A Miracle for the Confident Cowboy (Love in Sweet Bloom)

Chapter 16

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Duke couldn’t breathe. It felt like he might as well have been rammed in the chest by a train. He knew exactly what the document in his hand meant. Little by little he’d come to realize what it was that Sophie did for her job.

And she was darn good at it.

He didn’t want to admit it, but he’d read through a few of her blog posts after that night at the festival. While it wasn’t his preference, he could still appreciate it for what it was. His eyes lifted to Sophie’s. She still hadn’t responded. She looked white as a sheet as her eyes flicked between the document and his face.

His stomach dropped.

She’d been hiding this from him on purpose. It wasn’t something that had just come up and she hadn’t gotten around to telling him. She knew what she’d been doing.

His fury and frustration battled it out with his disappointment and heartache. But what was more noticeable than all of those emotions was how much he wanted this for her—how excited he was for her that she’d gotten this opportunity.

“It’s only a little tour for my blog,” she whispered.

Duke lowered the document to the table. “It looks like the opportunity of a lifetime,” he murmured. With each passing second, the anger faded. How could he be mad? This sort of thing was what she dreamed of doing. It was her passion.

Her eyes widened but only briefly. “You’re… not… mad?”

A new kind of ache settled in his chest. Was that why she’d kept it from him? She didn’t want to upset him? He thought back to even a few days ago when he’d overreacted. He wasn’t exactly in the right headspace—especially this month. Duke rubbed the back of his neck and looked away. “December is certainly turning into my least favorite month.” He’d meant to say it with humor, hoping she’d laugh to help lighten the mood. But she didn’t.

She reached for his hand again, this time holding to it tight. “Duke, I was going to tell?—”

He forced a smile, already knowing what he had to do. He couldn’t hold her back. This was her dream. It was the one thing that she’d put her whole heart into making it a reality. “You don’t have to explain anything to me,” he whispered. “I’m happy for you.” Duke risked a look in her direction.

Two small lines appeared between her brows, the concern and something else he couldn’t put a name to filling her eyes. “But?—”

“You made something of yourself,” he reached up with his free hand and placed a palm to her cheek. “Do I wish you would have told me sooner? Sure. But maybe it was for the best. Maybe I wouldn’t have taken the news as well as I could have.” Never had he thought it would be this difficult to admit his flaws.

The concern in her gaze only continued to tear at him. He’d made so many mistakes already in the beginning of their relationship. She deserved so much better.

“I’m proud of you.” It was all he could do to keep from asking her to turn down this amazing opportunity and to give him a chance for them to get closer, stronger before they had to worry about distance. His voice lowered, gravelly this time. “I wish we had more time.”

Sophie’s breath released in a shudder. “It’s not going to be forever,” she insisted. “I’m not moving to Europe or anything. I’ll just be there while I visit those restaurants.”

He glanced at the list. There were at least twelve on the list he’d noticed, but that didn’t mean there weren’t more. Twelve restaurants. That was about two weeks’ worth of travel time. Duke could handle missing her for two weeks. People living in the same time sometimes went that long before going on another date. And yet he couldn’t help the lump forming in his throat. “How long will you be gone?”

It was her turn to shift her focus to the list on the coffee table. “Right now, it’s up to twelve weeks.”

Duke stiffened. Twelve weeks? A distinct sense of dread filled his soul but before he could say anything, she laid down the hammer.

“It could get up to six months, though—maybe a year. It really depends on how many restaurants want me to visit. My manager really wants to do a fifty-two week run.”

He swallowed audibly. Long distance relationships rarely worked out and those were for short stints. This trip would take her away from him for an entire year. With everything still so new, he didn’t know how they’d be able to reasonably make it work.

And he couldn’t beg her to stay. Sophie needed this.

His stomach roiled and his face flushed hot. It wasn’t normal to feel this way about a girl he’d only just met. Was he losing his mind? Or had he actually fallen so fast for her that the thought of not seeing her was making him physically ill?

Duke wanted to jump up from his seat, to scream and yell, to tell her she was being selfish and that they should have never started on this path since she’d known this was a possibility. He wanted to blame her for the ache in his chest while at the same time drop to his knees and beg for her to stay.

He did none of that.

“I see.” Those were the only words that he could push past the lump in his throat. Not only would asking her to stay hurt her career, but it would also cause resentment. He was stuck. They could try long distance and fail because of how much time they’d be separated from one another. Or he could convince her to postpone, and he’d lose her because he didn’t support her.

Sophie bit her lips together, watching him. What did she expect to happen? Did she want him to make a scene? Because he refused to do that, not after he’d already made a fool of himself in front of her the last time he lost his cool.

A small dog jumped onto the couch. The yorkie crawled into Sophie’s lap and she dropped his hand to prevent the pup from crossing over onto his. Daisy was about the same size as Gus. A twinge of longing for his own pet only added to the frustration and pain he was dealing with in this moment.

Maybe he should leave. He couldn’t stay here, waiting for her to say something that would only trigger his emotions. And at the same time he couldn’t leave. These might be the last few moments they’d be able to spend together.

“I thought we could talk about… us.” Her brows furrowed as her voice shattered the silence. “I know you said that long distance relationships don’t?—”

“Sophie,” he murmured softly, “I’m not going to change my mind on that particular subject.”

Her expression fell and it only made him feel worse. “It has nothing to do with you… or me… it’s just that…” he shrugged and turned his focus to the dog. “It’s hard to maintain something—especially something so new—when we can’t see each other every single day. Even with my family, it’s hard to maintain the closeness we once had.” He did his best to keep his voice strong, unyielding, so she knew exactly where he stood.

She shifted beside him and he heard a sniffle before she spoke. “Then maybe I shouldn’t go.”

Duke’s head snapped up. “No.” He grimaced at the tone of his voice. He hadn’t meant to sound so harsh. He didn’t want her thinking that he was upset with her for doing exactly what he’d done when he’d moved to the states to work here.

She jumped and her eyes darted to meet his in surprise.

“Sophie, you can’t throw away everything you worked for just for a guy you barely know.”

“I wasn’t throwing away?—”

“This is your dream.” He finally voiced the words that had been creeping around in his mind. “Doing a tour like this will put you on the map. You’re not going to walk away.”

Her eyes glimmered with moisture. “But?—”

Duke heaved a heavy sigh and dragged a hand down his face. “I’m not going to be the reason you miss out on something like this.” As much as it hurt to say the next thing that came to his mind, he forced it out. “What we have isn’t worth what you’d be losing.” It felt like he’d stabbed himself in the heart with that one, because that was the furthest thing from the truth there was. He cared for her so deeply that he would have done nearly anything to keep her, but this was for her own good. She needed it and he wasn’t going to stand in her way. “You should go.”

“But what about us?” She stammered. “I—we—” Her face flushed and she covered it with her hands before staring daggers at him. “I want to try.”

Those words broke his heart in more ways than he was prepared for. “No,” he said gently. “It’s good for us to break things off now, rather than to drag it out until one of us gets hurt.” Or until one of them gets more hurt than they already were. “You want this.” He said it more to convince himself than anything else. “You need it.”

He got to his feet and she followed his motions, the dog placed carefully on the couch. Duke’s eyes swept over her face, her form, memorizing every detail of her. He kept his face masked and his voice steady. He didn’t need to give her any reason not to believe him when he said, “It’s been fun, but that’s all it was. Fun.”

Sophie blinked several times but whether it was out of disappointment or surprise he would never know.

Smiling once again, though it didn’t reach his eyes, Duke pulled her in for a quick, chaste hug. Strong emotions swirled and battled in his chest, demanding to be set free, insisting that he tell her he loved her.

But she didn’t need any reason to regret or second guess the decision she’d already made all on her own. Duke pulled back and glanced once more at the papers on the table then he turned his attention to her one last time. “It’s been a pleasure, Sophie. Congratulations.”

With that, he launched forward and strode toward the door. No lingering. One minute longer and he might have taken back everything he’d said. This was the right decision whether she liked it or not. One day she’d thank him for what he’d done.

Duke pulled the door open then escaped. Outside, a cold, brisk wind picked up and tugged at his hat. He placed a hand on his head and strode through the gusts until he got to his truck. Once inside, he let the emotion drain from him.

Anger. Sadness. Frustration. Loss.