A Merry Little Christmas

Chapter 12

Merry

‘No way. I don’t believe it.’ Merry stared at the black screen for a few seconds, waiting for Nell and the studio to reappear, but nothing happened. ‘Nell just cut me off.’

She checked her Wi-Fi connection, just in case she was doing Nell a disservice. But there was nothing wrong with it. Of course there wasn’t. Nell had deliberately ended the Zoom call after having preached to her first about her priorities. How dare she? How bloody dare she?

Emily brought them both grilled cheese sandwiches, set Merry’s down on the table and bit into her own. ‘Never mind, eat this instead.’

Merry gave her sister a look of apology. ‘I can’t, Em, I’ve got to get in to work. Can you drive me to the shop, please?’

After visiting their father, they had come back to Holly Cottage. Emily was going to stay in the kids’ room for a couple of nights, at the end of which, hopefully, Ray would be over the worst. Merry had decided to do the Zoom from the living room. Emily had lit a fire; the lamps were on and, as usual, a selection of branded candles were burning cheerily around the room, layering the fragrance to suit Merry’s mood. At least that had been the plan. She’d been feeling cosy and comfortable before speaking to Nell. Now, if she’d had a cat, it would be in danger of being metaphorically kicked.

‘Is that wise?’ Emily said in a rhetorical sort of way. ‘Budge up.’

Merry, who was sitting in the centre of the sofa, leaving little room either side of her, stuck her hand up. ‘If you help me up, you can have my space.’

‘Not until your face has reverted from beetroot to its normal English rose pink,’ said Emily. ‘You don’t want your blood pressure to skyrocket again. Not on my watch. Now, give me some room, fatty.’

Emily attempted to make herself spherical by inflating her cheeks, sticking her belly out and holding her arms out to the sides.

‘Rude.’ Merry conceded a giggle. Despite her frustration with Nell, it was incredibly nice to have a bit of sibling teasing in her life these days after believing that she was an only child. ‘Fine, then.’

She shifted over and Emily squeezed in beside her.

‘What have you got your knickers in a twist about?’ Emily took another bite of her sandwich.

‘We’ve got eight people on our first candle-making course. We had a deal that it only went ahead if I was virtually supervising, because Nell doesn’t really have the skills to make candles, let alone to teach. The students hadn’t even started, and she cut me off. She’s out of order.’ So much for her staying at home and taking it easy, Merry could almost feel her veins thrumming with stress.

‘But is she really out of order?’ Emily dipped the corner of her sandwich into mayonnaise.

Merry gave her a sideways look. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

‘From what I overheard, you might have been a bit bossy.’

‘Don’t fall into the “bossy trap”, Em,’ she warned, crossly. ‘Women get called bossy while men are admired for being assertive.’

‘OK, unfairly critical, then.’ Emily passed her sister her plate and gestured for her to start eating. ‘Does that work better for you? Or how about you were being a control freak?’

‘Seriously?’ Merry fumed. ‘I’m the face of the company, I’m the Merry in Merry and Bright. I just want to make sure things go well, that’s all.’

She took a giant bite of her grilled cheese sandwich. Emily had added a layer of pickles and mustard as per her request and it was off-the-scale delicious. It was going to give her heartburn, but the way she was feeling, she didn’t care. All she could think about was the fact that the baby would arrive very soon and, for a little while at least, she was going to have to leave Nell in charge of the business, and that thought scared her. A lot. Merry and Bright was the first thing she’d had that had been all hers. And the thing was, she’d brought Nell in as partner, exactly for this reason, so that she’d be able to share responsibility, but, in practice, it was harder to relinquish control than she imagined.

As if reading her mind, Emily nudged Merry’s shoulder with her own. ‘Look. It was a brilliant idea to bring Nell into the business. The two of you know each other inside out, you can spend hours and hours together without getting fed up with each other’s company. Maybe Nell won’t do things exactly the same as you would. But she deserves your trust. You needed to let go of the reins just a touch, and guess what, there she is picking up the slack. You’re lucky she hasn’t got kids or isn’t pregnant too. Imagine if you both needed time off together!’

Merry squeezed her eyes shut as her anger seeped away, to be replaced by shame. Emily might not have any idea that Nell and Olek were having a fertility investigation, but Merry did and she should have been a lot more sensitive and grateful. If Merry hadn’t been told to rest, she’d have suggested that Nell take some time off and go away for a few days with Olek so that they could have time to process what they were going through together. She was a terrible person, a terrible business partner, and even worse, a thoughtless friend.

‘Oh God, you’re right. Thanks, Em,’ she said in a small voice. ‘I didn’t handle that well at all.’

She cringed, remembering that she’d referred to Merry and Bright as her baby the other day when speaking to Nell. No wonder Nell was annoyed with her.

‘And from what you told me earlier,’ Emily went on, ‘Woody and Nell sound like they have the shop well under control. I think it’s a brilliant idea, offering Airbnb guests the choice of working in the shop. Rental income and free labour: win-win.’

That had been Nell’s idea too.

Merry chewed on her sandwich, aware of a niggle of jealousy. ‘Woody does look fun, especially given how not fun I’m being at the moment.’

‘Stop beating yourself up,’ Emily chided. ‘You’ve had a serious health scare, this is the first time you’re having a baby, being snappy is allowed.’

‘Pregnancy is no fun at all,’ she said, feeling grumpy and cumbersome and suspecting Nell was relieved that she wasn’t in the shop this week. ‘I thought it would be all antenatal clubs and lunches and decaf coffee dates with other pregnant mums, going to baby showers and buying adorable tiny clothes.’

‘And it isn’t?’ Emily looked bemused.

Merry shook her head. ‘It’s all don’t do this or that, make sure you do this or the other. I’m not used to following rules. And my body’s not my own; I haven’t seen my nether regions for weeks. I was going to go to the salon for a tidy-up before the baby came, now I can’t because of possible infection. I can only wear slippers or boots because of my fat ankles, and I need a wee all the time, usually just after I’ve got comfortable in bed, which, by the way, takes ages.

‘Haven’t you made friends with any of the mums-to-be from your antenatal group?’ Emily asked.

Merry wrinkled her nose. ‘A couple of them have been out together outside of the group, but it was over a lunchtime, and I was working. So, no.’

She and Cole had attended most of the sessions held by their local antenatal group. Merry had been quite looking forward to it, even though Cole had been through it all before, having already had two children. But, once there, Merry had felt inadequate, as if there was something she lacked in order to fit in. It was only after a couple of sessions that it dawned on her that the other women were so much more at ease with imminent motherhood, they just seemed part of a club that she didn’t belong to, one in which their mothers had already passed on all the knowledge they needed. Whereas the closer her due date got, the more out of her depth she felt, but she was too embarrassed to tell anyone.

‘And you didn’t ask Nell to hold the fort while you went?’

‘No, because … I didn’t really want to go,’ Merry’s voice petered out sheepishly. She picked up her grilled cheese sandwich and took a big bite. ‘This is delicious by the way.’

‘And have you ever been to a baby shower?’

Merry winced. ‘No, the ones I’ve watched online have been like the cheesiest pastel-coloured, themed parties I’ve ever seen, made worse by being alcohol-free.’

‘Right, that’s it.’ Emily took the sandwich out of Merry’s hand and dropped it on her plate. ‘Leave that. We’re going out.’

‘Really? So you will take me to Merry and Bright?’ Merry’s heart leapt; she’d apologise to Nell, and she wouldn’t stay too long, just long enough to reassure herself that it was all going well.

Her sister rolled her eyes. ‘No, because as we’ve just agreed, you’re going to trust Nell to run the workshop by herself. We’re going to do something from the list you just mentioned. You’ll love it.’

Emily was right, of course, Nell deserved to be left alone. And the thought of doing something baby-related with her sister was very appealing.

‘Thank you. Sounds great.’ She couldn’t remember the last time she did something spontaneous, except for her waters breaking at the Christmas lights switch-on. It felt naughty and a lot like her old self. ‘But why can’t I finish my food?’

‘Because as well as doing something baby-related, I thought we could go for tea and cake.’

Merry shoved the sandwich in her mouth. ‘I’m almost eight months pregnant and constantly starving. I can quite literally have my cake and eat it.’

‘Very good,’ Emily said with a smirk.

‘Yeah,’ Merry grinned, ‘I can still be fun, can’t I? And do things on the spur of the moment. Let’s go, go, go.’

She pushed herself gingerly to the edge of the chair and peered down at her feet. She didn’t think she could reach them, or get up, and before they went anywhere, she was going to have to go to the loo.

Maybe not quite spur of the moment …