A Sinner’s Saint (De Bellis Crime Family #4)

Chapter 34

Chapter Thirty-Four

I want to throw caution to the wind and say yes. I want to be back under the Eiffel Tower and have Vin’s proposal be real. But I don’t need all the fancy romance. All I’ve ever needed is him and here he is, handing himself over to me. Forever.

Or at least for as long as a marriage might last. I do think that the connection Vin and I have is intense. It runs deep within my veins. I’m just not sure I can trust him to actually stay. If I say yes today and he wakes up tomorrow or even ten years from now and decides that he’s made a mistake, would I survive?

Would I survive the next ten years without him if I say no, though? I’m not sure. I know I’ll always wonder what if . It’s been complete and utter hell this past year having to live day by day knowing he was living a separate life, without me. Knowing I couldn’t talk to him, cuddle with him. I really just want to cuddle with him.

I shuffle over on the bed. “I want you to lie down with me, Vin. I want you to wrap your arms around me and make me feel safe the way only you can,” I tell him.

He’s asking me to believe in us. I want to. I really, really want to.

Vin silently climbs onto the bed and pulls my body up against his. I rest my head on his chest. The rhythm of his heartbeat soothes me. He is the one haven I let myself completely lean on, and then he ripped it out from under me.

“I’ve been so lost without you. I don’t know what to do anymore, Vin,” I whisper.

“Do what your heart is telling you to do, Cammi. I love you. I will love you no matter what your answer is,” he says.

Right here, in his arms, I feel like I can breathe again. I feel… free. “Is this real?” I ask him.

“I fucking hope so,” Vin says.

“If I say yes, what does that look like to you? Us being married?”

“It looks like the second part of the story,” he tells me. The story. Vin used to tell me the same bedtime story over and over again. It was our story.

“Tell me part two,” I urge him. Because I need to know.

“When the sinner found his way back to the saint, he became alive again. So much so that he never wanted to go back to the depths of hell. He wanted to stay in the light that surrounded the saint. So he did. He married her, worshiped her every day for the rest of his life. He earned her forgiveness, and together they healed. The sinner and the saint had a lifetime of adventures. They travelled the world and made so many memories. Good ones, while the bad one served as lessons on mistakes they’d never repeat.” Vin’s words speak to my heart. I want that happy ending.

“Yes.” The one word escapes my lips. I’m scared. So damn scared. But I won’t let fear stop us from having our life together.

Vin’s body stills beneath me. “Yes?” he repeats.

I roll over onto my stomach to look up at him. “Yes. This is when you kiss me, Vin. Kiss me like you proposed and I said yes, because you did and I did.”

Vin’s lips descend onto mine, his touch so soft, tender. His palm cups my cheek as his tongue pushes into my mouth. I feel everything in this kiss. I doubted his love. There were moments I thought I had made it all up in my head, and he wasn’t in love with me like I was with him. But this kiss… After this kiss, I know he loves me.

Vin pulls back, and his eyes connect with mine. “I love you. I promise I’m not going to fuck this up again.”

“I hope that’s a promise you can keep.” I rest my head back on his chest.

“I’m going to do whatever it takes to keep you safe, Cammi. You and our heart,” he says.

“Our heart?” I ask him.

“Your heart is my heart. I’m not going to live without you ever again. I was so fucking scared, Cammi. And I’ve been scared before, but I would willingly go back into that room with the monsters if it meant your heart would continue to beat.”

I try to picture what he saw. How I dropped onto the ground, my body lifeless. I couldn’t imagine if the roles were reversed. “I wouldn’t want you to do that, Vin. Besides, the monsters are all dead now. Right?”

“Right.”

“The nightmares?”

“They’re different now,” Vin says.

“What’s different?” He’s never really told me what they were about before. And I never asked. I have an imagination. I know what his father did to him, what that man let other men do to him. I don’t need Vin to tell me more than that to know what’s haunting him.

“You’re there. In the room,” he whispers. “And I can’t stop myself from choking you.”

I look up. “That’s not real. You would always find a way to stop yourself.” I know he would.

The door opens and Vin’s brother walks back in. He looks at Vin in my bed and smirks. “I spoke to Dr Hart, Cammi. You can go home tonight if you want. You’ll have to come back for some follow-up appointments. I’ll have the family doc come and stay at the house to keep an eye on you.”

Unwrapping myself from Vin’s hold, I climb off the bed and step towards Gio. I throw my arms around him. I feel him tense, and then he places a single palm on my waist. “Thank you,” I tell him.

“It’s nothing really,” Gio says.

“Not for breaking me out of here. Thank you for killing the monsters.” I keep my voice low so only he hears it.

“You don’t need to thank me for that. Just don’t give up on him,” Gio tells me.

I’m trying really hard not to run. My heart is guarded right now. I said yes, and I meant it. I do want to marry Vin. That’s not to say that I’m not going to be waiting for it to fall apart. Maybe if I’m prepared for it to happen, it won’t hurt so badly when it does. And I might just survive it.

I’m nervous. Being in Vin’s bedroom is a little overwhelming, if I’m honest. Nothing has changed. It’s still the exact same bedroom I remember. Right down to the little metal tin that sits on his dresser. I have no interest in what’s inside it anymore.

I liked it, but I don’t think it’s the answer for my kind of pain. Also, the reaction Vin had when he saw me smoking was hypocritical as hell. It was the fact he thought his influence made me smoke that made me stop, though.

I don’t like when he blames himself for everything. I blame him for breaking my heart, but I also blame myself for letting him. Did I fight hard enough for us? I don’t think I did if I’m being honest. I never came back to Melbourne. I never confronted him.

I wonder if things would have been different if I did. If I had fought harder, maybe we would have been able to work through our issues sooner. Not that we’re through them now by any means. My biggest hurdle is going to be forgiving him, which I’m not a hundred percent sure I’m ready to do.

“Do you want a shirt? Hoodie?” Vin asks. “I mean, if you want to use the shower or something…” He scratches the back of his neck. He’s nervous too.

“Do you want me to leave?”

“No,” he answers without hesitation. “I want you here, Cammi.”

“Okay, a sweatshirt would be good,” I tell him and watch as he heads for his closet. Then again, I could use a shower. “Actually…” I wait for Vin to turn back around before adding, “Can I have that one?” I point to the one he’s wearing. If I’m going to wear one of his hoodies, I want it to smell like him, not washing detergent.

Vin reaches behind his head and pulls the hoodie off before handing it out to me. He’s shirtless. Right in front of me, shirtless. I can’t move my eyes away from his skin. Skin that’s now covered in so much ink. So much more than he used to have. One in particular catches my eye.

“The Eiffel Tower?” I question him while staring at a black-and-white image of the structure sitting on a bed of skulls and black flowers.

“Yeah, it’s where you first said yes.” He smiles.

There’s something else that happens when I’m perusing his body. A part of me I considered long since dead suddenly wakes up. With a vengeance. “Vin?”

“Yeah?”

“How do you feel about helping me shower?”

Vin’s eyes instantly heat. “Are you sure? We don’t have to rush anything, Cammi. And, well, we’ve never been good at just taking showers…”

“I’m sure.” I pull my shirt over my head. And then turn around and walk into the bathroom. “But it’s okay if you don’t want to.”

“Oh, I want to.” Vin follows me. He reaches into the shower and turns it on. Memories of us in this bathroom fill my mind. Good memories. Hot memories.

We both work fast at getting undressed. I step into the stall, letting the hot water fall over my body. Vin steps in after me. He doesn’t touch me. He just stares. “I’m going to fix what I broke, Cammi,” he says.

“Vin, I want you to kiss me. I want you to touch me. Everywhere. I need… I need you… I need to feel you inside me.”

Vin reaches out, trailing the tips of his fingers across my collarbone and down the middle of my chest. “I’ve missed you so fucking much,” he says. I doubt he missed me as much as I’ve missed him though. I don’t say that. I need to keep some thoughts to myself. And that’s one of them.

“Please,” I practically beg as his fingers skim over my lower stomach, heading towards where I really need them.

“Are you really sure you want this, Cammi? No regrets?” Vin asks.

“The only thing I will regret is if you don’t touch me right now. Please don’t make me wait any longer.” I moan when his fingers finally slide through my folds. I’m so wet, so ready for him.

It’s him. He does this to me. I didn’t have a libido for the past year. And now, all of a sudden, I feel like I’m on fire. My hands land on his chest, moving up and across his shoulders, then down to his arms.

“Oh god.” My knees wobble when Vin rubs his fingers over my clit.

“You’re so wet.” He pushes those two fingers inside me. “Fuck,” he hisses as he pumps them in and out.

Our lips find each other. And my arms circle around his neck, while his free arm wraps around my back, holding me both upright and in place as he fucks me with his mouth and fingers.

“I need you to come for me, Cammi. Come. Show me,” Vin growls. He pulls back, his eyes roaming all over my face. He’s always loved watching me when I come.

Who am I to deny him what he wants? I grind down on his hand. I can feel it. I’m so close. Moving my hips in rhythm with his hand, I find my groove and chase that feeling until I dive right over the cliff. I scream his name and my knees give out, but he keeps me upright, supporting my entire weight.

“So fucking beautiful,” he says.