A Flicker to a Flame (Mosley Coven)

Eleven

ELEVEN

CATO

We will always welcome you home

S hock brings everything into stark relief, and my brain sucks in all the details.

The sky was just lightening on the other side of the portal, but on this side, we’re deep in the woods, and the canopy is dense here, blotting out the Sun. A fitting shelter for the dread that fills my chest when I come face to face with mama.

“It’s not what it looks like,” I blurt out as soon as I process what I’m seeing.

Billie sighs and waves her hand dismissively in my direction. “Don’t bother. We already tried that.”

“Poorly,” our mother says, eyeing her eldest daughter with a critical glare. I take the moment of reprieve to look in Fredi’s direction.

The smile usually fixed on her face is gone. She’s worrying her bottom lip and inching away from Billie’s side. Just in case Billie finally pushes mama over the edge, Fredi doesn’t want to be in the line of fire. I follow her lead.

“It was my idea, mama,” I say, pulling her attention to me.

A foolish mistake.

When mama shifts her gaze in my direction, I can see her disbelief written all over her face. “You don’t have to play the martyr, Junior. It’s beneath you. Just like sneaking around in the woods like criminals is beneath the three of you,” she says in a calm, even bored voice, as if coming to collect us is beneath her.

Billie, unfortunately, gets her attitude straight from mama. I watch her cross her arms over her chest in my peripheral vision and take a large step to the side. No need to be discreet.

“We wouldn’t have to sneak around if this place wasn’t a prison,” Billie says. Her voice is full of attitude, but her tone softens when mama’s gaze snatches her up.

I don’t know what got into her at the bar, but I do know she needs to get herself together. I turn to glare at her and lock eyes with Fredi across the clearing. Our youngest sister is two steps from diving into the bushes, but she stops to roll her eyes and shake her head. This wouldn’t be the first time Billie’s mouth only amplified a punishment that might have been manageable otherwise.

“You think you grown, little girl?”

Billie drops her arms and straightens her back. I can see in her face that she’s not about to back away and will be dragging us down with her. “Technically,” she says in a small voice.

“And is your home technically a prison? ‘Cause I can show you a prison if you want?—”

“We don’t, mama,” Fredi says, stepping forward — just a few steps. “Billie’s just being reckless.”

Mama’s eyes don’t shift from Billie’s face, and to her credit, Billie doesn’t wither under our mother’s stare. I guess. Mama doesn’t talk about her youth much, not to me at least, but I wonder if she went through this with her own mother — if the strength of her magic strained their relationship the way it sometimes strains her relationship with Billie. I can’t help but wonder if the curse of being the Mosley Matriarch is far more trouble than it’s worth.

“We are grown, mama,” I say, even though my tongue feels dry and heavy in my mouth. I step back toward Billie, and not just because of the pact we just made. “And Mossville is so small. You can’t really blame us for wanting to leave.”

“If you wanted to leave, you should have the guts to walk through The Night Gate,” mama says.

“Is that what you want?” Billie asks, her eyebrows bunching in confusion. “To watch all three of your children leave here for good? ‘Cause that’s not what we want,” she says. “We wanted a night out. Just one night.”

Mama presses her lips together, and her eyes shift from Billie’s to mine and then finally Fredi’s. “Is that true?” she asks carefully, posing the question to each of us in turn.

“Yes,” Fredi says quickly.

I get an image of Xavier in my mind. “Yes,” I say at the same time as Billie, even though it breaks my heart.

“Good,” she says. “At least you came back quickly. I didn’t have time to go running after you.”

“Sorry?” Fredi says.

“Come again?” Billie and I echo.

Mama rolls her eyes and shrugs her shoulders. “Every now and then, one of you kids runs away without the good bit of sense the Sun gave a leaf and we gotta waste days — weeks! — looking for you.” She shakes her head in disgust.

“Excuse me??” Billie practically yells. My mouth falls open in shock.

“You told us leaving is forbidden!” Fredi shrieks.

“It is,” mama says casually. “But people are always doing things they shouldn’t. You three especially.”

“Now, hold on,” I say, but Billie cuts me off.

“Wait—”

But then mama cuts her off. “I expected you three to try The Night Gate, though. This,” she says, looking around, “was a surprise.” She reaches out a hand. Billie and I lean away from one another as mama yanks the air into her chest, closing that weak spot shut tight.

There are powerful witches and then there’s mama. Her magic makes the hair stand up on my arms. My body knows what my brain sometimes forgets.

Fredi starts talking but then stops, licking her lips nervously. “C-could we have gone through The Night Gate?”

Mama smiles, and that’s the only answer we get.

“Would you have let us leave?” Billie asks in a calm, curious voice.

“I did let you leave,” mama chuckles. When she looks at us now, it’s with much less anger and frustration. Now all I can see in her eyes is mirth, but her voice is haughty as well. It’s not mama in front of us, it’s the Matriarch. “All that power in your veins, I birthed. All those feelings swirling in your chest… You think you’re the first ones to feel that way? You think you’re the first woman in this family chomping at the bit to run faster?” She aims this question at Billie before moving onto Fredi. “Or the first to think you know better than your Elders?” She turns to me. “Or the first person to love a boy who didn’t deserve you?”

Those questions hit us like bricks, and we inch closer together until my shoulder bumps into Billie’s.

Mama’s expression shifts into something warm but stern. “I held each and every one of you inside me. I know when you’re lost and sad. I know when you’re angry. I know when you’re happy. And because I raised you, I know when you’re scheming.”

Fredi gasps. “But…but why make us sneak around if you were just going to let us leave? If we could just come back?—”

“No,” mama says, a firm shake of her head. “No one can just come back. Truth be told, if you weren’t Mosleys… If you weren’t you,” she says, staring at Billie, “I might have closed that portal while you were gone and made you walk back through The Night Gate. If you weren’t my children, that might not have been an option at all.”

“But it was an option?” Billie asks.

This time, mama’s eyes move to mine, and her mouth lifts into a smile. I smile back.

“Oh, sister,” Fredi sighs.

“There can only be one Matriarch,” mama says. “Only one Mosley to lead our family.”

“Yeah, you and then Billie,” Fredi says, but mama shakes her head.

“No. Me and then you. All three of you.”

“Say what now?” I breathe.

“When Billie was little, we realized the Splitting had started.”

“What the hell is The Splitting?” Billie hisses.

“Watch your mouth,” mama says. “And it’s exactly what it sounds like. All my power was too much to pass onto just one of you.”

“Way to be humble, mama,” Billie breathes.

Mama rolls her eyes and laughs softly. “Wouldn’t even know what that is. Besides, it’s not about me, it’s about you. We’re born with so much capacity, but a child is rarely stronger than the witch who made her. But you three were limitless. Or greedy. Whatever makes you feel better. Junior came into this world ready to hold more power than we could fathom, not just mine and your daddy’s but so, so, so much more,” she says, smiling proudly at me. “Naturally, we thought he’d be my successor, so your daddy and I started preparing the town to have a Patriarch for the first time.”

“Oooh, I bet they were mad about that,” Fredi giggles excitedly.

“They were apoplectic.” Mama sighs gently, a smile lifting the corners of her mouth. “But he was the most beautiful little jellyroll we ever saw, so they were willing to be swayed. And then came Billie, and well… You’ve met your sister. So much more powerful than we expected,” mama marvels before twisting her mouth into a smirk. “But mouthy,” she adds with pride. “So mouthy she made some people on the Council change their position on Junior.”

Billie bumps her shoulder into mine. “Don’t ever say I never gave you nothing,” she says, smirking.

“What about me?” Fredi asks.

“You were, of course, the sweetest of all,” she says. “But we were worried you’d be too much of a pushover.”

“Damn,” Fredi sighs. “But I get it.”

“But by the time you were born, we already knew that it wouldn’t be one of you succeeding to the head of the family after me, it would be all of you.” Her face is serious again. “It would have to be all of you. That’s the point. To be a Mosley witch is to make sure our ancestors live on in us, and here you are.”

“So…we’re more special than we knew?” Fredi asks.

“Why are you telling us this now? Why not when we came into our full power?”

Mama rolls her eyes. “I hate to break it to you, but you three were handfuls. Excuse me for pushing this off while I just tried to make sure you didn’t accidentally kill one another or do something foolish.”

I nod solemnly. Billie and Fredi were little terrors.

“Besides,” mama says in a grave tone, “who’s to say you’ve come into your full power?”

“What?” we all shout back in unison. Mama’s smirk is diabolical, but she doesn’t answer our question.

I turn to look at my sisters as Billie tries to get this night back on track. “What about the Town Council?”

“Oh, them,” she scoffs, batting at the air dismissively. “Once it was confirmed a Splitting was happening and one of them was a patriarch, the council fought me on everything about you three. What I named you, what your father’s side could and couldn’t do.”

“Excuse me?” we all shout together.

Mama shakes her head again. “Don’t worry, I fought them every step of the way, but this was something I had to give. The Council said you were too important to leave. It was one thing to lose one of you, but all three…? We couldn’t let that happen.”

“But you did?” Billie asks, a question that brings a mischievous smile to mama’s lips.

“A privacy spell?” I ask as the pieces start to fall together.

“A handy thing. You’re my children, and I didn’t take too kindly to people telling me how me and your daddy should raise you.”

“Exactly,” Fredi says.

“Besides, my mama let me taste a little of the world beyond The Night Gate and I thought you deserved the same.”

“What did… What did daddy think?” I ask tremulously.

“Oh, if it were up to him, we would have opened The Night Gate long ago, even if only so the Lost Ones could come home.”

I have to swallow the lump in my throat and blink back tears. Billie grabs my hand and holds it tight.

Mama’s face is serious again. “We don’t get to choose our roles in life, unfortunately. You’re my babies, and when I’m gone, you’ll lead our family and this town. Mossville isn’t perfect, but it’s home. But…” she says, licking her lips, the only sign of her nerves. “You could build a home out there.”

I tighten my grip on Billie’s hand.

“Are you serious?” she asks mama.

“I am.”

“What about the Council?” Fredi asks.

Mama sighs heavily. “It’s because of the Council I have to do this. I have to give you a choice.”

I sigh with my sisters in collective frustration.

“I know,” mama says softly. “I know. If you weren’t…” She stops herself and shakes her head. “No use getting caught up on what-could-have-been when what-is is staring us right in the face. You can stay or go,” she says simply.

“We came back,” Fredi says matter-of-factly.

“And I’m happy you did, but what if one day in a few months or a couple years, you decide to leave again? What if that time, you meet someone who offers you a life out there? A life we can’t give you here?” Mama doesn’t look in my direction, but those words strike me right in the chest. “What if something happens to you out there and I can’t get to you? What if you die and we never know?”

“That’s true of everyone who leaves,” Fredi says.

Mama nods solemnly. “And yet, you’re the only ones the Council has forbidden from leaving.”

“What if we do go?” Billie asks.

Not her. Not one of us. All three. This, too, pleases our mother, but the smile she gives us this time is heartbroken. “Then I’ll kiss your cheeks and send you with all my love. Even when you can’t remember?—”

“You would let us go?” Billie asks, panic rising in her voice.

I start blinking, eyes filling with tears at the thought. I can’t even fathom it.

Mama takes in a long, deep breath and clasps her fingers together. “I would. I know you think I’m overbearing, and I might be,” she laughs. “But that’s my job. It’s also my job to see you happy, and if leaving makes you happy, then that’s what I want for you.”

“But what about the Council? What about the Matriarch? What happens to the town without our magic?” Fredi asks.

Mama laughs. “Mossville is far more resilient than our mortal bodies, and our magic always finds a way. A different Mosley will take your place and we’ll move on eventually.”

“What about…our magic?” I ask.

Mama smiles proudly. “Your magic is The Matriarch. If you leave, you leave without it. Well, some of it. Not even I can strip you bare.”

“Mama?” Billie sighs.

“I don’t have a choice, just like you don’t have a choice. That’s why I met you here, to tell you what is and what could be.”

“We really couldn’t come back?” Billie asks in a breaking voice that shocks us all.

Mama’s voice is gentler now, and she looks away as she speaks. Even through the canopy, I can tell that the Sun is up. The night is over.

“You’ll forget us in time. Forget Mossville and me and the life you had here. I don’t know how long it takes, but eventually, you’ll forget what the trees look like after it rains. Forget what the crickets sound like when they’re singing to the Moon. Forget even the sound of your daddy’s voice. Eventually, you’ll forget the way home and that The Night Gate even exists.”

I don’t know that I’m crying until a tear rolls into the corner of my mouth and salty pain spreads over my tongue.

“Is it the same for everyone?” Fredi asks.

“Not the same path, but the same destination,” mama replies.

“This isn’t fair,” Billie whispers.

Mama sighs. “Then you’ve learned the lesson I hoped you would. If you stay, it’ll be time to start taking on some of my responsibilities as my heirs. No more running around flirting with boys,” she tells Fredi. “No more rendezvous in the woods,” she aims at me. “And no more secrets.” The last, obviously meant for Billie.

“If you stay, it’ll be time to buckle down and prepare for what comes next. Whatever you saw out there, you’ll have to let go. I’m sorry.”

“Are you?” Fredi accuses.

“You don’t have to believe me, Littlest, but I am. You’ll never believe all the things I wish I could give you. Was it worth it?” she asks. “Whatever you saw out there, I hope it was worth it.”

I swallow a small sob and nod as new tears fall down my cheeks. I wipe them on my shoulders, though; it’s never a good thing to eat your own regret. “Yes,” I say, and my sisters echo me reluctantly.

“Good. Then you’re ready to make your choice.” And with that, she turns and walks away.

The message is clear — all who choose to can follow her. Whoever chooses to leave can make their way to The Night Gate and leave for good.

I don’t know what choice I would have made the last time we were in this clearing, but so much has happened in the last few hours. So much about me has changed, but not everything. I squeeze Billie’s hand before I let go and step forward.

“Wait, Cato,” Billie says, grabbing for me. “We have to talk about this.”

I shake my head, still following after mama. “No, we don’t. We all have to live our own lives and mine is here.”

“Is it?” Billie asks.

“We’re in this together,” Fredi says.

“That wasn’t the pact,” I remind them. “I’ll keep your altars clear and remember you, but I can’t go with you.”

The hurt on Billie’s face nearly shatters me. “I thought you, of all of us…”

I smile sadly. “I’m full of surprises,” I tell her with a wink. And then I turn around, following our mother back home.

I made my decision when I left Xavier.

I choose family over myself, just like generations of Mosley witches have done before me.