A Sinner’s Saint (De Bellis Crime Family #4)

Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

I knew that whatever caused Vin’s nightmares… it was bad. I’d thought up all sorts of possibilities for why he had an aversion to touch, why he was so insistent on getting my verbal consent every time he kissed me. Every time he held my hand.

Despite all the scenarios I conjured up, nothing compared to the truth. A truth I wasn’t supposed to overhear. And now, because I stuck around to listen to a private conversation, I know. I know something I’m not meant to know. Something Vin doesn’t want me to know. He’s ashamed. I can tell. But what happened to him was not his fault. It doesn’t change how I feel for him either. It doesn’t change the fact that he’s perfect to me. I will do whatever I can to help him through this.

I know that being abused for years isn’t something someone just gets over . But we can learn to live with this nightmare together. We can learn to navigate the monsters that taunt him. I will willingly jump into that black hole with Vin. I’ll hold his hand and face-off with them right by his side.

What I won’t do is lose him. I won’t let this affect us. Knowing his truth only strengthens our bond. I meant what I said to him. If his father were still alive, I’d find a way to kill him for what he did to Vin. What kind of man willingly offers his child up to be sexually abused? Tortured?

Vin likes to call me a saint, but I’m not. Right now, I have a thirst for blood… the blood of every single person to ever lay a hand on him. I want vengeance for him. If his brothers don’t make that happen, I’ll figure out a way to do it myself.

I check the time on the little clock on my bedside table. He’s late. It’s almost midnight. He’s always here by now. Where is he?

I pick up my phone and dial Vin’s number. It rings out and goes through to his voicemail. After leaving a message for him to call me back, I send him a text.

Me:

Is everything okay? Are you coming?

The little bubbles pop up to indicate he’s replying.

Vin:

I can’t tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow.

Me:

Why? Where are you?

Vin:

At home. I’m just going to stay here tonight.

I should give him space, right? The second the question pops into my head, I know the answer. Hell no.

He does not need space. He’s distancing himself. I could feel him pulling away in the car before he dropped me off. I knew something wasn’t right.

I jump out of bed and quickly throw on a pair of shorts and a hoodie. Slipping my feet into a pair of slides before I pick up my phone and wallet. And make it all the way to the front door before my mum sees me.

“Where do you think you’re going at this hour?” Her voice has me spinning around.

“A friend needs me, Mum. I have to go and help them,” I tell her honestly, leaving out the part that that friend is a boy and a De Bellis boy at that.

“Take my car, and text me when you get there and when you’re leaving,” she says.

My mum is a loyal friend. She’s always drilled into me that friendships take work, but they’re worth everything if both parties are invested. She’s still best friends with the same group of girls from high school. So, when I tell her a friend is in need, she’s more than willing to let me go and help that friend. Because that’s what a decent person would do.

And right now, Vin is in need.

I know he doesn’t sleep if I’m not in the bed. He gets a couple of hours of rest at most every night when he climbs through my window.

“Thanks, Mum. I’ll text you. Love you.” I kiss my mother’s cheek as I take the keys from her hand.

I park on the side of the street and look over at Vin’s house. Then I take a deep breath, jump out of my car, and walk up to the gate. I’m not stupid. I know there is no way of sneaking into this place. Well, not for me anyway. Maybe a skilled ninja or assassin could do it.

Huh, if architecture doesn’t pan out for me, maybe I could go to ninja school. Is that a thing?

Two big, burly men in dark suits step out from nowhere, appearing in front of me. “Are you lost?”

“No, I’m here to see Vin.” I smile, thinking maybe politeness will help my chances.

The men give each other a knowing look and then turn their glares back to me. “Is he expecting you?” one of them asks.

“Are you guys twins?” I blurt out randomly, because the question is seriously on my mind right now. They look the same, dress the same. They have the same mannerisms too.

“Is Vin expecting you?” The second man repeats the question I failed to answer.

“No, but if you tell him Cammi is here, he’ll want to see me,” I attempt to explain.

“Yeah, they all think that.” The first guy laughs.

“Let her in.” This comes from a deep, gravelly voice behind the gate.

“Sure thing, Santo. Girl says she’s here for Vin.” The second man presses a button that makes the gates open.

“She’s his girlfriend. Put her on the list,” Santo says. I recognise him from the cemetery. He was the one who was digging up the grave earlier today.

I walk through the gates, stopping in front of Vin’s brother. “Thank you,” I tell him.

“He really not expecting you?”

I shake my head. “He… uh… usually comes to my place. But he’s not… I don’t think he should be alone right now.”

Santo nods his head. “What you saw today… I…”

“I didn’t see anything,” I quickly cut him off. “Other than someone drowning in his grief. I’m really sorry.”

Santo’s features soften ever so slightly. “Thank you,” he says, pausing before adding, “Vin… How is he really?”

How is Vin? If I’m honest, he’s struggling. But I’m not about to tell a single soul that. Not unless I thought it would help him. And right now, I don’t.

“I think that’s something you need to ask Vin yourself.”

“I’m asking you. You’re close with him. I thought I was, but I missed something I never should have fucking missed. So, again, how is he doing?” Santo repeats, his tone hardened.

“Honestly, he has good days and bad. But I can’t tell you anything. I won’t betray his trust. If he wants people to know something, he’ll tell them. I’m sorry.”

The surprised look on Santo’s face tells me the guy’s not used to hearing no. “Okay then. Just… whatever you’re doing, keep doing it.”

I nod my head and continue up the front steps of the house. Before I reach for the knob, the large wooden door swings open. And another man in a matching black suit stands on the other side. “Come on in,” he says.

I’ve heard the stories about Vin’s family. I’ve been here before, seen how tight security is firsthand. But showing up alone? Being in this house? With all the men in black suits standing guard…

Well, you’d have to be stupid to not believe all the rumours. I haven’t really thought too much about them. I don’t know if I care about what his family does, or if I should. It doesn’t involve me, and I know that Vin loves all of his brothers. And judging by the brief interaction I just had with Santo, they are fiercely protective of Vin too.

After thanking the suited-up hulk, I make my way upstairs and stop outside of Vin’s bedroom door. Suddenly feeling full of nerves. What if he really just wants to be alone and doesn’t want me here? He could send me away.

Shit. Maybe I should have called first.

The door opens and a shirtless, restless-looking Vin stands in front of me. “Cammi? You okay?” he asks, running his eyes all over me.

“Can I come in?”

Vin steps to the side, giving me space to walk into his room.

“Close the door,” I tell him as I make my way over to his bed. I slide my feet out of my shoes and crawl up on the mattress, laying my head on his pillow.

“What are you doing here, Cammi?” he questions from where he’s now standing on the other side of the bed.

“You didn’t come to my place,” I explain simply.

“I’m really not good company right now.” Vin turns around and walks over to his dresser. He picks up that little tin. I know what’s in it, and I also know that he thinks he needs it.

“Vin, I need you to come and lie down with me. I need you to hold me.” As much as I try to keep the desperation out of my voice, I know it’s there. I can hear it.

Vin sets the tin back down on the dresser and comes over to the bed. Then he climbs on and curls up next to me while his fingers brush along the side of my face. “What’s wrong?”

“I feel like you’re slipping away from me. I can’t lose you, Vin.” I move over so my body is pressed right up against his.

“You are never going to lose me, Cammi. I’m just… I don’t want you to see me when I’m at my worst.”

“That’s exactly when I should see you, Vin. That’s what girlfriends are for, you know. To be there for their boyfriends when they need them.”

“Yeah, but I need you all the fucking time. I’m a selfish asshole, Cammi, but I will not be a burden on you.”

He thinks he’s a burden? Well, that’s just stupid. I’ve never heard anything more ridiculous.

“Wait… Do you think I’m a burden on you?” I sputter.

“Fuck no. You are a lot of things, Cammi. A burden is not one of them,” he says.

“I love you,” I tell him.

“And I love you. Which is why I don’t want my issues to become yours.”

“I’ve already jumped in, Vin. There’s no climbing back out of that hole for me. I will sell my soul if it means being with you.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of. You can’t do that. Your soul is pure. Let’s keep it that way.”

“My soul will be just fine as long as I have you. Now, can you please wrap your arms around me and close your eyes? Let’s sleep.”

“Cammi? Ask me,” he says.

“Vin, can you kiss me?” I smile, and Vin gently presses his lips onto mine.

“Thank you for coming over,” he says against my mouth.

“I will always be here when you need me,” I tell him.