Yours, For Good (Cozy Latine Billionaires #4)

34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

Nora

Pain etched deep wrinkles around his eyes. It helped to see he felt enough to respond like that, but it didn't take me closer to a decision.

If I cut everything clean, it would hurt. At the core of me, I didn't want to walk away and never look back. I would ache for decades, the echo of it following me around wherever I went, and what would happen if I ever saw him again by spending time near Julia?

On the other hand, sticking around meant being brave enough to give it time, give him a chance to repair the break, and get close again. Closer, most likely. It might help avoid the pain for now, but it would only make it worse in the future.

He remained crouching at my feet. His blue eyes kept steady on me, ready to take more of my feelings.

"Are you not going to fight me back?" I asked.

His mouth tensed. "Do you want me to fight back? I don't have an argument here. I capitalized on your assumption that Mr. B. was old. On your letters. I got to know things you didn't mean for me to know. You know my reasons and my choices now. You know how I feel. Everything is up to you, Nora."

"Then don't fight me back, but say something, please."

Help me decide if I should forgive you.

"This I haven't said enough." His breathing quickened, and a shudder seemed to run down his spine. "You have all of me. My heart. My commitment to do anything to earn your forgiveness. I will take every ounce of your anger— I deserve it. You deserve your rage at me. Just… don't cut me off. Let me prove…"

I curled into myself, my arms tucked on my lap as I leaned forward. It brought us close.

He didn't retreat. His eyes refocused, his pupils adjusting to me.

"Was it fake, Javier? All those moments together. Was it all part of a grand scheme?"

"Please, Nora… to what end? There is no evil scheme. You know what motivated me. I tried so hard not to take too much. To give you as much choice as I could. I need to know every way in which I failed, so I can… so I can show you I regret what it did to you. That I recognize I fucked up when I tried to do it all— I couldn't protect the program and you at the same time, and thinking I could took away your choice. I should have done the hard thing, but I didn't, and I denied you a say in what happened between us."

"Did you do more than hide Mr. B. from me?"

"No. Everything I said or did was true. Hesitating to dance with you until you walked away and found someone else. Every text, every screenshot comment. When we watched fireworks together— that was all me. Always me, I promise."

"You said in your email you want to figure out what's friendship and what's romance. That I make you want to do that…"

"It's true. It's all true. And I want to do better— I promise."

"What if we're confused and we're meant to be friends? What if the feelings that made me kiss you and made you kiss me back— what if it was all a… a… fluke?"

"I don't think it was…" Urge threaded in his voice.

His protest died in a breath. I leaned closer to him, to a point where he would have no choice but to interpret my advance as an invitation for a kiss.

He blinked a few times. "Nora…"

A kiss was a testable action. If kissing him had been a confused accident; if feeling like I soared with his lips on mine was nothing more than a stroke of luck, where the stars aligned for a single moment to never meet again in the sky, that was something we could answer. Cutting it clean would be easier, then.

My heart fluttered. I craned my neck forward, offering my mouth to him.

"Neither of us planned for romance in our lives," I said. "Maybe that's not what's on the table at all for us."

He moved closer, leaving him only a breath away from me. "You look like you want to put our kiss on trial. Like you want to analyze what might happen if we kiss again."

I wet my lips. "Correct."

His mouth parted. His breath fanned my lips, my face. "Do you want me to kiss you?"

"Do you want to kiss me?"

He released a gust of air like my question was hard to understand. His hands came up to hover near my face, in a position that made it clear he wanted to cradle my head. He held back and didn't touch me; I could feel the warmth of his skin radiating on mine.

His eyes locked on my mouth. "I'd kiss you a thousand times, if I thought you wanted me to."

"Even if I can't answer anything else…" I took a fortifying breath. "I'm sure. I want to test if it feels as good… because if it doesn't…"

My half-finished thoughts vanished from my mind, and I pressed my lips to his mouth. My hands made it from underneath me to fist his shirt among my fingers and pull him as close to me as I could.

He cradled my head. He responded to my kiss tentatively at first, but soon matched fire with fire. He brought me to him, devastating me with the intensity of his kiss. His tongue devoured me. I gave him as much back. Blood rushed in my ears, a drum beating in my chest, and I ran my hands up his chest to his neck, to his nape, until my fingers swam in his hair.

It wasn't enough. Sitting at the edge of the seat, I opened my legs. He didn't need words to understand the message. Not letting go of my face, he shuffled forward on his knees, settling closer to me between my legs. His jeans rubbed against my sex— planets aligned, stars shone brighter in their galaxies, and we moaned at the same time.

His lips trailed to my jaw, down my neck. My earlobe made it between his teeth; a subtle, delicious pain shot straight to my lower belly.

He mumbled my name between nibbles and kisses. "Tell me what to do."

"Touch me…" my voice came out breathless.

He stopped. He pulled back just enough to look me in the eye.

His mouth hung loose in surprise and ardor, slightly swollen from the looks of it. "I meant what to do to prove myself to you."

I probably looked the same for similar reasons.

I sucked on my bottom lip. "The only thing I know I need is time… and I know I want you."

"Nora…"

"There's not much we can do about time… but there's plenty we can do about wanting each other. Regardless of where we end up emotionally."

He blinked a few times, clearly trying to understand exactly all the ways in which I meant those words.

"It's been… very long for me, Nora. Four years— at least. I want you in a way I haven't wanted in a decade, but I can't mess this up."

"Sex isn't going to mess this up. I've been to the doctor, I'm on the pill, and it's been a while for me, too— we can do this and figure out the rest later."

He frowned, fighting with his better sense no doubt. I hooked my legs behind his thighs and pulled him close. He hissed when he pressed into me.

Maybe he had reasons to hesitate.

"Have you been to the doctor? I went before leaving the JGH and haven't had partners since. If you haven't tested or we need to talk about a diagnosis or precautions—"

He shook his head. "I don't have anything. But doing this…"

"You do want me?" I asked.

"That's not the question. I want you— so much—" he pushed his erection against me in an unconscious move, and I gasped. "I might explode with need for you. I might hate myself for this tonight but…" He closed his eyes like he needed it to keep himself in control. "You don't trust me enough to have sex. This is too important— everything— I can't fuck it up. I don't want you to have any regrets."

In the middle of all of this, he put my feelings first.

Without noticing, my breath had quickened enough to make me lightheaded. The need for his hands on me only grew; his touch seemed like the only viable way to stay grounded in a world of uncertainty.

"Anchor me, Javier. Let your body be my tether— I need to get out of my head. I've been here all alone for months. Get me in my body again. Get me feeling something other than what I've been feeling."

"Nora."

My name on his lips was a concession. He kissed me again, passion rekindled instantly— it had never gone away.

"I want this," I said. "I want you. My heart can wait."

This time, he kissed my neck on the other side. Nibbled on the opposite earlobe. His hands ran down my arms, and fell on the soft flesh of my thighs. They trailed up until he could grab handfuls of the hills of my hips.

He used it as leverage to push his hard cock against my sex. "You want me to touch you? To make you feel good in your body?"

I nodded.

"Tell me, Nora. I need to see you want it. Hear you. If we're going to do this, your yes has to be fucking enthusiastic. Your moans have to be loud. Your hands greedy."

His eyes were blue fire on me. His voice was rough with his demands.

I rubbed myself against him. "Please, touch me."

One of his hands traced the curves of my waist, my stomach, my breast over my clothes. I sought his lips and he gave them to me like it was payback; his mouth was severe as he kissed me. Demanding like his fingers massaging me. Teasing like his thumb running over my nipple.

He groaned and pushed his erection on me, rolling his hips to tease me through layers of cotton. "I didn't think I could want like this. Now I'm here, yearning to touch every corner of you with my lips."

Our hips danced together as we sought more friction. Our breaths mingled, mouths near enough for another kiss. I bit his lip, he swallowed my mouth.

He lifted my skirt with deft fingers and made paths up and down my thighs. "Fuck, I'm so hard I can't see straight."

I kissed him again and palmed him through his jeans, the motion of my fingers echoing the way our tongues played with each other. The length of his cock reached toward his pocket. I dug my fingers into it and touched him through the thin liner.

He groaned. "Careful."

"Why? Are you in danger of coming in your pants if I keep touching you like this?"

"Yes." There was no shame in his response. "And it's not what this is about."

He took my hands and pushed me back on the reading chair. In a chaos of limbs and adjustments, I climbed up on the large cushions and him on me. He landed between my legs, pushing his erection into me again, kissing me heatedly again.

I unbuttoned his shirt and his chain fell to my chest in a blur. The metal, warm from his body, camouflaged itself on my skin— I didn't see what hung from it. Instead, I ran my fingers down his torso, around his waist, up his back. I locked my legs around him and moaned when he rubbed at an angle that reached my clit. He breathed in the sound and repeated the exact same movement once, twice, enough times I lost count in the intensifying sensation.

"More," I panted. "Please, more."

I dug my fingers into his flesh in a path down to his jeans. I undid his button, but he retreated before I could do anything else.

"I'm going to make you feel so good," he rasped.

He kissed my neck, my clavicles, the top of my breasts. His hands cupped me through the clothes. His mouth closed on a nipple, suckling through cotton. The fabric wet, he blew on it. A shiver had me curling my back.

His eyes studied me closely as one hand hooked around the edge of my shirt and bra, over the other breast.

"More…" was all I could say.

He pulled from the fabric slowly, still seeking my permission. I licked my lip and watched him pull down until my breast spilled free.

His sight traveled down and latched onto the puckered, brown tip. He licked his lips like his mouth had watered at the sight.

"Is this okay?" His voice sounded strangled to my ears. "Tell me you're okay with this."

"Take me how you want it, Javier."

In the next instant, he closed his mouth on it and groaned. My breath hitched. He pulled down on the clothes still covering the other breast and freed it too, using his fingers to play with my nipple.

My core twitched with the building sensations. My skin became hypersensitive, every nerve ending calling for his touch, screaming for his hands, his lips, his tongue. Like he could hear my body crying for him, he went lower down my body. His chain trailed behind him, a third path teasing my skin. He pulled up my shirt and kissed my tummy; he pulled up my skirt and nibbled through the thin shorts I wore underneath. Without missing a beat, he hooked his fingers on it and drew it down my legs right alongside my underwear.

"I'm so hungry for you," he rasped. "I need to taste you."

He kneeled upright between my calves. The chain I hadn't gotten to see hung openly from his neck now. A medal and a ring glinted from it.

Unconcerned, he threw my clothes behind him and climbed off the couch. Kneeling at its feet, he took my legs and pulled me to him.

"Please, I beg you," he said. "Tell me I can taste you."

His eyes searched for my answer. As soon as I nodded, he dove to me. The long pass of his tongue up my slit savored me. Tremors darted up my spine and I buckled.

His hands grabbed my plush hips and pinned me in place as he laved me again. Sucked on my clit. Drank from the results.

One of my heels made it to his shoulder; he brought the other to rest over his back. His tongue delved into me, teasing me into oblivion. His nose prodded at my clit; avid hands ran up my thighs, gripping at my soft flesh in big, gluttonous handfuls at my hips and belly. The trek of his fingers up my body ended with him latching on my breasts, thumbs playing with my nipples. Caged in his arms, he kept me secured on the cushion as I lost sense of time and space. Waves crested through my body as I jerked with the sensations he pulled out of me.

His tongue flicked my clit, traced circles on it. He moaned, I whimpered. It spurred him on. I raked my fingers through his hair and pulled, commanding him to ravish me. He did. The peak built in my lower belly, in my thighs that squeezed him. He groaned against my sensitive flesh, working me until I forgot if I'd ever been consumed like this before in my life. I hadn't.

Sensations layered and I chased my orgasm with his tongue fucking me and his lips feasting on me. I became hyperaware— the exact shade of white on the ceiling, the baroque shape of the crown molding, the texture of the couch under my ass. I'd remember them forever.

A hiccuped sound left me. Our eyes locked. His slick mouth captured most of my pussy in a powerful kiss. Insatiable lust filled the bright color of his irises, and my body mirrored him and pushed me over the edge.

I came shaking in his arms, his mouth drawing more and more tremors and gasps out of me. We never stopped watching each other as I rode the intense waves. He kept licking and teasing and dragging the most out of my climax, until my flesh was too sensitive and I jerked away.

Attuned, he let me move back on the chair but followed me. He kissed my thigh, my lower belly, my still-clothed waist. He journeyed up my body again; I squirmed when his mouth closed around my nipple.

He rested half on top of me, and nuzzled against my neck as he caught his breath. His necklace pooled somewhere between us, and I resisted the urge to fish it up and inspect it close. I was in too much of a haze to see them properly, anyway.

A minute later, he spoke with groggy words. "What's the verdict?"

"Verdict?" The word didn't make sense in my addled brain.

"Do you feel breathless when we kiss?" His hand traveled down my body, exploring and learning it all over again. "Did I bring you back to your body? Would you want me to do it again?"

A chill went down my spine from the trails left by his fingertips.

"Yes." I kissed him and tried to push him to his back. I wanted my mouth on him, too.

He resisted and kept me in place. "Tell me if now you know it wasn't a fluke."

His earnest eyes broadcasted how important this was to him. Admitting how ruthlessly taken I was by his mouth, how my body and heart even now called for more… it brought me right back to the choice I wasn't ready to make.

"It wasn't a fluke," I said.

On the large reading chair, I stared at the ceiling and sighed. The pull between us was real, but what to make of it?

My breasts still half-spilled from my bra. My skirt remained scrunched up at my waist. Fully clothed, he placed a hand on my face and pulled me to him. Our eyes met. Like he knew the pain in my heart, he gave me a tender kiss, this time.

His lips curled into the trace of a smile. "If what we have is true, maybe you can give me enough time to prove we can have this and friendship and… love, perhaps."

Hope and longing shone in his eyes. It streamed straight into my heart, playing a movie for what could be between us. Except giving him time, maybe keeping him in my life, meant getting closer. It meant risking grief like I never wanted to feel again.

The weight of it all made it hard to breathe.

I put a tense smile on my face. "You're offering me more after gorging on me, not taking anything for yourself? Careful, or I'll think this is part of the deal."

"Maybe it is." He smiled.

"If we do this again, you can get pleasure out of it too. You don't need to make it all about me."

"Let me make it all about you. Who says I didn't get pleasure? Let me be desperate for you. I deserve to suffer."

I laughed and sat up, putting my bra and shirt back in order. I got up from the large, plush reading chair, found my underwear and shorts, and put them back on.

Javier sat at the edge of the chair watching me. "Nora, I'll wait another two months if you need them—"

"— It won't be two months—"

"But simply waiting won't make it better. Please, let me help make it better."

"I want to." I bent down from my waist, took his clean shaven chin, and pulled it up. "I'll try."

I casually took his chain in my hand and slid it through my palm as I straightened. It swung back to its place against his chest when I let it go.

My feet were solid on the parquet on my way to the door. At the last second I gazed at him; his head hung from his shoulders. He looked rumpled, lost… a bit devastated, perhaps.

I pressed my lips together and left. I found my way through Javier's gorgeous home and closed the door behind me, the Manhattan air feeling too fresh for a summer afternoon.