A Touch of Christmas Magic (Peppermint Hollow #2)

6. Colby

CHAPTER 6

COLBY

After reading a chapter in our book and reading articles online, Kai and I decided we liked what one article said about introducing solids before six months. “Pediatricians say not until six months, but there’s also emerging evidence that introducing solids around four months old may make baby more likely to eat fruits and veggies later in life and may decrease risk of food allergies. So, maybe see what your doc thinks. It’s suggested to add an iron-fortified cereal mixed with formula or breast milk for a week or so. If baby does well with that, mix in some fruits or veggies. Another suggestion is to start with veggies since babies usually like the fruits better. Remember, only one new food at a time so you know the culprit if there’s a rash or reaction.”

Kai picked up Elsie with a huge grin on his face. “Guess what, Elsie Mae? You get some cereal for that sweet tummy.” Elsie gave him her gummy smile and cooed. She was as in love with the man as I was—truly, the awe in her eyes when she saw Kai’s face or heard his voice was adorable.

It made my heart hurt to think about how much we’d both miss the man when we had to move out.

Why would you have to move out?

I rolled my eyes at the stupid thought. Of course, we’d have to move out; we couldn’t stay at Kai’s forever. I knew we were cramping his style. True, Kai didn’t date a lot , but he went out and occasionally had people he kept around for longer than a couple dates. Having a baby changed all that and it wasn’t fair of me to think Kai would want to just put his whole life on hold.

Hell, maybe he wanted to meet up for beers with Blake from next door.

Or go on a date with the cousin Keelie kept trying to hook one of us up with.

“So, we’ll add the cereal for dinner?” Kai asked, dancing Elsie around the room.

“Yeah, probably better this evening than at Ivy and Emory’s place, just in case she hates it.”

Friendsgiving was the next day, but I wanted Elsie’s first taste of food to be with just Kai and me.

We went about the rest of our day. Keelie came by and took Elsie off our hands for a bit. Taking turns, Kai and I finished up work things for the long weekend and tidied up the house. He still hadn’t furnished all the rooms, but we both had a neat streak when it came to keeping things organized—aside from Kai’s tendency to toss his towel wherever after a shower.

The baby safety lady had come and shown us all the dangers—obvious and hidden—for when Elsie became mobile. We’d immediately taken care of everything, knowing once our girl was on the move, we likely wouldn’t have time to do it sufficiently.

The fact that Kai had even thought of safety, let alone called in a specialist, still warmed my heart.

It turned out that adding cereal to Elsie’s diet was a bit of a letdown. She seemed pretty neutral about the whole thing. She took bites, but there were no excited faces. No yuck faces. She ate it and that was pretty much it.

“Well, that was boring as hell, Else,” Kai exclaimed as he wiped her face and hands. “Your dads lead a plain life; we need you to keep things exciting.”

Kai froze just as my heart squeezed.

“Sorry, I—” he started.

“You’re as much her dad as I am,” I said, stepping close and brushing a kiss over my daughter’s head. Wrapping an arm around his neck, I kissed his temple. Something I’d done maybe a million times. Pressing a kiss to his cheek—not unusual for us—I breathed him in deeply and scolded those parts of my head and heart shrieking at me to move to his lips. “We’re both lucky to have you in our lives.”

I pulled away and reached for Elsie, doing my best to ignore the fire burning in my belly and the curious look on Kai’s face.

It would have been so easy to just kiss him and tell him how I felt.

But that wasn’t what we were to each other.

If Kai felt that way toward me, he would have told me.

I needed to work my way through whatever this was and move on.

The way my heart thumped and begged for me to reach out for him meant that would be easier said than done.

But I could do it.

If it meant keeping my best friend in my life, I could do anything.

Having my lips on Kai’s skin had set fire to something deep inside. I hated it and loved it. Maybe I was imagining the awkwardness between us. I had to be because nothing had really changed. I still longed to touch him, loved him like no other, and couldn’t imagine my life without him.

We still woke up tangled in each other’s arms and pretended it didn’t happen.

Still went about our day taking care of Elsie and cracking jokes.

But I swore there was an undercurrent of…

Something.

On my side, I couldn’t stop thinking about how that brief press of my lips to his cheek had tasted—a hint of salt, moisturizer, Kai . The bristle of his scruff under my lips. How good it would have been to capture his mouth and feast on him the way I’d longed to do for so long.

On Kai’s side, he seemed…I don’t know…I could have been making it all up…but he seemed…

Off.

And that was from a kiss to his cheek. Something we’d done for years.

Did I need to say something? But what? Hey, I know I’ve kissed you on the cheek for most of our lives, and I didn’t mean to make this one weird. But oh yeah, I’m in love with you and have been since long before I left Peppermint Hollow.

No.

If Kai was upset, he’d talk to me.

I needed to get out of my head and stop making a big deal about something that was truly nothing.

Friendsgiving was a decent distraction.

Magic glued himself to whoever was holding Elsie as usual. Guests included Ivy, Emory, Trevor, Kai, and me for the first little bit. My dad and Allison had taken Eric and Lacy to a soup kitchen to volunteer for the day.

Kai kept throwing me looks or I’d look up and catch him watching me.

Or maybe that was my wishful thinking.

Emory eyed us suspiciously which only made me wonder if there really was something to me thinking things were off between Kai and me.

Luckily, a knock at the door had Trevor shooting out of the kitchen like his ass was on fire. “I’ll get it.”

Emory followed his big brother like the stealthy little elf he was, peeking around the door frame to watch as Trevor opened the door for the guest.

A gasp from Emory, followed by, “I knew it,” brought the rest of us to the doorway to watch the goings-on.

Trevor sighed, his cheeks red, but he let himself be pulled close to the man at his side. Blake gave a sheepish little wave. “Hi, thanks for having me.”

Before Ivy could grab him, Emory made his way toward Blake and Trevor. “I knew it. I knew something was going on between you two. How long were you going to keep it a secret if I hadn’t seen you playing tonsil hockey at my front door?” He sounded somewhat hurt, but mostly ecstatic.

Trevor ran a hand through his hair. “Want to maybe sit and we’ll fill you in? We planned on telling you today anyway.”

Ivy wrapped an arm around Emory’s neck and pulled his boyfriend’s back flush to his front. “Probably would have gone better if someone hadn’t been sneaking around and spying.”

“It’s my house and my brother,” Emory said with a pout.

Grateful for the distraction from my own mixed-up feelings, I took a seat next to Kai for the storytelling. Things were possibly weird—or I was just overthinking everything—but there was no way to break the bonds we’d built over twenty-five years. No way I was sitting anywhere else. Plus, he had Elsie; I sat close to my daughter. And Magic, of course.

Once we were all seated, Trevor glanced at Blake and let him take his hand. “So, everyone, meet Blake.” The smirk covered up his nervousness, but I could tell the guy was sweating bullets.

“Everyone knows Blake,” Emory said. “What we don’t know is the story behind why the two of you have been sneaking around behind our backs. Has this been going on since last Christmas?”

Trevor’s head shot up. “What? No.” He narrowed his eyes at his little brother. “Wait, how did you know we were sneaking around?”

Ivy chuckled and ran a hand over his scruffy chin. “First, you weren’t very stealthy. Even I caught on and I’m usually pretty oblivious. Second, Emory is like a dog with a bone. Once he got the slightest sniff there was something between you two, he wasn’t letting it go.”

Trevor sighed. “No, we weren’t together last year. I mean, I knew him, he was my physical therapist?—”

“Was he the someone special you met at physical therapy? The one you were going to bring to dinner last year?” Emory asked.

Trevor shrugged. “I think, in my heart, I said that because I wished it would be Blake. I did go out with a girl I met there, but it was a total bust because I was already hung up on him.”

Blake cleared his throat. “I was going through a shit divorce. I lived a couple towns over, the drive to work was terrible, my home life was a disaster. Plus, he was my patient; I couldn’t get involved. No matter how badly I wanted to.”

Emory made a fast-forward gesture. “Okay, so how did you get to this point?” He cocked his head. “And obviously I have no problem with it, but when did you start having a thing for guys?”

Trevor chuckled. “About the time this one started torturing me in physical therapy.”

Ivy reached out to fist-pump his best friend. “Sneak-attack bi; I get it man. Everything is going along all smooth sailing and shit, and then bam .”

My gut clenched. While I wouldn’t say it was a surprise, I definitely hadn’t been planning to fall for my best friend. But there had been a low-level burning ache in the depths of my soul for so many years, I couldn’t even remember if it had taken me by surprise all those years ago. In some ways, my head and heart had loved Kai for so long, I couldn’t remember a time when I wasn’t neck-deep in everything I felt for him.

I brought my attention back to the story. Better to focus on someone else’s drama than my own. At least until I nearly drove myself crazy with it all.

Trevor’s cheeks flamed to life, and he bit his lip. From the bits of what I remembered of the man back in high school, he definitely wasn’t used to being flustered. Blake had really thrown him for a loop.

Kinda like how Kai had thrown me for a loop.

And there went my gut again. Thinking about how my heart and body responded to having Kai close to me. Waking up with him wrapped in my arms. The scent of his soap and everything that made him Kai when I pressed my lips to his cheek. The way Elsie’s eyes lit up for him and the fucking unbelievable way he’d taken to being her daddy.

Because that’s what he was. No doubt in my mind. I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to open up to him about how I felt, but I knew one hundred percent that we’d raise Elsie together. I wasn’t counting on that in the beginning, but from the moment he took her in his arms, I knew we were in it together.

Even if he starts dating someone? Or if you lose your mind and try to get involved with someone again?

Focus.

I needed to focus on Trevor and Blake’s story.

“He’d worked me over to near collapse one day,” Trevor was saying.

Blake scoffed. “I made you do the exercises we’d agreed upon so you could get back to walking and running.” He gripped Trevor’s thigh. “Which you can do almost flawlessly now. You’re welcome.”

Trevor smirked. “Anyway, he had me in bad shape and I’d lost my damn mind. I kissed him.”

“Then he proceeded to skip two therapy sessions. So, I took the liberty to just happen to be in the area and drive by his parents’ house since he was staying there until he could do stairs again.”

Trevor huffed out a sigh. “He waited until he saw me walk out to take a walk and ambushed me. Almost let it slip to Dad I’d missed a couple appointments and pretty much blackmailed me into getting into his car so I wouldn’t miss that day’s session.”

Blake shrugged. “What? I’m dedicated to giving my clients what they need.”

Emory snickered. “And what is it my big brother needed?”

Trevor shot him an exasperated look. “Blake is a professional and acted as if nothing happened. Never brought up the kiss. Meanwhile, over the next several sessions, I nearly drove myself insane wanting to kiss him again. But we started talking about his divorce and how messed up things were for him at home. I realized he wasn’t in a position to act on what was maybe between us. So, I waited. Graduated physical therapy thanks to the best damn therapist in the world. Moved back to my apartment. And bided my time.”

“We’d exchanged numbers at the end of therapy,” Blake said. “The day my divorce was final, I texted him.”

“We went out a few times—only outside of town; I wasn’t ready to put a label on anything yet.”

“Then I saw the house for sale,” Blake explained. “I toured it, loved it, made an offer.”

“And you two have been sneaking around ever since,” Emory supplied. “Did you know Colby used to live there?”

Blake’s brows shot up. “But you moved next door?”

“Kai and I were next door neighbors growing up. I left years ago. Dad and Allison sold the house and moved to the apartments—” I paused and nodded toward Trevor— “where you live if I’m not mistaken. Kai’s parents moved to the retirement village. I moved back home and I’m staying with him for a while.”

Kai coughed and I swear it sounded like he grumbled bullshit .

“It’s a great house,” Blake said.

I gave as much of a smile as I could muster. “It has potential with the right people. I hope that’s you.”

Blake gave a little nod and put his arm around Trevor. “Thanks. I hope it is too.”

“So, are you two official? Dating? Boyfriends?” Emory asked.

“Damn, Em, let ’em breathe.” Ivy took his boyfriend’s hand.

Trevor swallowed thickly. “Official. Yeah. Boyfriends.”

Emory whooped. “Thank god! No more sneaking around. It was driving me insane. You can just go in and out of his house like a damn normal person and not spend half your time trying to make sure I didn’t know you’d just come from Blake’s when you happened to show up at our door.”

Trevor blushed again. “Yeah, I hear ya. I wasn’t trying to keep things from you. I just wasn’t sure how to navigate everything.”

“Well,” Emory said, turning bright eyes toward Kai and me, “it looks like Colby’s the only one not part of the LGBTQ+ community now.” He batted his lashes. “Unless…”

Ivy cleared his throat and I swear he bit back a laugh.

My heart tried to claw its way out of my throat. I wasn’t afraid to admit I was bisexual—or at the very least that I was into Kai—but I couldn’t bear the thought of dropping that bomb on him and him rejecting me. He’d do it gently. Kai was always concerned about others. Knowing in your heart that your love is unrequited sucks balls; having your best friend—the object of that unrequited love—fumble through letting you down easy in front of people you were beginning to think of as friends would suck balls and fuck you sideways.

Kai put an arm around me and blew a slobbery kiss against my cheek. “He can be an honorary member until I wear him down.”

I jerked away from the raspberry and wiped at my cheek as the guys laughed and stood.

Wait.

What?

Kai wanted to wear me down?

He was joking, right?

Fuck.

Now I had that little riddle planted in my mind to bug the shit out of me all night.

I took Elsie from Kai, trying not to decipher whatever that look was on his face.

Magic followed me to the kitchen where I mixed up a bottle. The pup trailed me to the diaper bag where I made quick work of changing a soaking wet diaper. He then settled at my feet, eyes glued to Elsie’s head while she fussed and flailed until I put the bottle to her lips.

The whole time, all I could think of was catching Kai alone and asking him what the hell he’d meant by that.

No. That was dumb. We joked all the time. Hell, we’d joked about getting together at thirty if we were both single. He’d made stupid comments about bringing me to the bi-side. I’d teased that he was the guy I’d go for if I ever went for guys.

But it was just joking.

Wasn’t it?

Okay, maybe it wasn’t joking for me. But Kai would have told me.

Right?

You’ve never told him.

God. We were fucking grown-ass men tiptoeing around a does-he-doesn’t-he like-me situation like damn children. Maybe I should have just written him a note and asked him to circle yes or no.

I huffed out a frustrated breath.

Magic lifted his head and huffed back.

“Sorry,” I mumbled. “She’s fine. It’s her daddy’s head and heart that are all fucked up.”

Magic eyed me for a bit before resting his chin on his paws and continuing to monitor the bottle drinking.

My heart swelled with pride as I watched my daughter’s sleepy eyes. She already owned the hearts of two grown men and a dog. Add in the grandparents, the friends, and Keelie, and Elsie Mae had her very own fan club dedicated to loving and protecting her. Pretty impressive for a tiny human barely half a year old.

Once the bottle was finished and Elsie burped—to which Magic cocked his head in confusion—I placed her down for her nap. Her trusty protector cuddled next to the pack-n-play and looked at me as if daring me to tell him he couldn’t be there.

I just patted Magic on the head and took the empty bottle to the kitchen.

“Ivy said come out to see the new hydraulic something he has in the shop,” Emory said, gesturing toward Ivy’s Auto.

Kai gave me a smirk over his wine glass. “Go on, you know you want to see the new toy.”

Blake and Emory were discussing something about exercises for Ivy’s lower back problems. I bit back a laugh when I thought of how Ivy would react to Emory telling people he had a bad back.

I made my way to the garage, the late November day cold but not freezing. Ivy offered me a beer and I clinked the bottle against his and Trevor’s.

“The others didn’t want to come out?” Ivy asked.

“Um, Kai was enjoying wine and always wants to be within earshot when Elsie is asleep,” I said. “Blake and Emory were talking about exercises.”

Ivy grunted. “I swear to god, Trev. If your little brother is telling your boyfriend about me throwing my back out?—”

“No, no, no,” Trevor chanted. “I may be thoroughly enjoying sex with a man these days, but I will never need to hear about my best friend and baby brother having sex.”

Ivy slapped him on the back of the head. “I was going to say I threw my back out walking to the mailbox.” He rolled his eyes. “It’s embarrassing as hell. All I was doing was walking and then I couldn’t move right for two days. But you’re both my age, you’ll deal with it soon enough.” Then he gave an evil grin. “But a bad back gave me the perfect excuse to just lie back and let Em do all the dirty work for a few days.”

“Fuck, man. Stop.” Trevor ran a hand over his face. “Seriously. I know what Blake and I get up to, I do not want to think about you and Em.”

Ivy laughed. “Fine, fine. It’s just we have something new to bond over now.”

Trevor cocked a brow. “We’ve been bonding most of our lives.”

“Yeah, but now we both know we like dick?—”

Ivy ducked the half-hearted shove Trevor attempted.

“How did you know?” I blurted.

Fuck.

Ivy and Trevor both stared at me, eyes wide and mischievous.

“Know what?” Ivy took a long swig of his beer.

I cleared my throat. “That you liked…” I gestured helplessly toward them as if I could make their words reappear.

“That we liked dick?” Ivy offered.

Choking on my beer, I forced the liquid down. “Dick. Guys. Specific guys.” Oh god, my face burned, and I had no doubt my cheeks were blazing.

Trevor tossed his empty bottle in the trash. “Honestly, I didn’t even give it a thought until Ivy fell for Emory during the show. Made me wonder how he’d never let on that he liked guys and girls both.”

“Because I didn’t ever really give it any thought either,” Ivy interrupted. “I didn’t really like anyone. Sex was sex. I wasn’t looking for a relationship. When I started feeling shit for Emory, I let myself admit I found some guys attractive.” He shrugged. “But for real, Emory’s the only guy—only person —I’ve ever been willing to build something with.”

Trevor nodded. “So, when he fell for Emory, I wondered if I could ever go for a guy. I mean, it’s easy to see when someone is attractive. When I first started therapy, I was in a lot of pain. The first therapist I worked with just didn’t mesh, so they switched me to Blake. If I hadn’t already been reeling from the pain, I likely would have ended up on my ass. The man is hot and I dare anyone to deny that.”

Ivy and I nodded. Blake was a good-looking guy, no doubt.

“But it wasn’t until I got to know him that I really fell for him. I don’t know why he’s the one I got all gaga for when I’ve dated plenty, but I don’t even question it. We work together and it is what it is,” Trevor said.

“Any particular reason you’re asking.” Ivy drained the rest of his beer around a shit-eating grin.

“Just curious.”

“Mmhm.”

I glanced between the two best friends and knew I’d been had.

Giving it one last shot, I shrugged. “Yeah…”

“Wouldn’t have to do with a lifelong best friend slash business partner slash roommate slash co-parent, would it?” Ivy asked, merriment bright in his eyes. How did a dark, broody, tattooed guy look so damn cheerful and pleased with himself?

Trevor slapped me on the back. “You don’t have to tell us, but just know we understand what it’s like being caught off guard falling for the person you least expect.”

“What about when you fall for him as a teenager and spend the next decade running from shit in hopes you won’t fuck up your friendship and lose him?” The words spilled out of me in a gush.

Ivy whistled.

Trevor gaped like a fish.

“Wait,” Ivy said. “You’ve had a thing for Kai for over ten years and haven’t told him?”

“Why?” Trevor asked.

“I’d rather have my best friend than mess it up by putting him in a bad position.”

“Bad position?” Ivy asked. “Like under you? On top of you? Have you seen the way that man looks at you? I guarantee there is no position he’d consider bad as long as it’s with you.”

I shook my head. “No. Kai would have said something if he felt that way about me.”

“Like you did?”

Closing my eyes, I breathed in deeply. “If he liked me the way I like him, I’d know.”

“Is he just supposed to know how you feel?”

“No.”

“Then why would you just know how he feels?” Trevor asked.

“Damn, Emory complains about angst and characters not communicating in the books he reads,” Ivy said. “I think this is the real-life version of it. You two have never talked about this shit?”

“We talk. We’ve known each other since we were five.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “We’ve joked around about getting together. But I’d never assume he likes me just because he’s bi.”

Ivy pinched the bridge of his nose. “And I bet Kai would never want to be the cliché bi guy falling for his straight best friend.”

Trevor blew out a breath. “Damn, you two are a mess.”

“We’re fine,” I argued. “As long as I don’t ever let on?—”

“No way,” Ivy interrupted. “You can’t keep doing that. It will eventually kill you. And I swear he has the same feelings for you. You guys need to talk about this shit. Stop dancing around the damn elephant in the room. Ten years? Fuck, man.”

I glanced toward the house. “You really think he feels the same?”

“I’d put money on it,” Ivy said. “But you never know unless you talk to him.”

“And if I tell him how I feel, and he bolts?” The words sent fear coursing through me.

“You have a twenty-five-year friendship to fall back on,” Trevor said.

“Or,” I hedged. “I could just keep things the way they are. He’s my best friend. I can’t think about life without him.”

“You could keep things the way they are. I don’t see you getting involved with anyone else. Kai seems happy as a clam having you and Elsie by his side.” Ivy nodded, his lips pursed. “So, you guys can go on with the status quo.” He gripped the back of my neck. “But think about all you’d miss out on. You’ve already missed over ten years.”

His words punched me in the gut.

I stared at the house.

“Look, if I know Emory, he’s in there grilling Kai and urging him to tell you how he really feels,” Ivy said.

Trevor nodded. “Blake barely knows you guys, but he thought you two were together. He was shocked to find out you were just friends.” He chuckled. “In fact, I think his exact words were, ‘Does Kai know that?’”

“I don’t know,” I mumbled. “How do you just drop that on someone after so long?”

“Go at your own pace,” Trevor started.

“No. That’s a terrible idea,” Ivy interrupted. “His own pace had him moving to Florida, getting married and divorced, hightailing it to California, and having a baby. All just to avoid the truth.”

“First,” I frowned, “how do you know all that? Second, I wasn’t just avoiding Kai. Things with my mom were fucked up and I had to get away from here.”

“Emory is a great information gatherer, and he shares what he learns.” Ivy shrugged. “And I’ll give you the running from parent shit; I understand that at a level I don’t even want to delve into. But you have to admit you were also avoiding Kai.”

I huffed but finally nodded. “So, how do I tell him?”

Ivy shook his head. “Don’t know, man. But I think you need to make it a goal. Something like before the new year you’ll be honest with him.”

“That’s a good idea,” Trevor said.

Blowing out a long breath, I worked to control the panic. “That’s just over a month away.”

“Plenty of time. Straight up kiss him, rip the Band-Aid off. Or sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel.” Ivy flipped off the main light switch. “Christmas can be all romantic and shit; make it one to remember.”

Trevor snorted and rolled his eyes. “Maybe don’t take romance advice from Scrooge over here.”

“Your brother likes my big?—”

“Lalalalala,” Trevor chanted, sticking his fingers in his ears. “I can’t hear you.”

“My big romantic heart,” Ivy finished loudly with a laugh. “Get your mind out of the gutter.”

Trevor removed his fingers from his ears and eyed his best friend suspiciously.

“Em likes my big dick too,” Ivy quipped and ducked Trevor’s fist, almost falling over he laughed so hard.

I let myself focus on their antics for the time being.

Because if I let my head and heart start thinking about telling Kai the truth, I’d possibly hyperventilate.