A Truth Revealed (The Heart of Cheyenne #3)

Chapter 7

7

After a week in the hospital, Will was more than ready to leave. The doctor, however, made it clear that he couldn’t leave without being under constant care. Laura Evans had volunteered for the job, and while Will appreciated that someone—anyone—cared about his well-being when it felt as though God and the entire world had turned against him, he didn’t want her attention.

For reasons beyond his understanding, she was a constant reminder of his losses. He supposed it was because she was a caring young woman like his sister and mother had been. Perhaps it was her firm belief in God and her assurance that He had not deserted Will. That alone prompted memories of his mother. And right now, he didn’t want to think of her or his sister. Not when he could still see their faces after Edward raised the blankets for him to identify their bodies.

They were dead.

Dead because they were making their way to him. Dead because he had nagged them to join him immediately and not wait until spring to come to Cheyenne. Dead because the very people he wanted to help had risen up in anger and indiscriminately killed a stagecoach full of people.

Will pounded his fist into the hospital bed at his side. The action caused him more pain than he’d expected. He moaned, forgetting that Laura was sitting quietly next to the end of the bed.

“Are you all right? Do you need more medication for the pain?”

She was quickly at his side, gazing down at him with those beautiful brown eyes. He shook that thought from his mind. She was beautiful, but he had no desire to consider her appearance.

“I’m fine.” He couldn’t keep the anger from his voice.

“You don’t sound fine. You sound like someone who is in a lot of pain. It has been several hours since you had any laudanum.”

“I don’t want any medicine. It clouds my mind, and right now I need to be able to think clearly.”

“Why?” She gave him a serious look. “You have no reason to do anything but recover. There is nothing at all that needs your attention. Mrs. Cooper said she is watching over your room and things, and Mr. Bradley said he’ll be happy to take you back on at the furniture store when you are fully well. So you see, you can just rest.”

“I don’t want to just rest. I’m tired of just resting. I lie here and think of all that’s happened, and it haunts me. I can’t help but think of my mother and sister. I couldn’t attend their funeral—I didn’t get to attend my father’s funeral either—and I can’t even get out of bed to observe where they buried them.”

“That will come in time. My father arranged and paid for everything. They were laid to rest in a lovely part of the cemetery. You’ll be able to pay your respects when your body is completely mended. I don’t mean to sound callous, but there is nothing you can do for them. They are with God, and their time of trouble and sorrow is done.” She gave him a sympathetic smile. “Yours has just begun. The heartfelt sadness will go on for some time, so it’s best to just let your body heal.”

“You think you have all the answers, don’t you?” He didn’t mean to be harsh with her, but on the other hand, he just wanted her to go—to leave him as everyone else had.

“I suppose you think if you offend me enough,” she began, “that I’ll desert you. That then you’ll truly be without friend or hope and able to wallow in self-pity.” She smiled again. “I’m afraid you’re stuck with me. I’m not easily offended, and even when you say something that strikes a nerve, I remind myself of all that you’re going through. You have every right to be heartbroken.”

“I’m not heartbroken. I’m angry. Angry that God would allow this to happen. Angry that He obviously doesn’t care about me—didn’t care about my mother and sister. They were faithful to God all these years, and He abandoned them.”

“I hardly think so. The Bible makes it quite clear that God is faithful and is with us to the end. And even then, to be absent from the body is to be present with Him. Your mother and sister loved God, and He loved them. They were never alone, never abandoned.”

“You can’t know what they felt,” Will snapped back.

Laura gave a slow nod. “That’s true. I don’t know what they felt, but neither do you. Will, you can’t sit here and torment yourself with thoughts of what they might have felt or thought. They are safely in God’s care now. They aren’t suffering, but you are. Why not talk to God about it? Give it all over to Him.”

“I have nothing to give Him but questions. I want answers.” Will knew he was out of line, but he didn’t care.

“So ask Him your questions, Will.” Her soft, gentle voice was almost a balm to his wounded soul. Almost.

“A person can’t question God. We’re mere mortals. We have no right to question God.”

“As I recall, people throughout the Bible questioned God. Even Jesus. It cannot be a sin to question Him if Jesus did it.” Laura touched his hand, then gave him a gentle pat. “You’ve lost a lot, and you’re grieving. God knows your heart. You aren’t seeking to belittle Him. You aren’t posing a question to taunt Him. Ask your questions, Will. You might get answers. But even if you don’t, perhaps God will give you comfort.”

Laura hoped her words were consoling rather than troubling. She knew that Will was lost in his sadness and fighting a battle within himself regarding his faith. He had been ready to leave the comforts of the world he knew and to minister to the Indians. Now the Indians were responsible for him losing the last of his family. How could he not have questions and confusion over whether he wanted to continue with his plans?

After their earlier discussion about questioning God, Laura had left Will alone for a few hours to sleep. She hoped he might spend at least a little of that time in prayer, posing the questions that haunted his soul.

She had prayed before returning to his room to read her Bible while he slept. Prayed for him as she had no other. A teacher had once told Laura that prayer was an intimate and loving gift that one could give at any moment to any person. “You don’ t have to know them well or even know their needs , but by praying for them and asking God to help them, you have done the very best that you could ever do.”

The teacher gave the example of being just a regular citizen but having the ability to go into the office of the president of the United States and put forth your requests. Not only would the president receive you, but he would honestly listen to you and regard your requests with great consideration. As a Christian, a person had the ability to go before the King of kings and make their petitions known. And not only would God receive you, but He would honestly listen and answer.

Sometimes the answer wasn’t what a person might want to hear. Laura remembered that perhaps even more than the rest of what her teacher had said. Laura had prayed for her mother to recover from her sickness, but God had said no. As her mother’s condition deteriorated, Laura remembered a sense of confusion. Even her mother was baffled as to why God wouldn’t heal her body. She had trusted in Him and asked for healing, but His answer had been no. At least for healing on earth.

When her mother died, Laura had asked God why it had to be that way and never felt that God had offered an explanation. She was sure Will felt the same way. It touched her deeply that he should be so alone. She wanted to make certain he knew that she was there for him.

She glanced up from where she sat reading her Bible and found Will watching her. She smiled.

“Did you rest well?”

“I suppose.”

“Would you like to sit up for a while?”

He shook his head. “Not yet.”

“That’s fine.” Laura put her Bible aside. “I can remember mornings at boarding school when I’d awaken before it was time to get up. I loved just lying there with my eyes closed, listening to the sounds around me, wondering about what the day might hold.”

“You spent an awful lot of time at boarding schools.”

“Yes, I did. My father was grief-stricken after the death of my mother, as was I. He was unable to face his grief and knew he wouldn’t be a good father, so he did what he felt he had to do and sent me away.”

“Did that make you angry?”

Laura shook her head. “It deepened my sadness. It was like losing them both. Mother through death and Father through sorrow. I wanted to stay with him, but I felt confident that if this was what he needed to heal, I had to be willing to give it. It was my sacrifice. One that only I could give.”

“You were just a child. Why should you have to give anything?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. I suppose what came to me was that I was being called to give up what was most important to me to benefit my father. I loved him with all my heart and wanted only good for him. Did it hurt to lose him? Of course. But I saw that as my personal challenge—a way of picking up my own cross to follow God.”

Will shook his head. “I think it’s cruel.”

“I’m sure others thought so as well. I saw it as a gift that only I could give.” Laura stood and walked to Will’s bedside. “Just as I see my time here with you as a gift that only I can give.”

“Why do you even care?”

She considered the question for a moment. “To be perfectly honest, I can’t really say. I mean, I was taught to care for all who were in need. And then, of course, there is the fact that my horse was the one who ran you down.”

“But it was my fault for not paying attention to where I was going.” His voice softened. “I don’t blame you in any way.”

“Yes, I realize that, but it doesn’t absolve me from my Christian duty to help a brother in the Lord.”

“But I don’t want to be anyone’s obligation.” The anger returned to his voice.

“I see mankind as a Christian’s obligation. I believe you do, as well, when you aren’t wallowing in self-pity.”

“What?” He narrowed his eyes. “You think I’m wallowing in self-pity?”

Laura shrugged. “You have genuine grief to deal with, but there is also an element of you feeling sorry for yourself.”

“And why shouldn’t I? I’ve just lost the remaining members of my family. Am I not entitled to feel sorry for myself?”

“Does it help? Will it make the situation better for you?”

He opened his mouth to reply, then closed it again. He stared at her as if trying to figure her out. Laura moved closer to the bed.

“Will, I’m not trying to belittle you, nor say you haven’t a right to grieve. Sometimes, however, grief turns to something else. Something very destructive. I know because I experienced it myself. You have a mix of feelings right now, and that is perfectly normal, but don’t let yourself go into that dark place where you shut out everyone else. God has not abandoned you, nor will He. I won’t either. I pledge that to you here and now. You do not need to walk this road alone.”

“I don’t even know you. You owe me nothing.”

“As a Christian sister, I owe you much. I am charged to help you bear your burden.”

Will met her gaze. Laura had never seen such sorrow emanate from anyone. “No one can help me bear this.”

“Well, how’s the patient today?” the doctor asked as he bounded into the room.

Laura turned and greeted the doctor. “Good afternoon, Doctor. Will has just awakened from a nap. His incision was cleaned and redressed this morning and is healing nicely. He’s still having headaches, but the head wound seems better.”

The doctor helped Will to sit up and removed the bandages on his head. “This looks very good,” he said as he inspected the wound. “You will probably have headaches off and on for the next few months. Maybe even the occasional dizzy spell. I’m going to remove the stitches before I send you from the hospital, but you’ll still need to be mindful of the injury. Try to rest often, even after you’re up on your feet.”

“When do you plan to release him?”

“He’s still able to come to your home, is that correct?” the doctor asked.

“Yes. Father had the housekeeper prepare a room for him on the first floor. It was originally a small library and sitting room. Now it has a bed and the other things Will might need. I’ll be able to care for him there, and if there’s something I can’t do for him, we have a young man who will help.”

“Good. Then I see no reason to keep him here another day. Can you arrange someone to drive him to your place today?”

“Yes, of course. We have a driver and a landau. I believe we can transport him with minimal difficulty.”

“He won’t be able to walk. I don’t want him even attempting it. It would probably be better to arrange a buckboard and stretcher. I can provide the latter.” The doctor was already checking the incision on Will’s abdomen. “He needs to heal from the surgery and the head wound. The leg and foot breaks are nothing compared to those two things. I want Will to remain in bed for at least one more week before attempting to sit in a chair. I’ll come and see him every couple of days, but if something goes wrong, I want you to send for me sooner.”

“Of course.” But Laura felt confident she wouldn’t need the doctor. Will was doing quite well, and with the household staff willing to lend a hand, Laura knew they could handle his every need.

“How does that suit you, Will?” the doctor asked.

“I’ll be very glad to get out of this place.”

The doctor chuckled. “Haven’t we treated you well? We fed you and gave you a pretty girl to oversee your recovery. What possible complaint can you have?”

Will frowned. “It just feels as though death is all around me.”

“Well, I suppose I can’t fault you on that. We have had our share of folks dying. There was another bad accident this morning, and I’m afraid we’ll probably lose at least two of those men.” He looked to Laura. “I’m glad you and your father agreed to care for Mr. Porter. It will free up this bed for another. I will say this, Miss Evans, if you desire to become a nurse, we will happily receive you and continue your training. You’re quite good and have such a kind heart.”

Laura hadn’t considered becoming a nurse, but the idea did give her pause. “I’ll keep that in mind, Doctor.”

“Miss Evans, if you would go ahead and arrange transportation to your house, I believe we can have Mr. Porter ready within the hour. You might want to bring him a robe and a nightshirt. There’s no sense in trying to put him in clothes.”

“I’ll arrange it right away.” She looked at Will. “Have you those things at the Coopers’ boardinghouse?”

“Yes. Mrs. Cooper can get them for you.”

“Are there other things you’d like her to pack as well? Your Bible? Other books?”

He gave a long sigh. “Tell her to pack whatever she thinks I’ll need.”

Laura went to where she had put her coat and hat. She hurriedly donned them and turned back to give Will a smile. “I think you’ll like staying with us. Our cook is very good, and she will enjoy coming up with new ways to encourage your appetite.”

Will said nothing, but Laura didn’t let that discourage her. She was excited to move him to the house. She felt there it would be possible to take his mind off his injuries and death and help him to focus on living again.

Two hours later, she had him tucked into bed with a fire going in the hearth and a supper tray on his lap.

“I think you’re going to like Mrs. Murphy’s roast beef. It was one of the first things I had when I came here, and it was so tender. I don’t know how she does it, but I intend to learn. I believe I should learn all that I can. One never knows where God will lead.”

She came to his bedside and put her hand to his forehead. “Good, no fever. Let’s keep it that way.”

“How can you tell by merely feeling my head?”

Laura shrugged. “It was part of my training. There’s a certain heat that the body puts out when it has a fever. It doesn’t feel like anything else. A warm day gives the body one type of heat, but a fever is completely different. I was told that with practice, you can actually learn to tell the varying degrees of fever just by touch. Our teacher proved it when a couple of my classmates fell ill. I have to admit I was very surprised.”

“What kind of school was it that taught such things?”

“Mary Sharp College in Tennessee. I attended there until the war broke out, and then Father arranged for me to go to Europe with one of my teachers. After the war, I returned and continued my education. They were very good about teaching women some of the same things men learned, but they also focused the work to teach us to run a household and be a good wife and mother. I learned a great deal.”

“Such as feeling a forehead for fever?”

She laughed. “I actually get a better accounting from the neck, but I didn’t want to be too forward with you. Along with that, I learned Greek, Latin, and French. Oh, and some math and classical literature, as well as government. I had quite the well-rounded education, I assure you.”

“I can tell you’re very intelligent.”

“Why, Mr. Porter, I think that might be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

She was surprised when his face reddened a bit. She turned away to take up another blanket. It wasn’t her intention to embarrass him.

“I enjoyed school. I suppose learning was something I was good at, and so it made me feel accomplished.”

“And what are your intentions for that education? Will you become a nurse as the doctor suggested?”

“Hmm, I don’t know. I’ve been trained to believe that God’s will for every woman is to be a wife and mother.”

“And do you believe that it’s God’s will for you?”

Laura met his questioning gaze and shrugged. “At one time I had hoped for such a thing, but ... I don’t know.” She turned away as she felt her own cheeks heat up. “Now you’d best eat, and I’ll go fetch your dessert.”

She left the room and headed for the kitchen, pausing a moment to lean against the back stairs wall. A painful memory caused her great discomfort. Talking about marriage and being a mother had made her feel ... vulnerable. It wasn’t Will’s fault. He couldn’t know what had happened to her before.

Laura straightened and drew a deep breath. Even so, it was silly to get the vapors over his question. Who could say at this point what God’s will was for her life?