A Merry Little Christmas

Chapter 27

Merry

It was late morning by the time Cole drove into Wetherley to drop off Merry. The town was buzzy and busy, with plenty of shoppers milling round, and the traffic was heavy in the pre-lunchtime rush. Merry was glad to be back, despite the problems which lay ahead. Merry and Bright was her happy place, where she felt in control and confident, and even though she’d only be here for a few hours, it was a chance to be that person again.

‘I love Christmas decorations,’ said Freya with a sigh from the back seat. ‘Everywhere looks like it’s ready for a party.’

‘So does that mean you’d like to visit Santa after all?’ Cole’s voice was tinged with hope.

‘No,’ chorused both his children.

‘Never mind, darling.’ Merry rubbed a hand over her bump. ‘We can take this one when it’s old enough.’

Cole grinned. ‘I’d like that.’

‘Me too!’ Freya piped up.

They reached Wetherley marketplace and Cole pulled into a parking space. The Christmas tree dominated, of course, but the Christmas decorations around the square and in every shop window lent colour and sparkle that even the grey wintry sky couldn’t dim. Merry’s stomach plummeted when she noticed the one store which remained in darkness. At Merry and Bright, the windows were devoid of their usual fairy lights, the ‘closed’ sign was displayed in the door and a sheaf of leaflets hung from the letter flap.

She slid her feet into her Birkenstocks and unclipped the seat belt with a sense of foreboding. ‘Looks like Nell meant what she said,’ she remarked to Cole.

The fury in Nell’s voice note earlier was unmistakable, but even so, a little part of Merry had hoped to see her friend behind the counter, a big smile on her face, ready for anyone who walked in through the door.

‘Call me if you need anything.’ Cole leaned across the gearstick and kissed her, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. ‘Be careful. I love you.’

‘Hurry up, Dad, I’m starving,’ said Harley.

Merry and Harley had a good relationship, but two years in, he would still rather not witness affection between her and his dad.

She waved them off and let herself in.

The shop had always filled her with joy. Tinkering around in the studio with new aromas, chatting to customers about her products, even spending time alone pouring molten wax into waiting candle jars had provided her with happy moments of calm. But today as she walked into the space, she felt nothing but dread and sadness. The sense of pride she used to feel had been replaced with shame; over the past few weeks, and culminating in yesterday, she’d let her customers and Nell and, worst of all, herself down.

‘Cooee?’ Woody called as he tripped down the stairs. ‘Thank goodness you’re here.’ Merry couldn’t help smiling at him. He was wearing an Elf onesie with matching green slippers. ‘There have been customers knocking on the door all morning! I’ve only been given a key for back-door entry, and I didn’t know what to do.’ He fanned his face. ‘In the end, I stayed upstairs and watched Christmas at the Castle on the Hallmark channel.’

‘I’m sorry you’ve been put in this position,’ she said, heading to the studio, putting a herbal teabag in a mug and picking up the kettle.

‘I called Nell, but no reply, and I didn’t have your number,’ he said, following her. He took the kettle out of her hand and waved her to a seat. ‘I’ll do that, I need some black coffee anyway.’

She caught a whiff of booze on his breath as she sat down. His complexion was a bit yellow too. ‘Hangover?’

‘Oh yes,’ he confirmed, lifting her feet up one at a time and resting them on a second chair. ‘On a scale of one to ten, with ten being in need of a six-week detox, I’m guessing Nell’s at the stage of googling non-alcoholic beverages to enjoy this Christmas.’

‘Thanks,’ she sighed gratefully and leaned back to get comfortable. ‘But I meant you.’

‘Is it that obvious?’ He pulled a dramatic face and moaned. ‘Nell was far worse than me; she didn’t even make it home last night, she passed out in the bedroom.’

‘Crikey.’ Merry raised her eyebrows, recalling the conversation Olek had overheard about Nell having sex with him. He’d been closer to the truth than she’d realised. ‘So she stayed the night, in your bed?’

Woody gave her such an indignant look that she almost laughed. ‘Nothing improper happened, we just talked. And slept.’

‘And drank, by the sound of it.’ She believed him. Nell was in love with Olek, a man who oozed testosterone from every pore. Drunk or not, she couldn’t see her friend ever trying to seduce a gay man in a fleecy onesie.

He nodded gravely. ‘Alcohol has a lot to answer for, but in this case, I think it helped her lose her inhibitions enough to share what’s on her mind. And it transpired that she and I share some issues; we had a lot to talk about.’

‘I haven’t been there for her recently when she needed me, and now I’ve really upset her.’ Merry felt dreadful. Nell hadn’t felt able to confide in her best friend and yet had opened up to a relative stranger. Nell’s message this morning was very final, but Merry wasn’t going to let their friendship go without a fight, it was too important to her.

‘It’s not just you.’ Woody set a mug of tea in front of her. ‘But I think it will be a while before she’s ready to come back to work with you.’

The prospect of running the business on her own with a new baby sent a surge of anxiety through her. ‘I was hoping we’d get past this blip in our friendship. Especially as I’ll take some time away from work when the baby comes. Does she really mean what she said, do you think?’

‘For Nell, and for me, the only thing we can focus on is wanting a family. It’s a need so all-consuming that it feels like a physical pain. When I see a baby, I’m drawn to it, I want to ask the parent how the baby is doing, are they sleeping at night, have they smiled yet. And while I’m asking these questions, and observing the love on the parent’s face for their child, it’s like a series of stabs to my heart. It hurts, but it’s a hurt I can’t resist exposing myself to.’

Merry’s mind went back to the first time she met Woody and how strong his reaction had been to her baby bump. He was such a bright and effervescent character, she could never have foreseen the emotions bubbling away inside him.

‘I’m so sorry you’re going through this.’ She reached for his hand and squeezed it.

‘Me too.’ He smiled grimly. ‘Especially as it’s caused a rift between myself and my husband. Hence me booking this place last minute to give myself some headspace. Although …’ He let out a soft laugh. ‘I’ve inadvertently landed waist deep in a quagmire of other people’s baby woes.’

‘Oh dear,’ Merry winced. ‘And you’ve ended up being our only member of staff. I feel as if you’re due a refund.’

‘The distraction has been good for me; it’s struck me that everyone has something going on in their lives; Spencer and I don’t have the monopoly on problems.’

‘Do you want to talk?’ she offered. ‘A problem shared is a problem halved.’

He chuckled. ‘That’s how Nell and I got so drunk last night, by telling each other what was going on. So I’ll save it for now, but thank you.’

‘Of course, the person we should really talk to is the person most affected by the same problem. Spencer in your case, Olek in Nell’s.’ And Cole in her own. She wished she was brave enough to explain to him that motherhood terrified her and that she’d convinced herself she was going to fail at it. ‘Why is that always the most difficult conversation?’

‘Because of love.’ Woody gazed into his coffee cup. ‘The one we love is also the one we have the most power to hurt.’

‘That’s true.’ She’d already hurt Nell and she’d hurt Cole if she told him the truth. He was already on edge about her physically since her waters had broken, if he knew how fragile she was mentally, he’d be worried to death. ‘And now you’ve had some time away from him, are you ready to have the difficult conversation?’

He exhaled. ‘Spencer finishes for the holidays next week. He’d booked some time off so we could enjoy a long Christmas break together. Instead we’re apart and each locked in our own bubble of sadness.’

‘Ring him,’ Merry suggested. ‘Invite him over for dinner, get the log fire roaring, dim the lights, have something delicious to drink. Perhaps the neutral territory will encourage both of you to talk.’

He eyed her thoughtfully. ‘I just might do that. And you should do the same.’

‘Cole and I never seem to have the time at the moment, and now that my dad—’ She stopped mid-sentence, the lump in her throat proving too much of an obstacle.

‘I meant you and Nell,’ said Woody. ‘Her pain is more acute than mine because … well.’ He paused and gave her a sideways glance. ‘You’re pregnant and there’s no getting away from that.’

Merry’s eyes felt hot with the effort of not giving in to tears. Poor Nell. Not only were she and Olek having problems, but her best friend was only days from giving birth and behaving like a spoiled brat. And, to top it all, Merry had revealed to Olek about Nell’s previous pregnancy. No wonder Nell had no wish to be around her anymore, it must seem to her that Merry had the perfect life, with everything Nell couldn’t have, and yet still Merry was moaning about it. If only Merry had been honest and expressed how scared she was about bringing a child into the world, this rift between them might have been avoided. And Nell might have been able to confide in Merry.

The baby, her dad’s funeral, the new house, her best friend, the business … everything swirled around in her head like a cyclone, and she couldn’t think straight, couldn’t even deal with one of those issues while the others all demanded attention.

‘I don’t know where to start.’ She sipped her lemon and ginger tea and Woody patted her arm. For a moment, neither of them spoke until the silence was interrupted by a loud banging on the front door; they both gasped with shock.

‘See what I mean?’ Woody clutched his chest. ‘That’s what I’ve had to put up with all day.’

‘I should open up,’ she whispered, as if anyone outside had a chance of hearing them through the thick walls of the old Tudor building. ‘But I’m not sure if I’m up to it today.’

‘Then don’t,’ he said, ‘you’re the boss.’

Merry and Woody sat as still as statues sniggering to each other and barely breathing until whoever it was had gone.

‘I can make a sign if you like, saying closed due to personal reasons.’

‘That would be sensible, thank you.’

It only took him a few seconds to draw up a makeshift sign, which he embellished with illustrations of holly leaves and candles and pinned to the door. ‘Sorted. Next problem?’

‘Good question. I don’t know which fire to put out first,’ she said shakily. ‘I need to make it up to Nell, and I need to sort out some staff to run the shop. I should get over to Dad’s care home at some point and then there’s baby stuff still to organise. I’m going to have to come in to work tomorrow, although I’m not even supposed to be working at all.’

Woody pulled a face. ‘I’m exhausted just listening to that lot. Listen, my maths is terrible, I’ve had more than a few clumsy moments so far and I absolutely can’t start work before 10 a.m., but give me a key to the front door and I’ll work in the shop for a few days. It’ll buy you some time to make a more permanent plan.’

Merry could have kissed him. ‘By yourself? You wouldn’t mind?’

He lifted a casual shoulder. ‘I’m a social animal, I’d rather be in a shop chatting to people than upstairs on my own. And think of all the Christmas sales you’re losing while the doors are shut.’

‘Wow. That’s very generous of you, thank you.’ Tears popped into her eyes. She hardly knew him, and it was obvious he was going through a tricky time himself, yet here he was offering to help her out.

‘You’re welcome, on one condition: you take some time for yourself while you can.’ He gestured towards her stomach. ‘You’ll be busy looking after baby soon enough.’

She nodded. He was right. She had been busy enough before her dad passed away; now she was in danger of being snowed under. Ordinarily, she wouldn’t have entertained letting a relative stranger run her business, but these weren’t ordinary times. She had no choice other than to delegate.

She would cancel the candle-making workshops, he couldn’t handle those, and stocks might run low on some of their candles, but at least if the shop remained open, the turnover wouldn’t be as dire as it would otherwise be. She thought back to those few moments when she’d walked in, how she’d not wanted to be there, how the comfort she’d once got from Merry and Bright seemed to have disappeared. She wrapped both hands around her stomach and wondered what it would be like to put Woody in charge for a couple of days. A break from it would do her good. Just then, the baby shifted, sending an undulation across the surface of her belly and forcing a sharp intake of breath.

‘I think that’s the baby’s way of reminding me what’s important.’ She held her hand out for Woody’s and, with his permission, laid it on the bump.

‘Oh my word.’ He fell silent for a few moments as the baby carried on kicking and moving as if it was frolicking in the bath and his eyes glittered with tears. ‘That’s life in there, that’s your future, treasure it. Hold on to every second. Thank you for sharing.’

‘And thank you for your offer of help,’ she replied. ‘And I accept gratefully. Because it’s not just the baby I should be treasuring, it’s all the people in my life; the business can’t hold a candle to them.’

‘A candle . Oh she’s good,’ grinned Woody, ‘she’s good.’

Merry pulled a face, thinking that she hadn’t been very good at all, but it was never too late to make a change. From today, she could do better, she would do better. She was going to do everything in her power to make this Christmas the best ever, in spite of the circumstances.