A Flicker to a Flame (Mosley Coven)

Twelve

TWELVE

CATO

My soul to yours

Four months later

“N ow I see why mama’s always asking if you’re losing your hearing,” Fredi says.

I hear her, or I hear the word ‘mama’ at the very least, and it pulls me back to reality just in time for me to catch the canvas bag Fredi throws at my face. A spray of dirt cascades down my front and gets in my eyes.

“Are you serious?” I ask, brushing debris from my face and clothes.

“Very. We’re supposed to be picking these herbs together. Not me finding and picking them while you stare at the sky. We’re gonna be here all damn day if you don’t get it together.”

No one likes to fight with my sisters more than me, but my heart hasn’t been in it for the last few months. “Sorry.”

“I don’t want to hear sorry, I want to see sorry,” she says, sounding just like mama.

I consider arguing, but Fredi’s right — and slow. She hardly knows what’s in this garden, and if I leave it up to her to pick the herbs mama needs, we’ll be out here well past dark. And dark is coming soon. There’s an eclipse on the way and we need to get ready.

I throw the canvas bag over one shoulder and bend forward to grab the shears Fredi threw at my feet. I don’t even know when she did that.

Grandma Sarah’s garden is bigger than mama’s, and it’s been my job to take care of it since she passed, but for the last few months, I’ve been slacking at my duties. There are weeds sprouting in all the beds, shaming me as I bend down.

Fredi’s working at the bed to my left. I watch her set her shears aside and grab a bunch of chickweed growing wild.

“Save that,” I tell her.

“I know,” she sighs back, setting it on the grass beside her.

I frown down at the bed in front of me. It needs tending as well. Grandma Sarah would be so disappointed that I’ve let her garden go wild like this.

“Mint,” Fredi says, jogging my memory.

“Right. Right,” I mutter to myself and kneel down on the hard ground. I have to pull up some chickweed of my own as I sort through the cabbage and eggplants for the mint suffocating between. I have to search for far longer than I should to find enough mint for our purposes. I do more weeding than snipping, which sours my already poor mood.

“What’s gotten into you?” Fredi stops to look at me, but I avoid her gaze.

“Nothing’s gotten into me, I’m just…” Lonely.

I know Fredi can feel that, but it’s different to say it. It’s different to give that feeling a name. If I speak it, it’ll be inescapable. And if I tell Fredi, she’ll look at me and see Xavier, and I’ll never know peace. I can barely handle my own internal reminders of him and wouldn’t know what to do if my sisters joined in.

“I’m just tired,” I lie. “I didn’t sleep well last night.” At least this is the truth.

“Me neither,” Fredi calls. “And I bet Billie didn’t either. You know what that means?”

I sigh loudly. “If I’d known she was going to start working us like horses, I would have run through The Night Gate.”

“Bullshit,” Fredi laughs.

She’s right, of course, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about the other choice I could have made every night since we returned. But the last few nights, my dreams have been stronger. “Wait, what does it mean?”

Fredi sits back on her heels and runs her sleeve over her forehead. There’s a smudge of dirt on her neck. “I swear it’s like I’m the only person who listens to Auntie Emma,” she says.

“You are,” I shoot back.

She laughs softly and looks up at the sky, using her hand to shade her eyes. “When the Sun and Moon meet, only the Star holds their counsel.”

I sigh dramatically. “If you’re gonna start reciting myths, forget I asked.”

She drops her eyes and glares at me. “ When the Sun and Moon meet,” she yells, starting all over again. “Only the Star holds their counsel. And when the Star shares her secrets, listen.”

She finishes and stares at me with a smug smile on her face. I stare back in confusion for a handful of long, silent moments. “Okay… And?”

Fredi rolls her eyes and sighs loudly in exasperation. “It means that the Eclipse tonight is going to be major and the Star has something to tell us.”

I stare at her for a few seconds more. “Yeah, this is why no one listens to Aunt Emma. Or you.”

Her mouth falls open in shock, and she grabs the chickweed from the ground, hurling it in my direction. In my direction, but not at me. The bunch falls apart in the air and lands over the first cabbage of the season.

Since I’m done with the mint, I push myself up to my feet and move to another bed, stopping to gather the chickweed Fredi threw on the way. We work in silence for a few moments before I feel an itch deep in my chest.

I try to dislodge a lump in my throat with a cough that hollows my lungs. It moves slowly to the base of my throat. I open my mouth, panic filling my chest. I look up at Fredi for help. She’s sitting calmly on her haunches, watching me with a small smirk on her mouth. She watches until that strange phantom lump bursts onto my tongue and then spills from my lips.

“I miss Xavier!” I shout and then spit the acrid taste of Fredi’s crude spell onto the grass. I wipe at my wet eyes and dry my mouth on the sleeve of my shirt. “What’d I tell you about saying spells over me?” I yell.

She stands carefully and bends over slowly to brush the dirt from her knees. “I thought it’d be worth it,” she says. “I was wrong.”

“What do you mean, you thought it’d be worth it?”

She rolls her eyes and shrugs. “You’ve been so quiet since we got back. Not quite yourself. Not the Cato before that night.”

“I’m not who I was before that night. And you’re not the same either.” Her eyes go wide, but I keep going. “You can’t fool me with a smile.”

We stare at one another for a few seconds before the shock wears off. “At least I’m trying . You’re just walking around here like a wilting flower. You’re so sad, even Billie’s feeling bad for you.”

“I can be sad,” I say weakly.

She sighs. “Yeah, I guess you can. I was just worried you were thinking of leaving or doing something… something you can’t undo.”

I shake my head and walk around the garden beds to my sister. My hands are covered in dirt, but I lay them on her shoulders. “I chose to stay and I meant it. Just ‘cause I’m sad and missing a man I met once doesn’t mean I’m gonna go back on my word. Billie’d do that before me,” I add, just to make her laugh.

It works, and I squeeze her bouncing shoulders. “She would, and she wouldn’t even feel bad about it,” she sighs happily.

I pull her in for a hug. “Neither would you,” I tell her and kiss her softly on the head.

* * *

I ’m rushing to get dressed. Somebody’ll notice if I’m late to the gathering. For the past few months, it’s felt like half the town has been watching my sisters and me like hawks. As if they see us all differently now.

There’s no actually about it, the town’s attention has shifted considerably. Even other Mosleys have started looking at us like we’ve each grown another head, and I don’t like it. Neither does Billie. Fredi’s still deciding. Not that any of our individual feelings on the subject matter. I’ve started shying away from the attention, even though I know I can’t sustain that for long.

I smooth the top button of my shirt into place and take the stairs down to the living room. The bottom stair squeaks as usual.

“Who’s that?” mama calls from the kitchen.

I freeze and turn toward the back of the house. “Mama, what are you doing here? The gathering’s starting.”

She sucks her teeth and I laugh, heading in that direction.

We meet in the living room. Her left palm is filled with roasted almonds and there’s a sour look on her face.

I lift my eyebrows. “I thought Uncle Thomas was making the almonds?”

She rolled her eyes. “He is, and they’re gonna be burnt to a crisp.”

It’s a tradition on the year’s eclipses, when the entire family gathers together, to eat a handful of roasted candied almonds when the Sun and Moon are one. Mama used to make all the nuts, staying up late the night before to roast enough almonds for the entire family and the rest of town. But mama’s not young anymore, and for the past few years, her younger brother Thomas has taken over the task to the best of his abilities.

“He tries, mama,” I laugh as she tosses her treat into her mouth. She rolls her eyes while she chews and then closes them. I lower my gaze to the floor while the room fills with her power for a long second and then disappears.

I lift my head as she opens her eyes. “Traditions deserve more than our best,” she says in that calm but firm voice she uses when she wants me to remember her words. “Besides, I don’t want to suffer until the next eclipse just ‘cause I can’t choke down Thomas’s almonds. I refuse.”

“So what’re you gonna do?”

She laughs drily. “Never mind the details.” She walks across the living room and I stand to the side. I’m about to follow her to the door, but she stops me.

“Say goodbye to your father.”

“Huh?”

She turns and nods her head toward the family altars. I almost forgot.

“I’ll tell people I had an errand for you to run. Take as long as you need,” she says before slipping on her sandals and walking through the door.

Once I’m alone, I turn to the altar as normal, reaching for the box of matches. I shake one loose when the hair on the back of my neck stands up. I slowly slide the matchbox closed and set the head to the igniter. I stop here and listen to the house settle and creak as if it’s swaying with the wind. When nothing happens, I strike the match and run through my ritual.

I toss the burned match into the dish on daddy’s altar and turn toward the door. I get that feeling at the back of my neck again. I turn around, but the room is still empty. My hand goes to the back of my neck where my skin is hot to the touch.

“Fredi? Billie?” I know it’s not either of my sisters as soon as I call their names. My gaze moves over the room, looking for anything out of place, but comes up empty. When my eyes settle on the altar again, I see a small flame over the match, even though I’m sure it was all ash. I walk back to the altar and squeeze my fingers over the tiniest flame. I’m about to turn away when I catch a glimpse of something in the mirror hanging on the wall.

It could’ve been nothing but a figment of my imagination, but I know better and walk toward the mirror. At first, all I see is myself. The same big ears, the same brown skin, but not my daddy’s smile on my face. I have changed, but I’m still me. I’m still the man I was when I met Xavier.

As soon as I think his name, I see him over my right shoulder.