around as if Cullen were talking to some other attractive man. “No. Hell, no. And, frankly, it’s undoubtedly a good thing. I don’t think I would’ve survived.” Jude’s tone was definitely self-mocking.

Cullen nodded, thinking someone as buttoned-up as Jude needed more time away from the city. Maybe hiking deep into the woods would be a good thing for him.

“I survived because of these woods.” Cullen shrugged, his shoulder bumping against Jude’s. “My parents had no business having a kid. By the time I was a teenager, I was shuffling back and forth between houses and had moved so often I didn’t know my own address. Uncle Shay, he was the only one who cared about what was happening and ended up kind of taking me in. We stayed up here one entire summer, working on the cabin and fixing it up. Then, that fall, he told my mom she needed to step it up or hand over custody.”

“Was she better after that?”

Cullen glanced over at Jude. “Hell no. She gave Shay provisional custody, couldn’t sign the paperwork fast enough. And by that time my dad was remarried for the second or third time and had new kids.” At the time Cullen had been angry, but after watching his parents’ lives implode over and over again, he was thankful for Shay’s intervention.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.”

“It’s ancient history these days. At least Shay didn’t care that I was gay. In fact, he made sure I was ‘informed.’ God,” he laughed, the sound weirdly muffled by the snow, “I’ll never forget the gay safe sex talk we had. I thought I was going to die of embarrassment. It wouldn’t have been so bad if he hadn’t used a zucchini for demonstration purposes.”

“Zucchini?”

“Yep.” Cullen nodded. “It was years before I could look at one without blushing. What’s your story?”

“Oh,” Jude glanced at Cullen before going back to watching the waterfall, “my parents died when I was young, and I grew up in foster care. No living relatives. The system is just so fucked up. I kind of surfed through a lot of homes. In the first one, the mom was diagnosed with cancer, then the second family got pregnant and changed their mind about fostering. The third…” He shuddered and didn’t finish the thought. “Anyway, once I figured out I was good at computer programming, I worked my ass off to graduate high school early and earn a scholarship. Being gay didn’t rank close to the top of my problems. I mean, probably if I were normal, it would but—” he stopped himself before going further.

Cullen couldn’t help but notice how…pragmatic Jude sounded, like not having a family was okay—that it was just his lot in life. But now he was also wondering what Jude meant by normal. “I meant, why did you rent the cabin?”

“Oh, sorry, how embarrassing. Um, well, do you ever feel like the walls are closing in on you? Like, no matter what you do, you can’t get out of your head? Turn off the thinking?”

Cullen nodded; the inside of his head was very loud sometimes.

“OK, what I’m going to say will sound terrible because I know I’m lucky, right? But I never have time to think about anything not Canopus. Emails day and night, people talking at me, wanting solutions, answers, new product… I want time. I want no one to know where I am. I want… to be just me for a while. Hell, I don’t even know what I mean when I say that! I want to do something out of character, something no one expects.” Jude’s voice rose from a whisper, his voice carrying across the snow and the nearly-frozen river.