A Merry Little Christmas

Chapter 4

Nell

The last thing Nell felt like doing was going back to work and facing customers in the shop this afternoon. She was sorely tempted to drive straight home from the clinic, dive under her duvet and sob until her tears ran dry. But with Merry in hospital, that wasn’t an option; she couldn’t let her down and leave the shop closed all afternoon. Which was why, half an hour after leaving Dr Bajek, still red-eyed from crying, she parked her car in the designated space behind Merry and Bright.

As she turned off the engine, she heard her phone ringing from the depths of her bag. She looked at the screen, Olek again. He’d left her a couple of messages already and she was feeling more and more guilty for not picking up. Her car wasn’t sophisticated enough for her phone to connect to, so she never used it while driving. They were both respectful of each other’s working day and under normal circumstances he wouldn’t mind if she didn’t phone him back straight away. But he’d be keen to know the fertility results after being cut off earlier. He deserved to know.

But know what exactly? She needed to think this through, work out what was best for everyone involved.

Whatever she told him, she thought morosely, there would be no Dowmunt baby. Not next year, and not the year after.

Nell pressed her hand to her flat stomach.

Her longing to be pregnant felt like a physical ache inside her now; she felt hollow and hopeless. How na?ve she had been to assume that because she wanted to get pregnant, she would. That because Olek had already fathered one child, he could again. He’d be gutted, she knew, but mostly for her. His own desire to have a baby was nowhere near as strong as hers and she suspected that if she hadn’t wanted to start a family, he’d have been happy to carry on as they were.

Tears of disappointment streamed down her face, and she gave herself up to her grief. For the baby she wouldn’t have, for the family they wouldn’t be, for all the holidays and birthdays and Christmases she’d fantasised about celebrating with her child. She was having to let go of so much that so many women took for granted, and it wasn’t fair.

She cried for another few minutes, unable to stop the flow of her thoughts. She was entitled to this. Today, she’d let herself cry, but tomorrow, she’d do her best not to let her emotions rule her. Instead, she should look on the positive side and count her blessings. She had a lot to be grateful for. Olek was the love of her life, her soulmate, they rarely had a cross word, and even during the early days, when her snooty parents had made it clear that they didn’t think Olek, a tradesman with Polish immigrant parents, was good enough for their only daughter, their love had only strengthened. She’d had Max in her life for years; he was a great kid and the two of them had a strong bond. From the very start, she’d tried to be a good friend to him, rather than parent him, and it had paid off. He was growing up fast, almost a man, and Nell felt privileged to have him in her life.

Yes, but he’s not your own son … a little voice in her head reminded her.

Come on, Nell, pull yourself together.

She found a packet of tissues in the car, used one to dry her eyes and tucked the rest in her handbag. Then, climbing out and locking the car, she forced herself to open up the shop for the afternoon.

A few minutes later, the lights were on, soft Christmas music played in the background and the scent of the newly lit Winter Wonderland candles was beginning to fill the little shop.

Nell boiled the kettle to make a herbal tea before remembering that there was no need to restrict her caffeine levels now that she wouldn’t be conceiving any time soon. She switched on the Nespresso machine and brewed herself an extra-strong cappuccino. If ever she deserved a decent coffee, it was now.

She’d had the first delicious sip and taken her phone out to compose a message to Olek when it rang in her hand. This time it was Merry.

Nell steeled herself before picking up. Merry was bound to ask how it had gone at the clinic and Nell wasn’t ready to talk about it yet. But she couldn’t avoid her call, not while the poor thing was in hospital. She took a fortifying breath and answered.

‘Hello, you,’ she said, forcing a smile into her voice. ‘How are you feeling?’

‘Fat and frustrated,’ Merry said with a huff. ‘I feel like a prisoner held against my will in here. I’d be fine at home; in fact, I’d be fine sitting quietly in the studio at Merry and Bright. It would be quieter and smell a million times nicer.’

‘Nobody likes hospitals, but I’m sure the medical staff know what they’re doing,’ said Nell, mildly. ‘You’re in the best place for now.’

She flicked on the computer while she waited for Merry to give her whatever orders she’d phoned to impart.

‘At least I’ve managed to do the online Christmas food shopping,’ said Merry with a sigh. ‘So that’s something off my list. I mean, God knows where we’ll be eating it, but I’ve got everything we need for Christmas lunch, down to the cranberry sauce and brandy butter. I’m absolutely determined to be in the new house by then, but Cole is dragging his heels. Oh yes, and did I tell you I’ve got a date for the baby to be induced? It’ll be between Christmas and New Year, which means Cole and I will celebrate our first wedding anniversary without having a baby to look after. We’ll be able to focus just on ourselves for once. Not sure how romantic it will be with me looking like a beached whale, but we’ll think of something.’

Nell could feel her irritation rising. How could Merry witter on about the cranberry sauce before remembering that she had a date for when her baby would be arriving? Nell would have blurted that out first! And while she accepted that Merry had a lot going on right now, she hadn’t even mentioned Nell’s tests. Which, she admitted to herself, was a very contrary attitude, given that she didn’t want to talk about it, but even so, Merry should have asked.

Before she could agree or otherwise with Merry, an email popped into the inbox from Airbnb.

‘We’ve had a new enquiry about the flat,’ said Nell, clicking on the message to read it. ‘Oh bloody hell, arrival date on Monday for a stay of three weeks!’ She scanned the rest of the message. ‘And happy to work at Merry and Bright full-time.’

‘That’s handy. I don’t suppose they know how to make candles, do they?’

As if Merry would let a stranger loose in her studio, thought Nell, bemused. ‘We can but hope,’ she replied diplomatically.

‘The flat is clean and ready to go,’ said Merry. ‘But we should probably put Christmas decorations up. Oh and a tree! A real one, obviously. It’ll look lovely.’

Nell snorted. ‘By we, do you mean me?’

‘Not out of choice,’ Merry said spikily. ‘You know I’d happily do it if I was allowed.’

‘Easy, tiger,’ she replied. ‘And it’s no problem, check-in time isn’t until three in the afternoon, I can get it sorted on Monday morning. The booking is for just one person. Don’t you think that’s a bit odd; such a long stay at the last minute for one guest?’

‘Who knows what goes on in other people’s lives,’ Merry replied. ‘Perhaps it’s someone who hates Christmas, or someone who’s found themselves suddenly homeless, or chucked out by their partner, or recently bereaved and needs somewhere without any sad memories.’

‘Let’s hope it’s someone who fancies a holiday in a lovely flat in our pretty town,’ Nell said, noticing how even after all these years Merry’s mind automatically reverted to her own worst fears. ‘Anyway, leave it with me.’

Nell was secretly pleased to be able to take over the booking herself.

It had been her idea to list the apartment above the shop on Airbnb and she was proud of how successful it had been. She’d read about a scheme up north somewhere where holiday guests could work in a quaint bookshop by the sea and stay in the apartment above. Nell had had a feeling that a stay in the pretty Tudor town of Wetherley, plus the chance to learn how to make scented candles, would be just as popular and the duplex above Merry and Bright had been empty since Cole had moved in with Merry. It hadn’t taken the two friends much time to convert it into a holiday let. Since then, they’d had an interesting assortment of visitors to stay and help out in the shop, and, with only a few exceptions (like the woman who was allergic to most essential oils and spent the entire week sneezing), the extra labour had come in very handy, and it had added variety to their working environment that both women enjoyed immensely.

‘Thanks, I do appreciate it,’ said her friend. ‘I’m lucky to have you, Nell, and I am really sorry to be leaving you in the lurch.’

‘Happy to help,’ Nell said. ‘And, actually, the timing is perfect. With you having to rest, I’ll be super grateful for some help in the shop.’

‘Hmm.’ Merry didn’t sound convinced.

Nell bit her tongue. Despite being only weeks away from becoming a mother, Merry was in denial about needing to take some maternity leave or recruit a member of staff to help out in the shop. She seemed to think that as the baby would be small and portable, she’d be able to come back to work almost immediately. But Nell wasn’t going to tackle her about it now, she’d pick her moment, and at least with the arrival of the new Airbnb guest, she’d have immediate help.

‘You look after yourself, and that baby. The sooner you behave and stop worrying the doctors, the sooner you’ll be allowed out of your terrible prison.’

‘Don’t you start,’ Merry grumbled. ‘It’s bad enough with the hospital staff and Cole telling me what to do. I don’t have much choice other than to behave, do I? Speak to you later.’

She signed off abruptly, leaving Nell staring at the phone in surprise; Merry hadn’t even asked about her and Olek’s appointment. She was preoccupied with her baby, but even so, Nell couldn’t help feeling hurt.

Still, looking on the bright side, at least she hadn’t had to give her an edited version of the results.

She’d barely finished her coffee when the door opened and in came Sadie, the landlady from the Bristly Badger pub on the other side of the market square.

‘Give me a good deal on a couple of candles, will you, love,’ said Sadie, decanting a pile of pound coins from her pocket onto the counter. ‘One of my barmaids is leaving and the customers had a whip-round last night. There’s thirty quid here.’

Nell picked out two bestsellers, added a couple of little freebies and gift-wrapped them while Sadie leaned on the counter.

‘No Merry?’ Sadie craned her head through the doorway leading to the studio where Merry was usually to be found. ‘Not had the baby, has she?’

‘The doctor persuaded her to put her feet up for once,’ Nell replied vaguely. Telling Sadie anything interesting was akin to publishing it in the Wetherley Gazette .

‘Doctors.’ Sadie pulled a disparaging face. ‘Always so flippin’ cautious. When I went into labour with our Jack, I finished my shift and locked up before going into hospital. And I was back by lunchtime the next day to open up.’

Nell resisted raising her eyebrows. If she’d had a baby, she’d want to relish those first few hours – and days and weeks – with her little one, to fall in love and create that precious bond. Why would anyone want to prioritise work at such a special time? And now she might not ever experience it …

She felt her eyes begin to tear up and gave herself a shake. ‘Please don’t share that story with Merry, she’s already causing enough trouble on the antenatal ward.’

Sadie’s eyes widened. ‘So she’s in hospital, is she? I’m sorry to hear that.’

Nell cursed herself for letting it slip. ‘Only for the day. Nothing to worry about.’ Hopefully.

She held the door open for Sadie and ushered her out before she gave away anything else, then forced herself to send a message to Olek.

Sorry I haven’t returned your call. It’s been all go at Merry and Bright. I’ll see you at home for a proper chat later. Love you xxx

Look forward to it! Max has invited himself round, says he’s got something to tell us. He’s asked if we can have pierogi for dinner, so I’ll cook. Love you too xxx

Nell squeezed her eyes tightly shut for a second. On any normal occasion, she’d love to see her stepson, but tonight she’d assumed they’d be talking about this afternoon’s revelations. They couldn’t do that if Max was there. Although maybe fate was lending a hand and giving her some extra time to process what had happened. And she did love the little Polish dumplings called pierogi which Olek had been taught to make by his grandmother when he’d still lived in Poland, so every cloud …

There was a steady stream of customers for the rest of the afternoon and Nell was grateful for the distraction. Her forte was sales – a skill honed in her previous career as a stallholder on the market just across the street. Nell’s Nuts had been an institution for almost a decade before she’d sold it last Christmas to a couple who’d since renamed it The Nut Hut. She’d had enough of working alone and outdoors, and when Merry had offered her a partnership in Merry and Bright, she didn’t hesitate to accept.

For almost one year, she and Merry had worked alongside each other in perfect harmony: Nell taking over the retail side and Merry focusing on production. Harley helped out on Saturdays and Max had worked for them during the long summer holidays. Cole’s dad, Fred, had officially retired, but couldn’t resist popping in now and then for an hour or so, to ‘keep his hand in’ as he liked to call it. With the addition of some of the Airbnb guests, the two women had so far managed without taking on any other staff.

Now it was closing time and for the first time in her life, Nell was dragging out the last few jobs in order to postpone going home. She finally flipped the sign from open to closed and as she was about to lock the door, Cole appeared on the other side of it.

She stood back and let him in.

‘Glad I caught you.’ He kissed her cheek, his skin rough against hers. He held out his arms to show her the two bulging bags he’d brought with him. ‘Merry asked me to drop in these Christmas decorations urgently. She said you’ll know what they’re for?’

Nell narrowly avoided rolling her eyes. Despite saying she would leave Nell to dress the Airbnb for Christmas, Merry clearly hadn’t been able to resist getting involved. And had roped poor Cole in unnecessarily too. He had dark circles under his eyes and that, coupled with the several-day-old stubble along his jaw, told Nell all she needed to know about how worried he was about Merry.

‘I do,’ she said, opting to keep her opinions to herself, since voicing them wouldn’t help Cole. ‘Thank you, you’re a lifesaver. Are you going back to the hospital now?’

‘Oh yes.’ He shook his head fondly. ‘She’s given me a list of stuff to take in. She’s going to write all the Christmas cards, order curtains for the new house and embroider the kids’ names on some new Christmas stockings she’s bought.’

Nell laughed. ‘And this is her idea of complete rest?’

‘Tell me about it.’ He set the bags down and rubbed his forehead wearily. ‘Please can you visit her tomorrow and make her see sense? She’s refusing to listen to me. She’s still adamant that we’ll be moving house before Christmas.’

‘Merry is a “can-do” person,’ Nell reminded him. ‘Always has been. And she hates accepting help. For her, it’s a sign of weakness.’

Cole nodded. ‘I’ve learned that about her. I’ve tried to tell her that helping her makes me happy, but she can’t see it.’

‘Life made her tough out of necessity; she learned to be self-reliant when her mum died,’ she told him. ‘For her, the hardest thing in the world is to relinquish control.’

‘But she and I are a team now, and I don’t want to control anything, I just want to make life easier for her.’ Cole looked bewildered and Nell’s heart went out to him.

‘I know you do and, deep down, she loves you for it.’ She smiled, remembering how Cole had come to see her for her advice before he proposed to Merry. He was such a gallant and thoughtful man and she’d been so happy for her friend when the two of them had got together. ‘And I hear you. She and I are a team at Merry and Bright, but trying to get her to hand stuff over to me is like prising a bone off a dog.’

‘With sharp teeth.’

‘And a killer gleam in its eye.’

They both laughed.

‘Look, I’ll see what I can do. I’ll pop in and visit her in the morning,’ Nell promised, ‘and try to at least get her to agree to scale back events in the shop.’

‘If you could also manage her expectations about the house move, I’d be very grateful,’ Cole sighed. ‘If we’d have had one of my new builds, we’d have been in months ago, but Merry was holding out for the perfect home.’

Nell grinned. ‘And you found it.’

‘We found one that fitted her bill,’ he argued, ‘but my idea of perfect does not include rising damp, dodgy electrics, gurgling plumbing and a roof which has tiles sledging off it at the slightest sign of a breeze.’

‘I’ll do my best,’ Nell said without a huge amount of conviction.

Merry had fallen in love at first sight with the old Victorian house on the outskirts of Wetherley. ‘You can tell it’s a happy home,’ she’d said dreamily. ‘There’s a patch of peeling wallpaper in the study and when I tore it, there were layers and layers of old paper underneath. Just think of all the happy times that house has seen, all the families who’ve lived in it, the Christmases, the summers …’

Cole had commented that all he could see was the hours ahead of him stripping off all that wallpaper. But for Merry, the house represented a proper home, a place to put down roots and finally settle down. And it was that sense of security and belonging that Nell knew was more important to Merry than anything else.

‘Thanks, I appreciate it. OK, I’ll leave you to it. And is everything all right with you? Sorry, I should have asked. I’m just so …’ He waved his hands around his head. ‘Taken up with the baby, I can’t think straight.’

Nell conjured up a smile. Cole knew nothing about her own pregnancy woes. She’d made Merry swear not to say anything to anyone about their attendance at the fertility clinic until they had good news to share. ‘All fine, thanks. And try to get some rest yourself, you look terrible.’

He laughed and kissed her cheek again. ‘That’s what I like about you, Nell. Your unwavering dedication to telling the truth.’

Her smile slipped a little; was that all about to change? Could she bring herself to tell Olek the truth? It was time to go home and face the music.