A Sinner’s Saint (De Bellis Crime Family #4)

Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

I thought I’d seen my brother’s grief hit rock bottom. I was fucking wrong. I had a feeling he’d be at her gravesite. He comes here a lot. I was not expecting to find him sitting on the edge of a six-foot hole. A hole that was filled with a casket and dirt last week.

It’s not the hole that’s the real problem, though. It’s the open casket with the rotting corpse sitting inside it. It’s a good thing I don’t have a weak stomach.

Standing back a little, I watch and listen as my brother pours his heart out to Shelli’s dead body. I should tell him I’m here. I shouldn’t be listening in on this conversation.

“Why? Shelli? Why the fuck are you doing this to me?” Santo says, his words broken. “We were meant to have forever. Now I’m left with a forever of you haunting me. A forever of not fucking knowing.” His voice gets louder. “I just want to know why!”

I walk over and drop down next to him, my legs hanging over the edge of the hole. “What’s up?”

Santo looks up at me, obviously shocked. He didn’t even hear me approach. He’s a sitting fucking duck out here, an open target for any one of our enemies. “She’s really dead,” he says.

“Yeah, bro, she is.” I glance at the casket. It’s funny how quickly a body decomposes—although I would have expected worse. Shelli was a beautiful girl, on the outside anyway. I’ve since learned things about her that I hope my brother never finds out.

“I see her though, Vin. She’s standing right there.” Santo points to the end of the grave. Right fucking next to me. “How is she standing there if she’s in… there ?” He shifts his focus to the casket again.

“I think that maybe you want her to be here so badly that your mind is playing tricks on you, Santo. She’s not here. I wish more than anything that she were. I wish I could bring her back for you, but I can’t. We can’t,” I tell him gently.

“What if I don’t want her back? What if I just want answers?” he asks me.

“Answers to what?” I have no idea what he knows. I really fucking hope it’s not much…

“Too fucking many questions. What if that’s not her?”

“Santo, you found her, remember? You held her body in your arms. You know it’s her.” I remind him of what I’m sure was the worst night of his life. The night he found his fiancée beaten to death.

“We were going to be parents. I was going to be a father.” Santo glances beside me. I don’t think he’s talking to me. He’s talking to her, the ghost that haunts him.

“Yeah.” I don’t know what to say. I have no fucking idea how to help my brother through this.

Then Santo suddenly slips down into the hole. “You should leave, Vin. This isn’t your problem,” he says.

“Get the fuck out of the hole. And you are my brother. Your problems are my problems.”

“I can’t, Vin. I can’t keep doing this. I’m losing my fucking mind. I died with her. He won. The old man fucking won!” he yells out while tugging at the ends of his hair.

“No, he didn’t. That fucking bastard will not win. I won’t let him,” I grunt before jumping down into the hole with my brother. I press a hand on his shoulder and lean my forehead against his. “I didn’t let him win when he put me in a room, month after month. Nor when he let a bunch of sick fucking assholes use and abuse me time and time again. I’m not going to let him win now either. He will not beat you, Santo. You’re stronger than this.” My words are clogged with emotion.

Santo’s entire body goes rigid before he pulls back to look me dead in the eyes. “What?”

“I won’t let him beat you,” I repeat.

“Not that. What do you mean you were abused?” he asks.

“It doesn’t matter. What matters right now is you and the fact that you are going to get through this,” I tell him.

“It matters to me. What the fuck happened, Vin?” Santo is vibrating with rage. Maybe that’s a good thing. Gives him something else to focus on than his grief.

Gabe knows what happened. Marcel knows what happened too, but I’ve never voiced any of it to a single soul. Even dead, my father scares the shit out of me. “It started when I was eleven. Stopped when I was fourteen,” I explain simply.

I can see the wheels in Santo’s head turning. “Three years? Three fucking years, Vin?”

“He had a house. I wasn’t the only kid to get locked up in those rooms. But I was the only one related to him . Once a month, the old man took me there. Sometimes I’d be there for an hour. Other times… with other men… Well, they wouldn’t leave until I broke.” I swallow. My throat is dry. I can hear their voices in my head. I can feel the monsters taking over my mind.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Or Gio? Or any of us? We would have never let that fucking happen, Vin,” Santo says.

“I couldn’t… He said if I told any of you, then he’d take you there too. Better me than any of my brothers.” I shrug.

“That wouldn’t have happened. You should have come to us. Fuck!” Santo yells out as he kicks the dirt wall beside us, causing clunks of soil to topple down.

“It’s in the past, Santo. I’ve dealt with it,” I tell him. Movement catches my attention. I quickly turn and find Cammi standing near the tree. She’s within hearing distance, close enough that I can see the horror on her face and the tears wetting her cheeks. “Fuck.”

I reach up and pull myself out of the hole before rushing around to slam the casket closed. “RIP, Shelli,” I whisper to the lid. I shouldn’t hate her. I loved her like a big sister for so long, but knowing what I know now? Seeing my brother’s heart not just break but shatter beyond repair? Well, now I fucking hate her.

I need to talk to Cammi. I don’t know how much of that conversation she overheard. I’m hoping none of it. But my brother needs me. I can’t just leave him here either.

“You know her?” Santo asks while staring in Cammi’s direction.

“Yeah, she’s my girlfriend,” I tell him, not taking my eyes off Cammi. Was my girlfriend is probably a better description. If she overheard even a portion of that exchange, no way is she going to stay with me.

“Go home, Vin. I need to clean up here.” Santo sighs.

I shake my head and pull my phone out of my pocket before quickly sending Marcel a message.

Me:

Found him. Shelli’s grave. Get here ASAP. It’s bad.

Marcel:

On my way.

“I’m not leaving you alone,” I tell my brother while pocketing my phone again.

“I’m not alone. I’ve got Shelli right here.” Santo points to the wooden box.

“That’s fucking morbid, even for you.”

He pulls himself out of the hole. “I wanted the casket to be empty,” he says, keeping his voice low as we both watch Cammi turn and walk away.

Every fibre of my being wants to chase after her. Explain everything to her. But how the fuck do I explain all of… this? Instead, I let her go and turn my focus back on my brother.

It took almost fifty minutes for Marcel to turn up. And as soon as he did, I made an excuse to leave. I’m shocked when I find Cammi sitting in the passenger seat of my car. I stand still while our eyes connect through the windscreen. I can see so much emotion on her face. I don’t see pity, though. There’s anger and sadness swirling around in her gaze. But no disgust.

I continue to the driver’s side and climb in. Neither of us says a single word. I think ten minutes pass before I can turn and look at her. “I’m sorry you had to see that,” I say, my voice hoarse.

“Vin?”

“Yeah?” I don’t think I want to hear what’s coming. I can’t hear that she’s done with me. I don’t blame her, but I’m not ready to lose her yet either.

“I want you to pick me up, pull me over to your seat, and hold me. I want you to hold me so tight, as if I’m going to float away if you don’t,” she says.

“Why would you want me to touch you?” I ask her, my brows drawn down.

“Because I’m scared. I’m petrified and I need you to hold me.”

“I’m sorry. You really shouldn’t have seen that. My brother… he’s not himself right now.” I try to find words to explain why someone would dig up the body of their dead fiancée. But there’re just no words for that.

“That’s not what I’m afraid of,” she says.

“Then what are you afraid of?” I ask her even when I know the answer.

Me. She’s afraid of me. Fuck.

“I think I’m losing you, and I’m terrified of that happening. I can’t lose you, Vin. I won’t lose you. So, will you please hold me?” Her voice rises in volume with each word that leaves her beautiful mouth.

I reach over, take hold of her hips, and drag her across the car until she’s straddling my lap. My arms wrap around her as tight as they can without hurting her. “You are not losing me. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere,” I whisper into her hairline.

I feel her body shake. She’s crying. Her arms are closed around my neck and her face is buried in my chest. “If your father wasn’t already dead, I’d kill him myself,” she says through her tears.

“I would never let you anywhere near a demon like my father, babe,” I tell her.

“I’m sorry, Vin. I’m sorry that happened to you. I’m sorry I eavesdropped on a conversation that wasn’t meant for me to hear. I’m just so freaking sorry.”

“I’m sorry I’m not the guy you thought I was,” I counter. “I’m broken beyond repair. I told my brother that I didn’t let my father win, but I lied. He wins every fucking time I close my eyes and I see their faces.”

“You’re not broken, and you don’t need repairing. You are exactly the guy I thought you were. The guy I know you are. You are kind, loyal… and when you love, you love hard. You’re a fighter, a survivor, and you are my anchor.” Cammi lifts her head to meet my glare. “I love you. Nothing will ever change that.”

God made a mistake when he assigned this woman to me. Because no way in fucking high heaven or hell am I deserving of her. I will take her for as long as I can have her, though. After all, it’s not like there’s a return hotline for misdelivered saints.