A Touch of Christmas Magic (Peppermint Hollow #2)

3. Kai

CHAPTER 3

KAI

I could barely breathe, and my heart wanted to explode out of my chest.

Everything I’d felt for Colby had intensified ten-fold and I wasn’t sure I’d survive.

From age five to thirteen, he was my everything. My ride or die. The person I wanted to spend every waking moment with. He made me laugh, made me feel loved, and made me a better person.

The other half of my soul.

From thirteen on, all of that remained the same, but I added in romantic feelings. And then, when hormones hit hard around sixteen, sexual feelings sprouted and multiplied.

But nothing in this world could have prepared me for seeing Colby with a baby.

My baby.

I knew it sounded demented, but Elsie owned as much of my heart as her father did, and I’d thought of her as mine from the moment he told me Sasha was pregnant.

I hadn’t let myself admit it until Colby said Sasha signed away her parental rights.

I was setting myself up for soul-crushing heartache when Colby eventually found someone he wanted to settle down with. Someone he wanted to build his little family with. Someone who definitely wouldn’t be me.

Oh god, I couldn’t breathe.

But for the time being, I let myself soak up how amazing and right it felt to be next to Colby and holding Elsie.

“Okay, Elsie Mae, you ready to be my first ever real-life diaper change?” I asked the baby, her eyes bright as they watched me. Glancing at Colby, I frowned. “I’m not sure she’s okay with me. She’s just staring.”

He smiled. “You’re a new face. New hair color, new eyes. Even your scruff is a different shade. She’s learning you.” He brushed a finger down his daughter’s chunky little cheek. “Pretty sure she’s fascinated with you. She probably recognizes your voice from the video calls and now she’s got you right here in front of her.”

I pouted. “I wanted to make her smile.”

Colby leaned into me, pressing his head aside mine as he looked at the baby, then he stood up and took her from me. “She only started smiling at me like a week or so ago. Give her a bit to warm up.”

I let him pull me up to stand. “Can I opt out of the diaper if it’s poop? I’ve been practicing, but I’m not ready for that.”

“Nope,” Colby said, popping the p. “Think I got to wait until it wasn’t poop? This is baptism by fire. Throwing you into the deep end and see if you can swim.”

The look on my face must have shown the pure terror in my soul because the asshole laughed.

“I’ll be right there to help, promise.” He nestled Elsie in her car seat. We let her babble and coo as she batted at the black and white toys hanging from the car seat handle. Colby got a few tiny smiles. I still got nothing, but she watched me like she was interested.

Colby played with her tiny toes. “It’s best to keep her upright like this for a while after she eats. If she lays flat, she’ll spit up. She’ll probably fill her diaper in a few minutes. Then we can change her and hit the road.”

Sure enough, Elsie’s precious little face turned beet red about ten minutes later and the worst gurgling sound filled the air.

“Uh-oh, that one sounded like it may have been a blow-out.” His words sounded slightly stressed.

“What’s a blow-out?”

“Like it somehow barely even touches the diaper and ends up all up her back and leaking from around her legs.” He grimaced and moved to his knees. “I didn’t keep any other clothes out for her. May have to go dig for another onesie.” Moving the car seat handle out of the way, he lifted her up and showed me the baby’s back. “You see any poop?”

“Oh god,” I whispered as I inspected her. “No? I don’t think so.”

“Okay, we may have lucked out. Let’s get her changed.”

I watched in awe as Colby spread the towel I’d used out on the floor. “We’re not taking this with us. Might as well risk it rather than her blanket. Okay, here we go.” He grabbed the diaper, wipes, and diaper cream and gestured for me to get started.

“Oh god,” I whispered.

We both knelt in front of the squirmy infant, who was now cooing and smiling up a storm as she kicked her little legs.

“How is she so happy sitting in shit?” I asked.

Colby threw his head back and laughed. “This will only last for a moment. She’ll get super crabby if we don’t change her.”

I took a deep breath.

And almost gagged.

“Oh god, that’s bad.” I pulled my shirt up over my nose. “I’m gonna puke.”

“Pull it together, man. Don’t forget, we lived together long enough, I know how badly you can blow up a bathroom.”

I unsnapped the little onesie Elsie wore and let Colby help move it up and out of the way.

“Here, get the other diaper ready,” he said as he spread out the clean diaper. “And have some wipes pulled out.”

I undid the diaper and moved it slightly to check on the damage. “Oh god,” I whisper-moaned. “Why can’t I start with just pee?”

Colby chuckled. “Come on, the longer she sits in it, the more likely she could get a rash.”

“Oh shit.” I snorted. “Literally.” Grabbing a chunk of wipes, I grabbed her feet like I’d practiced and lifted up her little butt. Wiping away the mess the best I could, I tossed the disgusting mass into the old diaper like Mom had suggested.

“Dude, I’m not strapped for cash, but wipes aren’t cheap. You can use one at a time.”

I glanced at Colby to see if he was joking.

He wasn’t.

Finishing the job without a fistful of wipes, I let go of Elsie’s feet and went to work wrapping up the whole mess in the dirty diaper. The baby kicked and cooed. Colby inspected my work.

“What? Didn’t think I could do it?”

He shrugged. “Considering you almost gagged and that wasn’t even a bad one, I had my doubts.” Laughing at my irritation, he lifted her legs and pointed at the top of the tiniest butt crack I’d ever seen. “When I first started changing her, I’d miss way up here. You got it all though. Good job.”

Elsie continued to churn her little legs and make happy noises.

“She likes being naked, huh?”

Colby grinned. “Loves bath time and having her diaper off. I’d guess it feels good to get cool air on her skin.”

“She get rashes a lot?” I picked up the tube of diaper rash stuff. “Butt Paste? Couldn’t have gone with a nicer name?”

“Nurses at the hospital suggested it. It’s good stuff. Keeps her skin from getting raw when she’s wet or dirty.” He checked his watch. “Let’s go ahead and get her ready so we can hit the road. Hold out a finger; gonna give you more than I’d usually use, but only because she’ll be in the car seat longer than usual.”

I grimaced as I smeared on the paste, grunting when one of Elsie’s little feet plopped right into the glob of diaper rash cream. “Oh god, she’s getting it everywhere.”

Colby laughed. “It’s okay, it won’t hurt her. And it doesn’t stain or anything.” He wiped her heel and a smear of cream on her thigh. “Finish up.”

Cleaning my finger with a wipe first, I grabbed Elsie’s feet again and lifted her to slide the diaper underneath. Colby helped get the position right and I pulled up the front before securing the tabs.

Colby inspected my work again—I felt like a kid trying to pass my driving exam or something. “Looks good. You’ll be a pro in no time.”

As stupid as it sounds, I couldn’t help the proud thrill coursing through me at his words.

He snapped her onesie into place and held her against his chest, kissing her head and cuddling her while whispering nonsense. Then he put her into her car seat and got her snuggled in. After clipping a pacifier to her shirt and tucking a blanket around her legs, he hefted the carrier into the crook of his elbow.

As we stood in the middle of his apartment, I wondered if he had special memories he’d struggle to leave behind.

Almost like he read my mind, Colby took a deep breath. “Not gonna miss this place at all. I brought her home here, but it’s never meant anything for real.” Glancing down at his baby, he smiled. “Ready to get home and make some real memories, Else?”

She cooed and tried to kick off the blanket.

With the baby carrier on one arm and his other arm thrown around my shoulder, Colby ushered me toward the door. “Time to hit the road.”

He showed me how to snap her car seat into the base—four doors on the truck made it a lot easier than I’d imagined—and how the mirror worked so he could see her face while he drove. “She’ll sleep for a long stretch now that she’s eaten and has a clean diaper. Figure we’ll drive until she wakes up. Play it by ear whether we stop for the night or feed her and try to move on.”

Climbing into Colby’s sleek, black truck, I nodded. “I’m yours for the whole week. We can do our work from anywhere. No need to push her; if we need to stop, we stop.” Glancing back at Elsie, I frowned. “Should I sit back there with her?”

“Nah, she’s seriously just gonna sleep. Look at those sleepy eyes already.” He adjusted his mirror and smiled at his baby. “She’ll be out before we’re on the freeway.”

Elsie was a master napper and slept for an entire four hours before making a fuss. Colby and I chatted the whole way—about work, our families, home, Elsie, and random shit that only two best friends could turn into conversation.

We opted to feed her, change her, let her stretch, and play a bit, and then made another two hours before pulling into a hotel.

“It’s not a five-star, but it should be clean. There’s food next door.” He pointed to a restaurant and a couple fast-food places. “This work for you?”

“I’m good with wherever as long as we can eat, shower, and sleep.”

Once Elsie was stretched out in her pack-n-play next to the bed—Colby hadn’t even batted an eyelash when the clerk said they had a king-size bed available, so I just went with it—I flopped down with a groan.

“I saw a gym area when we came in,” Colby said. “You care if I go run a mile and then I’ll shower and get us food?”

I’d always loved when we ran together, and part of me wanted to follow him down and take the second treadmill.

Duh.

I couldn’t leave the baby.

Damn, this parenting thing took some getting used to.

“No problem,” I said, sitting up and looking at Elsie. “What if she cries?”

“She shouldn’t. She’s happy for now.”

I eyed him with doubt and Colby laughed. “ For now is my concern.”

“Pick her up, talk to her, distract her, try holding her close, try laying her on the bed, give her the pacifier.” He leaned down into the pack-n-play and let Elsie squeeze his finger as she cooed. “It won’t take me long to run a mile.”

“Go for two if you need to. I’ll run in the morning.” I moved to stand next to him.

Colby stood up straight and took a step toward me. For one crazy second, I thought he was going to kiss me. Instead, he just pulled me into a hug. “Thank you. For giving me time to run, for being here, for loving her.”

“Always,” I said against his shoulder, worried the catch in my words would betray my emotions. I will always be here. Loving you. Loving her like she’s my own.

When Colby was changed and out the door, I leaned over the edge of Elsie’s little bed. “Hey there, pretty girl.” What was it about babies that automatically had people talking like fools? But her eyes latched onto me, and she kicked and cooed, happy just to be out of her seat if I had to bet. “You good down there?” I eyed the bed. I could play with her more easily up at my level, but would that be asking for trouble? She seemed happy where she was.

I opted to take the chance. Bound and determined to get her to smile at me—or at least get her used to me enough that a smile might happen—I hoisted her up into my arms. Careful to support her head, I moved to lay her down, but Elsie snuggled into my shoulder, and I couldn’t help the huge-ass grin I gave my reflection as I watched in the mirror.

Did I think she was purposely cuddling into me? No. But she didn’t cry, and she looked damn perfect all snug against my chest. If I had the baby wrap unpacked, I would have tried it right then and there.

But it was playtime, so I placed her gently on the bed and sat cross-legged at her feet so I could see her. Colby assured me she wasn’t rolling yet, so I didn’t have to worry about her face-planting off the bed.

Elsie and I enjoyed our get-to-know-each-other time immensely. Well, I did, and I was pretty sure she did. Hints of smiles played at her little mouth, but nothing full-blown.

Not yet.

When Colby came through the door, I realized he’d been gone thirty minutes.

He eyed us on the bed. “Did she cry?”

“No, just thought it was easier to play with her if she was up here. I didn’t leave her alone, even if she’s not rolling.”

Colby shook his head with a smile. “I trust you.”

“But I’ve got to pee,” I said, moving to stand from the bed. “She’s yours for one minute.” Leaving the bathroom door open as I peed, I called out. “I’ve been reading this book, What to Expect the First Years . I got it after What to Expect When You’re Expecting —which was a lot of information I’m not sure I really wanted to know.”

Walking back into the room, I found Colby sitting on the bed, the scent of hand sanitizer hanging in the air, and his big hand on Elsie’s tiny belly. But his jaw hung open and his eyes locked on me.

“What?”

“You read What to Expect When You’re Expecting ?”

I shrugged. “Sure. My best friend was going through a surprise pregnancy with a woman he wasn’t one hundred percent sold on. Figured I could take the journey with him, even if it was silently from afar.”

Colby swallowed and shook his head. After a moment, he cleared his throat. “That book…yeah, it was a lot. Sasha didn’t like it. She got pissed any time I referred to it.”

“This one…the first years one…it’s easier to read. Not as overwhelming. But it’s got a lot of good information. Shit I never would have guessed in a million years.”

“Agreed.” He stared at me again before glancing away as if to clear his head. “If you’ll call in an order while I shower, I’ll go get the food.”

“Sounds good.”

“You can totally shower while she’s in the pack-n-play.”

I eyed him dubiously.

“For real. I usually stick her in her car seat on the floor of the bathroom while I shower. If not, I’d never get anything done.”

Once the food was ordered and a freshly showered Colby headed out the door, I looked from the baby bed to the bathroom. With Elsie in one arm, I made use of the wheels on her little cage and moved it to the bathroom door. I’d be able to see her from the shower if she cried.

She didn’t make a peep while I took the fastest shower ever.

As I was pulling on sweats, the door clicked, but caught on the baby bed.

“What the fuck?” Colby mumbled.

“Sorry, sorry.” I rushed toward the door with a sheepish grin. “Sorry. I moved her over here so I could see her if she cried while I was taking a shower.”

Colby just smirked and shook his head. “Glad to see you’re as gone over the tiny human as I am.”

“Right? How does one little person capture a heart so fast?” I took the food from Colby.

“You wanna help me give her a quick bath before we eat? She’ll be hungry soon, but we should have about twenty minutes.”

“Yeah, no problem.” I frowned. “Did you bring a baby bath?”

“Nah, we’ll just use a towel and kinda sponge her down. It’s not like she’s covered in spit-up or had a huge blow-out. A quick bath is all she needs today.”

We ended up using the bathroom sink and counter. Once she was all wiped down and lotioned up—smelling like the precious chunk of baby goodness she was—Colby made quick work of getting her into a diaper and pajamas.

He mixed up a bottle and fed her while I ate, then we switched, and I burped her while Colby wolfed down his food.

“You wanna take a walk? She usually settles pretty quickly when I walk or rock her.” Colby glanced at his watch. “I think she’s kinda off-schedule, but she should go down for the night and only wake twice if we’re lucky.”

So, we ended up walking the sidewalks of some Arizona town as a warm breeze blew and a full moon peeked over the horizon.

“It feels weird not holding her,” Colby mused as we walked.

I didn’t want to hand Elsie over, but I offered.

“No, she’s comfy and you’re doing a great job.” He stretched his arms and sighed. “Didn’t realize how much I was doing on my own until I had an extra set of hands to help.” Glancing down at his daughter’s sleepy eyes as we walked and I cradled her close, Colby went on, “Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. She wasn’t planned, but I wouldn’t trade her for the world. Just nice to have someone jump in—someone I can trust.”

“It’s crazy watching you be this amazing dad. I’d never really pictured you as a parent, but you make it look easy.”

Colby scoffed. “It’s the farthest thing from easy I’ve ever experienced. But she’s worth it. The mess with Sasha was…well, a mess. But I’m grateful for what came of it.”

“Can I say that I hate Sasha for leaving her baby, but I’m also glad she gave her up so Elsie wouldn’t grow up weighed down by all of her mother’s struggles?” Guilt raced through me, and I worried Colby would be angry at my truth.

“You and me both, man,” he said with a long sigh. “She and I weren’t meant to be—we would have parted ways eventually. But part of me screams a child should have their mother while the other part of me reminds me what it was like for me having my mother around. I don’t want my kid suffering as she thinks about her mom leaving her or wonders why she wasn’t enough for Sasha to stay, but I also don’t want her suffering with an addict for a mother and wondering every single day why she’s not good enough for her mom to pick her own kid over drugs.” A pinched, far-away look etched Colby’s face and I knew he was thinking of his childhood.

“If I have anything to say about it, this baby will never know life without the complete love and support of her entire family.”

Colby smiled. “When I first knew we were pregnant, I freaked out because I knew there was no way I could do this by myself.” He threw an arm around my shoulders. “But now, getting through those first few months, and knowing I’ve got all of you on my side, I know it will be hard, but I’m not as scared as I was back then.”

Elsie finally gave in to sleep as we made our way back to the hotel. Colby moved the pack-n-play next to his side of the bed and turned off the lamp.

“I know she’s not supposed to have anything in the bed with her, but I hate the thought of putting her in there with no blanket or pillow or anything.”

Colby chuckled. “I know. But that’s why she’s in that warm sleeper and the sleep sack. And the air conditioning unit is on your side, she’ll be warm enough. You’ve read the book.” He gave me a wink.

“I know, I know. Nothing in bed with the baby. Still…can’t imagine just lying there with no pillow or blanket.”

“That’s because you like to burrow under your pillow and hog all the blankets.”

No lies detected.

I stood there a moment longer before finally giving Colby a desperate look.

“What?”

“I don’t know how to lay her down. What if she wakes up?”

He shook his head with a smirk. “She’ll be fine. She might wake a bit, but I doubt it. I’ll take her and put her down if you want.”

Nodding, I let Colby move Elsie from my arms to the pack-n-play. She sniffled and moved around but didn’t wake.

“Now what?” I asked, feeling as if I’d helped disarm a bomb.

“Well, we could watch TV, but driving wore me out. She’ll be up in about four hours, so I’m thinking sleep.”

It wasn’t late, but driving all day was exhausting. Knowing a tiny baby would be crying for a bottle and new diaper in just a few hours had me stressed and thinking sleep sounded like the best thing ever.

So, I brushed my teeth and shucked down to my boxer briefs before turning off the lamp. Colby made his way to the bathroom. A few minutes later, he rummaged through the diaper bag and then placed something on the dresser.

Pushing up on my elbows, I saw he’d put out all the makings for a bottle. In the shadowy darkness, I watched him toss a diaper, wipes, and rash cream on the bedside table before pushing his pants down and tossing them on the chair. In the same brand of boxer briefs I wore—we’d been wearing the same brand ever since freshman year when my mom took us shopping for school clothes and we decided this brand was the very best—Colby climbed into bed and turned on his side.

We wrestled with the blankets for a bit, but finally chuckled and settled in to sleep.

I knew Elsie would wake us up.

I knew Colby was my best friend only and any thought of him being more than that needed to stay deeply buried in my heart.

I knew we had a long drive the next day.

But for the time being, I was in bed with Colby—close enough to feel his warmth—and all was right with my world again.