A Break in Communications

Chapter 16

Lucy

Press release. Woman was clever. And from the looks of things, the woman won, too.

I’d done everything I could possibly manage, once she shattered my heart like thin glass with the clean break, to pull myself together—to get over her. Sucked knowing I’d probably be single for life, since it wouldn’t be fair to any other women I might have dated that they’d always be living in Anna Preston’s shadow, but she’d given me a damn answer and I needed to accept it.

Didn’t help that she kept looking at me all day at the office, in a way where she clearly thought I didn’t notice. Like she was waiting for me to go over and lean on her desk, pull her away from her computer to look at me, flirt with her like I always did. Change sucked, I guess. Getting turned down by Anna sucked.

Thirty years old and I still fell to pieces getting rejected by a pretty woman. Guess I’d never left high school.

And just like in high school, I couldn’t even bring myself to tell Grandma about it. She was obsessed with Anna, talking about her every morning and every evening, asking when I’d bring her over to see her again—she even promised not to be mean to her, which was a nice gesture even if I knew she would break her promise instantly—and I didn’t have the heart to tell her. So I just smiled, played it like I was shy, nodded along, changed the subject.

I was lucky I still had a promotion to shoot for—something to throw myself fully into while I tried moving on from someone I knew I’d never be able to move on from. Kept me busy, working at the office and then heading home on time these days, getting work done at home. I knew I’d never get work done sitting in an office with just me and Anna Preston.

Went through the documents, tried to put something together, but she beat me to it. Didn’t even have to lift it from her files—Dobbs told me about how he was impressed with the press release Anna and I were doing, and I had to smile politely and ask which parts exactly Anna had told him so that I knew what exactly she was doing.

It was a clever strategy. And I didn’t get far into my counterstrategy before it all fell apart, with a loud, haphazard tumble and a scream that was more frustrated than it was afraid, vexed that something would dare to inconvenience her, as Grandma missed the chair lift in the middle of me making dinner and I found her at the bottom of the stairs, looking at me like I’d pushed her.

“Ah, this is because of your no-good father,” she grumbled, trying to push herself up as if she’d just had a little scratch and not a very clearly broken arm. Also—my father had never once even been in this house. He had nothing to do with it. But I was fine with making him our scapegoat.

“Grandma—” I dropped to the floor next to her, easing her back down. “I’m calling an ambulance, okay? Please don’t try to—”

“Oh, let go of me, I’m all right.”

“Grandma, your arm’s at the wrong angle.”

“Is it?” She looked, scowling at her arm like this was its idea. “Son of a bitch. Thought God was supposed to make every body perfectly.”

My heart was hammering so hard, so fast, I thought I might throw up. Lucky outcome all things considered—her wheelchair had fallen at an angle and gotten stuck in the stairway, or it would have come down on top of her. Still, I summoned what I had in me and I put a hand on her shoulder, trying to stay outwardly calm. “Just lie down a bit, okay, Grandma? We’ll get you to the hospital and they’ll take care of you, it’ll be an annoying month or two while it heals but that’s the extent of it—”

“A month or two? You think I’m fifteen years old again?”

“—and it will give you extra reasons to complain at me and tell me to do things for you, and you’ll have all the justification in the world to do it.”

That did it. She lay down. “Okay, I like the sound of that,” she said, and I fumbled with shaky hands to pull out my phone and dial 911. Grandma didn’t change one bit as the paramedics arrived and took us off—I felt like it wasn’t even a matter of being in shock but just that Grandma was Grandma no matter the circumstance. Complained about her arm and the rest of her life in equal measure, including telling the paramedic in the back of the ambulance with us how I was dating a girl who wasn’t as pretty as I was and who couldn’t even cook and clean for me, and I knew I really wasn’t getting over Anna anytime soon, because even riding in the back of the ambulance, I still told her,

“Grandma, please stop insulting my girlfriend.”

“I’m just saying. I could die here! Maybe I’ve got sepsis and that’s it for Grandma. And I have to die knowing your girlfriend won’t even cook for you.”

“You’re not going to die, Miss,” the paramedic said. “The injury isn’t too—”

She waved him off. “Oh, shut it, I’m talking to my granddaughter.”

The paramedic smiled politely. He was probably just happy to see her still lively and that she at least had one arm that worked well to dismiss him. I smiled at Grandma, a hand on her shoulder.

“Anna’s just modest,” I said. “She’s actually a great cook. She makes the best three-bean chili you’ve had in your life.”

“Not if I die before she gets it to me, I won’t. Oh, forget it. I’m not dying until I’ve had that chili. Make sure you get it to me quickly.”

I’d made up the chili to keep Grandma happy. Also, what kind of incentive was that? Get her the chili quickly so that she could die sooner?

The paramedic turned out to be right about the condition—nothing that would put Grandma in any serious overall danger, just that it would take time to recover. The doctor came out of the room without too much time inspecting Grandma, and I stood up at where she smiled politely at me, an older woman with puffy white hair.

“Good news,” she said. “Your grandmother will make a full recovery.”

“And the bad news?”

“Well, the bad news is that it will take some time to heal,” she said, looking down at her tablet. “These things take longer to heal as you’re older and your bones aren’t as strong, but the good news is that it’s a nice, clean break.”

I blinked twice. “A, uh… a clean break, huh?”

“I know it sounds scary, but it’s better that way. It leaves more space for proper healing and recovery.”

Uh-huh… because that wasn’t a directly targeted attack at my personal life. I kept a smile on, because I couldn’t really explain to her that I was suddenly getting upset that the girl I was never dating had asked me for a clean break too.

Grandma was spritely, because she glowered at me as soon as I got in the room with her. “I’m not seeing your girlfriend,” she said. “Shouldn’t she be running to your side right now to help you in this trying moment?”

I cleared my throat. “She’s, uh… she’s got something big going on right now. I’ll let you know once she’s able to make that chili.”

“God, you’d better. I didn’t even think about the fact that now I have to eat hospital food. What’s the point of having a granddaughter if she doesn’t make me a proper meal?”

What was the point, indeed?

Grandma was taken care of quickly, arm in a sling and given pain meds, and I spent the rest of the evening by her side. She stayed the night at the hospital and told me to go enjoy being a kid at home alone again, and I went back to where I’d forgotten I’d left dinner unfinished out in the kitchen. Threw half of the ingredients away, spoiling sitting out on the counter, and I had a peanut butter sandwich instead, maximum calories for minimum effort. Crashed in bed, and I woke up with a heavy feeling the next morning, realization setting in.

I wasn’t getting the position. Anna had gotten a head-start on me and had made the most of it with her press release, and while I’d been spending the crucial weekend pining over her, she’d been focusing on the job. And now when I had the chance to try doing something of my own, I had to pull away to spend time taking care of Grandma.

I felt like I was going through a dream as I woke up early and went about my usual routines a half-hour earlier, making breakfast and taking it to the hospital. The roads were deathly quiet so early, so it was a strange liminal space where I didn’t even play my music, just drove in silence letting my mind spiral around the thoughts.

I was still only thirty. I was a little young to take on such a high executive role anyway. There would be more chances to climb higher in the future anyway. And there were more important things than the corporate ladder… there were more chances at a promotion, but there weren’t going to be more chances to look after Grandma. This was the lesson they learned in all those Hallmark movies that Anna wanted me to go back to when she found out I spent my time looking after Grandma. It was supposed to be a fulfilling, healing realization. Why did I feel so hollow?

Obviously it wasn’t about the promotion. I knew opportunities came and went for promotions, for climbing the ladder, for career growth… I’d get another chance. A better one, too. I was a firm believer in if it’s meant to be, it’ll be. I would be more suited to whatever new opportunity did eventually come along.

Obviously it just hurt that Anna would be so far away. And I guess it was a good thing—that I needed to move on, forget about her as best I could, and that I’d never manage if we were still sticking around in the same office competing with each other all the time. She’d be moving further and further away from me, and we’d see less and less of each other, and eventually, I’d move on, find somebody else, and forget all about Anna Preston.

Right. Me. Forget about Anna Preston. Maybe while I was riding a flying pig.

It had apparently caught up to Grandma when I found her in the hospital again—not scared or fatalistic or in a lot of pain like I was worried about, but just deeply tired. The cocktail of drugs they had her on was already enough to put a horse under, and add in the stress catching up to her, the adrenaline wearing off, she barely managed to keep awake long enough to have breakfast, and she didn’t say much during breakfast. It was only when I was finishing up with her and getting ready to leave that she really said anything more than small talk and smart commentary about the hospital staff.

“Lucy, I’m old,” she said, and I stopped halfway through standing up, looking at her. I blinked a few times before I spoke.

“I mean, you said it, not me.”

“You can’t spend your best years just… worrying about me. I won’t be around forever.”

I frowned, standing up taller, facing her. “Grandma, you’re not going to die from a broken arm.”

“I know that. You think I’m going to die before I see you and that underwhelming woman get married?” She snorted. “But I’m going to die at some point, no matter how much you do for me. Just… make sure you have other things in your life. That woman. Don’t take it for granted.”

I would never in a million years take Anna Preston for granted, if I actually had her. Still, I smiled awkwardly her way. “I know.”

“No, you don’t. You’re supposed to be out having a good life, not keeping me company all the time. Supposed to be out starting a family with that woman.”

“We don’t even want to have kids.”

“Ah, all the better. Having kids is a mistake. Ah, look here, you dumb little lady—just because I’m getting old doesn’t mean you have to, too. Now, get on out of here and let me sleep. I’m tired. And everything’s too loud right now. And if you see that nurse with the big chest, tell him I need some very close attention from him specifically or I might die.”

Maybe Grandma’s master plan was seducing a nurse half her age to look after her so I could have more time to marry Anna Preston. I wouldn’t put it past her. “I’ll tell him you need careful attention, maybe to read you a romance novel in his deepest voice.”

“Ah, you’re so dismissive. Just because you’re a lesbian doesn’t mean you can’t tell when a man looks good.”

“I’m dismissive because he’s probably my age and probably married, but I’ll pass the message along. Get some sleep, Grandma.”

Made good time, all things considered—still got to the office fifteen minutes early, before even Anna Preston arrived. Got to my desk, and I opened my computer and stared blankly through my files.

Everything I had worked out for the G&S case… I was in the middle of formulating something good, but Anna had beaten me to it. Guess there was no point now. Dobbs had put us on the case together, but I knew Anna had it taken care of. Now that I knew I didn’t have a shot, it probably made more sense for me to take care of my quotas and clean up my regular work so that I could spend more time focusing on Grandma.

But it was hard to bring myself to get rid of any of it, even just setting it aside to be forgotten instead of deleting it outright. Did what I could, but I couldn’t get my mind off of it and onto the regular work, and I was in a bad mood over it all when I heard tapping on my desk, and I looked up at where Kelcey stood swaying from side to side, batting her eyelashes at me. I kept on a polite smile.

“Kelcey, so good to see you,” I said, closing my laptop. “What can I do for you?”

“Good morning, Lucy,” she said. “How are things with you and Anna?”

I folded my hands on top of my laptop. “Any chance we can focus on work topics?”

Her face fell like I’d just killed someone in front of her. “Oh my god, so it’s true you broke up?”

I hung my head. “Because this is a conversation I want to have right now.”

“Well—that’s perfect, because I’m here right now and ready to have this conversation. What happened? Do you want me to go bring you a muffin? I always have a muffin and a coffee when I’m feeling sad and it helps pick me up.”

I sighed, pointed and heavy, and I strained a smile at her. “I was being sarcastic. I don’t want to have this conversation.”

She gave me puppy-dog eyes. “Don’t knock the muffin, though, honestly. Do you want to try it?”

Fuck it, I was going to start crying. I could at least cry into a muffin. “Sure,” I said, standing up. “Let’s go get a muffin on your dime.”

Her jaw dropped. “Where are you getting muffins for only a dime?”

“Four dollars, a dime, I’m sure it’s all the same to you… let’s go get a muffin on your four dollars.”

Nothing mattered right now, so I just shot Dobbs an email that Kelcey and I were talking business at the café for the morning around Anna’s big press release event, and I caught Kelcey off guard by taking her out of the office altogether, skipping the shoddy café in the lobby for the independent place down the street, normally a sleek modern place dressed up today in so much Christmas decoration that it felt more like Santa’s workshop. Ordered a Guatemalan pourover, for no reason, and a triple chocolate muffin, and I sat by the window with Kelcey underneath the big hanging wreaths.

“So what happened?” Kelcey said as soon as we sat down, and I shrugged.

“Some bullshit. I’m not looking to talk about anything, I just wanted a free coffee and a pastry.”

“Okay, I can start guessing.”

That sounded worse. “We weren’t really together in the first place, kind of just screwing around. You can ask your girlfriend to confirm it if you like, she knows all the details.”

She hung her head. “Veronica’s not really my girlfriend…”

I paused. “Damn, you look pretty shaken up. Did she dump you?”

“She didn’t dump me. We weren’t really together in the first place. It was just kind of casual, I guess.” She kicked at the floor, cradling her coffee, a small Americano with the Kenyan house blend espresso. I’d kind of expected her to be the caramel-macchiato-with-whipped-cream type. “Anna told me how Veronica thought I was dumb and wasn’t really looking to get together with me, and I went and asked Veronica if it was true, and she said like, yeah, basically, it’s just fun to sleep together. ”

I scratched my head, looking out the window. “From what I’ve heard, that’s Veronica’s modus operandi… don’t take it personally.”

“I’m upset with her. Or I’m trying to be. Why’s she coming around acting like we’re having these cute dates that mean something and then just up and pulling the rug out from under me and—and I’m not dumb. ”

I sighed, smiling drily at her, and I stared for a second before I reached across the table, putting a hand on hers. “Sorry, Kelcey.”

She looked down. “I was supposed to be here to listen to you, not the other way around.”

“Hey, we’re in this together. Preston girls know how to break a heart.”

“No kidding,” she mumbled. “I mean, I have no right to complain. Veronica and I were just a thing for like a week. You’ve been in love with Anna forever.”

So it was that obvious, huh? I guess everyone but Anna could see it. “Ah, we can both complain. I’m just miserable because Anna told me she wanted a clean break and to just be coworkers who don’t interact beyond that, I’ve lost my shot at the promotion to the executive head office, and my grandmother fell down the stairs and is in the hospital.”

Her face fell. “Oh my god, you should have said earlier. I’d have walked in with a muffin for you.”

Muffins really were her answer to everything. I laughed drily, and I heard it come thickly through tears. “Maybe I’ll order a second one.”

“You really should. I’ll get you all the muffins you want.”

Guess Veronica wasn’t the only one fleecing this girl for her money. Hey, Kelcey had offered it, not me. “Thanks,” I said, my voice raspy, trying not to cry and absolutely dogshit at it. Couldn’t believe I was crying in front of Kelcey. How embarrassing.

“Is your grandmother going to be okay?”

“She’s… she’ll be fine. Broke her arm, but it’ll heal fine… I just need to spend more time looking after her, dealing with long-term care, dealing with the hospital. So I don’t have the time to go working on the press release, try to do something to win that promotion… it’s bullshit, is what it is,” I groaned, resting my head in my hands. “Why does this kind of thing happen all at once?”

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

I snorted. “Ah… make Anna fall in love with me? Unless you’ve got a magic trick for that, I don’t think there’s anything.”

“I’m sure it’s still going to work out!” she said, squeezing her hand on top of mine. “Anna’s always been talking about you. I was honestly surprised it took you two so long to get together. I’m sure she just has a lot on her mind and has to work her way there!”

Veronica had said the same thing… maybe these two were more in sync than Veronica liked to admit. “She gave me an answer,” I said thinly. “I’m going to respect it. And besides, she’s getting the executive position. She’s going to be moving away from me. Nothing I can do except watch her go. And I’ll get over it. This part just sucks.”

“It’s Christmas,” she said, her voice hopeful, as if that made any difference to anything. “Miracles are possible.”

“Miracles don’t care what month it is.”

“They care about Christmas.”

Well, with that definitive tone, I guess I couldn’t argue. I mean, she was right about the muffin, too—I took a bite of the muffin, a mouthful of pillowy chocolate cake, and it made things feel a little better. So if she was right about crying into a muffin making things better, maybe she was right about Christmas miracles.

She probably wasn’t. But it couldn’t hurt to believe in something nice.