Zane (Halversons #8)

CHAPTER EIGHT

Kelsey followed Lee and Rori to a row about midway down the aisle in the large sanctuary of their church. Zane was behind her on his crutches.

They’d been stopped by a few people as they’d entered the foyer, but many had seemed to realize that Zane wasn’t comfortable standing to chat with them for too long. Most had just assured him that they were praying for him.

Kelsey wasn’t sure why she’d decided to go to church with them that day, except for the fact that she wanted to be with Zane. It had been a bit like water being poured on her parched heart when she’d seen him again after nearly a week apart.

It had taken everything inside her to not protest them living separately for the past week. However, it was important that they move things along at his speed. And now they were back under the same roof, so she was happy. Well, as happy as she could be given their current circumstances.

When they reached a nearly empty row, Lee went in first, followed by Rori and Kelsey. As they settled into their seats, Zane propped his crutches beside him. He shifted around a few times, clearly trying to get comfortable on the padded pew.

It was a bit of a surprise to Kelsey that Zane had wanted to come to church. Never in all their time of dating had he mentioned wanting to attend any services. They had gone to church together once, back when they’d come to Serenity for Christmas. The whole family had attended the Christmas Eve service, so they’d gone with them.

Her world had been turned upside down in the recent weeks, and at times, it felt like she was living in a nightmare. To go from their happy life in Tampa, to living in Zane’s hometown—a place he’d never planned to return to—with a husband who didn’t remember her… It felt like too much for one person to have to endure.

As the pews around them filled, Kelsey spotted other Halverson family members taking their seats. Charli and her husband and kids slid into the row in front of them. Well, two of their kids. The two youngest ones weren’t with them.

“Hey, Uncle Zane.” Charli’s oldest daughter Layla greeted her uncle with a smile.

The girl had dark hair and brown eyes like her mom and looked to be maybe thirteen or fourteen years old. Amelia, who sat next to her, had blonde hair and was younger than Layla. Her smile was a little more reserved than her sister’s.

“Hey, girls,” Zane said, reaching out to bump fists with Layla then Amelia. “How’s it going?”

“Good,” Layla said. “How’s your leg?”

“Still attached, so that’s a good thing.”

“Definitely,” Amelia agreed with a nod.

Before they could talk more, music began to play. The girls turned around, and Kelsey looked toward the stage where the musicians stood. She recognized Gareth on the drums, but he was the only family member up there.

Kelsey had no idea what to expect of the service, so she hoped she didn’t flub anything up. Rori had explained that there was nothing she needed to do to participate, which Kelsey had appreciated. Going into new situations wasn’t anything new for Kelsey, but she preferred familiarity.

After a man had welcomed the congregation, he invited them to stand. Kelsey glanced at Zane, thinking he might stay sitting, but he grabbed his crutches and managed to get to his feet. His arm brushed hers as he adjusted the crutches once he was up.

He might have lost four years of his memories, but apparently, he remembered all the songs they sang that morning. Though Kelsey had heard him sing before, this seemed different. He seemed different.

After the service had gone on for about twenty minutes, a middle-aged man took his place behind the podium. He smiled as his gaze swept the congregation, before landing on Zane.

“I just want to say how happy I am to see Zane and his wife Kelsey here with us today. I won’t ask you to stand, son. However, I want you to know that since word of your accident reached us, we’ve been praying for you. And we will continue to pray for your healing.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Kelsey saw Zane smile and nod. She was aware of people turning to look at them, offering smiles. It took everything within her not to shift in her seat.

Did they know about Zane’s memory loss? Did they know that he didn’t remember his wife?

Her thoughts continued to churn as the pastor spoke, so she heard very little of his sermon. When he asked the congregation to stand for the final song, she breathed a sigh of relief.

For the next several minutes, they made their way up the aisle and into the foyer. Unlike their arrival before the service, it was slow going because they were stopped repeatedly by people wanting to talk to Zane. They all greeted her with smiles, and Kelsey tried her best to return their friendliness, but it was a struggle.

Finally, they made it out of the church. She waited with Zane and Rori while Lee went to get the car. They’d all come together, though Kelsey had considered bringing her own vehicle so that she could escape if need be.

“Ready for some barbecue?” Rori asked as Lee turned out of the parking lot onto the street.

“Who’s cooking?” Zane asked in response.

Lee laughed. “Will that determine whether or not you're ready for barbecue?”

“Maybe?”

For the first time, Kelsey heard a lilt of humor in Zane’s voice, something she’d always loved.

“It’s a potluck barbecue. Misha said her mom made ribs for her and Jay to bring. We’re contributing chicken breasts, and Charli is bringing hotdogs for the kids. We’re also having potato salad, and some raw veggies and dip. Oh, and Charli said Layla and Amelia made some buns, along with cookies and brownies for dessert.”

“Sounds good,” Zane said. “I guess I’m looking forward to it now.”

Kelsey stared out the car window as they drove through the town, trying to psych herself up for the afternoon. The food all sounded wonderful. However, she didn’t have much of an appetite. Hadn’t had much of one since the accident.

When they reached the house, Zane sat down on a stool at the counter. While Rori and Lee sorted out the chicken for Lee to throw on the barbecue, Kelsey washed her hands and set to the task of putting cut-up veggies on a platter.

They hadn’t been home long when people began to arrive. Even though Rori had said that Dan and Cathy didn’t attend the Sunday afternoon barbecues very often, they showed up that day. Which didn’t surprise Kelsey at all. Zane had mentioned the day before how much his mom had wanted him to continue to stay with them.

People greeted Kelsey with smiles, but no one approached her to talk. Well, except for Rori. She also kept giving Kelsey things to do, which Kelsey appreciated more than words could say.

Soon, they were all gathered out in the backyard to eat. Mr. Halverson prayed for the meal, then pandemonium broke out as adults and children approached the food tables. Kelsey took advantage of the commotion to slip into the house and up to her room.

She switched out the clothes she’d worn to church for a pair of leggings and a T-shirt. Finding a pair of her runners in the closet, she slid her feet into them, then pulled her hair back into a ponytail.

Before leaving her room, Kelsey slipped her driver’s license and debit card into the pocket of her leggings. Then she grabbed her earbuds and phone and stepped out onto the landing of the second floor.

Pausing, she listened to see if she could hear anyone in the house. When there was no noise coming from the main floor, she made her way down the stairs with light steps, then hurried to the front door and carefully opened it.

Once on the porch, she pulled the door closed behind her and set off down the stairs to the sidewalk. After looking both ways, she headed off in the direction that appeared most residential.

For a moment, she thought that perhaps she should have let someone know that she was leaving. But honestly, she wasn’t sure they’d even notice she was gone in the chaos of so many people.

“You’re having a pity party, Kelsey Lynn Paine… Halverson,” she muttered to herself. “You’ve got to pull yourself out of this.”

It was true. She definitely was having a pity party of an epic magnitude.

But wasn’t she entitled to one?

After all, she’d lost her husband, her job, her new life… all in one fell swoop. She was running out of money and still hadn’t found a job. And then there was the anxiety over her unknown future and the panic attacks that threatened on a daily basis.

Kelsey felt a bit like she was living in hostile territory. Her one connection to this family had disappeared, and Zane didn’t even seem to care about her at all.

Hurt filled her heart at that thought. It had been hard to fully trust Zane back when they’d started dating, and it had taken time to get to that point with him. She hadn’t known why Zane would actually care enough about her to establish a friendship when her own parents had kicked her out of the house the minute she turned eighteen, leaving her all on her own.

But she’d eventually seen that his care for her was genuine and not something that would come and go, depending on his mood. Unfortunately, that care had disappeared along with his memory, and that was terribly hard to accept.

When she saw Zane, her heart swelled with her love for him. But she could see that he didn’t feel the same way. She was nothing to him. Nothing.

How long did she hold on, hoping that he’d remember? She’d married him with the intention of sticking with him through the good and bad, but she’d never ever considered that the bad would involve him forgetting her.

She wanted to run away. To take her broken heart and try to start her life over yet again.

She’d done it at eighteen when she’d been kicked out by her parents and had to find a way to put a roof over her head and food in her belly. It had been very hard, but she’d done it, and she could do it again, if she felt like it was the only option left to her.

Though she’d been nearly broke back then and survived, she’d rather not have to do it again. So she had no choice for the moment but to stay and have her heart broken over and over and over again.

She felt moisture on her cheeks and reached up to brush away the tears that had slipped free. How did she still have tears left to shed?

Putting her earbuds in, Kelsey strove to escape her thoughts, even if it was for just a few minutes. After starting up an audio book, she began to jog, nodding as she passed people out walking with their kids and their dogs.

There were lots of quaint looking houses on the street. Most of them had colorful flowers planted in garden beds along their fronts. Someone was mowing, filling the air with the scent of freshly cut grass.

All in all, Serenity wasn’t a bad place. It looked like it might even be a good place to raise a family.

However, it wouldn’t work for either her or Zane, which was why there had never been any discussion between them about returning to live in Serenity. And yet, here they were. Forced by circumstances to come back.

She kept jogging, not really paying attention to where she was going. It wasn’t a big worry. She knew the address to the house, and she had the GPS on her phone to guide her if she got lost.

Running was something she’d only done periodically, so she couldn’t keep up a steady pace. That meant she slowed to a walk at times, which allowed her to take in more of the town. At one point, she saw a sign for a park and didn’t hesitate to veer in that direction.

The park had a walking path beside the road, and the further she got into the park, the more company she had on it.

Big trees towered over the walkway, and there were lots of people of all ages enjoying the nice weather. Many sat at picnic tables. Others had blankets laid out on the grass while kids played nearby. There were some people playing volleyball, while others tossed a football around.

It was idyllic, and even soothing in a way. She stopped her audio book and pulled her earbuds out so she could enjoy it.

The longer she was away from the house, the more the fog of grief and hurt thinned. For the first time in what felt like forever, she felt like she could breathe. She was away from people she barely knew, some of whom didn’t seem to like her very much. Who only tolerated her because she’d married someone they loved.

The grief and hurt didn’t completely go away. But enough of it did to give her a chance to view the situation with a little more clarity.

She had a decision to make: stay or go.

Was the love she’d had with Zane prior to him losing his memory worth enduring the hurt and rejection she felt on a daily basis?

There was no guarantee that the love he’d had for her would ever return. It was possible that Zane would never regain his memory, and they’d never share that love again.

Maybe if she left, he’d come find her if his memory returned.

However, what would happen if she moved on with her life, and he showed up in that new life with his memory intact? It could lead to even more heartache.

So many scenarios ran through her mind, and she gave each one due consideration as she continued to wander through the park. It quickly became apparent that the only path she saw to happiness was with Zane regaining his memory and remembering their love.

And she wanted that more than anything else.

So she wasn’t going to leave. Not yet. Not unless Zane asked her to.

By coming to Serenity with Zane, she’d sort of made that decision already. However, this time, she really meant it. If she wanted to get through this with her mental health intact, she had to stick to that resolution.

There might be people who didn’t want her there, but she knew that pre-accident Zane would have. If the roles were reversed, he would have stuck beside her. She knew that with one hundred percent certainty.

Of course, she didn’t have a serious boyfriend in her past that she’d be in love with, had she lost four years of her memory. It was hard to ignore that revelation from Zane, but she was trying her hardest to do just that.

Give me a chance to either remember you or fall in love with you all over again.

It was like Zane was there, whispering in her ear. Asking her to give them a chance. To give him a chance.

He might not currently be the person she’d married, but that man was in there somewhere. She just needed to find him again.

She thought of how the pastor had said they were praying for her and Zane. Maybe it was time that she tried to pray, too. But would God hear her since she didn’t have the same faith that Zane and his family did?

All she knew was that she had no answers and no direction, and she desperately wanted both.

Along the path, she stumbled upon a structured garden area, which, thankfully, offered some places to rest. As she sat on a cement bench, Kelsey rotated her ankles, realizing that perhaps she hadn’t taken into account the possibility of sore feet when she’d set out. Also, she was thirsty and hadn’t thought to bring a water bottle.

She’d have to keep an eye out for a water fountain on the way back. Or stop somewhere to buy some water. And maybe a chocolate bar. She was hungry now, too.

Still, she didn’t rush away from the garden and the small bit of peace she’d found.

All too soon, she’d be on her way back to the house and the difficult situation there. But hopefully, her time away from the house would give her the strength and clarity to keep going.