A Dream of Fate & Flesh (Courts of Malice #2)

41. My Reason to Fight

forty-one

My Reason to Fight

Rainer

T he grass, wet with morning dew, is soft underfoot. Dawn’s grey-tinted light stretches across the Cursed Wood ahead. A gorgeous, inviting thicket of trees hiding a dark secret. A nightmare disguised as a dream.

It serves as a dense barrier, spreading out on the southeast side of Avylon, separating Terra Court from Shyga. It also isolates Umbra Court from its city and the other courts. It spills east of where we currently are, blocking our path to Shyga. We’re taking a risk going through it, but it's the quickest route.

“Perhaps we should’ve borrowed a horse,” I mutter. As much as I don’t like Ezamae near Alessia, his windwalking is rather convenient, and we could use it now.

“My thighs and arse ache at the thought,” Alessia says, a sad chuckle spilling out.

“It’s a lot less… brutal than riding a bear.”

Her head whips up as she scrunches her nose. “You ride Ken?”

I grimace. “Not usually. It is a rather unique experience.”

Her laughter is real this time as her head tilts back and her hands fly to her mouth. “I would pay a steep price to witness that!”

There’s a great chance she will see that one day since she’s likely staying here in Avylon. In her court. It brings me a surge of warmth… until I remember the steep cost of her magic—the sacrifice she must make to uphold her end of the bargain with Yvanthia.

Alessia must be the one to release a soul into her court, an offering of sorts to the land. The only way to do such a thing is through death. She must murder someone to accept her magic.

I glance away into the thicket of trees and swallow the knot tying itself in my throat. Swiping a hand over my face, I work to steady my expression.

How do I tell the one I love she must lose herself to become herself? I know her heart—this will destroy her.

Simply seeing the death of a recent enemy, Eoin, rocked her to near shambles. But the death of someone at her hand?

“Rainer?” Alessia’s soft hand comes up to my shoulder. “Did you hear me?”

“Hm?” I turn, running a hand through my hair.

“What’s wrong?”

I bite my tongue, weighing all the words I want to say.

“Don’t do this," I finally blurt. "Go back to Dovenak… forget about this.” I force out the following words, “Forget about me .”

She jerks backward, blinking slowly as her expression tightens. For a second, I think she might slap me again. An inappropriate thrill shoots through me.

“You are not doing this again, Rainer Rohan Iorworth. Do you hear me? No more.” She shakes a finger in my face, and the spitting fire almost cracks my stoic demeanor. “You promised . No more.”

I swallow, stuffing my hands into my pockets. The encasing fabric makes them feel protected, shielded from the impending violence threatening to break free. “It’s for the best, Alessia. ”

“Spill.” She crosses her arms, widening her stance and staring me down. “Why have your hackles risen this time?”

I toy with an earring, distracting myself as I consider how to break what I know tactfully.

“What do you know about your ancestors?” I finally ask. “About their court.”

She shakes her head. “Absolutely nothing, to be quite honest. The few bits I learned from Yvanthia… well, I can’t say I trust her perspective.”

“Lírshadows come from a dark, powerful magic line, Alessia.”

“So do you.”

I shake my head. “It’s…” I almost say different , but she’s right. Our bloodlines are more similar than they are different. “I’ve always been this way. This is new for you.”

She squirms. “I can handle it.”

“It’s not that.” I sigh, studying her. “It’s that you shouldn’t have to just to protect us.”

Her eyes narrow. “So you’re allowed to do whatever it takes—including acting recklessly and forfeiting your court and your life— yet you forbid me from doing something as minor as accepting power to save your entire realm ?”

I ignore the incredulousness, the sarcasm hiding behind her tone, and tell her the truth: “To accept, or awaken, your power, you will be required to sacrifice the life of another.”

She inhales sharply. Her shoulders drop an inch as the fight leaves her body. “I have to… I have to kill someone purposely?” she whispers. “No.”

I nod. “This is why I’m telling you to go. Go back to Dovenak. Let us deal with the ramifications of our own realm. ”

“Rainer I…” She rubs her eyes, shaking her head. “No.” When she reopens her eyes to look at me, there’s a sharpness in her grey irises that wasn’t there before. “Absolutely not.”

“But you—”

“Dovenak is no safer a place for me. I have no home there.” She steps closer, inclining her head. Her face turns to stone. “ This is my home now. This is my realm. This is where my family came from, too.” She takes another breath and continues, “I’m not weak. I can do what it takes to protect the one I love. And you can’t stop me.”

She turns on her heel, storming away.

My feet are stuck in tar, and I am unable to move. My jaw goes slack as her words echo in my mind.

The one I love , she said. The one —not ones.

A weird tickle ignites in my stomach. “So, you’re saying you love me?” I call after her, still blinking in shock.

She throws her hands up without turning. “Are you coming or what, Iorworth ?”

“She loves me,” I mutter, a grin blossoming. I jog to catch up to her.

Life’s price doesn’t matter when the costs are split. No matter how much blood and morals are shed, I’ll be here to give Alessia whatever remains of my own.

She will never burden the horrors of life alone again.

The first chunk of our journey through the woods is thankfully uneventful. I keep my senses primed, ready to detect anything amiss. I clutch Alessia’s hand tight in case the woods cause her to hallucinate.

Knowing I can’t protect Alessia from my magic is humbling and terrifying. If drawing my fearcaller magic was as easy as pulling it back into me, I would do it in a heartbeat. I would’ve done it long ago. It won’t return to me, and it won't sink back into the court’s crust—tethered by Sennah’s foreign elemental magic. Instead, it sits like oil atop water, an invisible sludge tainting the flora.

Causing the trees to thirst for fear.

“What was this called?” Alessia asks, snagging my attention. “I mean, before the curse. Surely the woods had a name—before?”

“Crescere Forest.” It’s been so long since I’ve said the name aloud. “It means to grow in one of the old languages.”

“It is a beautiful place…” she trails off mid-sentence as if holding back her thoughts. I fill in the blanks. It’s a beautiful place despite the horror plaguing it.

My eyes sweep the forest, taking in the abundance of ferns, moss, and towering trees.

“What is that ?” Alessia’s gasp cleaves the air.

She raises a trembling hand, pointing upward. I follow the gesture.

Bare, pale branches stick out amidst the green canopy overhead. I squint, making out more of the shapes.

Ah, not branches. Skeletons. A few thin strips of decaying material hang from the bones. All that’s left from their years in the trees. A leather sheath hangs precariously off what looks like a femur, the dagger long gone.

“Assassins,” I mutter. “From Dovenak. ”

I squeeze Alessia’s hand in reassurance, thankful it was someone who likely deserved their fate—petrified to death and picked apart by woodland creatures—rather than an innocent Tradeling.

“How’d they get up there?” she whispers.

I shrug, tugging her along at a faster pace. “Likely climbed the trees to escape whatever fear ailed them.”

But upon closer look, I notice an old rope hanging precariously around their limbs. Interesting, indeed.

“Are there more?” she asks.

I grit my teeth, hoping not. “Kenisius and I try to return as many as possible. It’s not often we tend so far south.”

Her pulse kicks up a notch. “How far away from Shyga—Spiritus Court are we?”

“Not as far as it seems.”

The Cursed Wood curls around the west and south of Shyga, and the only way to avoid it is to spend days traversing the outskirts, coming up on the east side, just south of the Gleam. I would’ve entertained that journey rather than trampling through , but it would’ve taken days. Days we might not have if Yvanthia's rapidly deteriorating health is any indication.

Considering the fear here is a beast of my making, it should be fine.

We walk in eerie silence, hyperaware of each tweet and rustle as we traverse the pathless woods. I forge ahead of her, stomping a path to make her navigation easier.

“Rainer!” Alessia screams from somewhere up ahead.

My steps halt, and the back of my neck prickles. I turn, verifying that Alessia is at my side. My shoulders instantly drop an inch as I exhale.

“What is it?” she whispers. Her warm hand grasps mine, soft and clammy. “Rainer?”

“Help!” The scream comes again, ringing out into the forest. A few birds scramble from the trees, shooting off toward the sky. “Please, Rainer, help! It hurts.”

Terror pinches my heart, gripping it in its forefingers and twisting relentlessly.

“Alessia,” I choke out, consumed by the need to move . “We need to run.”

She doesn’t question my command. We bolt together, stumbling through the dense foliage. At some point, our hands break free of one another. I glance back, and she’s gone.

Where did she go?

Have I been hallucinating her this entire time?

The ferns around me stand vibrant and untouched, silently observing my turmoil.

Another scream rips through the air, turning my blood cold. What if those screams were her the whole time?

I squeeze my hands into fists, bolting through the trees toward the cries.

I’ve never hallucinated in the woods before. Not like this. The woods are a part of me, not a danger to me. But I can’t risk not reacting. I must find Alessia. I will not allow harm to come to her.

I vow to preserve my little rose with every beat of my heart, for she is my reason to fight.