48 First Dates (Seeking Romance #1)

The Prince of My Worst Moment

28

Another blackout.

Time lost. Mistakes made. Broken.

Worst night. Best morning.

B y the time finals were over, I was ready to release the pressure cooker. Weeks of interviewing for jobs—a grueling process—left me spent. It was worth it because I ended up with my dream position. In a week, I would be working for the National Park Service as a natural resource ranger at the Great Smoky Mountains National Park in Tennessee.

Mitzi and I planned to be roommates. She had scored employment as a marketing coordinator in Knoxville. Cynthia would be at the other end of the state in Nashville. Christopher was playing for the Tennessee Titans, and she wanted to be close by.

The boys, however, would be far away. Tom was returning to his family’s farm. And Brenn was heading out west to work with his uncle in Montana, the one who had started an accounting firm in Billings.

A heaviness gathered in my midsection at the thought. Instead of wallowing, I polished off my glass of wine to wash the weight away.

Don’t worry about that, Adelaide.

Our official say-goodbye-to-college meal would be tomorrow, right before Brenn caught his flight. But every time I thought about his leaving, my gut clenched and twisted.

Not tonight. You can’t think about that tonight.

Tonight is for ignoring. Tonight is for celebrating birthdays and futures.

I nodded at my reflection, turning as I heard the door open. Moments later, we walked the few blocks to the bar. The place was already crazy. We weren’t the only college kids who planned a post-graduation night out on the town.

We found a high-top table, and the boys got five glasses of our favorite cider. When they returned, I downed mine fast and jumped up, ready to dance. The Fearsome Fairies were there playing all the latest covers, plus some of their own music.

We were soon sweaty and out of breath from dancing. When the band took a break, I offered to get a round for everyone. At the bar, I looked over and caught the eye of the attractive guy standing next to me.

“Having fun?” he yelled.

“Yep,” I shouted back.

“I’m Aiden. Can I buy you a drink?” he yelled back.

I nodded before saying, “Adelaide, but let me take these to my friends!” The bartender leaned over the wooden bar top and handed me five mugs. Aiden stopped him and ordered two blue motorcycles.

Oh, I thought, so it’s going to be that kind of night. I lifted a handful of glasses to him and shouted, “Be right back!”

I wound through the crowd, delivering the drinks to our table. “Guys, I hate to drink and run, but this super cute guy at the bar wants to get me a drink.”

Before they could say a word, I drank down about half my cider, turned, and headed back to the bar.

Aiden was there, handing me the alcohol-laden drink. We drank them quicker than we should have and headed to the dance floor. It was too hard to hear any small talk, so we danced to the band and let our bodies do the talking.

When the band took a break, Aiden suggested going back to the bar. I nodded, spotting Brenn up there, too.

“Two more blue motorcycles,” Aiden ordered.

“Adelaide?” Brenn asked me with lifted eyebrows. He was wondering if I was okay with what Aiden had said.

A small part of my muddled brain was positive another drink was a bad idea. A perfume of sweat and alcohol poured off of me. But the spirits in my system said, “Yeah.”

“I think you should come home with me.” Brenn’s eyebrows pulled together as he grabbed my hand.

“I’m having fun and letting off some steam.” I wriggled my fingers out of his grasp.

“C’mon, Ads, you can’t stand straight. I don’t wanna see this happen again. Let’s go before the party gets ugly.” He held out his hand.

“Hey, man, you heard her,” Aiden stepped in, swaying a bit.

He reeked of alcoholic fruit punch. Had I spilled a drink on him?

“Stay out of this. You don’t know her like I do.” Brenn stared at Aiden, and I thought I heard him growl.

Brenn turned his pleading eyes on me and reached out, grabbing my hand again. His voice was thick as he said, “Adelaide, please.”

How many drinks had I had?

My memory couldn’t come up with a final count.

Maybe Brenn was right… I shouldn’t stay here.

The spice of Irish Spring soap mixed with pure Brenn threaded through the cigarette smoke. His eyes bored through me, reaching the part of my heart he had touched at the barbeque restaurant. The warmth of his hand wove its way up my arm, bringing a tingling sensation with it.

But the cold reality of the future hit with an icy impact.

Brenn is leaving.

There will be nothing more than friendship between us.

My head shook no, and Brenn took this as my answer.

He let go. His gaze hardened. “Fine, Adelaide, but I’m not sticking around to watch what happens next.”

He turned and shouted at Mitzi, “You got her?”

Mitzi nodded, and he turned to walk out.

Brenn…

Somewhere in my alcohol-infused mind, the pain of my almost-healed heart ripping open registered. I gasped, watching Brenn walk out the door.

Then I remembered the full drink in my hand. The one thing that would make the pain disappear in that moment.

Before the door swung shut on Brenn, the cup was empty.

I grabbed Aiden’s hand and pulled us to the dance floor. We started slow dancing to the latest popular ballad. His hands were sliding lower and lower. The room was swaying from the dancing or from the drinking—I wasn’t sure.

“You beautiful, Adelaide.” Aiden pulled me in closer, slobbering in my ear as he slurred his words a bit.

A tiny alarm went off in the back of my brain as he leaned back and found my mouth. I closed my eyes as he kissed me.

I woke up.

Light was pouring into the room. My head was splitting. The spongy bed under me was unfamiliar. The surrounding room was a blank slate. Through my half-opened eyes, I saw no clues on the walls. The fluffy blanket draped over me reeked of wet dog mixed with a boy’s apartment.

I peeked underneath it and saw only my underwear. I turned my head slowly to the side and winced. The silver sequin dress and boots I had worn last night were in a puddle on the floor next to a bright red bucket.

Where am I?

There was a giant black hole where the memory of where I was and how I ended up at this place should have been.

How did I get here?

The last thing I remember was kissing a guy on the dance floor at the bar.

What the H-E-double-hockey-sticks have I done?

Panic flooded my limbs as the door creaked open. I snatched the blanket and drew it close, holding it tighter around me as if it were my shield.

A guy walked in dressed in shorts and a T-shirt.

Aiden?

At least I recalled dancing with him last night, and I was pretty sure his name was Aiden.

“Oh, you’re up,” Aiden said with a pained expression as he leaned against the door frame.

The most embarrassing question I have ever had to ask fell from my lips for a third time that year, “Um... what happened last night?”

“Oh, nothing,” Aiden rushed to say.

Then he looked up at me as he shuffled his feet. He rubbed his hands together and said, “I mean something, but nothing like what you’re probably thinking. What do you remember?”

“Us dancing and quite a few drinks, but the rest is spotty.” My face flushed, and a wave of nausea hit me. The flavor on my breath resembled vomit.

Aiden filled in the gaps. “Well, we danced and kissed. Then, your friend interrupted us—I think her name was Mitzi. Anyway, you guys fought pretty bad. She wanted you to go with her and the rest of your friends, but you refused. You asked me to get you out of there, so we left and came back here to my apartment. Things got pretty... we ended up in the bedroom... and things were...” He paused, and I dreaded what he was going to say next. “... before anything major happened, you ran for the bathroom and threw up. That killed the mood and sobered me up pretty fast. You passed out in front of the toilet. I picked you up, laid you on your side with a bucket, and covered you with a blanket.”

He looked up at me with a wrinkled forehead and a pity-laced frown. The look mirrored what I felt inside. “I slept on the couch.”

I could not believe that I allowed myself to be in that position again. “Um... thanks for... um...” I faltered as my bottom lip trembled.

Oh my, what do I say?

“Do you want me to go so you can...” His unspoken question hung in the air.

I nodded, keeping my eyes downward as a cold sweat crept up my neck.

“The bathroom is right there,” he pointed to the closed door. “I’ll be in the other room. Take all the time you need,” Aiden said as he turned and walked out.

Tears formed in my eyes, and I covered my face with my hands.

They were all right—I was out of control...

I wiped the tears away, grateful that my poor choices hadn’t had deeper consequences. Someone was watching out for me, and this was the last time I was going to let them down.

I grabbed the puddle of clothes and headed to the bathrooms. I did what I could with a splash of water and pulled my hair into a messy bun with a band from my purse. I slipped back into my dress and boots.

Wiping my leaky nose with rough toilet paper, I took a deep breath.

Time to face the music.

I nodded at my reflection and strode out into the living room.

Aiden sat on the couch, staring at his feet. “Look, I don’t do this kind of thing.”

I paused my walk of shame at his words.

“I’m sorry—the sober version of me would have taken you home. Or I would have made sure you patched things up with your friends. But that’s not who you got last night, and I apologize for that. I’m not a one-night stand kind of guy. I’ve never even... I had too much to drink last night, and I think you did, too. I’m really glad it didn’t... we didn’t... well, you know.”

Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. My chest constricted as I held back a sob. I stepped back. A cold, wet nose pressed against my hand.

“Libby.”

Oh no. Please, no. She can’t be here…

“Come here. Sit.” Aiden commanded. An eager golden retriever pushed past me and sat down next to him.

A dog. He’s talking to a dog. I tried to calm my racing heart. Libby Barnes showing up at this moment was one of the few things that could have made it much, much worse.

“You seem like a nice girl, but I don’t think we should see each other ever again.” He looked up at me with his last sentence. His words cut like a knife.

I couldn’t hold the tears back. They streamed down my face as I walked quickly to the door. Aiden didn’t get up or try to follow me as I left the apartment.

Thankfully, when I exited the building, I recognized where I was. Our apartment building was only a block away. I didn’t stop until I reached our door. I fumbled for my keys, but by that time, I was crying so hard that I couldn’t get them into the lock. I leaned against the door, sliding to the floor.

Three times.

This has gotten out of control three times.

I have no memory of the three whole times in my life.

A reenactment of Noah’s flood was coming from my eyes. And that’s where Brenn found me. Curled into a ball. Dressed in last night’s clothes, in a pool of embarrassment and regret.

He grabbed my keys and unlocked the door, opening it all the way. He scooped me up and carried me inside, closing the door with his foot. He cradled me on the couch, rubbing a figure eight on my back as he waited for me to cry it out.

Once I calmed down, I looked up at Brenn. His clothes were mussed, and he had a layer of stubble on his face that my fingers wanted to rub. His emerald eyes were fixed on me, and it took my breath away. This man. The one who knew me so well. The one who had picked up the pieces so many times.

This man is who I should be with.

He gently slid me off his lap and set me next to him on the couch, breaking the spell. “What happened, Adelaide?” he asked in a gentle voice. “You can tell me anything.”

Right, friends tell each other everything.

We are friends.

Friends that take your breath away after the most humiliating night of your life with one look.

A big part of me didn’t want to say another word. I stared at his lips, wondering if I would ever get to taste them beyond the quick feather kiss we shared before all this mess.

But I knew what I had to do. And I suspected the words I shared would permanently place me in the friend’s category. I took a deep breath.

Tell him the entire truth, Adelaide.

I blew out the air and chickened out. “I need to go to the bathroom.”

I got up and walked down the hall to my room. I shut the bathroom door behind me, took care of business, and popped a few Tylenol.

This time, I took more than a passing glance in the mirror. The reflection I saw was a girl I didn’t recognize. Messy hair, sunken cheeks, and the remnants of mascara-laden tear tracks. Ones that failed to cover up the black rings under my eyes.

I tried to focus on the room instead. But the dead plant over my shoulder was yet another reminder of the many ways I had failed lately.

This wasn’t the fairytale life I pictured when my parents read to me. The image staring back at me was no princess.

How did I get here?

How did I let myself get here?

I resembled a miserable version of Rapunzel, locked in a tall tower of grief by the mistress of pain. Like the long-haired princess, I was confident there was no way to leave the tower on my own. I resolved to let down my hair and get some help.

I drank a full glass of water. I rubbed my eyes and grabbed a washcloth. I washed my face thoroughly this time and brushed my teeth. I pulled the ponytail holder out and brushed my hair. I put in the earrings my dad had given me. Though these actions didn’t fix all the issues I saw in the mirror, they prepared me to face Brenn.

I took my time walking back down the hall and sat down next to my best guy friend. The one who knew me better than anyone else but still didn’t know my biggest secret… yet.

His elbows were on his knees, and his fingers were tented. He stared at the beige carpet and waited for me to begin.

“I made a huge mistake that could have been so much worse,” I confessed. I relayed the key parts of last night and this morning. I paused, staring at the threads on the couch and gathering up the courage to spill the rest.

“Can you trust this guy told you the truth?” Brenn asked.

I nodded. “I think so. But I blacked out... again.” I blew out a sigh before whispering, “I’m so... what I saw in the mirror...”

An undertow of shame threatened to drag me down into the depths of despair. I couldn’t face his eyes. I couldn’t see disgust or pity in them at that moment—that would have broken me.

Brenn’s warm fingers traced my chin. Once more, his touch tethered me to reality. He pulled my head up, and what I saw in his eyes shocked me.

It was not disgust.

It was not pity.

It was sadness.

And it was regret.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the words I said. I’m sorry I didn’t stay last night and prevent this whole thing from happening. I was angry and hurt. That guy... well, he ruined my plan, and I didn’t take it so well. I’m so sorry.” Brenn’s voice caught with his last words as his hand cupped my cheek.

The comforting tang of his skin enveloped me as I leaned into his hand and closed my eyes. I breathed in deeply.

I love the manufacturer of Irish Spring soap.

“Brenn, this is not your fault. You tried to stop me, and apparently, so did Mitzi. We fought, but I—” I never finished my words. I opened my eyes, and Brenn’s look stopped the verbal flow.

His hand moved from my cheek to the back of my neck. His eyes darted to my lips, asking for permission. My head nodded on instinct.

Brenn leaned in, and our lips met.

The kiss started as a gentle touch, but when I wrapped my arms around his neck, it deepened into a sugary explosion.

This is a dream.

I am dreaming.

His hands burned like fire as they ran a trail from my neck down my back. His lips said things to mine that my bones needed to feel, and a low moan escaped from my lips.

This is the best dream ever.

My lips and skin were on fire everywhere we touched. The rest of me was a feather floating on a crystal blue sea in the warm sun. A kaleidoscope of butterflies took flight in my midsection.

This.

This is everything.

Everything that feather-kiss on the quad could have been.

Everything I need for the future.

I could do this forever.

But then a key scraped in the lock.

The door opened.

We jumped apart.

“Ah, you found your way home,” Mitzi said sharply as her eyes flashed daggers at me.

“Mitz, I’m sorry. I—”

Mitzi waved her hand in the air. “It looks like you already have something to talk about. I’m going to give you two a hot minute. I’ll be down at the coffee shop. Find me when you’re done.”

I nodded, and she turned to walk back out the door.

“Brenn.” It was all I could get out as my brain switched back on. The heat of his touch still warmed my skin.

“I know,” was all he could say. We sat there side-by-side, thighs touching, catching our breaths for a moment.

Brenn kissed me... Really kissed me...

The worst part was that I wanted him to do it again. Like right now.

“Adelaide,” he began. “I’ve been waiting to do that for ages. Wanting to do that since I first saw you on the trail. Needing to do that since that day on the quad. I know things are... I know I’m heading out this afternoon. I had planned to tell you last night, but...” He paused for a moment.

My breath caught. Even after I told him what happened, how could he still?

“I know what you’re thinking. It can’t be true, but it is. You are the most beautiful person I know, both inside and out. I have no idea how we are going to make this work, but I want to Ads. I want to be with you. When I left last night, I walked for hours and hours, thinking and regretting. Realizing that I had just made the worst mistake of my life. I can’t walk away from here and get on a plane without telling you at least once... I want us.”

Brenn stared at me. His eyes probed to the deepest part of me and examined what was there. I desperately hoped he would find something good.

My heart was sure of what to say, but my mind? He didn’t know the whole truth. He didn’t know about the bottles under my bed. He didn’t know how bad it had gotten. And he deserved to know that before we figured out what this could be.

Please don’t hate me, Brenn.

I was still searching for words when he broke the silence. “I don’t expect you to say anything, Adelaide. I just needed you to know.”

He kissed me on the forehead, got up, and left me on the couch, too stunned to move or speak.

The closing of the door snapped me back to reality. My forehead and lips burned with the memory of his kisses.

Brenn. I want us, too.

But...

I got up and walked—as if in a trance—to the door.

I opened it and floated the two doors down to his place.

I knocked.

He opened the door.

“Brenn.” I took a deep breath. He stepped aside and let me in. I felt the heat of his gaze as it followed me. We sat down. But this time, we perched on opposite ends of the couch.

I took a deep breath.

“Brenn, I will not deny I didn’t feel something. That kiss...” I paused, my face flushing as I remembered the feel of his lips on mine. “But I...”

“Just stop there, Adelaide, I get the gist.” Brenn’s face flashed with disappointment as he turned away.

“No, you don’t,” I said with more force. I didn’t want to say this, especially to his back. “I can’t lose anyone else right now. I can’t risk us getting together because what if it doesn’t work out? I can’t lose you, Brenn.”

“What if it does work out, Ads?” he countered, still staring at the threads on his couch. “What if we gain so much more than we have now?” He looked up at me, eyes pleading.

That’s when I knew I had to confess the full truth.

With a whisper, I looked down at the floor and came clean. “Brenn, I drink every day. My mouthwash is of the peppermint schnapps variety. It dulls the pain with a side of minty-fresh breath. At least, that’s what I tell myself. But this morning, as I was crying my guts out… I know it needs to end… for good. I need help to deal with all this in a healthy way.”

I felt my heart swell to a breaking point. Oh, how I wish this could be different…

“And it’s not fair for me to be a part of an us when I’m broken into a million pieces. I need you to be my friend right now, Brenn. And I need to be yours. When things are better... when I’m better...” I looked up at him, and what I saw in his eyes almost broke me.

My heart burst, screaming, Give it a chance!

But my brain took over. “Maybe there can be an us in the future.” I almost choked on the words as I forced it out. “But as your friend, I’m telling you, it’s not fair for me to ask for you to wait.”

“Okay, Adelaide Ann, it’s your call.” Brenn looked away.

He used my middle name—that is not a good sign.

With his dismissal, I went numb. I stood up, doing what my brain told me I had to do—one foot in front of the other. My heart begging for me to stop. I made it to the door, and I looked back.

Brenn was still on the couch. His hands were on his knees, and his head hung low.

“Brenn, I’ll see you in a bit, right?” I asked hopefully.

“Sure,” Brenn responded automatically, but when he looked up, I realized he was lying to me.

He stood and looked me straight in the eye. “Goodbye, Adelaide Ann Monroe.”

Full name—that was worse.

“Goodbye, Brenn Rory O’Connor,” I responded with a shaky voice.

I closed the door behind me, unsure of when or if I would see him again.