Yours, For Good (Cozy Latine Billionaires #4)

24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Date : March 4 To : Mr. Smith From : Eleanora Subject : checking in

Dear Mr. Beanpole,

Thank you for your patience waiting for an update. Let me start by saying your flowers were beautiful. Coming back from NYC to your condo and finding a huge bouquet on the dinner table was really sweet. Your card may be shorter than the first, but I'll keep your handwritten "I'm sorry" card, too.

It's been almost two weeks since I went to New York for the graduation event, and my latest letter happened some time before that, so it's been a few weeks. The truth is, I couldn't bring myself to write for a while. On one hand, big things happened during my trip to New York. Manhattan may never feel the same when I see it in the movies, because now it has memories .

Since coming back, it seems all I do is THINK. Ponder. Ruminate on what I believe I should do next, which is completely different to what I want to do next. Existing at the juncture of these two roads has left me feeling a little lost, and I can't help but retreat and stretch time, in the hope that postponing things in my personal life will somehow present me with the right path.

I'm struggling, Mr. B. You may wonder, then, why I haven't written to you until now. In all honesty, the reason is that I've been hurting. The part of the pain that was caused by you is the disappointment I feel that you didn't attend the event. Don't worry— I accept your apology. I'm not going to repeat some of my past mistakes. I understand that you never agreed to go beyond the rules drawn in the initial documents. In a way, my hurt is something I did to myself, and I know it. You've been nothing if not consistent, reliable in the support you offered, and tenacious at maintaining your distance. I just kept forgetting and hoping for something different… it seems I always do, Mr. B. How silly of a person like me, who knows what it's like to lose it all.

But how I wished you had been there at the grad event! To celebrate with me, to give me advice when things went wrong— because some things did— but I didn't have you there, and you couldn't do either with me. It's on me to accept it, and I've needed time to do that.

You know, I had worried I wouldn't know what to do with myself while I waited to hear from potential investors, but I have been busy! I've continued to work on my business, preparing for those investors I'm sure will come, and crafting a plan B just in case. And thinking. So much thinking about so many things.

Boredom? I don't know her.

In any case, I'm going to assume you have reasons to keep the separation from the students you support through this program. That's why you never respond and why you didn't attend the event, right? For the first time, I'm going to ask you not to write back if it is to correct me. Even if I'm wrong, I find that I could use a comforting lie at this time. Just this once.

It's with that in mind, that I've attached a couple of pictures of the event to this email. Sally sent them to me; her parents took several photos of our small group and she sent me a few. In one of them I'm with Javier, and in the other I'm with Sally and Julia, and in the other it's just me.

Do you think you might have liked me, had you ever met me?

Nora

Javier

My phone screen glared at me as I kept flipping between apps. It was a poor attempt at managing the constant twitch jerking at my spinal cord, convincing me that I could receive an email or text from Nora at any point, and I had to be ready.

Except for that one email, nothing arrived for weeks. It put me horribly off my game. Her absence was sandpaper in my guts; her silence turned abrasive in my mind. In her letter she said she was at the juncture between roads, and that she ruminated on what to do. She said she struggled, and I couldn't do a thing about it.

It was all I could think about at the Construction Cares Gala the night before, the one I attended every year mostly to visit with my friends. Now on the deck wrapping Gabe's big log cabin, I couldn't spare a thought for the forests around us or the lake glittering at our feet. All I cared about was the device in my hand, and the chance this might be the time I saw the notification I wanted coming through.

Gabe's sister, Vi, spoke to the group about who got a chance to go on a boat ride on the lake, but I didn't really pay attention until she uttered my name.

"... You can take Lina tomorrow. And Javier, well… one day, right?"

I glanced at her, doing my best to put the clues together. She looked at me with a curious smile, while she stole a glance at my phone all lit up in my hand.

Fun. She was implying I might have a partner one day, and was close to teasing me about how glued to my device I appeared.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm happy being single. I'll row the boat for my damn self, thank you."

"So touchy." She frowned without heat, and went with Jake, Max, and Eva toward the boathouse.

"I'll take the bags to the rooms," I offered in a voice that sounded growly to my own ears.

"Are you okay?" Gabe stopped me with a frown. "This isn't like you."

I shook my head. "I'm sorry. I'll do better."

A line remained on my friend's brow as I left him and Lina to deal with food.

The fact all I could do was wait and do nothing about Nora made me cranky. It had me speaking without thought, and with a smarting feeling between my lungs that I didn't know what to do with.

Fuck, this felt a lot like despair.

I wanted to text her. Call her. Go to her. Kiss her again. Do more. Whenever I caught an interesting passage in a book, I wanted to screenshot it and send it to Nora, like I had since we first talked about our favorite stories in a café in San Francisco.

Every time, I took the screenshot and saved it with a few notes in a folder, just in case. Each note ended with a version of, I wish I could send you this . It made me think of you. I miss you.

At least I now knew my heart hadn't been dead, it had only been dormant. It had been waiting for the right person.

Ironic, that at the end it might not matter, anyway.