Zane (Halversons #8)

CHAPTER TWENTY

Kelsey woke with her alarm at noon the next day. She hit the snooze and turned onto her back, but stayed under the covers, wishing for more than four hours of sleep. She couldn’t stay in bed too long, though. She and Zane were headed into Coeur d’Alene and the place where she’d arranged to have their belongings stored.

After her alarm went again, she tapped the screen to silence it, then flung her blanket off and swung her feet over the side of the bed. She sat for a moment before heading to the bathroom to get ready for her day.

A check of the weather showed that it was a cloudy, cooler-than-usual day, but thankfully, there was no rain in the forecast. With that in mind, she pulled on a pair of skinny jeans and a long sleeve T-shirt. If they were digging through boxes and stuff, she wanted to be comfortable.

She brushed her hair back into a ponytail, then glanced down at her hand. She’d gotten into the habit of removing her wedding and engagement rings before she went to work, then she’d put them back on once she was home. The last few times she’d put the rings back on, it had been with some reluctance.

That day, she decided to leave them off completely. It wasn’t that she was rejecting her marriage to Zane. But it didn’t feel right to wear the outward sign of their love when they weren’t acting like a married couple. Zane also wasn’t wearing his ring. He’d never even asked about it.

Going to the high dresser in the bedroom, she opened the top drawer and lifted out the small jewelry box that contained Zane’s ring. After a moment’s hesitation, she laid her two rings next to his, then she stared at them before snapping the lid shut.

Please, God, let there come a day when we once again place these rings on each other’s fingers as a sign of our love and commitment to each other.

Kelsey had no idea if God would answer her prayer, but she was pretty sure that she wasn’t the only one praying that things would work out for her and Zane. Though she did wonder what Zane’s prayer for their situation was.

Did he pray that things would work out for them?

Or had he suggested trying so that when he eventually walked away from her, he could say that he’d given it a good effort?

It was hard not to consider that, because aside from spending time together like they had the previous day, just talking, they didn’t do anything else together. He didn’t take her on any dates or try to arrange for them to hang out, just the two of them. Any time they spent together was purely incidental.

Even going to the storage unit together wasn’t because he wanted to spend time with her. It was because he wanted something from there, and she could help him get it.

She thought that perhaps they might be becoming friends, but more than that? She just didn’t know.

With a sigh, Kelsey picked up her purse, phone, and keys and left the bedroom.

Once downstairs, she headed for the kitchen, drawn by the aroma of coffee. Zane was there, leaning on his crutches at the counter.

He looked up at her and said, “Good morning.”

“Good morning.”

“The coffee is fresh. Do you want it here or in a travel mug to go?”

“Maybe in a travel mug,” she said.

He got a couple of tall travel mugs down from the cupboard, then filled them from the coffee carafe. Kelsey went to the fridge to get cream.

“Do you want toast before we go?”

She wasn’t terribly hungry right then, so she said, “No. I’ll be fine for now.”

“We can stop for a late lunch after we’re done at the storage place.”

“That’ll work.”

Once their coffees were ready, Kelsey looped her purse over her shoulder, then picked up both travel mugs since Zane couldn’t handle his with the crutches.

“Fall’s coming,” Zane said as they stepped out on the porch.

“I bet it’s beautiful around here with the turning colors.”

“It is. And we have some fall activities here in Serenity that make it a fun time of year.”

“When does school start?”

“Usually after Labor Day. So in about a week.”

Kelsey tucked one mug in the crook of her arm and fished her keys out of her pocket to click the fob to unlock the car doors. While Zane got in the passenger seat, she circled around the car to the driver’s side. Opening the door, she leaned in and put the mugs in the cup holder, then slid behind the wheel.

As she pulled away from the curb, Zane asked, “Did you like going back to school?”

“Not really,” Kelsey said. “Especially if we’d ended up moving because it meant I was starting at a new school.”

“Oh, yeah. That wouldn’t be fun.”

“No. It wasn’t fun at all.”

“I graduated with a few people who had been with me since kindergarten.”

“I can’t even imagine that,” Kelsey said, wondering how her life might have been different if she’d had that kind of stability in her life.

It probably wouldn’t have made her strong enough to deal with the situation she’d found herself in when Zane woke up without his memories of her and their marriage. Her whole life had been one unexpected event after another. She’d had to learn how to weather those times, and it had given her the ability to keep moving forward, even when all she wanted to do was run away and hide.

“Were you a good student?” he asked.

“I wasn’t brilliant or anything, but with hard work, I got pretty good grades.” It hadn’t mattered much to her parents, but she’d figured out she would need good grades if she wanted to go to college because she’d have to rely on scholarships and financial aid.

In the end, it hadn’t mattered. She’d had to do a lot of her college education without scholarships, and she hadn’t wanted to go into too much debt, which is why it had taken her so long to get to the point of taking the nursing exam. Working and going to school had been tough.

“How about you?”

She did already know how her Zane had felt about school, but it felt like she should ask him questions that were relevant just so it wasn’t all one-sided. Plus, she wondered if she’d get different responses from this Zane than she had from hers.

“I liked school for the most part,” he said. “I think one of my favorite subjects was science, especially once I saw parts of cooking as a form of science.”

That was basically what Zane had told her the first time around. “Did you take cooking in high school?”

“No, they didn’t offer anything like that. I would find recipes online and then persuade my mom to buy the ingredients.”

“Were all the recipes a success?”

Zane gave a bark of laughter. “Nope. Especially not at the start. But after I’d been cooking for about a year, I had way more hits than misses.”

“At least you persevered,” she said. “And your family kept letting you try, even after you had disasters.”

That would not have been the case with her family. Plus, their meals had been made from whatever was cheapest and/or whatever they had on hand.

“My parents have been pretty good at letting each of us find our own paths, and doing what they can to support us.”

“Did Gareth not feel pressured to become a doctor?”

“Not that I’m aware of. He was helping at the clinic while in high school. None of the rest of us, aside from Janessa, were as interested in the medical side of things. Well, I guess Lee was, but he preferred to work on animals.”

“Is there a sibling that has surprised you with their career choice?”

Zane was quiet for a moment, then said, “Cole. Not so much his career choice, but that he’s actually achieving his dream of playing professionally.”

For the remainder of the trip, they talked about his family. He shared more with her than he had previously. She’d realized that though he wasn’t technically estranged from his family, he’d gotten distant from them. This Zane wasn’t, and it was apparent in how he talked about them.

She had a slight inkling that him distancing himself from his family had something to do with Sarah. It seemed the demise of that relationship had really done a number on him. Especially his faith.

It was possible that his lack of faith had meant he kept distant from his family so they wouldn’t know. She’d seen how important faith was to his family, so if he wasn’t acting like they expected, it would have been a challenge for him to remain close to them.

Now, however, he was back in the mindset of having a strong and committed faith. Kelsey still wasn’t sure about that with regards to herself, but she wasn’t opposed to learning more about the faith that was so important to Zane and his family.

When they reached their storage unit, Kelsey parked in front of the building, then got out to open it. Zane approached her as she stood in the large open doorway.

“Wow. Lots of stuff.”

“Yep. It’s everything from our apartment, except for our clothes. Well, I think our winter clothes are here.”

“We should probably dig those out while we’re here too,” Zane said as he moved into the unit. “Save us making a trip back in a few weeks.”

“I’m not sure where everything is in here.” She stepped past Zane and looked around. “They just unloaded the truck and shoved it in.”

“Hopefully, stuff is labelled.”

“It should be. I’ll check this side, and you can check that one. Your knives and other tools should be in a box labeled from the kitchen.”

“This says Zane bedroom. What does that mean?”

“That has stuff from your nightstand and any non-clothing items from your dresser.”

Kelsey helped lift the box down to where he stood. He pulled a box cutter from his pocket and sliced the tape on it.

While he looked through the box, Kelsey returned to her search for the boxes from the kitchen. She should have thought about him wanting his knives and set them aside when they were packing up the apartment.

“Did I read a lot?” Zane asked as he held up two paperbacks.

“Not a lot,” she said. “But we were working our way through the Dean Koontz book.”

“Working our way?”

“Two or three times a week, we would take turns reading it aloud.”

He angled the Dean Koontz book to look at the top of it where a bookmark was sticking up. “We must have just started it.”

“Yes. We’d only been reading it for a couple of weeks before your accident.”

He returned the books to the box, then folded the flaps over to seal it. “I think I want to take this box with us as well.”

Kelsey went to open the back hatch of her car, then walked to where Zane stood with the box. “I’ll put it in the back of the car.”

“Thanks.”

They probably had room for four or five boxes if they put some of them on the back seat. She tried to think if there was something else that he might want.

“Were there any boxes that I hadn’t unpacked from the move to Tampa yet?” Zane asked.

Kelsey thought back. “Yeah. I think you had two totes that you brought to Tampa that you said were just keepsakes and stuff.”

“I think I’d like to take those back as well.”

It took about twenty minutes to shift furniture and boxes around to locate the totes, and in the process, they found the boxes containing his knives and other kitchen tools along with their winter clothes. Kelsey slid the totes into the back seat, then put the other boxes into the trunk.

Once they were back in the car, Kelsey said, “Where do you want to go for food?”

“What are you in the mood for?” he asked.

“I hate to tell you this, but I’m in the mood for breakfast.”

Zane chuckled. “Why would you hate to tell me that?”

“You never liked going out to eat for breakfast once it wasn’t morning anymore.”

“Why?”

“You said it was because of the type of restaurant we had to go to in order to get me what I wanted.”

“Ahhhh. Well, I still sort of feel that way, but I don’t mind if we go somewhere that serves an all-day breakfast.”

After a short discussion and consulting their phones, they made their decision and left the storage place. It didn’t take too long to get to the restaurant, and soon they were seated at a booth.

It wasn’t too busy in the restaurant, likely because it was just after two in the afternoon. Zane took longer than her to peruse the menu, but when their waitress returned with their drinks, they were both ready to order.

Zane ended up opting for a burger and fries, while Kelsey got pancakes, scrambled eggs, and bacon. She was really hungry, so she hoped they didn’t take too long to bring them their food.

“Do you mind that we’re staying with Lee and Rori?” Zane asked.

The question came so out of the blue that Kelsey just stared at him for a moment. “Why would I mind?”

“I know that this is not exactly what you would have chosen,” Zane said. “I just want to make sure you’re comfortable staying there still.”

“I’m fine,” she told him. “But I’ll let you know if that changes.”

“Seeing all the furniture and boxes in that storage unit reminded me that we once had a whole apartment. That we lived together, on our own.”

“Yeah, but I don’t mind staying with Lee and Rori. They’ve both been great. I’m more worried that they might not want us sticking around.”

“They’re fine with it,” Zane said. “I think Rori would actually be upset if we left. She’s taken a liking to you.”

“I really like her too,” Kelsey told him. “But are you okay living there?”

Zane nodded. “Which is good, because I don’t think it would make much sense to rent an apartment here.”

And she doubted that he wanted to be alone in an apartment with her. It would probably be a bit awkward.

She missed their apartment in Tampa. Or rather, she missed what they had together in that apartment. She missed them .

When the food arrived, Kelsey realized that this was how they’d spent the second half of their first evening together. Because they hadn’t wanted their time together to end when the restaurant closed, they’d found a twenty-four-hour restaurant, and she’d had breakfast that night too. And Zane had ordered a burger and fries.

Without even realizing it, they’d recreated that time. She decided not to tell Zane about it, though she wasn’t sure why.

However, unlike that evening, this time their conversation had lapses and silences that felt heavy. She knew it was partly because of Zane’s injury. Though he didn’t say anything, she could tell that his head was hurting because he frequently touched his temple and forehead as he ate.

When the waitress brought the bill, Kelsey wasn’t sure what to do. Previously, Zane would have picked up the bill. However, this was an odd situation.

Zane reached out and picked up the bill before she could decide what to do.

“How much is mine?” she asked as she pulled her wallet out of her purse.

Zane frowned at her. “I’ll take care of the bill.”

“But—”

“No buts. I’m taking care of it.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Once the bill had been paid, they left the restaurant and got back in the car.

“Sorry I’m lousy company,” Zane said after they’d been driving in silence for several minutes. “My head is hurting again.”

“Feel free to close your eyes and rest,” Kelsey told him. “You don’t need to entertain me.”

“I think I’ll take you up on that.”

Zane reclined the seat a bit, then settled back, closing his eyes. Kelsey wished he didn’t get the headaches, not just because Zane was in pain, but because it made her think that his brain wasn’t healing as fast as they would have liked.

His breathing slowly evened out, and for the remainder of the drive, Kelsey allowed herself to just appreciate being in the moment. Zane might not have his memories of her and their marriage, but he was still alive, and there was still an ember of hope that things would work out between them.

When she pulled to a stop in front of the house, Zane groggily straightened in his seat and looked around.

“Go on into the house,” Kelsey said. “I’ll bring the boxes in.”

Zane frowned. “I wish I could help you with that.”

“It’s fine. They aren’t that heavy.”

“Still,” he grumped. “I can’t wait until this cast is off.”

They got out of the car, then Zane went ahead to open the front door. Kelsey wrangled each of the boxes out of the car and carried them into the house. She took the totes right up to Zane’s bedroom, along with the box of his stuff from their apartment in Tampa. The boxes that contained his knives and other cooking tools, she left in the kitchen, then she set the winter clothes box at the bottom of the stairs to take to her room to sort later.

“Did you want to go through these boxes?” Kelsey asked, gesturing to the ones sitting on the floor in the kitchen.

“Sure. Might as well see what I had.”

Kelsey ended up being the one to unpack the boxes, taking out each of the items and setting them on the counter for Zane to look over.

“I guess I bought myself a new set of knives,” he said as he unrolled the bag containing them.

“I bought those for you as a wedding gift,” she told him.

He looked at her with raised brows. “Really? These are great knives. How did you know what to get?”

“I talked to the head chef at the restaurant where we both worked. He told me what knives you’d like.”

Zane ran his hand over the knives. “These are beautiful. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Zane’s reaction to the knives this time was much lower key than when she’d given them to him following their wedding.

“What did I get you?”

The reality was, Zane hadn’t given her anything on the day of the wedding. It had hurt at the time, but she’d shoved that hurt down, knowing that he’d had a lot of things going on around that time. He couldn’t be blamed for not thinking about a gift for her for their wedding. Plus, he’d spent money on her rings, so she chose to consider them her wedding gift from him.

“Did I not get you anything?” Zane asked when she didn’t answer right away.

“You bought me my rings.”

His gaze dropped to her hand, his brow furrowing. “Why aren’t you wearing them? You were wearing them before.”

Kelsey flexed the fingers on her left hand before making a fist. “I decided I wasn’t comfortable wearing them, considering our circumstances.”

“We’re still legally married,” Zane said.

“True. But you’re not sure you want to be married to me,” Kelsey said, managing to get the words out, even though they hurt to say. “So, I thought it would probably be best to keep them off until we make a decision one way or the other.”

Zane’s frown deepened at her words, but he didn’t respond to what she’d said.

“And anyway, you’re not wearing your ring either.”

He looked down at his hand. “I didn’t know I had one. Where is it?”

“It’s in a box with my rings. They gave it to me at the hospital after your accident.”

Zane sat in silence for a long moment, staring at his hand.

Kelsey hadn’t planned to have this conversation with him. If she’d known that it was a possibility, triggered by her not having her rings on, she might not have left them off.

“Would you prefer that I wear my rings?” Kelsey asked.

“I don’t know,” he said. At least he was honest.

“I don’t know either.”

“I think I’d rather that we did wear them, because we’re going to get a lot of questions if you don’t. But if you’re not comfortable with it, I’m not going to force the issue.”

Her shoulders slumped as she rested her hands on the counter. All of this was uncharted territory for them. She’d never heard of anyone else being in the position they were in, though she supposed that if some existed, they might not be making it public. After all, she and Zane hadn’t exactly gone public with their situation.

Kelsey turned her attention back to the boxes and pulled out more items. The discussion about this wasn’t over, but she had no idea what more to say. She wanted him to want them to wear their rings because of what they represented, not just to avoid questions.

Her heart hurt as she finished putting the contents of the box on the counter. Zane seemed troubled, though she was sure he wasn’t feeling the hurt she was.

She really hoped she was strong enough to carry this through to wherever it was headed. Right then, it felt like they were in a tenuous position, but she wasn’t going to give up until Zane said the word.