A Merry Little Christmas

Chapter 41

Merry

It was just Braxton Hicks.

Merry breathed through the pain the way she’d been shown in antenatal class, trying to distract herself with thoughts of food. She was starving and breakfast couldn’t come soon enough. She was going to have Greek yoghurt and berries and then possibly pancakes. The fluffy American ones with crispy bacon and maple syrup. If she had room – she wouldn’t, she knew that – but if she did, she’d have smoked salmon and cream cheese on a bagel. She was eating for two, so it was allowed. She wouldn’t be able to get away with that line for much longer, so it was important to make the most of it.

In the bed beside her, Nell’s breathing was soft and light, interrupted every so often with a snore which roused her momentarily and occasionally a little noise which sounded like a giggle.

Merry smiled to herself. It was Christmas Eve. Her first wedding anniversary. Instead of waking up with her husband, she was with her best friend in a Superior King room at the Enchanted Spa.

The idea Nell had had was to book a room. They’d gone to reception together to check the availability. The snow had been coming down fast at the time and although it had stopped before they went to bed, Merry had been quite relieved to stay cosy and snug at the spa. There hadn’t been any twin-bed rooms left, but it hadn’t mattered. They’d shared a bed many a time over the years and the size of Merry now had made her think that she might have rolled out of a single bed anyway. She’d called Cole to make sure he didn’t mind her extending her stay.

‘Not at all!’ He’d said it with such gusto that she wasn’t sure whether to be a bit offended. ‘That’s a great idea and it’ll give me time to, er …’

She’d gasped. ‘Cole! You hadn’t forgotten it was our anniversary by any chance, had you?’

She’d heard a hoot of laughter in the background which Cole had tried to muffle with coughing, which made her even more suspicious.

‘I’m glad you and Nell are having a good time, and you’re obviously relaxing, that’s all,’ he’d said. She’d heard his breathing and footsteps accelerate as if he was striding away from whoever was laughing. There was more than one voice, and she could hear music playing too. ‘And how could anyone ever forget the day they married a gorgeous woman like you?’

‘Are you having a party while I’m out?’ she’d asked, not fooled by his distraction techniques.

‘A party?’ he’d exclaimed. ‘I wish! I’m on site, trying to get this job finished for Christmas.’

It was on the tip of her tongue to say ‘lucky them’ to whoever the client was, but given that he was working while she was swanning around at a spa, she’d thought better of it. They had arranged that he’d come and pick them up in the morning and once he’d established that she could obtain any emergency toiletries she needed from the spa shop, he’d rung off.

She and Nell had booked a table for dinner in the restaurant last night and it had turned a lovely day into a very special treat. They’d relaxed and reminisced and talked and talked and talked until they’d fallen asleep sometime after midnight.

She’d slept soundly until this Braxton Hicks contraction had woken her up. Although she was uncomfortable now, the thought that she and Nell were back on track was a nice one.

Her pregnancy and Nell’s disappointment at not becoming pregnant this year had driven a tiny wedge between them, creating the slightest fracture. She hadn’t been aware of it at the time, but looking back, it was obvious. Over time, without looking after their relationship, the fracture had widened and deepened to the point where they’d lost sight of each other and almost reached breaking point. From the moment she’d discovered that she was pregnant, Merry had been conscious that she had to be sensitive to Nell’s situation. She thought she’d done her best not to talk too much about the impending birth, or to moan about the morning sickness she’d suffered in the first trimester, knowing how Nell would have happily endured a bit of nausea if it meant having a baby at the end of it. But it had been this last trimester which had been the most damaging to their friendship.

It was clear to her now that she and Nell had both held back their innermost thoughts and true feelings about the things which mattered most to them. She had felt unable to confide in Nell that she was convinced she’d be a terrible mother, for fear of being thought badly of, or her secret making its way back to Cole. Nell had kept her test results secret from her because she was scared of it getting back to Olek. On top of all that, because Merry had been so used to guarding her independence, she’d struggled to accept help on all fronts, including the business. No wonder Nell had finally resigned and no wonder their friendship had been so badly damaged.

Merry closed her eyes and exhaled. At least that conundrum had been resolved and Nell had decided to stay after all.

All along, they’d had the power to mend the rift themselves. And yesterday they’d done it. Just words, simple words spoken with kindness and listened to with care, and miraculously the underlying love they had for each other had come shining through. Thank goodness. And so, for now, being here and sharing these few hours with her best friend was exactly where she wanted to be.

It had been a sort of date night for friends, this little break. They’d eaten delicious food cooked by someone else, then taken herbal tea to bed and watched a film chosen by Nell. A Richard Curtis film called About Time . A romcom at heart, like all their favourites. But the message of this one was to live every day with wonder, respect and curiosity. To treat each day, each person you love, as a gift. Do the good stuff now, rather than rush through life never taking time to savour it or spending time with those whose sheer existence lights up our world.

That includes you . Merry touched her bump, tracing the outline of a currently resting baby, with the palm of her hand. She thought about how she’d been reluctant to schedule in maternity leave and how now that Woody had agreed to stay on, she and Nell actually had a sensible plan that everyone could work with. Cole was going to be impressed; he loved a plan.

She smiled to herself, thinking how Cole had done his best (as had Fred, her father-in-law) to introduce her to spreadsheets and planning tools for her business. Merry, at heart, was a moment-to-moment sort of girl. Do today what made your heart happy was the way she ran her life. Now that the shop was taken care of, this wouldn’t be a totally terrible way to approach motherhood. Perhaps being true to herself, trusting her own intuition, was the way to go. She could let her own moral compass be her guide.

And her own mum? What a gift that letter had been, what an incredible treasure. She would be indebted to Hilary Burgess for the rest of her life. Her mum, Sam, had been thinking of her, loving her, caring what happened to her, right until the end. Pure unconditional love. How lucky Merry had been to experience that, for however long her mother had been able to give it.

Merry felt her eyes grow heavy, she was drifting off to sleep again. Later, Cole would collect her from the spa and take her home to finally celebrate their anniversary.

She was grateful that he hadn’t minded waking up alone this morning. It wouldn’t have been the way he’d planned to spend their anniversary – if he’d planned anything at all, she mused, remembering his odd behaviour yesterday evening. Still, she didn’t need an anniversary present to know that he also loved her unconditionally, as she loved him.

And I already love you too, little one , Merry thought, resting her hands on her tummy. Another hour and she’d get up for breakfast, but for now … Merry’s face softened into a smile as sleep finally claimed her.