A Touch of Christmas Magic (Peppermint Hollow #2)

7. Kai

CHAPTER 7

KAI

“Have you seriously never told him you’re in love with him?” Emory asked as he, Blake, and I set the table.

“What? Who?” I attempted to deflect. Part of me wished I was outside with Colby, but we didn’t have the baby monitor with us, so I’d opted to keep an ear on Elsie.

Emory rolled his eyes and cocked a hip. “Don’t play dumb. Smart people who play dumb suck at it.”

I sighed. “Don’t know what good it would do. He’s straight. We’ve been friends for twenty-five years. If he had some sort of feelings for me, I would have known.” I put the last knife next to a plate. “He’s my best friend and I don’t need more than that. I’d rather have him in my life like this than lose him completely.”

Blake rested his hands on the back of a dining room chair. “What makes you think you’d lose him? I mean, I don’t think every pair of best friends ends up falling for each other, obviously—unless you’re reading those best-friends-to-lovers romance novels Trevor says Emory reads—but it’s easy to see you two have that spark. Isn’t it a shame to never see if it could be something more?”

With my heart begging to agree, I shrugged. “Just don’t want to make things weird. He was my rock when I was figuring out I was bi. Last thing I want to do is put him in an awkward position and be the cliché bi guy falling for his straight best friend.”

Emory took hold of my hand. “First, those books are good. Everyone should read romance. Second, don’t worry about stereotypes and clichés. Society spends way too much time trying to pigeon-hole people with specific labels and roles. Who you love doesn’t have to meet any requirements. Forget all that.” He stood in front of me and gripped my shoulders. “Be honest. Do you want to live your life with any other person by your side?”

Swallowing thickly, I shook my head.

“Look, if I couldn’t see the way that man looks at you, I wouldn’t be gunning for you to spill your feelings and possibly make things weird,” Emory said, pushing his glasses up his nose. “But we can all see it. He has feelings for you. You owe it to him and yourself to at least be honest. Maybe you try things and decide you’re better as friends. Maybe you give it a go and realize it’s your dream come true. But you both need to have the chance to make that decision.”

The door opened and voices floated in. Forcing myself to take a deep breath and push away the conversation—as well as the inkling of hope doing its damnedest to take root in the depths of my soul—I glanced toward Trevor, Ivy, and Colby walking into the dining room.

A spike of jealousy shot through me as Ivy wrapped an arm around Emory, pulling him close for a kiss. Trevor blushed as Blake leaned in and brushed their lips together.

God, I wanted that with Colby.

Instead, I smiled when he bumped his shoulder into me. “Elsie still asleep?”

“Yeah, we should be able to get through dinner.”

Emory clapped his hands. “Okay, the food is ready. Let’s eat.”

The six of us enjoyed a delicious meal and nearly made ourselves sick laughing at the most ridiculous shit. Ivy and Trevor had the same easy friendship I had with Colby—the shared years between them were evident. Emory and his brother adored each other, and it made me wish I’d had siblings.

Then there were Ivy and Emory. I didn’t know their whole story, but I had a theory. They definitely had the whole he fell first, but he fell harder vibe going on. Emory had likely been crushing on his older brother’s best friend for years. Ivy had been dealing with shit from his past and just going along being friends with Trevor, and then bam , he started seeing Emory in a different light.

And what about Trevor and Blake? Trevor hadn’t ever been into guys. Okay, maybe he hadn’t realized it or let himself accept it. That was one of the issues with heterosexuality being the damn default in our society. Then he’d met Blake and boom he started questioning everything.

But that did not mean Colby felt anything other than friendship for me. I’d protect him and Elsie with my life. He could piss me off quicker than anyone else, but there was also no one I’d rather spend my time with. Sure, I had detailed fantasies about what I’d love to do with him if we ever found ourselves in a naked experimenting-type situation, but I did not need anything sexual with him to continue loving him more than my own damn life.

Do you really think Colby is just going to keep hanging around and playing house with you?

No.

I didn’t.

But I also didn’t want to tell him how I felt and have him stay out of a weird sense of guilt or obligation because I wanted him in ways that fell far outside of friendship.

I understood what Emory was saying. It wasn’t fair to keep my feelings to myself and not let Colby have the chance to make his own choices.

The only problem was having no idea how he’d respond.

I knew he’d never get angry or be disgusted that I found him attractive. Colby had never been like that. But I worried he’d overthink things, get weird, and a wedge would grow between us. I couldn’t deal with that.

As the six of us cleared the table, joking about how smart it was to use disposable plates and utensils, Elsie fussed from the other room just as a knock sounded at the door.

“I’ll get her,” I said.

The grateful warmth in Colby’s eyes went straight to my gut, but I ignored it and headed to get the baby as Ivy went toward the door.

Twenty minutes later, Elsie was dry and fed. She made cooing noises on my knee and giggled at Magic as she reached her tiny, chubby hands out to touch the dog.

Francis had stopped by with sugar cream pie and offered to trade it for a cup of coffee. Grateful our new friends weren’t the type to turn away a lonely old man, I smiled as I took in the table. Steaming mugs of coffee, sugar cream pie, and a found-family vibe I hadn’t even realized I needed.

My parents were great, but having this group of men in my life was proving to be more than I could have ever hoped for.

Francis was well into a story about his late partner. “We never married. In the beginning, it was because we weren’t allowed to. Then, we just never got around to it.” The old man got a far-off look in his eyes. “Back when I was just a kid, I never would have imagined I could ever marry a man.” He smiled, lost in a memory. “Oh, but if I could have back then, I would have married my best friend, Sammy. Would have told him how much I loved him, grabbed him for a kiss, and married him before we shipped off to war.”

The table grew quiet, Francis traveling through the past.

He shook his head. “Sammy was my everything. We never talked about it, but I felt it in my core that we both fancied men—and had a thing for each other. Not only could we not marry, we couldn’t even be together as more than friends. Going to war, coming home, settling down, starting a family—those were the things expected of us.” Francis’s hand shook as he sipped his coffee. “I regret not telling him I loved him every single day.” He sighed. “Don’t get me wrong, I loved Jonathan and we shared a good life. But I lost the love of my life when Sammy and I went off to war. He never came home, and I came home broken and alone. For so many years, I simply existed. Then I met Jonathan and things were good.” Francis closed his eyes. “But I miss Sammy every day and wish like hell I’d been honest with him.”

I was grateful when the story finished, and I could pretend it hadn’t affected me. It was easier to just go with the flow as we all chatted and finished our dessert for the next few moments before Francis slapped his hands against the tabletop and stood. “Well, it’s time for me to head out. Thank you, gentlemen, so kindly for humoring an old man. Please don’t feel bad for me, I had a happy life, and I’m still kicking.” He glanced at Ivy and Emory, Trevor and Blake, and then turned a cocked brow toward Colby and me. “Just seeing such happy couples reminds me of what Sammy and I weren’t allowed to have. Partly because of the time period, partly because I didn’t dare tell him the truth.”

His words were like a punch to my gut, and I handed Elsie to her dad so I could busy myself with gathering the last of the dishes. I didn’t think any of the guys had put Francis up to telling us that story, but that almost made it worse. What was I supposed to do with the story—especially when Francis gave Colby and me such a pointed look? Grab Colby and tell him I didn’t want to have regrets like Francis? Spend the rest of my life knowing I was going to turn out like the older man? He’d been happy; I could be happy.

Without Colby?

Fuck.

I headed to the bathroom for a quick breather.

I’d spent Black Friday helping Emory decorate his place. The vintage holiday decorations, the story about the mysteriously appearing mistletoe, and the seemingly living snow globe were fascinating—not to mention the other things he and Ivy had discovered in the house—and we’d enjoyed a day of building a friendship around the spirit of the holiday.

Ivy and Colby had grilled burgers and hot dogs despite the chill in the air, and Trevor and Blake had shown up after the decorating was done. Even though we’d spent Thanksgiving Day together, the six of us had enjoyed another meal and talked into the evening until we needed to get Elsie home and to bed. Colby had offered to take her home so I could stay, but the thought of the two of them going home without me didn’t sit well.

So, we’d trekked across the little side road and worked together to get Elsie bathed, dressed, fed, and asleep. Then Colby and I had lounged on the couch, shoulders pressed together as we watched a movie on the laptop—something that had quickly become one of my favorite things we did.

Colby had jostled me awake a bit later. “Better head to bed. She’ll want a bottle in a couple hours.”

And she had. Elsie Mae screamed her head off a while later, and we fell into our nightly routine of diaper change and a bottle. I didn’t have to get up with Colby. He told me nightly. I knew he could handle it. But I loved those moments of teamwork, the quiet blanketing the room as the cries finally subsided and the only noise was that of the baby chugging her bottle.

The best part, aside from watching my best friend love his daughter, was that Colby fell back asleep quickly. Which meant when he got super cuddly in his sleep, I could pretend, even for just a few minutes until sleep overtook me, that he knew he was pulling me close to him and holding me in his arms.

With his arm around my chest, his legs tangled with mine, and his face pressed into my neck, everything was right. We were CoJack, taking on the world together, raising our little girl, loving each other, and conquering each day.

Together.

And every morning, waking in Colby’s arms was the best and worst.

The best because of how good he smelled. His warm strength. The promise that something amazing was coming our way.

The worst because we pretended it didn’t happen. Separated quickly; a chill spreading across skin when our bodies no longer touched.

That morning, the day Emory and I would decorate my house, started the same, and I wanted to beg the universe for the chance to make things different. Even if just for that moment in time.

One time to roll in Colby’s arms and press our mouths together.

To touch him the way my body longed for.

To whisper in his ear that I wanted to collect on the deal we’d had. Wanted to give it a shot and see what we could be.

Because I loved him.

Instead, I’d played the game of not realizing we were wrapped together, bolted from bed muttering something about needing to pee, and showered. By the time I’d jerked myself off to visions of my best friend, and dressed for the day in a long-sleeved shirt and jeans, Colby had Elsie in the kitchen eating oat cereal and sweet potatoes.

I bent and kissed Elsie’s head, skirting away when one little orange hand flailed my way. Picturing how easy it would be to kiss Colby, I messed his bed head. He laughed and elbowed me in the gut.

Things we’d done with each other almost daily for a quarter of a century.

Completely the same.

Yet so vastly different.

For one, Colby made faces at Elsie while he spooned her breakfast into her.

Second, my entire being longed for him. True, that wasn’t much different than what I’d felt since I was sixteen. However, seeing Colby as a father, waking up with him, sharing space with him day in and day out was absolute pleasure and torture all rolled into one.

After breakfast, a bright-eyed and bushy-tailed Emory showed up at the door. Once Colby had helped us carry boxes up from the basement, he slapped me on the back. “I’m going to bundle Elsie up and take her over to Ivy’s; he’s going to change the oil on my truck. You two have fun.”

Emory clapped his hands together and eyed the boxes labeled Christmas. “Let’s get this party started.”

“I don’t think we have anything nearly as old, as cool, or as plentiful as the decorations your house had,” I said as I lifted one lid. “Mom didn’t keep a lot of things and the people who lived here before us didn’t leave much from what my parents said.”

“No worries, I just love to decorate. We can always go shopping for more if needed.” Emory dug into a box.

“Main thing I want is a tree with lights. I’ve got this crazy idea of watching Elsie with the lights.” I shrugged. “Probably stupid, but the thought of her being mesmerized by the pretty lights is just the perfect image in my mind.”

“That makes sense and I’m sure it will happen,” Emory said. “She’s starting to be fascinated by her surroundings. She’s in love with Magic. I bet her pretty little face will glow and her eyes will sparkle when she sees the lights.”

That.

That was exactly what I pictured when I thought of Christmas with Colby and Elsie. I knew she wouldn’t have a single clue as to what was going on this year, but I wanted to see the holiday glow through her eyes.

With Colby by my side.

Fuck.

I was setting myself up for the biggest fall.

Once we’d gone through the boxes, we had a decent number of decorations to start with. A nice little tree, silver icicles, teal blue lights, silver tinsel, along with silver, blue, and white snowflakes, and a silver snowflake topper. The tree skirt was silver, blue, and white. The tree would look nice with what we had available, but I couldn’t figure out why there were only three round ball ornaments: two teal and silver and one white and silver.

“This is great,” Emory said as he organized the decorations. “I think we need to get some white lights.”

“And more ornaments,” I said. “I’m going to have Mom come look at this stuff. Maybe seeing it will jog her memory as to where she might have put the rest of it.”

Emory and I stopped for lunch and spent about an hour with Ivy, Colby, and Elsie before Mom showed up. Colby headed over to see his Dad and Allison, Ivy went back to work, and Emory hung out with Mom and me.

“I swear, Kai, I’ve never in my life seen those decorations,” Mom said, hands on her hips as she stared at the silver, white, teal, and blue items.

“Mom,” I huffed. “We got them from the basement. Maybe you bought them one year and just forgot.”

She shook her head. “They’re gorgeous, but I would have bought a lot more of the ornaments, not just three of them. The snowflakes and icicles will look great, but I’m one hundred percent positive those aren’t our decorations.”

I let it go because there was no use arguing with her, but by the time she left, I was beyond frustrated. “Where the heck does she think all that stuff came from?” I asked Emory as we drove to the store. “It didn’t just appear in our basement.”

Em smirked. “Ivy would tell you not to get me started on holiday magic…”

I rolled my eyes. “I know this whole town is supposedly full of it, and I know you’re all about it, but it makes a lot more sense that my parents bought that stuff and forgot about it than trying to explain it away with Christmas magic.”

Emory nodded, his big brown eyes blinking innocently behind the lenses.

“I’m serious, Em. Maybe my dad bought it and put it down there. Or he got it at some yard sale and just forgot to tell Mom. There are like a hundred possibilities that are more likely than magic.”

We headed into the discount store a couple towns over. Emory grabbed a cart and beelined toward the holiday décor, seemingly content to let the magic conversation go.

It wasn’t that I didn’t believe in Christmas magic, I was just practical enough to realize there were a lot of answers that made more sense.

“Ohhhh,” Emory said. “Great sale on these lights.” He placed three boxes of white lights into the cart.

After scanning the round ornaments, I finally sighed in defeat. “No teal or white like the ones we have. Maybe I’ll just get different colors altogether.”

“No, no, no,” Emory said in a rush. “Look, there are teal, silver, blue, and white bows. Those will look great with the snowflakes and icicles.”

I didn’t disagree, so I grabbed the silky ribbon ornaments and we headed toward the checkout.

Two hours later, Emory and I were putting the finishing touches on the indoor decorations when Colby and Elsie got home.

Colby whistled. “This place looks amazing.”

A small nativity adorned the fireplace, a wreath hung on the front door, a lighted wicker snowman lit up the front steps, a Christmas candle permeated the air with fresh pine, and a sprig of mistletoe hung from the doorway.

But the main attraction was the Christmas tree. It wasn’t the traditional red and green, but the silver, teal, blue, and white spread a wintery glow across the living room. The tree sparkled, the tinsel doing a bang-up job of being festive.

Emory had convinced me to let him position the three lonely ornaments on the tree, and I had to admit they looked cute nestled into the branches.

“You know, Magic got his name because of all the things that happened in our house last season,” Emory said to Colby in a suggestive tone.

“Aside from my mom forgetting about these decorations, nothing weird is happening here,” I said, trying to preempt Emory getting back in magic mode.

Emory shook his head. “Christmas magic isn’t about weird things happening. It’s about what you feel in your heart.” He glanced between Colby, Elsie, me, and the tree. “I’m pretty sure there’s plenty of magic here if you just let it happen.”

Thanks, Emory. Let’s just make things awkward.

Colby cleared his throat. “Like those three ornaments?”

I wasn’t sure if he was trying to change the subject, but I took the bait.

“We couldn’t find any more, but Emory was determined they’d look okay by themselves,” I explained.

Colby moved closer to the tree and Elsie squealed, her chubby hands flailing and her little legs churning a mile a minute.

Emory gasped and pulled out his phone. After snapping a picture, he moved to show us what he’d captured. “Call it magic or fate or history or whatever you want, but this picture proves the three of you have it. Look at that baby’s eyes glowing in the lights.” He bumped his shoulder against mine. “Just like you imagined.” Pointing at the three ornaments, he hummed a little Christmas tune.

A few minutes later, as he headed for the door, Emory nodded his chin toward the tree. “It’s almost like the ornaments are the three of you. If you believe in that type of thing.”