A Sinner’s Saint (De Bellis Crime Family #4)

Chapter 32

Chapter Thirty-Two

I can’t believe it happened again. I thought for sure it was going to be a onetime thing—my heart stopping. It’s scary. Although I put on a brave face and pretend that I’m fine, I’m not. I have no idea why my heart is giving out on me.

That’s not true. The only common factor is Vin. Did he really break my heart to the point of making it stop beating altogether?

Yes. The first time it happened, I was happy to blame it on my heartbreak and overbearing sadness. Now, I don’t want him to be the reason. The look on his face was one of pure horror. He really has it in his head that he’s going to hurt me. Or kill me.

And that’s why he ghosted me. That’s why I’ve been lost without him for the past year. I don’t want to give him more of a reason to blame himself. He has enough shit in his head to deal with without having to worry about me.

Besides, he made the decision that I wasn’t his problem a year ago. Which is why I don’t understand why he’s here right now. Although, if it were the other way around and he was in a hospital bed, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else either.

Why is love so hard? It’s almost like a cruel joke, a payment for the sins committed in a past life or something. I can’t think of another reason why God would give you a love you can’t hold on to.

Vin fell asleep about ten minutes ago, his head resting on the edge of my mattress. His brother walks in with the doctor, and I bring my finger up to my lips. “He’s asleep. Don’t wake him up,” I whisper.

Gio looks at Vin and then back to me. “He told me what happened in France.”

“That wasn’t his fault. He was having a nightmare,” I say.

“I know. Told him the same thing.” Gio sighs. “But he’s stubborn and will always blame himself for it.”

“Ah, Miss Taylor. I have your records from Sydney. It seems all the tests they did six months ago came back clear. I’m going to run a few more, just to make sure you haven’t developed any complications that might not have shown up last time,” the doctor says.

“Okay, but I’m fine. Really.”

“I have a theory. You’re young and we usually see this in much older patients, Ms Taylor.” Dr Hart pauses, waiting for me to look up again.

“What?” I ask, curious.

“What were you doing the first time your heart stopped? Where were you?”

“I was in class.” I keep my voice quiet, trying my best not to disturb Vin.

“What were you thinking about? When you were in class,” Dr Hart presses me.

“Ah…” I look from Vin to his brother. I don’t think this is a conversation either of them should hear.

“I need to know, Miss Taylor,” Dr Hart tries again.

“I was… um… I was thinking how it was over, like really over. And the realisation that I’m never getting him back hit me.”

“What was over?” Dr Hart asks.

“My relationship. My boyfriend left me six months prior to that. Six months is a really long time to wait for someone to change their mind,” I whisper. “I had hope, and then all of a sudden, that hope disappeared, and reality kicked in.”

“Okay, thank you.” Dr Hart scribbles something on the chart in his hand.

I take that moment to look over to Gio. The same man who is usually so stoic gives me a little smile and a nod. No idea why or what it means.

“And today. What are you doing?” Dr Hart says.

“I was walking across campus. I’d just finished having coffee with my friends. And then…”

“And then what happened?” Dr Hart urges me to continue.

“I saw… him,” I say, then quickly add, “But it’s not his fault,” when the doctor’s gaze falls to Vin, who appears to be sleeping. At least I hope he is. And I hope he didn’t hear me.

“No, it’s not,” the doctor agrees. “We need to run some more tests, but I think you are suffering from a condition called takotsubo cardiomyopathy.”

“What is that?” Gio asks the question before I can.

“It goes by a few different names. But, basically, it’s when somebody experiences sudden acute stress, which weakens the heart muscles. And, in some cases, it can shut the organ down completely,” Dr Hart explains.

Gio is typing something into his phone, while I have no idea what to say. “So you’re telling me my heart stopped because I was stressed?” I attempt to clarify.

“Like I said, we need to run some more tests to confirm this theory, Miss Taylor. But, yes, you experienced severe emotional stress, which in turn caused your heart to stop.”

I look at Vin. Thankful he hasn’t woken up. “He can’t know,” I whisper to Gio, who looks to the doctor.

“Broken heart syndrome?” he asks, waiting for Dr Hart to nod before turning back to me. “He’s going to hate himself more, but you can’t hide this from him.”

“Actually, I can. In case you missed the memo, we’re not together. I don’t need to tell him anything that concerns me,” I spit out, my voice rising with my panic.

Gio smirks, opens his mouth, and then shuts it again when his brother’s head lifts off the bed. “What’s wrong?” Vin asks me.

“Your brother’s an ass,” I tell him. “And I think you should both leave.”

Vin chuckles. “He is an ass, but he usually means well.” He looks from me to Gio. “What’d you do?” he questions his brother before focusing on Dr Hart. “Wait… Did you find something, Doc?”

“We’re keeping Miss Taylor overnight for observation. And we’ll schedule some appointments for her to come back and see me for further testing.”

“Why? What’s wrong with her heart?” Vin says.

“Isn’t it obvious? It’s broken,” I tell him. His face drops, and I feel like a bitch.

“You need to rest, Miss Taylor, and avoid stressful situations.” The doctor shoots me a pointed glare before exiting the room.

“I’ll give you two some space. Gabe and Daisy are out in the waiting room. Daisy wants to see you,” Gio directs to Vin, who nods in return.

“Your brother is out of prison?” I ask.

“Yeah, he is,” Vin says. “What did Gio say that upset you?”

“Nothing,” I lie. “Why don’t you go home? Your family is worried about you. Go home.”

“Sure, I’ll go home,” Vin agrees, and I sigh in relief until he adds, “When you get released and can come home with me.”

“That’s never going to happen. I don’t know what you think is going on here. But this …” I gesture between us. “…isn’t a thing.” I give myself an internal high-five for having the strength to say those words out loud. I can’t allow myself to fall back into the Vin effect.

Broken heart syndrome. I knew I had a broken heart. I didn’t know it was an actual medical condition, though. And now that I have some sort of confirmation that the reason my heart stopped is because he left me, I don’t want to become reliant on him again. I might not actually survive the second time.

“I don’t care what is or isn’t going on between us, Cammi. I care about your heart and making sure it doesn’t stop. If I have to follow you around to make sure you’re okay, then I will,” he says.

I laugh. Where was this concern for me a year ago when I really needed him? Anger is building in my chest, quickly replacing the heartbreak. How dare he just waltz in like nothing happened? Maybe Gio is right. I mean, he’s an all-powerful crime boss after all. Who am I to argue with him?

“You want to know what the doctor said, Vin?” I hiss, venom dripping from my voice.

Vin’s back goes straight, and his eyes connect with mine. Unwavering. “What did he say?”

“He thinks I have broken heart syndrome, a condition where your heart weakens under severe emotional stress. Do you want to know what happened to me that caused my heart to break, Vin? The one person I thought would always be there for me left. The one person on this earth who I need—not just want but need —left. He left, and I was fucking devastated. Beyond devastated. I needed him and he wasn’t there. So, yeah, my heart is quite literally broken. And I can only think of one person who’s responsible for that happening.”

By the time I’m finished yelling at him, my cheeks are wet and I feel like I’ve just let out a lot of stuff I was holding in. I’ve wanted to yell at him for so long. I’ve wanted to confront him, to shake some damn sense into him.

Vin’s face is pale, and his eyes are watery with unshed tears. “I… did… this?”

I’ve seen Vin scared. I’ve seen him angry. I’ve seen him happy. Now, he looks downright broken.

“It’s not your fault.” I try my best to backtrack, because some insane part of me still wants to protect him.

“It is. I stayed away so I wouldn’t hurt you, Cammi. I didn’t know that by doing that, I was hurting you more. I was killing you,” he says.

“You aren’t killing me.”

“I’ve weakened your heart. It’s my fault. I did this. Fuck!” Vin jumps up from his chair and starts pacing.

“It’s not your fault, Vin,” I repeat.

He looks over at me briefly and then curses under his breath as he grabs the chair and throws it aside. It hits the wall with a loud crash, which has the door slamming open and Gio walking in with a gun raised.

I ignore the crowd of people rushing into the room, push up from my hospital bed, and walk over to Vin. I need to help him. I can’t let him spiral because I was a bitch and told him something I should have kept to myself. “Vin, I need you to hug me. I want you to hold me like you’re never going to let go of me ever again. Please.” I brace myself for the rejection I’m sure is going to come.

Vin takes the one step towards me, closing the distance between us. His arms wrap around my back and he tugs me close to his chest. And I feel it. He doesn’t want to let go. But that doesn’t mean he won’t. “I’m sorry,” he whispers while burying his face into the crook of my neck.

“Me too,” I tell him.

I don’t know how long we stand there like this. But by the time I pick my head up and look around the room, the only person left is Gio. He’s leaning against the wall, his ankles crossed and his hands in his pockets.

“I shouldn’t have said that,” I tell Vin. “It’s not your fault.”

“It is,” he says. “I won’t let it happen again. I promise.”

I shake my head. I can’t take any promises from him. I don’t want them. I don’t need them. Now that he seems calmer, I take a step back. “I will be okay. It was just a moment of weakness. I’m fine now. We broke the ice, right? We’ve seen each other, and now we can move on. If I see you around campus, I won’t be so worked up.” I smile, but it’s hard. I know seeing him anywhere is going to be difficult, but I need to do this. I need to maintain the distance. To protect myself.

“Cammi, I’m not going anywhere.” Vin picks up the chair, sets it back on its legs, and then just sits.

“It’s okay. I’ll leave,” I tell him, walking right past Gio and towards the door.

“You can’t fucking leave. You just had a heart attack. You need to get back into bed,” Vin calls after me.

“Vin, why don’t you go see Daisy and Gabe? I’ll stay here with Cammi,” Gio says.

“What if her heart stops again?”

“I’ll be right here. I won’t let anything happen to her.” Gio puts a hand on Vin’s shoulder. “Just give her a moment. She needs to relax. And right now, you’re not helping.”

“Fine,” Vin grits out. He looks to me, like he’s trying to gauge my reaction. “I’ll be back, unless you want me to stay.” He appears almost hopeful. And so much of me wants to tell him to stay. I can’t, though.

I shake my head and walk back over to the bed. If he’s leaving the room, then I guess I don’t need to.